How Not to Speak to Someone With ADHD

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Common ADHD Misconceptions

You’ve likely heard some (or all) of the following faulty and provoking statements about the condition:

If you’d like to be as supportive as possible of a loved one living with ADHD, avoid saying or implying these things.

Living With ADHD: Strategies for Well-Being

Don’t Minimize or Dismiss the Condition

ADHD is more than just difficulties with attention span, and it doesn’t always involve physical hyperactivity. In fact, severe ADHD ups the odds of trouble with work, finances, interpersonal relationships, and family life—so much so that it also increases the risk of suicide.Denying the validity of ADHD as a condition can make a person with ADHD feel overlooked, pushed aside, insignificant, stupid, or doubted.

Instead, realize that ADHD is a valid, common condition with recognizable symptoms that affect a person’s ability to function in various settings. It affects adults as well as children.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), an estimated 6.1 million children are diagnosed with ADHD at some point before the age of 18.

When Is It ADHD?Everyone experiences occasions of forgetfulness and inattention. And what child’s behavior has never veered out of control? But for children andadults with ADHD,symptomsare significant enough to impair day-to-day life.People with ADHD typically:Have trouble organizing tasksDon’t always pay attention when others speak to themDo not follow through on instructionsOften lose thingsGet distracted easilyStruggle to sit still and remain quietTalk excessively

When Is It ADHD?

Everyone experiences occasions of forgetfulness and inattention. And what child’s behavior has never veered out of control? But for children andadults with ADHD,symptomsare significant enough to impair day-to-day life.People with ADHD typically:Have trouble organizing tasksDon’t always pay attention when others speak to themDo not follow through on instructionsOften lose thingsGet distracted easilyStruggle to sit still and remain quietTalk excessively

Everyone experiences occasions of forgetfulness and inattention. And what child’s behavior has never veered out of control? But for children andadults with ADHD,symptomsare significant enough to impair day-to-day life.

People with ADHD typically:

Don’t Suggest That ADHD Is Overdiagnosed

People sometimes say things like, “Children are naturallyactive and energetic. There’s no problem.” However, the parents of the more than six million children who have been diagnosed with ADHD would likely disagree; their children’s symptoms are very real.

Down the road, undiagnosed ADHD can lead to academic, behavioral, emotional, social, and vocational problems later in life. Suggesting that ADHD is overdiagnosed can discourage the person from getting the help that can prevent them.

ADHD in Children: Symptoms and Treatment

Don’t Criticize ADHD Symptoms

Uninformed people often assume a child or adult with ADHD is lazy and could succeed if they’d “just try harder,” To avoid hurt feelings, anger, and resentment, don’t connect the malady to a character flaw.

People with ADHD often perform tasks inconsistently, completing some tasks quickly and correctly and others, poorly. This uneven pattern of productivity and accuracy can be frustrating for those who don’t fully understand the impairments associated with the disorder. The truth is that people with ADHD exert a tremendous amount of energy and effort just trying to organize, focus, and keep themselves on track.

ADHD is never an excuse for behavior, but it is often an explanation that can guide you toward strategies and interventions that can help manage symptoms.

Don’t Blame Parenting or Discipline

Many parents of children with ADHD have to deal with judgments around their parenting ability. However, poor parenting or a lack of discipline does not lead to ADHD. Avoid making such judgmental statements.

That said, children with ADHD can be much more challenging to parent. It’s easy to become frustrated and doubt your own parenting skills, especially when these misperceptions abound.

What Are the Causes of ADHD?

Don’t Discriminate

If ADHD affects learning and impairsacademic performancein the classroom, a student may receive instructionalsupport and accommodations. The purpose of such special accommodations is to ensure that the individual educational needs of the student with disabilities are met as adequately as the needs of those students without disabilities.

Rather than giving an unfair advantage to students with ADHD, special accommodations level the playing field.

Avoid Making Comparisons

The fact is women with ADHD experience significant struggles that are often overlooked. Women with ADHD are often misdiagnosed as having depression, anxiety, orbipolar disorder.

Girls with unrecognized, untreated ADHD tend to internalize problems to a much greater degree. Research has also shown that some women with ADHD had an increased risk of certain problems compared to their male counterparts:

Like undiagnosed boys and men with ADHD, undiagnosed girls and women are also at risk for chronic underachievement.

The difficulty mothers with ADHD face in coping with the demands of everyday life can easily overflow into parenting. Because of the genetic link to ADHD, many of these mothers will be parenting children with ADHD—children who require even more in terms of organization, attention, and consistency.

Signs and Symptoms of ADHD in Girls

A Word From Verywell

Inaccurate beliefs about ADHD often prevent parents ofchildren with ADHDandadults with ADHDfrom seeking treatment. Without appropriate interventions and supports, many continue to struggle needlessly. It is important to correct these misconceptions so that people with ADHD can enjoy an improved quality of life and fulfill their potetial.

How Is ADHD Treated for Children and Adults?

10 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Beauchaine TP, Ben-David I, Bos M.ADHD, financial distress, and suicide in adulthood: A population study.Sci Adv. 2020;6(40):eaba1551. doi:10.1126/sciadv.aba1551Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Data and statistics about ADHD.American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition. Arlington, VA., American Psychiatric Association, 2013.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Symptoms and diagnosis of ADHD.Cheung CHM, McLoughlin G, Brandeis D, Banaschewski T, Asherson P, Kuntsi J.Neurophysiological correlates of attentional fluctuation in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.Brain Topogr. 2017;30(3):320-332. doi:10.1007/s10548-017-0554-2Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) National Resource Center on ADHD.Workplace issues.Faraone SV, Larsson H.Genetics of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.Mol Psychiatry. 2019;24(4):562-575. doi:10.1038/s41380-018-0070-0Quinn PO, Madhoo M.A review of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in women and girls: Uncovering this hidden diagnosis.Prim Care Companion CNS Disord. 2014;16(3). doi:10.4088/PCC.13r01596Elkins IJ, Saunders GRB, Malone SM, et al.Increased risk for smoking in female adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in childhood.Am J Psychiatry. 2018;175(1):63-70. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2017.17010009Hinshaw SP, Owens EB, Zalecki C, et al.Prospective follow-up of girls with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder into early adulthood: Continuing impairment includes elevated risk for suicide attempts and self-injury.J Consult Clin Psychol. 2012;80(6):1041-1051. doi:10.1037/a0029451

10 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Beauchaine TP, Ben-David I, Bos M.ADHD, financial distress, and suicide in adulthood: A population study.Sci Adv. 2020;6(40):eaba1551. doi:10.1126/sciadv.aba1551Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Data and statistics about ADHD.American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition. Arlington, VA., American Psychiatric Association, 2013.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Symptoms and diagnosis of ADHD.Cheung CHM, McLoughlin G, Brandeis D, Banaschewski T, Asherson P, Kuntsi J.Neurophysiological correlates of attentional fluctuation in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.Brain Topogr. 2017;30(3):320-332. doi:10.1007/s10548-017-0554-2Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) National Resource Center on ADHD.Workplace issues.Faraone SV, Larsson H.Genetics of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.Mol Psychiatry. 2019;24(4):562-575. doi:10.1038/s41380-018-0070-0Quinn PO, Madhoo M.A review of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in women and girls: Uncovering this hidden diagnosis.Prim Care Companion CNS Disord. 2014;16(3). doi:10.4088/PCC.13r01596Elkins IJ, Saunders GRB, Malone SM, et al.Increased risk for smoking in female adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in childhood.Am J Psychiatry. 2018;175(1):63-70. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2017.17010009Hinshaw SP, Owens EB, Zalecki C, et al.Prospective follow-up of girls with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder into early adulthood: Continuing impairment includes elevated risk for suicide attempts and self-injury.J Consult Clin Psychol. 2012;80(6):1041-1051. doi:10.1037/a0029451

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Beauchaine TP, Ben-David I, Bos M.ADHD, financial distress, and suicide in adulthood: A population study.Sci Adv. 2020;6(40):eaba1551. doi:10.1126/sciadv.aba1551Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Data and statistics about ADHD.American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition. Arlington, VA., American Psychiatric Association, 2013.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Symptoms and diagnosis of ADHD.Cheung CHM, McLoughlin G, Brandeis D, Banaschewski T, Asherson P, Kuntsi J.Neurophysiological correlates of attentional fluctuation in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.Brain Topogr. 2017;30(3):320-332. doi:10.1007/s10548-017-0554-2Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) National Resource Center on ADHD.Workplace issues.Faraone SV, Larsson H.Genetics of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.Mol Psychiatry. 2019;24(4):562-575. doi:10.1038/s41380-018-0070-0Quinn PO, Madhoo M.A review of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in women and girls: Uncovering this hidden diagnosis.Prim Care Companion CNS Disord. 2014;16(3). doi:10.4088/PCC.13r01596Elkins IJ, Saunders GRB, Malone SM, et al.Increased risk for smoking in female adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in childhood.Am J Psychiatry. 2018;175(1):63-70. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2017.17010009Hinshaw SP, Owens EB, Zalecki C, et al.Prospective follow-up of girls with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder into early adulthood: Continuing impairment includes elevated risk for suicide attempts and self-injury.J Consult Clin Psychol. 2012;80(6):1041-1051. doi:10.1037/a0029451

Beauchaine TP, Ben-David I, Bos M.ADHD, financial distress, and suicide in adulthood: A population study.Sci Adv. 2020;6(40):eaba1551. doi:10.1126/sciadv.aba1551

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Data and statistics about ADHD.

American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition. Arlington, VA., American Psychiatric Association, 2013.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Symptoms and diagnosis of ADHD.

Cheung CHM, McLoughlin G, Brandeis D, Banaschewski T, Asherson P, Kuntsi J.Neurophysiological correlates of attentional fluctuation in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.Brain Topogr. 2017;30(3):320-332. doi:10.1007/s10548-017-0554-2

Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) National Resource Center on ADHD.Workplace issues.

Faraone SV, Larsson H.Genetics of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.Mol Psychiatry. 2019;24(4):562-575. doi:10.1038/s41380-018-0070-0

Quinn PO, Madhoo M.A review of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in women and girls: Uncovering this hidden diagnosis.Prim Care Companion CNS Disord. 2014;16(3). doi:10.4088/PCC.13r01596

Elkins IJ, Saunders GRB, Malone SM, et al.Increased risk for smoking in female adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in childhood.Am J Psychiatry. 2018;175(1):63-70. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2017.17010009

Hinshaw SP, Owens EB, Zalecki C, et al.Prospective follow-up of girls with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder into early adulthood: Continuing impairment includes elevated risk for suicide attempts and self-injury.J Consult Clin Psychol. 2012;80(6):1041-1051. doi:10.1037/a0029451

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