Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Does DARVO Look Like?Impact of DARVOHow to Protect Yourself Against DARVO

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Does DARVO Look Like?

Impact of DARVO

How to Protect Yourself Against DARVO

We’ll discuss what DARVO looks like, its impact on victims, and how to protect yourself if it’s being used against you.

Experts in This ArticleAvigail Lev, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist and founder ofBay Area CBT CenterandCBTonlineBayu Prihandito, certified psychology expert and founder ofLife Architekture

Experts in This Article

Avigail Lev, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist and founder ofBay Area CBT CenterandCBTonlineBayu Prihandito, certified psychology expert and founder ofLife Architekture

How to Recognize a Covert Narcissist

Knowing the definition of DARVO is one thing; understanding what signs to look for in your relationship is another. Experts say there are specific characteristics to look for to determine ifsomeone is manipulating youin this way.

Denial

Someone adamantly denies being wrong and won’t acknowledge wrong behaviors. A person using this tactic will not only say they are not abusive but will minimize your feelings. If they tell you, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You’re making too much of this,” that’s another way to deny the wrong behavior and its impact on you.

Attack

The accused person becomes aggressive, arguing that they are not in the wrong. They also seek to cast doubt on you as the person who is questioning their behavior.

Instead of just refusing to accept responsibility for abusive behavior, this person is actively working to make it look like you are the one who is in the wrong. “Abusers attack the credibility, character, or motives of the victim. They may use insults, threats,gaslighting, or manipulation to discredit the victim’s account of the abuse,” notes Dr. Lev.

Reverse Victim and Offender

The abuser tries to switch roles, arguing that they are the real victim and making the victim look like the offender. The abuser may claim to be unfairly accused, then say that you are making accusations to cover up your own behavior. This attempt to shift blame helps the abuser be seen in a more positive light while inflicting mental and emotional pain on the person already experiencing abuse.

In addition, an abuser will gaslight the victim, making that person wonder if they are crazy or think that what they are experiencing is not actually abuse. An abuser will also likelydeflect, trying to switch gears and remove attention from the problematic behavior.

By denying their actions, attacking the person confronting them, and flipping the roles of victim and offender, the narcissist effectively redirects attention away from their own actions, often causing doubt in the victim’s claims.—BAYU PRIHANDITO, FOUNDER OF LIFE ARCHITEKTURE AND CERTIFIED PSYCHOLOGY EXPERT

By denying their actions, attacking the person confronting them, and flipping the roles of victim and offender, the narcissist effectively redirects attention away from their own actions, often causing doubt in the victim’s claims.

—BAYU PRIHANDITO, FOUNDER OF LIFE ARCHITEKTURE AND CERTIFIED PSYCHOLOGY EXPERT

“By denying their actions, attacking the person confronting them, and flipping the roles of victim and offender, the narcissist effectively redirects attention away from their own actions, often causing doubt in the victim’s claims,” notes Bayu Prihandito, founder ofLife Architektureand certified psychology expert.

“The psychology behind DARVO is rooted in a strong need for self-preservation and control. They will often employ this strategy to protect their ego and maintain their desired self-image at all costs,” he adds.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

17 Signs You’re in a Narcissistic Marriage or Relationship

Abusers who use DARVO methods on their victims often achieve the intended results. Studies show that when people saw one person using DARVO tactics on another, the victim was viewed as “less believable,” while the perpetrator was seen as “less abusive and less responsible.”As you can imagine, dealing with that level of manipulation day in and day out takes a massive toll on its victims—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

“DARVO negatively impacts the victim’s mental health because they internalize the false narrative that they are the perpetrator and that the problems in the relationship or abuse are their fault. They convince themselves that they are the cause of their own mistreatment, leading to feelings of self-blame and self-doubt,” Dr. Lev says.

DARVO negatively impacts the victim’s mental health because they internalize the false narrative that they are the perpetrator and that the problems in the relationship or abuse are their fault.—AVIGAIL LEV, PSYD, FOUNDER OF BAY AREA CBT CENTER AND CBTONLINE

DARVO negatively impacts the victim’s mental health because they internalize the false narrative that they are the perpetrator and that the problems in the relationship or abuse are their fault.

—AVIGAIL LEV, PSYD, FOUNDER OF BAY AREA CBT CENTER AND CBTONLINE

“Being subjected to repeated manipulation through DARVO can lead to … anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, a sense of powerlessness, and narcissistic abuse syndrome as well as pseudo identity/personality, where the victim develops a pseudo personality that echoes and repeats the narcissist’s false self- their grandiose narrative of themselves,” she states.

DARVO survivors also experiencepost-traumatic stress disorder. The abusive behavior can leave victims feeling isolated and unable to cope, especially when reversing the victim and offender leads to a continualcycle of abuse.

Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Once you learn more about DARVO and think you may be the victim of this manipulative tactic, you can take steps to help yourself.

Of course, if you’re in a situation where the behavior has escalated to physical abuse, or you believe your life is in danger, call 911 and seek help immediately.

Ultimately, what’s most important is that if you are a victim of DARVO, you realize it is not your fault. Confront the reality of what happened and your experience. Seek the help you need to end the cycle of manipulative behavior andheal physically, mentally, and emotionally.

“Victims find it incredibly difficult to come to terms with the fact that the abuse was intentional the entire time. They must accept this in order to break free,” Dr. Lev concludes.

How to Find a Narcissistic Abuse Support Group

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE.Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges.AJP. 2015;172(5):415-422.Harsey S, Freyd JJ.Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender (Darvo): what is the influence on perceived perpetrator and victim credibility?Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma. 2020;29(8):897-916.

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE.Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges.AJP. 2015;172(5):415-422.Harsey S, Freyd JJ.Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender (Darvo): what is the influence on perceived perpetrator and victim credibility?Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma. 2020;29(8):897-916.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE.Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges.AJP. 2015;172(5):415-422.Harsey S, Freyd JJ.Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender (Darvo): what is the influence on perceived perpetrator and victim credibility?Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma. 2020;29(8):897-916.

Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE.Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges.AJP. 2015;172(5):415-422.

Harsey S, Freyd JJ.Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender (Darvo): what is the influence on perceived perpetrator and victim credibility?Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma. 2020;29(8):897-916.

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