How Self-Disclosure Impacts Relationships

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow Self-Disclosure WorksReasons People ShareInfluences on Self-DisclosureBenefitsWhen to Use CautionDisclosure in TherapyHow to Practice Self-Disclosure

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

How Self-Disclosure Works

Reasons People Share

Influences on Self-Disclosure

Benefits

When to Use Caution

Disclosure in Therapy

How to Practice Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure refers to the sharing of personal details about your life, such as your feelings, thoughts, andmemories.If you tend to share a lot right away, you likely have a high level of self-disclosure. If you are more reserved about such things, you have lower self-disclosure levels.

For example, when you meet someone new, are you one of those people who immediately share personal and intimate details of your life? Or are you someone who holds back such information and shares only the deeply private things about yourself with a select few?

However, self-disclosure entails more than how much you are willing to tell others about yourself; it is also a crucialbuilding block of intimacyand absolutely vital to a wide variety of social relationships. After all, how far would a romance go if you were unwilling to share your thoughts and experiences with your partner?

This article discusses the characteristics of self-disclosure and why it is vital in relationships. It also explores the potential benefits and risks of disclosing details about yourself.

Self-disclosure typically starts off more general. It also goes back and forth and involves a mutual sharing of information. As this progresses, the level of disclosure gradually becomes more personal, which then plays a role in strengthening the relationship.

Self-Disclosure Is Mutual

Building a successful relationship involves a mutual give-and-take between partners. Self-disclosure may be more limited in the early stages of a new relationship, but part of the reason people grow closer and more deeply involved is that they become progressively more open to sharing with their partner.

In order to build a deep and trusting relationship, some level of self-disclosure is necessary and the more intimate the relationship, the deeper this disclosure tends to be.

Self-disclosure can sometimes go well—it can lead to closer relationships and a better-shared understanding with the people you come into contact with each day. But sometimes these personal revelations don’t go quite as planned. Have you ever said a bit too much during a job interview? Or posted something a little too personal onFacebook?

Self-Disclosure Is Reciprocal

This back-and-forth self-disclosure influences how a relationship develops, including how quickly the relationship forms and how close the relationship becomes.

At the beginning stages of a relationship, people tend to be more cautious about how much they share with others. Whether you are at the early stages of afriendship, a working partnership, or a romantic affair, you will probably be more reticent about sharing your feelings, hopes, thoughts, dreams, fears, and memories.

As the relationship becomes closer, you begin to share more and more with the other person, and your level of self-disclosure will also increase.

How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship

What Causes People to Self-Disclose?

When someone tells you something deeply personal, do you ever feel compelled to share some similar detail from your own life? It is what is known as thenorm of reciprocitythat often makes us feel pressure to share with other people who have already divulged something about their own lives and feelings to us.

If someone tells you how they felt after reading a book, then you might feel a need to reciprocate and articulate how the book made you feel. If someone shares a painful experience from their recent past, then you might also feel a need to relate a similar difficulty that you faced in your own life.

Why do we feel a need to reciprocate in such situations? When someone shares something intimate, it creates a sort of imbalance. You suddenly know a great deal about this other person, but they might not know as much about you.

In order to even out this perceived inequity, you might choose to share something that will help even out the levels of shared information between you and the other individual.

Factors That Influence Self-Disclosure

Researchers have found that a number of different factors can have an impact on self-disclosure.

Personality

Overallpersonalitycan play an important role. People who are naturallyextrovertedand who have an easier time forming relationships with others are more likely to self-disclose more early on in a relationship.

Introverts typically only self-disclose to people they know well, but their lack of self-disclosure can often make it difficult for others to get to know them.

What to Know About Introvert Dating

Mood

Mood is another factor that can influence how much personal information people choose to share with others. Researchers have found that people in a good mood are more likely to self-disclose than those in a bad mood.

Because being in a good mood leads people to be moreoptimisticand confident while being in a bad mood makes people feel more restrained and cautious.

Loneliness

Lonely people also tend to self-disclose much less than people who are not lonely.Unfortunately, this lack of self-disclosure can make it more difficult for people to get to know people experiencingloneliness.

This can become a vicious cycle in which loneliness decreases the likelihood that people will open up to others, which worsens their feelings of isolation.

Situational Factors

Researchers have also found that sometimes situational factors can play a role in how much people disclose to others. This is particularly true in situations where people are anxious or afraid of something.

Anxiety can increase how much they share with others, often to gain support and alleviate these fears.

How we compare ourselves to others can also influence how much we self-disclose. According to thesocial comparison process, people tend to judge themselves based on how they measure up to others.

If you compare well with those around you, you are more likely to disclose your skills, knowledge, abilities, and talents. If you feel like other people are superior to you in these areas, you will probably be less likely to reveal these aspects of yourself.

Benefits of Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure is about more than just talking about yourself. It is an ongoing conversation between people that deepens connections, creates intimacy, and builds supportive networks. Being able to share things about yourself and learn more about others creates lasting relationships that are essential for mental health and well-being.

Some of the key benefits of effective self-disclosure include:

Risks of Self-Disclosure

While self-disclosure is key to successfulinterpersonaland romantic relationships, there are times when caution is necessary. Sharing things can be risky if the people are not trustworthy or if you are sharing is disclosed in the wrong context. Some areas where caution should be used include:

Social events can often cause people to behave differently than they might in other settings. Being in a social environment might cause you to feel compelled to share more than you usually might with colleagues or clients. This can be particularly true when alcohol might lower your inhibitions and lead to greater levels of self-disclosure than you originally intended.

Oversharing or stepping beyond your normal boundaries can sometimes create awkwardness or other problems later on when you meet again in professional contexts.

What you post online can persist long after you share it and may even be accessible if you try to remove it later. Researchers have found that people often share far more than they mean to and frequently fail to consider the potential long-term effects of what they say and do online.

The Social Media and Mental Health Connection

How Self-Disclosure Influences Therapy

Therapy involves a great deal of self-disclosure, and therapy clients often need to share some of the most intimate and distressing details about themselves with their therapist.For those who are uncomfortable with self-disclosure, this can be a daunting task that makes them less likely to seek help when they really need it.

Feeling comfortable sharing with your therapist can also affect how much you benefit from therapy. Research has shown that the therapeutic relationship between clients and their therapists is one of the most critical factors affecting treatment success.

Worries about sharing private, personal information are one reason many people fail to seek therapy when they need help.

Should I Tell My Partner What Happens in Therapy?

If you want to get better at using self-disclosure to build relationships, some strategies can help:

Listening to others and responding to what they share is also vital. Research has shown that reciprocal self-disclosure, or the mutual give-and-take of sharing information, can help people form a more favorable impression of you.

A Word From Verywell

Self-disclosure is a remarkably complex communication process that has a powerful impact on how our relationships with others form, progress, and endure. How we share, what we share, and when we share are just a few of the factors that can influence whether our self-disclosure is effective and appropriate.

Sharing Feelings Helps Build Strong Connections

13 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kreiner H, Levi-Belz Y.Self-Disclosure Here and Now: Combining Retrospective Perceived Assessment With Dynamic Behavioral Measures.Front Psychol. 2019 Mar 28;10:558. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00558Sprecher S, Treger S, Wondra JD, Hilaire N, Wallpe K.Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2013 Sep 1;49(5):860-6. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2013.03.017Masur PK.Situational privacy and self-disclosure: Communication processes in online environments. Springer; 2018 Jun 28.Carpenter A, Greene K.Social penetration theory.The international encyclopedia of interpersonal communication. 2015 Dec 11:1-4. doi:10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic160Sprecher S, Wenzel A, Harvey J, editors. Handbook of relationship initiation. Psychology Press. 2018.Forgas, J. P.Affective influences on self-disclosure: Mood effects on the intimacy and reciprocity of disclosing personal information.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2011;100(3):449–461. doi:10.1037/a0021129Sheldon P.Voices that cannot be heard: Can shyness explain how we communicate on Facebook versus face-to-face?.Computers in Human Behavior. 2013 Jul 1;29(4):1402-7. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2013.01.016Zhang R.The stress-buffering effect of self-disclosure on Facebook: An examination of stressful life events, social support, and mental health among college students. Computers in Human Behavior. 2017 Oct 1;75:527-37. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2017.05.043Suls J, Wheeler L, editors.Handbook of social comparison: Theory and research. Springer Science & Business Media. 2013.Ostendorf S, Müller SM, Brand M.Neglecting long-term risks: Self-disclosure on social media and its relation to individual decision-making tendencies and problematic social-networks-use.Front Psychol. 2020;11:543388. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.543388Heath PJ, Brenner RE, Vogel DL, Lannin DG, Strass HA.Masculinity and barriers to seeking counseling: The buffering role of self-compassion.Journal of counseling psychology. 2017 Jan;64(1):94. doi:10.1037/cou0000185Crits-Christoph P, Rieger A, Gaines A, Gibbons MBC.Trust and respect in the patient-clinician relationship: preliminary development of a new scale.BMC Psychol. 2019;7(1):91. doi:10.1186/s40359-019-0347-3Sprecher S, Treger S, Wondra JD, Hilaire N, Wallpe K.Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2013;49(5):860-866. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2013.03.017

13 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kreiner H, Levi-Belz Y.Self-Disclosure Here and Now: Combining Retrospective Perceived Assessment With Dynamic Behavioral Measures.Front Psychol. 2019 Mar 28;10:558. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00558Sprecher S, Treger S, Wondra JD, Hilaire N, Wallpe K.Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2013 Sep 1;49(5):860-6. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2013.03.017Masur PK.Situational privacy and self-disclosure: Communication processes in online environments. Springer; 2018 Jun 28.Carpenter A, Greene K.Social penetration theory.The international encyclopedia of interpersonal communication. 2015 Dec 11:1-4. doi:10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic160Sprecher S, Wenzel A, Harvey J, editors. Handbook of relationship initiation. Psychology Press. 2018.Forgas, J. P.Affective influences on self-disclosure: Mood effects on the intimacy and reciprocity of disclosing personal information.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2011;100(3):449–461. doi:10.1037/a0021129Sheldon P.Voices that cannot be heard: Can shyness explain how we communicate on Facebook versus face-to-face?.Computers in Human Behavior. 2013 Jul 1;29(4):1402-7. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2013.01.016Zhang R.The stress-buffering effect of self-disclosure on Facebook: An examination of stressful life events, social support, and mental health among college students. Computers in Human Behavior. 2017 Oct 1;75:527-37. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2017.05.043Suls J, Wheeler L, editors.Handbook of social comparison: Theory and research. Springer Science & Business Media. 2013.Ostendorf S, Müller SM, Brand M.Neglecting long-term risks: Self-disclosure on social media and its relation to individual decision-making tendencies and problematic social-networks-use.Front Psychol. 2020;11:543388. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.543388Heath PJ, Brenner RE, Vogel DL, Lannin DG, Strass HA.Masculinity and barriers to seeking counseling: The buffering role of self-compassion.Journal of counseling psychology. 2017 Jan;64(1):94. doi:10.1037/cou0000185Crits-Christoph P, Rieger A, Gaines A, Gibbons MBC.Trust and respect in the patient-clinician relationship: preliminary development of a new scale.BMC Psychol. 2019;7(1):91. doi:10.1186/s40359-019-0347-3Sprecher S, Treger S, Wondra JD, Hilaire N, Wallpe K.Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2013;49(5):860-866. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2013.03.017

Kreiner H, Levi-Belz Y.Self-Disclosure Here and Now: Combining Retrospective Perceived Assessment With Dynamic Behavioral Measures.Front Psychol. 2019 Mar 28;10:558. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00558Sprecher S, Treger S, Wondra JD, Hilaire N, Wallpe K.Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2013 Sep 1;49(5):860-6. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2013.03.017Masur PK.Situational privacy and self-disclosure: Communication processes in online environments. Springer; 2018 Jun 28.Carpenter A, Greene K.Social penetration theory.The international encyclopedia of interpersonal communication. 2015 Dec 11:1-4. doi:10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic160Sprecher S, Wenzel A, Harvey J, editors. Handbook of relationship initiation. Psychology Press. 2018.Forgas, J. P.Affective influences on self-disclosure: Mood effects on the intimacy and reciprocity of disclosing personal information.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2011;100(3):449–461. doi:10.1037/a0021129Sheldon P.Voices that cannot be heard: Can shyness explain how we communicate on Facebook versus face-to-face?.Computers in Human Behavior. 2013 Jul 1;29(4):1402-7. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2013.01.016Zhang R.The stress-buffering effect of self-disclosure on Facebook: An examination of stressful life events, social support, and mental health among college students. Computers in Human Behavior. 2017 Oct 1;75:527-37. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2017.05.043Suls J, Wheeler L, editors.Handbook of social comparison: Theory and research. Springer Science & Business Media. 2013.Ostendorf S, Müller SM, Brand M.Neglecting long-term risks: Self-disclosure on social media and its relation to individual decision-making tendencies and problematic social-networks-use.Front Psychol. 2020;11:543388. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.543388Heath PJ, Brenner RE, Vogel DL, Lannin DG, Strass HA.Masculinity and barriers to seeking counseling: The buffering role of self-compassion.Journal of counseling psychology. 2017 Jan;64(1):94. doi:10.1037/cou0000185Crits-Christoph P, Rieger A, Gaines A, Gibbons MBC.Trust and respect in the patient-clinician relationship: preliminary development of a new scale.BMC Psychol. 2019;7(1):91. doi:10.1186/s40359-019-0347-3Sprecher S, Treger S, Wondra JD, Hilaire N, Wallpe K.Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2013;49(5):860-866. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2013.03.017

Kreiner H, Levi-Belz Y.Self-Disclosure Here and Now: Combining Retrospective Perceived Assessment With Dynamic Behavioral Measures.Front Psychol. 2019 Mar 28;10:558. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00558

Sprecher S, Treger S, Wondra JD, Hilaire N, Wallpe K.Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2013 Sep 1;49(5):860-6. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2013.03.017

Masur PK.Situational privacy and self-disclosure: Communication processes in online environments. Springer; 2018 Jun 28.

Carpenter A, Greene K.Social penetration theory.The international encyclopedia of interpersonal communication. 2015 Dec 11:1-4. doi:10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic160

Sprecher S, Wenzel A, Harvey J, editors. Handbook of relationship initiation. Psychology Press. 2018.

Forgas, J. P.Affective influences on self-disclosure: Mood effects on the intimacy and reciprocity of disclosing personal information.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2011;100(3):449–461. doi:10.1037/a0021129

Sheldon P.Voices that cannot be heard: Can shyness explain how we communicate on Facebook versus face-to-face?.Computers in Human Behavior. 2013 Jul 1;29(4):1402-7. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2013.01.016

Zhang R.The stress-buffering effect of self-disclosure on Facebook: An examination of stressful life events, social support, and mental health among college students. Computers in Human Behavior. 2017 Oct 1;75:527-37. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2017.05.043

Suls J, Wheeler L, editors.Handbook of social comparison: Theory and research. Springer Science & Business Media. 2013.

Ostendorf S, Müller SM, Brand M.Neglecting long-term risks: Self-disclosure on social media and its relation to individual decision-making tendencies and problematic social-networks-use.Front Psychol. 2020;11:543388. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.543388

Heath PJ, Brenner RE, Vogel DL, Lannin DG, Strass HA.Masculinity and barriers to seeking counseling: The buffering role of self-compassion.Journal of counseling psychology. 2017 Jan;64(1):94. doi:10.1037/cou0000185

Crits-Christoph P, Rieger A, Gaines A, Gibbons MBC.Trust and respect in the patient-clinician relationship: preliminary development of a new scale.BMC Psychol. 2019;7(1):91. doi:10.1186/s40359-019-0347-3

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Self-Disclosure Is Mutual#

Self-Disclosure Is Reciprocal#

What Causes People to Self-Disclose?#

Factors That Influence Self-Disclosure#

Personality#

Mood#

Loneliness#

Situational Factors#

Social Comparison#

Benefits of Self-Disclosure#

Risks of Self-Disclosure#

Social Events#

Social Media#

How Self-Disclosure Influences Therapy#

A Word From Verywell#