How I Broke the "I Feel Ugly" Negative Self-Talk Cycle

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsFeeling Ugly Is Common—Too Common, ActuallyWhy Do You Feel Ugly? (FYI: It’s Not You, It’s the World)How Feeling Ugly Affects Your Mental HealthCoping Strategies to Stop Feeling Ugly

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Feeling Ugly Is Common—Too Common, Actually

Why Do You Feel Ugly? (FYI: It’s Not You, It’s the World)

How Feeling Ugly Affects Your Mental Health

Coping Strategies to Stop Feeling Ugly

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If I ate very little and exercised a lot, I would have thin arms, flat abs, and a thigh gap. To be skinny was to be pretty and if I wasn’t skinny, then, well, I wasn’t beautiful.

Many of us havefelt uglyonce in our lives. Cringed in the mirror, fixated on perceived flaws, or wished for a smaller waistline, narrower nose, or taller stature. But why do we feel this way—and how can we stop it?

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, why do so many of us struggle to feel confident, beautiful, and desirable in our own skin? After all, body issues are one of the current largest mental health concerns. It’s especially common in high-income English-speaking countries like the United States, where European beauty standards (light skin, thin noses, and tall, slender bodies) are considered ideal. A poor body image leads to higher rates of eating disorders and other mental health issues like psychosocial functioning, depression, and postpartum depression.

But feeling ugly isn’t solely a Western concept. A cross-sectional study looking at body image issues among Indian college girls in Coimbatore found that 77.6% of students experienced body image dissatisfaction that stemmed from sociocultural pressure to be thin. The students engaged in risky weight loss behaviors like skipping meals and eating smaller portions to change their physical appearance and improve their body shape.

Why Do You Feel Ugly? (FYI: It’s Not You, It’s the World)

It took me decades of yoyo dieting and extreme workouts to realize that slimness doesn’t equate to beauty. For so long, my self-worth was tied to my body image—a belief that began in childhood.

So much of our self-worth gets defined during adolescence, says registered dieticianMegan Hilbert, MS. When peers or family members negatively comment about our appearance, we internalize these messages. And this begins as early as three to four years old.

How Feeling Ugly Affects Your Mental Health

My mental health deteriorated when I started high school. I desperately wanted to lose weight and fit into a size zero, so I skipped lunch and ate little at dinner. Around 8:00 p.m., I’d become ravenous and scarf down multiple pieces of bread only to purge afterward. This cycle continued in secret until ninth grade.

Many people suffering from negative body image engage in similar behaviors to mine, says Hilbert. A negative perception of yourself can make you feel intense shame or unhappiness. It can create mental health conditions like depression and anxiety along with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) andeating disorderssuch as anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder, and avoidant restrictive food intake disorder.

“Other mental health concerns like body dysmorphia and body dysmorphic disorder can stem from negative body image,” says Hilbert. “The fixation to obsesses over appearance and perceived flaws can cause their mental health to suffer greatly.”

Cruz adds that negative self-perception, especially related to body image, can contribute to social isolation. Fears of judgment and rejection can prompt you to withdraw or avoid social interactions, which only worsens feelings of loneliness. Not to mention, poor body image can lead to obsessive-compulsive behaviors like excessive grooming, checking mirrors, or seeking cosmetic procedures.

The Connection Between Body Image and Eating Disorders

Coping Strategies to Stop Feeling Ugly

Learning to love and accept yourself and your physical body can be a long and challenging journey, but one you can start now. Here’s how.

Surround Yourself With Positivity

Cruz says building self-confidence and fostering a positive body image is a great start. Challenge and replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations about your body and self-worth. Gently consider what may be at the root of these thoughts and heal them from the source. Hang out with supportive friends and family who appreciate you for who you are and avoid negative influences that promote unrealistic body standards.cough social media cough

Be Mindful of Your Media Consumption

The Internet is an unkind place that can affect your self-perception. Hilbert says thatsocial mediais designed to focus heavily on appearance and constantly uses filtered images to distort how “normal” people look. It emphasizes physical features and promotes the idea that self-worth is linked to attractiveness.

But remember, social media is not—and has never been—real. But rather full of filtered and highly edited images that don’t reflect the majority of people’s looks. Limiting your social media use can improve your body image and self-esteem, plus encourage positive thoughts on your feelings about your weight and appearance.

“Understanding the pervasive nature of these standards can help you reject them,” says Cruz.

Mindfully curating the content you consume can also be helpful. Seek out and follow accounts that champion body positivity, diverse expressions of beauty, and self-love.

Focus on What Your Body Can Do

Hilbert says that instead of focusing on what your body looks like, learn to appreciate what it can do.

Women especially are taught to view themselves through the lens of others. When we can get a first-person view of ourselves and focus on how our body carries us through the world and allows us to experience all kinds of amazing things, it puts less pressure on our body to be viewed as something that is primarily decorative.—MEGAN HILBERT, MS, RDN

Women especially are taught to view themselves through the lens of others. When we can get a first-person view of ourselves and focus on how our body carries us through the world and allows us to experience all kinds of amazing things, it puts less pressure on our body to be viewed as something that is primarily decorative.

—MEGAN HILBERT, MS, RDN

Cruz recommends finding a form of exercise you enjoy. Running. Swimming. Dancing. Hiking, Gentle wakings. Paddleboarding. Pickleball. Maybe even yoga, hmm? Really, choose any physical activity that boosts mood and helps you appreciate your body for its strength and capabilities rather than just its appearance.

Practice Self-Care

You can never go wrong with self-care—it’s the guaranteed way to improve mental health and boost self-esteem. Do things that make you feel good like relaxing in a bath, reading, or pursuing hobbies. Choose clothing you feel comfortable and confident in, rather than what’s trendy or what you think you “should” wear.

“Engage inmindfulness practicesto become more aware of your body’s capabilities and express gratitude for what your body can do,” Cruz says.

Seek Professional Help

Learning to love myself and healing my relationship with my body is an ongoing journey. I’ve had to decondition myself from toxic beliefs, practice self-compassion, assess social relationships, adopt balanced eating habits, and redefine my self-worth. I am more than a body. As a mother of two wonderful children, I strive to be a strong and healthy role model for them. Do I have days where I feel ugly? Sadly, yes; however, those are few and far in between.

Body image issues won’t be solved overnight—and while self-care routines and limited social media use can make you feel better, sometimes it’s not enough. A multifaced approach (like cognitive-behavior therapy), support groups, or medication may be needed to improve your self-perception and overall mental health, says Cruz.

If negative body image and low self-confidence are significantly disrupting your life, it’s important to reach out to a mental health professional who specializes in body image issues. (Luckily, we have a list of the best resources for anyone struggling with eating disorders and body dysmorphia down below).

“On a societal level, it’s important to push back on body objectification and making negative remarks about others’ appearances,” says Hilbert. “As much as we can preach resilience, getting to the root cause of body image dissatisfaction often starts with how we treat and talk to others about their body.”

The Best Online Therapy and Support Services for Eating Disorders

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rodgers, R. F., Laveway, K., Campos, P., & Carvalho, P. H. B. de. (2023).Body image as a global mental health concern.Cambridge Prisms: Global Mental Health,10, e9. https://doi.org/10.1017/gmh.2023.2Ganesan, S., Ravishankar, S. L., & Ramalingam, S. (2018).Are body image issues affecting our adolescents? A cross-sectional study among college going adolescent girls.Indian Journal of Community Medicine : Official Publication of Indian Association of Preventive & Social Medicine,43(Suppl 1), S42–S46. https://doi.org/10.4103/ijcm.IJCM_62_18Thai, H., Davis, C. G., Mahboob, W., Perry, S., Adams, A., & Goldfield, G. S. (2024).Reducing social media use improves appearance and weight esteem in youth with emotional distress.Psychology of Popular Media,13(1), 162–169. https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000460

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rodgers, R. F., Laveway, K., Campos, P., & Carvalho, P. H. B. de. (2023).Body image as a global mental health concern.Cambridge Prisms: Global Mental Health,10, e9. https://doi.org/10.1017/gmh.2023.2Ganesan, S., Ravishankar, S. L., & Ramalingam, S. (2018).Are body image issues affecting our adolescents? A cross-sectional study among college going adolescent girls.Indian Journal of Community Medicine : Official Publication of Indian Association of Preventive & Social Medicine,43(Suppl 1), S42–S46. https://doi.org/10.4103/ijcm.IJCM_62_18Thai, H., Davis, C. G., Mahboob, W., Perry, S., Adams, A., & Goldfield, G. S. (2024).Reducing social media use improves appearance and weight esteem in youth with emotional distress.Psychology of Popular Media,13(1), 162–169. https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000460

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Rodgers, R. F., Laveway, K., Campos, P., & Carvalho, P. H. B. de. (2023).Body image as a global mental health concern.Cambridge Prisms: Global Mental Health,10, e9. https://doi.org/10.1017/gmh.2023.2Ganesan, S., Ravishankar, S. L., & Ramalingam, S. (2018).Are body image issues affecting our adolescents? A cross-sectional study among college going adolescent girls.Indian Journal of Community Medicine : Official Publication of Indian Association of Preventive & Social Medicine,43(Suppl 1), S42–S46. https://doi.org/10.4103/ijcm.IJCM_62_18Thai, H., Davis, C. G., Mahboob, W., Perry, S., Adams, A., & Goldfield, G. S. (2024).Reducing social media use improves appearance and weight esteem in youth with emotional distress.Psychology of Popular Media,13(1), 162–169. https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000460

Rodgers, R. F., Laveway, K., Campos, P., & Carvalho, P. H. B. de. (2023).Body image as a global mental health concern.Cambridge Prisms: Global Mental Health,10, e9. https://doi.org/10.1017/gmh.2023.2

Ganesan, S., Ravishankar, S. L., & Ramalingam, S. (2018).Are body image issues affecting our adolescents? A cross-sectional study among college going adolescent girls.Indian Journal of Community Medicine : Official Publication of Indian Association of Preventive & Social Medicine,43(Suppl 1), S42–S46. https://doi.org/10.4103/ijcm.IJCM_62_18

Thai, H., Davis, C. G., Mahboob, W., Perry, S., Adams, A., & Goldfield, G. S. (2024).Reducing social media use improves appearance and weight esteem in youth with emotional distress.Psychology of Popular Media,13(1), 162–169. https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000460

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