How Is Talk Therapy Different From Talking to a Friend?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsTherapists vs. FriendsWhat Therapy Is NotFinding Balance

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Therapists vs. Friends

What Therapy Is Not

Finding Balance

Psychotherapy has hit its prime recently. Since conversations about mental health that started during the pandemic have helped to normalize and destigmatize mental health diagnoses and therapy, talk therapy has become more mainstream.Why are more people tapping into the benefits of talk therapy? The main reason is that psychotherapy is effective.Research shows that it can be helpful in reducingdepression,anxiety, andeating disorder symptoms, and help those struggling withaddiction.Another reason is that having a space to process and talk through the happenings of your life can be transformative. And while many people often rely on their friends, family, or significant others for support, there are disadvantages to doing so exclusively.When working with a professional, you have the benefit of knowing that there are actuallawsprotecting your privacy. You are not just relying on the pinky promise method to assure confidentiality regarding the intimate details of your life.Therapy can also provide a designated time to stop and reflect in a fast-paced world. It can help unravel some of what is keeping a person from being the best version of themselves and get unstuck.So, what are the differences between talking to a therapist and talking to a friend? Let’s find out.Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.Talking to a Therapist vs. Talking to a FriendFriendships are some of the best of parts of life. However, there are some times when even the best of friends cannot replace the cathartic and therapeutic experience of regular meetings with a trained mental health practitioner.Talking to a TherapistYou can always be honestYou have the therapist’s undivided attentionA therapist will usually not give adviceYou have guaranteed confidentialityA therapist is qualified to treat mental health issuesTherapists are objectiveTalking to a FriendYou might not be able to be fully honestYour friend might not be as attentiveFriends can give adviceConfidentiality is not guaranteedFriends are not qualified to address mental health issuesFriends often have a biased perspectiveYou Can Be HonestMost of us are doing some sort of managing of our image most of the time. It’s something many adults do instinctively. If you are talking to your best friend, you are still wanting them to think highly of you. Therefore, you are speaking while being mindful of not lowering their opinion of you.On the other hand, your therapist is supposed to show youunconditional positive regard- this means that they don’t judge you no matter what you say or do.When talking to a loved one you may do some amount of editing of yourself. Shame or a desire to avoid shame may cause you to change or leave out some details.With a professional, this is less likely to happen. You don’t feel the same worries about sharing your circumstances because you understand that your therapist is viewing your issue with a clinical perspective.You Are Truly Being Listened ToAn uncomfortable truth is that often, when someone is listening to you, they are often thinking about what they are going to say in response to what you’ve just said. This can mean that they are not giving you their full attention. But because a therapy session is totally and completely about you, it isn’t quite a two-way conversation.A therapist or psychiatrist is actually trained to listen. And they are not only listening to what you are saying, they are listening to what you arenotsaying. They are “listening” to your body language or what topics seem to make you tearful or anxious.Not everyone gets the opportunity to be seen and heard on that level, especially with a friend who has their own problems and issues they want to discuss. Talk therapy provides this and many people deeply appreciate that aspect of it.Your Therapist Is Not Personally Invested in the OutcomeIf you are talking to a loved one about a tough choice that you need to make, they may be consciously or subconsciously invested in the outcome. For example, if you are talking to your dearest friend about your thoughts of moving to the other side of the country, they will miss you if you go. That may influence their opinion of your move.It’s not that your friend is trying to sabotage you. It’s just that they have an attachment to you that impacts their perspective.A trained clinician doesn’t have the same forces weighing in on their discussion with you. Being neutral and objective is an important skill that comes with experience for a therapist. They want to help you achieve your goals and feel better, no matter what that looks like, and it is their job to do so.How and Why You Should Maintain FriendshipsWhat Therapy Is NotBecause talk therapy is loosely based on the basic principle of conversation, even those who have never done it tend to think they know what it must be like. For instance, some people assume it is another person telling you what to do or paying someone to listen to you complain. It isn’t.It Is Not Advice GivingIt is a popular misconception that a therapist gives you advice on what to do. Yes, if you are making catastrophic choices that put your well-being at risk, they may weigh in. They may also counsel you on certain lifestyle choices that are scientifically proven to be beneficial, such as making time for adequate sleep.However, telling a person to leave their spouse or switch careers is not the job of a therapist. It is very difficult to really know what is right for another person. For example: if years ago, Bill Gates asked his therapist if he should drop out of Harvard to work on an idea in his garage, the therapist might have advised him against it.This situation is hypothetical but illustrates the complexity of a life journey. It is nearly impossible to know what is best for someone else, and mental health professionals are aware of that.What a good therapist may do is practiceSocratic questioning. Instead of telling you to leave your partner, they may ask you how this relationship makes you feel or ask if you would want your child or best friend to date someone just like this person. These questions are designed to make you reflect on your situation and help you conclude for yourself what the wisest course of action is.It Is Not a Big Complaining SessionTherapy is not all about complaining endlessly. Yes, there are times when that is suitable depending on what is going on in your life. But, for the most part, psychotherapy is about being guided through the process of reflecting on your life and identifying obstacles to you becoming your best self.It is also an honest discussion about what brought those obstacles into your life. You can then get the support you need to make meaningful changes to the thought patterns or behaviors that are interfering with your happiness and success. Endless complaining will not result in those changes and will not be therapeutic.It Is Not About Parent-BlamingTherapy is about finding out what destructive patterns are playing out in your life and reflecting on the possible source of those patterns. Often, the parenting a person received is a topic of psychotherapy because many of our deepest wounds occur in childhood.So, in psychotherapy, a person’s formative years might be considered through the lens of what we now know about child-rearing and the results of certain parenting styles. It may examine how aspects of your early relationships have shaped who you are in order to help you take more accountability for your choices in the present.This isn’t the same as flat-out parent-blaming, or laying all of your current problems at the feet of your parents and accusing them of ruining your life. The work you do in therapy regarding the way your parents affected you is much more nuanced and complicated than that.Many people with reverence for their parents avoid psychotherapy because they think that their parents will be dragged through the mud and disrespected in the process. This is far from true and based on misguided ideas about the process.Balancing Therapy and FriendshipsTherapy cannot replace friendship, and vice versa. They are both meaningful and offer different, valuable contributions to anyone’s life. Many individuals report that being in talk therapy actually makes them more generous in their friendships. They are not competing to be heard because they have that regular outlet with their therapist. They listen better.Also, in friendships, people worry about being a burden. They hate the idea of bringing down their happily married friend with their dating woes or completely taking over a conversation because they are dealing with something difficult in their lives. Although therapy often feels safe and familiar, it is a paid transaction - you don’t need to worry about a one-sided conversation because that is what you are there for. When you get your hair done, you don’t feel like an inconvenience to your stylist, do you? Not feeling like a burden allows for more freedom in therapy sessions.As good as therapy can be, there can be some benefits to hashing out a problem with a companion. For instance, sometimes you just really need a hug. Your chat with your friend can come with a good squeeze, whereas mental health professionals generally don’t touch their patients.Also, there can be instances in which you want outright advice and guidance on an issue because you really feel stuck in your decision-making. That’s where a friend comes in. Those who practice therapy avoid giving outright advice on an issue.However, if you are struggling with symptoms of diagnosable mental illness such asmajor depressionorbinge eating disorder, talking to a friend will likely not be sufficient.Because certain conditions are associated with the risk ofsuicideor other serious health consequences, you should understand the limitations of a conversation with a buddy. Eating disorders, addictions, and suicidal thoughts require the input and support of a medical professional.If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.The Different Types of Social SupportA Word From VerywellTherapy allows you to talk through the events of your life. It is an important outlet where you can have judgment-free discussions about matters of the heart. It’s another set of eyes and ears on your life journey and a way to receive affirmation and support.For many, it is what they need to optimize their potential. If you are on the fence, consider making the leap to engage in psychotherapy, particularly because now, it’s easier than ever.Coping With Emotionally Draining Friends

Why are more people tapping into the benefits of talk therapy? The main reason is that psychotherapy is effective.Research shows that it can be helpful in reducingdepression,anxiety, andeating disorder symptoms, and help those struggling withaddiction.

Another reason is that having a space to process and talk through the happenings of your life can be transformative. And while many people often rely on their friends, family, or significant others for support, there are disadvantages to doing so exclusively.

When working with a professional, you have the benefit of knowing that there are actuallawsprotecting your privacy. You are not just relying on the pinky promise method to assure confidentiality regarding the intimate details of your life.

Therapy can also provide a designated time to stop and reflect in a fast-paced world. It can help unravel some of what is keeping a person from being the best version of themselves and get unstuck.

So, what are the differences between talking to a therapist and talking to a friend? Let’s find out.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Talking to a Therapist vs. Talking to a Friend

Friendships are some of the best of parts of life. However, there are some times when even the best of friends cannot replace the cathartic and therapeutic experience of regular meetings with a trained mental health practitioner.

Talking to a TherapistYou can always be honestYou have the therapist’s undivided attentionA therapist will usually not give adviceYou have guaranteed confidentialityA therapist is qualified to treat mental health issuesTherapists are objectiveTalking to a FriendYou might not be able to be fully honestYour friend might not be as attentiveFriends can give adviceConfidentiality is not guaranteedFriends are not qualified to address mental health issuesFriends often have a biased perspective

You can always be honest

You have the therapist’s undivided attention

A therapist will usually not give advice

You have guaranteed confidentiality

A therapist is qualified to treat mental health issues

Therapists are objective

Talking to a FriendYou might not be able to be fully honestYour friend might not be as attentiveFriends can give adviceConfidentiality is not guaranteedFriends are not qualified to address mental health issuesFriends often have a biased perspective

You might not be able to be fully honest

Your friend might not be as attentive

Friends can give advice

Confidentiality is not guaranteed

Friends are not qualified to address mental health issues

Friends often have a biased perspective

You Can Be Honest

Most of us are doing some sort of managing of our image most of the time. It’s something many adults do instinctively. If you are talking to your best friend, you are still wanting them to think highly of you. Therefore, you are speaking while being mindful of not lowering their opinion of you.

On the other hand, your therapist is supposed to show youunconditional positive regard- this means that they don’t judge you no matter what you say or do.

When talking to a loved one you may do some amount of editing of yourself. Shame or a desire to avoid shame may cause you to change or leave out some details.

With a professional, this is less likely to happen. You don’t feel the same worries about sharing your circumstances because you understand that your therapist is viewing your issue with a clinical perspective.

You Are Truly Being Listened To

An uncomfortable truth is that often, when someone is listening to you, they are often thinking about what they are going to say in response to what you’ve just said. This can mean that they are not giving you their full attention. But because a therapy session is totally and completely about you, it isn’t quite a two-way conversation.

A therapist or psychiatrist is actually trained to listen. And they are not only listening to what you are saying, they are listening to what you arenotsaying. They are “listening” to your body language or what topics seem to make you tearful or anxious.

Not everyone gets the opportunity to be seen and heard on that level, especially with a friend who has their own problems and issues they want to discuss. Talk therapy provides this and many people deeply appreciate that aspect of it.

Your Therapist Is Not Personally Invested in the Outcome

If you are talking to a loved one about a tough choice that you need to make, they may be consciously or subconsciously invested in the outcome. For example, if you are talking to your dearest friend about your thoughts of moving to the other side of the country, they will miss you if you go. That may influence their opinion of your move.

It’s not that your friend is trying to sabotage you. It’s just that they have an attachment to you that impacts their perspective.

A trained clinician doesn’t have the same forces weighing in on their discussion with you. Being neutral and objective is an important skill that comes with experience for a therapist. They want to help you achieve your goals and feel better, no matter what that looks like, and it is their job to do so.

How and Why You Should Maintain Friendships

Because talk therapy is loosely based on the basic principle of conversation, even those who have never done it tend to think they know what it must be like. For instance, some people assume it is another person telling you what to do or paying someone to listen to you complain. It isn’t.

It Is Not Advice Giving

It is a popular misconception that a therapist gives you advice on what to do. Yes, if you are making catastrophic choices that put your well-being at risk, they may weigh in. They may also counsel you on certain lifestyle choices that are scientifically proven to be beneficial, such as making time for adequate sleep.

However, telling a person to leave their spouse or switch careers is not the job of a therapist. It is very difficult to really know what is right for another person. For example: if years ago, Bill Gates asked his therapist if he should drop out of Harvard to work on an idea in his garage, the therapist might have advised him against it.

This situation is hypothetical but illustrates the complexity of a life journey. It is nearly impossible to know what is best for someone else, and mental health professionals are aware of that.

What a good therapist may do is practiceSocratic questioning. Instead of telling you to leave your partner, they may ask you how this relationship makes you feel or ask if you would want your child or best friend to date someone just like this person. These questions are designed to make you reflect on your situation and help you conclude for yourself what the wisest course of action is.

It Is Not a Big Complaining Session

Therapy is not all about complaining endlessly. Yes, there are times when that is suitable depending on what is going on in your life. But, for the most part, psychotherapy is about being guided through the process of reflecting on your life and identifying obstacles to you becoming your best self.

It is also an honest discussion about what brought those obstacles into your life. You can then get the support you need to make meaningful changes to the thought patterns or behaviors that are interfering with your happiness and success. Endless complaining will not result in those changes and will not be therapeutic.

It Is Not About Parent-Blaming

Therapy is about finding out what destructive patterns are playing out in your life and reflecting on the possible source of those patterns. Often, the parenting a person received is a topic of psychotherapy because many of our deepest wounds occur in childhood.

So, in psychotherapy, a person’s formative years might be considered through the lens of what we now know about child-rearing and the results of certain parenting styles. It may examine how aspects of your early relationships have shaped who you are in order to help you take more accountability for your choices in the present.

This isn’t the same as flat-out parent-blaming, or laying all of your current problems at the feet of your parents and accusing them of ruining your life. The work you do in therapy regarding the way your parents affected you is much more nuanced and complicated than that.

Many people with reverence for their parents avoid psychotherapy because they think that their parents will be dragged through the mud and disrespected in the process. This is far from true and based on misguided ideas about the process.

Balancing Therapy and Friendships

Therapy cannot replace friendship, and vice versa. They are both meaningful and offer different, valuable contributions to anyone’s life. Many individuals report that being in talk therapy actually makes them more generous in their friendships. They are not competing to be heard because they have that regular outlet with their therapist. They listen better.

Also, in friendships, people worry about being a burden. They hate the idea of bringing down their happily married friend with their dating woes or completely taking over a conversation because they are dealing with something difficult in their lives. Although therapy often feels safe and familiar, it is a paid transaction - you don’t need to worry about a one-sided conversation because that is what you are there for. When you get your hair done, you don’t feel like an inconvenience to your stylist, do you? Not feeling like a burden allows for more freedom in therapy sessions.

As good as therapy can be, there can be some benefits to hashing out a problem with a companion. For instance, sometimes you just really need a hug. Your chat with your friend can come with a good squeeze, whereas mental health professionals generally don’t touch their patients.

Also, there can be instances in which you want outright advice and guidance on an issue because you really feel stuck in your decision-making. That’s where a friend comes in. Those who practice therapy avoid giving outright advice on an issue.

However, if you are struggling with symptoms of diagnosable mental illness such asmajor depressionorbinge eating disorder, talking to a friend will likely not be sufficient.

Because certain conditions are associated with the risk ofsuicideor other serious health consequences, you should understand the limitations of a conversation with a buddy. Eating disorders, addictions, and suicidal thoughts require the input and support of a medical professional.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

The Different Types of Social Support

A Word From Verywell

Therapy allows you to talk through the events of your life. It is an important outlet where you can have judgment-free discussions about matters of the heart. It’s another set of eyes and ears on your life journey and a way to receive affirmation and support.

For many, it is what they need to optimize their potential. If you are on the fence, consider making the leap to engage in psychotherapy, particularly because now, it’s easier than ever.

Coping With Emotionally Draining Friends

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.van Bronswijk S, Moopen N, Beijers L, Ruhe HG, Peeters F.Effectiveness of psychotherapy for treatment-resistant depression: A meta-analysis and meta-regression.Psychol Med. 2019;49(3):366-379. doi:10.1017/S003329171800199XAn H, He R-H, Zheng Y-R, Tao R.Cognitive-behavioral therapy. In: Zhang X, Shi J, Tao R, eds.Substance and Non-Substance Addiction. Vol 1010. Springer Singapore; 2017:321-329. doi:10.1007/978-981-10-5562-1_16Makhene A.The use of the Socratic inquiry to facilitate critical thinking in nursing education.Health SA Gesondheid. 2019;24(0):6. doi:10.4102/hsag.v24i0.1224

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.van Bronswijk S, Moopen N, Beijers L, Ruhe HG, Peeters F.Effectiveness of psychotherapy for treatment-resistant depression: A meta-analysis and meta-regression.Psychol Med. 2019;49(3):366-379. doi:10.1017/S003329171800199XAn H, He R-H, Zheng Y-R, Tao R.Cognitive-behavioral therapy. In: Zhang X, Shi J, Tao R, eds.Substance and Non-Substance Addiction. Vol 1010. Springer Singapore; 2017:321-329. doi:10.1007/978-981-10-5562-1_16Makhene A.The use of the Socratic inquiry to facilitate critical thinking in nursing education.Health SA Gesondheid. 2019;24(0):6. doi:10.4102/hsag.v24i0.1224

van Bronswijk S, Moopen N, Beijers L, Ruhe HG, Peeters F.Effectiveness of psychotherapy for treatment-resistant depression: A meta-analysis and meta-regression.Psychol Med. 2019;49(3):366-379. doi:10.1017/S003329171800199XAn H, He R-H, Zheng Y-R, Tao R.Cognitive-behavioral therapy. In: Zhang X, Shi J, Tao R, eds.Substance and Non-Substance Addiction. Vol 1010. Springer Singapore; 2017:321-329. doi:10.1007/978-981-10-5562-1_16Makhene A.The use of the Socratic inquiry to facilitate critical thinking in nursing education.Health SA Gesondheid. 2019;24(0):6. doi:10.4102/hsag.v24i0.1224

An H, He R-H, Zheng Y-R, Tao R.Cognitive-behavioral therapy. In: Zhang X, Shi J, Tao R, eds.Substance and Non-Substance Addiction. Vol 1010. Springer Singapore; 2017:321-329. doi:10.1007/978-981-10-5562-1_16

Makhene A.The use of the Socratic inquiry to facilitate critical thinking in nursing education.Health SA Gesondheid. 2019;24(0):6. doi:10.4102/hsag.v24i0.1224

Hannah Owens, LMSW

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Get Help Now#

Talking to a Therapist vs. Talking to a Friend#

You Can Be Honest#

You Are Truly Being Listened To#

Your Therapist Is Not Personally Invested in the Outcome#

It Is Not Advice Giving#

It Is Not a Big Complaining Session#

It Is Not About Parent-Blaming#

Balancing Therapy and Friendships#

A Word From Verywell#