Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy Sex Is ImportantBenefits of SexIdeal Frequency for Doing the DeedPotential HazardsChallengesJumpstart Your Sex LifeFrequently Asked Questions
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Why Sex Is Important
Benefits of Sex
Ideal Frequency for Doing the Deed
Potential Hazards
Challenges
Jumpstart Your Sex Life
Frequently Asked Questions
Close
In a healthy romantic relationship, there are of course many benefits to having more sex. Just how important is sex in a relationship, and how much should you be having? The answer is entirely dependent on the couple.
Higher rates of sexual activity are linked to positive changes, such as lower blood pressure, reduced stress, greaterintimacy, and even a lowerdivorce rate.While there are no one-size-fits-all rules when it comes to an ideal sex frequency, we share insight from the latest research.
This article also discusses how important sex is in a relationship, why it can be important to have sex, some of the benefits it may have, and statistics on how often couples typically have sex. It even covers challenges you might face as a sexual couple and what you can do if you want to increase the amount of sex in your relationship.
Why Sex in Relationships Matters
Can a relationship survive without sex? Yes. Sex isn’t always necessary. But it can be an important part of ahealthy, fulfilling relationship.
How important sex is can vary from one individual to the next. Some people may feel that being a sexual couple is absolutely vital. Others may feel that other types of intimacy and connection are more important.
Some of the reasons that you might feel that sex is important in a relationship include:
Research suggests that having frequent sex can play a role in a person’s overall well-being. Having sex often is linked to more affection. When couples experience more affection, they are also more likely to then have more frequent sex.
RecapSex can be an important part of a relationship but having sex less frequently does not necessarily mean that your relationship is any less satisfying.
Recap
Sex can be an important part of a relationship but having sex less frequently does not necessarily mean that your relationship is any less satisfying.
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Benefits of Sex in Relationships
Beyond individual benefits for you and your partner, regular sex supports a healthy relationship in a number of ways. For instance, theoxytocinreleased during sex enhances a sense of bonding and improves emotional intimacy.
Sex in a monogamous relationship increases your level of commitment andemotional connectionwith the other person. Expressing love through sex increases the likelihood of couples staying together. As a result, sex is positively associated with a lower divorce rate.
Psychological Benefits of Sex
There are many emotional and psychological benefits of making love (sex is strongly linked to abetter quality of life). Some of these benefits include:
Physical Benefits of Sex
It’s fairly intuitive to understand how sex improves emotional health, but there are a number of physical benefits from sex as well. Some of these include:
RecapSex is good for you in so many ways. It can help support healthy relationships and may improve overall well-being. It is also linked to individual benefits including stress relief, improved sleep, increased immunity, and better cardiac health.
Sex is good for you in so many ways. It can help support healthy relationships and may improve overall well-being. It is also linked to individual benefits including stress relief, improved sleep, increased immunity, and better cardiac health.
When considering how often a couple should have sex, a 2015 study found that general well-being is associated with sexual frequency, but only to an extent.Relationship satisfactionimproved progressively from having no sex up to having sex once a week but did not improve further (and actually decreased somewhat) beyond this point.
One sexual encounter per week is fairly consistent with the current average. However, our increasingly busy lives may be getting in the way of having more sex. Compared to the frequency of sex in the 1990s, adults in 2010 were having sex nine fewer times per year.
Average Sexual FrequencyAverage adult: 54 times per year (about once per week)Adults in their 20s: Around 80 times per yearAdults in their 60s: 20 times per year
Average Sexual Frequency
Average adult: 54 times per year (about once per week)Adults in their 20s: Around 80 times per yearAdults in their 60s: 20 times per year
Although frequency often decreases with age, sexual activity in older adults remains important. In general, older married couples tend to have sex more often than unmarried peers within the same age group.
Potential Risks of Having More Sex
It was once believed that sex increases the risk of prostate cancer. However, a 2016 study discovered that men who had more ejaculations (21 or more per month) were less likely to develop the disease than men who had fewer ejaculations (seven or less per month). Since prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in men,this effect worth noting.
For some, sex may increase the chances of a heart attack. Despite this risk, higher sex frequency may help. A 2011 study found that regular sexual activity diminishes heart attacks. Sex, along with other forms of physical activity, is protective. But infrequent bursts of activity put added strain on the heart.Discuss your sexual activity with your doctor to evaluate your risks.
Unsafe sex could tip the scale of benefits and risks in the opposite direction. Make sure you are familiar with safe sex practices.
Challenges of Regular Sex
While sex can be important in a relationship, there are a variety of factors that can make being a sexual couple more challenging. Age, hormones, children,stress, medical conditions, and relationship difficulties can all play a role in how frequently couples engage in sex.
Age often plays a role in sex frequency, largely due to declines in sex hormone levels as people get older.Sometimes, maintaining an active sex life is difficult or impossible due to physical or psychological conditions.
Humans are wired to crave the intimacy of sex. Lacking sex can lead individuals in a relationship to grow distant and, perhaps,look elsewhere. Working with a licensed couples therapist can help address this gap and prevent issues from permeating throughout your marriage.
Ways to Build Intimacy Outside of Sex
How to Have More Sex
The frequency of sex can, and often does, change over time. But that doesn’t mean sex frequency has to be an unstoppable downhill slide.
If you’re wondering whether it’s possible for sex to be as good as when you first fell in love, the answer is yes. Sex and intimacy can improve as your relationship matures. It may just require a little extra work.
There are a number of ways to spice up your sex life. Looking at the non-sexual parts of your relationship can help.
It’s often said that the biggest sex organ is the one between the ears. Having sex more often without connecting emotionally or increasing communication isn’t likely to produce lasting improvements in your relationship. Managing stress is another key factor for a healthy sex life.
In her book, “The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido, a Couple’s Guide,” therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, suggests taking a “just do it” approach:
“At first, many were understandably cautious about my Nike-style approach to their sex life; the ‘Just Do It’ advice ran counter to everything they had believed about how sexual desire unfolds…I could often see the relief on people’s faces when they learned that their lack of out-of-the-blue sexual urges didn’t necessarily signify a problem.
“It didn’t mean there was something wrong with them or that something was missing from their marriages,” Weiner-Davis explains. “It just meant that they experienced desire differently.”
If you always wait for your level of desire to match that of your partner, you may be waiting a long time. Instead, communicate your needs and work together to find a happy medium.
RecapHow frequently you have sex may change over the course of your relationship. Communicating with your partner can help strengthen your relationship and improve sexual satisfaction.
How frequently you have sex may change over the course of your relationship. Communicating with your partner can help strengthen your relationship and improve sexual satisfaction.
Getting in the Mood for Sex
Keep in Mind
Sex can be a beneficial part of a healthy relationship. Research suggests that the average couple in the US has sex about once a week. Thefrequency of sextends to decline with age, and other factors including stress, children, and overall health can also affect a person’s desire for sex. Sexual couples that want to increase their frequency should focus on communicating their needs and working together.
When deciding how important sex is in a relationship, having sex more often (or at least a minimum of once a week) provides multiple benefits for a loving and supportive relationship. That being said, growing intimacy is still possible if you are unable to have sex.
If you arenot having sexregularly, ask yourself why. Sometimesseeing a sex therapistmay be the best way to work through your relationship and personal issues.Sex therapybenefits individuals and couples alike.
Frequently Asked QuestionsSex can play a role in increasing intimacy between romantic partners, and regular sex is linked to lower divorce rates among married couples. It can also offer benefits for physical and psychological health including lowering stress, improving sleep, and boosting immune function. Sex in relationships may also boost happiness levels and help couples bond.While frequency varies based on a variety of factors including age and marital status, research suggests that couples have sex an average of once per week.Having sex is connected to a range of positive health effects including increased energy, better mood, lower stress, lower anxiety, decreased prostate cancer risk, lower blood pressure, and a lower risk of heart disease.The importance of sex depends on the individual and the couple. Not everyone needs sex to feel close to their partner or to feel happy in their relationship—but some do. Talk to your partner about your desires and find ways to stay emotionally and physically connected, whether that involves sex or other forms of non-sexual intimacy.
Sex can play a role in increasing intimacy between romantic partners, and regular sex is linked to lower divorce rates among married couples. It can also offer benefits for physical and psychological health including lowering stress, improving sleep, and boosting immune function. Sex in relationships may also boost happiness levels and help couples bond.
While frequency varies based on a variety of factors including age and marital status, research suggests that couples have sex an average of once per week.
Having sex is connected to a range of positive health effects including increased energy, better mood, lower stress, lower anxiety, decreased prostate cancer risk, lower blood pressure, and a lower risk of heart disease.
The importance of sex depends on the individual and the couple. Not everyone needs sex to feel close to their partner or to feel happy in their relationship—but some do. Talk to your partner about your desires and find ways to stay emotionally and physically connected, whether that involves sex or other forms of non-sexual intimacy.
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18 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Liu H, Waite L, Shen S, Wang D.Is sex good for your health? A national study on partnered sexuality and cardiovascular risk among older men and women.J Health Soc Behav.2016;57(3):276–296. doi:10.1177/0022146516661597Smith A, Lyons A, Ferris J, et al.Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: the importance of desired frequency of sex.J Sex Marital Ther.2011;37(2):104-15. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2011.560531Magon N, Kalra S.The orgasmic history of oxytocin: Love, lust, and labor.Indian J Endocrinol Metab. 2011;15 Suppl 3:S156-61. doi:10.4103/2230-8210.84851Cheng Z, Smyth R.Sex and happiness.J Econ Behav Org. 2015;112:26-32. doi:10.1016/j.jebo.2014.12.030Dfarhud D, Malmir M, Khanahmadi M.Happiness & health: the biological factors- systematic review article.Iran J Public Health.2014;43(11):1468-77Lastella M, O’Mullan C, Paterson JL, Reynolds AC.Sex and sleep: Perceptions of sex as a sleep promoting behavior in the general adult population.Front Public Health.2019;7:33. doi:10.3389/fpubh.2019.00033Levine G, Steinke F, Bakaeen G, et al.Sex and cardiovascular disease: A scientific statement from the American Heart Association.Circulation. 2012. 125(8):1058-1072. doi:10.1161/cir.0b013e3182447787Allen S.Sexual activity and cognitive decline in older adults.Arch Sex Behav. 2018. 47(6):1711-1719. doi:10.1007/s10508-018-1193-8Lorenz TK, Heiman JR, Demas GE.Interactions among sexual activity, menstrual cycle phase, and immune function in healthy women.J Sex Res.2018;55(9):1087-1095. doi:10.1080/00224499.2017.1394961Frappier J, Toupin I, Levy JJ, Aubertin-Leheudre M, Karelis AD.Energy expenditure during sexual activity in young healthy couples.PLoS ONE.2013;8(10):e79342. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0079342Brody S.Blood pressure reactivity to stress is better for people who recently had penile-vaginal intercourse than for people who had other or no sexual activity.Biol Psychol. 2006;71(2):214-22. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2005.03.005U.S. National Library of Medicine.DHEA.Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett E.Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better.Soc Psychol Pers Sci. 2015. 7(4):255-302. doi:10.1177/1948550615616462Twenge JM, Sherman RA, Wells BE.Declines in sexual frequency among American adults, 1989-2014.Arch Sex Behav.2017;46(8):2389-2401. doi:10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1Brawley OW.Trends in prostate cancer in the United States.J Natl Cancer Inst Monographs.2012;2012(45):152-6. doi:10.1093/jncimonographs/lgs035Dahabreh I, Paulus J.Association of episodic physical and sexual activity with triggering of acute cardiac events.JAMA. 2011. 305(12):1225-1233. doi:10.1001/jama.2011.336Divorce busting: Michele Weiner-Davis.About Michele.Mota RL.Female urinary incontinence and sexuality.Int Braz J Urol.2017;43(1):20–8. doi:10.1590/S1677-5538.IBJU.2016.0102
18 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Liu H, Waite L, Shen S, Wang D.Is sex good for your health? A national study on partnered sexuality and cardiovascular risk among older men and women.J Health Soc Behav.2016;57(3):276–296. doi:10.1177/0022146516661597Smith A, Lyons A, Ferris J, et al.Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: the importance of desired frequency of sex.J Sex Marital Ther.2011;37(2):104-15. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2011.560531Magon N, Kalra S.The orgasmic history of oxytocin: Love, lust, and labor.Indian J Endocrinol Metab. 2011;15 Suppl 3:S156-61. doi:10.4103/2230-8210.84851Cheng Z, Smyth R.Sex and happiness.J Econ Behav Org. 2015;112:26-32. doi:10.1016/j.jebo.2014.12.030Dfarhud D, Malmir M, Khanahmadi M.Happiness & health: the biological factors- systematic review article.Iran J Public Health.2014;43(11):1468-77Lastella M, O’Mullan C, Paterson JL, Reynolds AC.Sex and sleep: Perceptions of sex as a sleep promoting behavior in the general adult population.Front Public Health.2019;7:33. doi:10.3389/fpubh.2019.00033Levine G, Steinke F, Bakaeen G, et al.Sex and cardiovascular disease: A scientific statement from the American Heart Association.Circulation. 2012. 125(8):1058-1072. doi:10.1161/cir.0b013e3182447787Allen S.Sexual activity and cognitive decline in older adults.Arch Sex Behav. 2018. 47(6):1711-1719. doi:10.1007/s10508-018-1193-8Lorenz TK, Heiman JR, Demas GE.Interactions among sexual activity, menstrual cycle phase, and immune function in healthy women.J Sex Res.2018;55(9):1087-1095. doi:10.1080/00224499.2017.1394961Frappier J, Toupin I, Levy JJ, Aubertin-Leheudre M, Karelis AD.Energy expenditure during sexual activity in young healthy couples.PLoS ONE.2013;8(10):e79342. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0079342Brody S.Blood pressure reactivity to stress is better for people who recently had penile-vaginal intercourse than for people who had other or no sexual activity.Biol Psychol. 2006;71(2):214-22. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2005.03.005U.S. National Library of Medicine.DHEA.Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett E.Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better.Soc Psychol Pers Sci. 2015. 7(4):255-302. doi:10.1177/1948550615616462Twenge JM, Sherman RA, Wells BE.Declines in sexual frequency among American adults, 1989-2014.Arch Sex Behav.2017;46(8):2389-2401. doi:10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1Brawley OW.Trends in prostate cancer in the United States.J Natl Cancer Inst Monographs.2012;2012(45):152-6. doi:10.1093/jncimonographs/lgs035Dahabreh I, Paulus J.Association of episodic physical and sexual activity with triggering of acute cardiac events.JAMA. 2011. 305(12):1225-1233. doi:10.1001/jama.2011.336Divorce busting: Michele Weiner-Davis.About Michele.Mota RL.Female urinary incontinence and sexuality.Int Braz J Urol.2017;43(1):20–8. doi:10.1590/S1677-5538.IBJU.2016.0102
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Liu H, Waite L, Shen S, Wang D.Is sex good for your health? A national study on partnered sexuality and cardiovascular risk among older men and women.J Health Soc Behav.2016;57(3):276–296. doi:10.1177/0022146516661597Smith A, Lyons A, Ferris J, et al.Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: the importance of desired frequency of sex.J Sex Marital Ther.2011;37(2):104-15. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2011.560531Magon N, Kalra S.The orgasmic history of oxytocin: Love, lust, and labor.Indian J Endocrinol Metab. 2011;15 Suppl 3:S156-61. doi:10.4103/2230-8210.84851Cheng Z, Smyth R.Sex and happiness.J Econ Behav Org. 2015;112:26-32. doi:10.1016/j.jebo.2014.12.030Dfarhud D, Malmir M, Khanahmadi M.Happiness & health: the biological factors- systematic review article.Iran J Public Health.2014;43(11):1468-77Lastella M, O’Mullan C, Paterson JL, Reynolds AC.Sex and sleep: Perceptions of sex as a sleep promoting behavior in the general adult population.Front Public Health.2019;7:33. doi:10.3389/fpubh.2019.00033Levine G, Steinke F, Bakaeen G, et al.Sex and cardiovascular disease: A scientific statement from the American Heart Association.Circulation. 2012. 125(8):1058-1072. doi:10.1161/cir.0b013e3182447787Allen S.Sexual activity and cognitive decline in older adults.Arch Sex Behav. 2018. 47(6):1711-1719. doi:10.1007/s10508-018-1193-8Lorenz TK, Heiman JR, Demas GE.Interactions among sexual activity, menstrual cycle phase, and immune function in healthy women.J Sex Res.2018;55(9):1087-1095. doi:10.1080/00224499.2017.1394961Frappier J, Toupin I, Levy JJ, Aubertin-Leheudre M, Karelis AD.Energy expenditure during sexual activity in young healthy couples.PLoS ONE.2013;8(10):e79342. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0079342Brody S.Blood pressure reactivity to stress is better for people who recently had penile-vaginal intercourse than for people who had other or no sexual activity.Biol Psychol. 2006;71(2):214-22. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2005.03.005U.S. National Library of Medicine.DHEA.Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett E.Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better.Soc Psychol Pers Sci. 2015. 7(4):255-302. doi:10.1177/1948550615616462Twenge JM, Sherman RA, Wells BE.Declines in sexual frequency among American adults, 1989-2014.Arch Sex Behav.2017;46(8):2389-2401. doi:10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1Brawley OW.Trends in prostate cancer in the United States.J Natl Cancer Inst Monographs.2012;2012(45):152-6. doi:10.1093/jncimonographs/lgs035Dahabreh I, Paulus J.Association of episodic physical and sexual activity with triggering of acute cardiac events.JAMA. 2011. 305(12):1225-1233. doi:10.1001/jama.2011.336Divorce busting: Michele Weiner-Davis.About Michele.Mota RL.Female urinary incontinence and sexuality.Int Braz J Urol.2017;43(1):20–8. doi:10.1590/S1677-5538.IBJU.2016.0102
Liu H, Waite L, Shen S, Wang D.Is sex good for your health? A national study on partnered sexuality and cardiovascular risk among older men and women.J Health Soc Behav.2016;57(3):276–296. doi:10.1177/0022146516661597
Smith A, Lyons A, Ferris J, et al.Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: the importance of desired frequency of sex.J Sex Marital Ther.2011;37(2):104-15. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2011.560531
Magon N, Kalra S.The orgasmic history of oxytocin: Love, lust, and labor.Indian J Endocrinol Metab. 2011;15 Suppl 3:S156-61. doi:10.4103/2230-8210.84851
Cheng Z, Smyth R.Sex and happiness.J Econ Behav Org. 2015;112:26-32. doi:10.1016/j.jebo.2014.12.030
Dfarhud D, Malmir M, Khanahmadi M.Happiness & health: the biological factors- systematic review article.Iran J Public Health.2014;43(11):1468-77
Lastella M, O’Mullan C, Paterson JL, Reynolds AC.Sex and sleep: Perceptions of sex as a sleep promoting behavior in the general adult population.Front Public Health.2019;7:33. doi:10.3389/fpubh.2019.00033
Levine G, Steinke F, Bakaeen G, et al.Sex and cardiovascular disease: A scientific statement from the American Heart Association.Circulation. 2012. 125(8):1058-1072. doi:10.1161/cir.0b013e3182447787
Allen S.Sexual activity and cognitive decline in older adults.Arch Sex Behav. 2018. 47(6):1711-1719. doi:10.1007/s10508-018-1193-8
Lorenz TK, Heiman JR, Demas GE.Interactions among sexual activity, menstrual cycle phase, and immune function in healthy women.J Sex Res.2018;55(9):1087-1095. doi:10.1080/00224499.2017.1394961
Frappier J, Toupin I, Levy JJ, Aubertin-Leheudre M, Karelis AD.Energy expenditure during sexual activity in young healthy couples.PLoS ONE.2013;8(10):e79342. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0079342
Brody S.Blood pressure reactivity to stress is better for people who recently had penile-vaginal intercourse than for people who had other or no sexual activity.Biol Psychol. 2006;71(2):214-22. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2005.03.005
U.S. National Library of Medicine.DHEA.
Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett E.Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better.Soc Psychol Pers Sci. 2015. 7(4):255-302. doi:10.1177/1948550615616462
Twenge JM, Sherman RA, Wells BE.Declines in sexual frequency among American adults, 1989-2014.Arch Sex Behav.2017;46(8):2389-2401. doi:10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1
Brawley OW.Trends in prostate cancer in the United States.J Natl Cancer Inst Monographs.2012;2012(45):152-6. doi:10.1093/jncimonographs/lgs035
Dahabreh I, Paulus J.Association of episodic physical and sexual activity with triggering of acute cardiac events.JAMA. 2011. 305(12):1225-1233. doi:10.1001/jama.2011.336
Divorce busting: Michele Weiner-Davis.About Michele.
Mota RL.Female urinary incontinence and sexuality.Int Braz J Urol.2017;43(1):20–8. doi:10.1590/S1677-5538.IBJU.2016.0102
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