How Growing Up in a Big Family Shapes Your Development

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCharacteristics of Children in Big FamiliesImpact of Big Families on Personality DevelopmentPractical Strategies for Raising Children in Big FamiliesCoping Strategies for Children Who Grew up in Big FamiliesTakeaways

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

Characteristics of Children in Big Families

Impact of Big Families on Personality Development

Practical Strategies for Raising Children in Big Families

Coping Strategies for Children Who Grew up in Big Families

Takeaways

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Picture this: a bustling household where there’s never a dull moment, where we have to fight our siblings for the bathroom, the window seat, or the last bite of cake, and where family dinners are loud and chaotic affairs. If you grew up in a big family, you probably have countless stories of shared adventures,sibling rivalries, and inside jokes.

But beyond the noise and the chaos, the complex dynamics of a large family also have a significant impact on our growth and development. “Growing up in a big family impacts our development because the immediate family serves as the first and primary group we are part of. Our role in the group and the rules of how it operates frame how we interact with all future groups we encounter,” saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist.

From shaping personality traits to influencing social skills, the dynamics of a large family can leave a lasting mark. Let’s explore the unique benefits and challenges that come with growing up in a large family.

At a GlanceLife in a large family tends to be a formative experience. Children learn to share, collaborate, and compete, building essential life skills.However, challenges like neglect and limited parental attention exist. Effective parenting strategies, such as open communication, one-on-one time, family traditions and activities, and consistent rules and routines can help mitigate these challenges.

At a Glance

Life in a large family tends to be a formative experience. Children learn to share, collaborate, and compete, building essential life skills.However, challenges like neglect and limited parental attention exist. Effective parenting strategies, such as open communication, one-on-one time, family traditions and activities, and consistent rules and routines can help mitigate these challenges.

Life in a large family tends to be a formative experience. Children learn to share, collaborate, and compete, building essential life skills.

However, challenges like neglect and limited parental attention exist. Effective parenting strategies, such as open communication, one-on-one time, family traditions and activities, and consistent rules and routines can help mitigate these challenges.

While every child’s nature is different, these are some characteristics that may be more common among children in big families:

More family members can mean less direct access to parents but it can also mean learning to grow and work with other family members. Reduced parental guidance can teach children independence, patience, leadership, and collaboration.—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

More family members can mean less direct access to parents but it can also mean learning to grow and work with other family members. Reduced parental guidance can teach children independence, patience, leadership, and collaboration.

—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

What Makes a Family Dysfunctional?

We tapped the experts to understand how growing up in a big family might affect mental health and personality development.

The experience of growing up in a big family can vary widely and depend on factors such as the emotional capability of parents, the presence and involvement of grandparents or other relatives, the age gap between siblings, and the availability of help/support, says Dr. Romanoff.

It really comes down to how well children are able to form asecure identitythat is bonded to the safety of a solid parental foundation, says de Llano. “If that is provided for, children can form a strong sense of self and find support and closeness with others.”

However, de Llano adds that if children lack parental security while growing up and get lost in the numbers, it may shake the foundation of trust and bonding that is required to form a strong sense of self.

If children lack parental security while growing up and get lost in the numbers, it may shake the foundation of trust and bonding that is required to form a strong sense of self.—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

If children lack parental security while growing up and get lost in the numbers, it may shake the foundation of trust and bonding that is required to form a strong sense of self.

The problem is often that “parents have finite resources. In a big family, it can feel like there is not enough money, food, attention, or emotional support to go around for each child,” says Dr. Romanoff.

In fact, research shows us that family size is often inversely proportional to the amount of resources parents invest in each child, which can have a negative effect on the child’s education, growth, and development.

Parents have finite resources. In a big family, it can often feel like there is not enough money, food, attention, or emotional support to go around for each child.—SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYD

Parents have finite resources. In a big family, it can often feel like there is not enough money, food, attention, or emotional support to go around for each child.

—SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYD

One of the most common negative impacts of growing up in a big family isneglect, as it is extremely difficult for all family members’ needs to be met all of the time, says Dr. Romanoff. “Children often grow up believing they were not worthy of getting their needs met, instead of recognizing their parents did not have the capacity to fully meet them.”

Raising kids in a big family can be both rewarding and challenging. These are some practical strategies that can help you manage and nurture a large household:

A large family can be a nurturing environment where the influence of parents, other caregivers, and siblings can offer a major support network, provided that the boundaries are flexible enough to allow each person to become who they truly are and lead the lives they want to lead, says de Llano.

The Importance of Family Love

If you grew up among the chaos of a large family, these are some coping strategies that might be helpful:

How to Have Healthy Family Relationships With Less Stress

A large family can be loving, fun, noisy, chaotic, and difficult, all at the same. Chances are, you’ll pick up some important life skills and learn to navigate different types of relationships from a very young age. However, there may be times when you feel neglected, overlooked, or slighted.

Setting boundaries with loved ones, prioritizing your needs, and practicingself-carecan help you cope. However, if you’re struggling, it may be helpful to see a therapist or counselor. They can help you understand how the family dynamics you grew up with are affecting your present life and teach you how to form healthier habits and relationships.

How to Deal With Difficult Family Members

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Blaabæk EH, Jæger MM, Molitoris J.Family size and educational attainment: cousins, contexts, and compensation.Eur J Popul. 2019 Nov 28;36(3):575-600. doi:10.1007/s10680-019-09543-yYan Y, Zhang J, Dong S.Influence of childhood family routines on adult depression: a cross sectional study.Front Psychol. 2021 Jul 5;12:654433. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.654433White EM, DeBoer MD, Scharf RJ.Associations between household chores and childhood self-competency.J Dev Behav Pediatr. 2019 Apr;40(3):176-182. doi:10.1097/DBP.0000000000000637Elias A, Brown AD.The role of intergenerational family stories in mental health and well-being.Front Psychol. 2022 Sep 27;13:927795. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.927795Dalal M, Cazorla-Lancaster Y, Chu CG, Agarwal N.Healthy from the start—lifestyle interventions in early childhood.Am J Lifestyle Med. 2022 May 24;16(5):562-569. doi:10.1177/15598276221087672

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Blaabæk EH, Jæger MM, Molitoris J.Family size and educational attainment: cousins, contexts, and compensation.Eur J Popul. 2019 Nov 28;36(3):575-600. doi:10.1007/s10680-019-09543-yYan Y, Zhang J, Dong S.Influence of childhood family routines on adult depression: a cross sectional study.Front Psychol. 2021 Jul 5;12:654433. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.654433White EM, DeBoer MD, Scharf RJ.Associations between household chores and childhood self-competency.J Dev Behav Pediatr. 2019 Apr;40(3):176-182. doi:10.1097/DBP.0000000000000637Elias A, Brown AD.The role of intergenerational family stories in mental health and well-being.Front Psychol. 2022 Sep 27;13:927795. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.927795Dalal M, Cazorla-Lancaster Y, Chu CG, Agarwal N.Healthy from the start—lifestyle interventions in early childhood.Am J Lifestyle Med. 2022 May 24;16(5):562-569. doi:10.1177/15598276221087672

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Blaabæk EH, Jæger MM, Molitoris J.Family size and educational attainment: cousins, contexts, and compensation.Eur J Popul. 2019 Nov 28;36(3):575-600. doi:10.1007/s10680-019-09543-yYan Y, Zhang J, Dong S.Influence of childhood family routines on adult depression: a cross sectional study.Front Psychol. 2021 Jul 5;12:654433. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.654433White EM, DeBoer MD, Scharf RJ.Associations between household chores and childhood self-competency.J Dev Behav Pediatr. 2019 Apr;40(3):176-182. doi:10.1097/DBP.0000000000000637Elias A, Brown AD.The role of intergenerational family stories in mental health and well-being.Front Psychol. 2022 Sep 27;13:927795. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.927795Dalal M, Cazorla-Lancaster Y, Chu CG, Agarwal N.Healthy from the start—lifestyle interventions in early childhood.Am J Lifestyle Med. 2022 May 24;16(5):562-569. doi:10.1177/15598276221087672

Blaabæk EH, Jæger MM, Molitoris J.Family size and educational attainment: cousins, contexts, and compensation.Eur J Popul. 2019 Nov 28;36(3):575-600. doi:10.1007/s10680-019-09543-y

Yan Y, Zhang J, Dong S.Influence of childhood family routines on adult depression: a cross sectional study.Front Psychol. 2021 Jul 5;12:654433. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.654433

White EM, DeBoer MD, Scharf RJ.Associations between household chores and childhood self-competency.J Dev Behav Pediatr. 2019 Apr;40(3):176-182. doi:10.1097/DBP.0000000000000637

Elias A, Brown AD.The role of intergenerational family stories in mental health and well-being.Front Psychol. 2022 Sep 27;13:927795. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.927795

Dalal M, Cazorla-Lancaster Y, Chu CG, Agarwal N.Healthy from the start—lifestyle interventions in early childhood.Am J Lifestyle Med. 2022 May 24;16(5):562-569. doi:10.1177/15598276221087672

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