How Do You Know if It’s Love or Just Infatuation?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Are the Differences Between Infatuation and Love?What Are the Signs of Infatuation vs. Love?Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?How to Stay Infatuated With Your Partner—In a Healthy Way

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Are the Differences Between Infatuation and Love?

What Are the Signs of Infatuation vs. Love?

Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?

How to Stay Infatuated With Your Partner—In a Healthy Way

The feelings we experience from a new relationship can be confusing. We might toss and turn in bed at night as they take up space in our minds, rent-free. We feel sick to our stomachs every time we’re on our way to see them. Their kisses send us swooning. But is it love or just infatuation?

If you don’t know the person well, yet you think they’re perfect and have intense feelings for them already, you’re likely infatuated. But if you’re committed to someone on a deeper level, you’re comfortable together and there is mutual intimacy, trust, and respect, you may be in love.

What Are the Differences Between Infatuation and Love?

So, how do you know if it’sreal love or short-lived passion? There are a number of clues. You can’t fully be in both states at the same time, although it is possible to experience both in the same relationship.

But when you’re in love, you are seeing life through a different lens. There’s a calm knowing and a bond. You’ve gotten to know the good and the bad about your partner, and your partner knows the genuine you.

Healthy relationshipsconsist of couples who have open communication, honesty, respect, affection and devotion to their partners, which is what you have when you’re in love. If you’ve cultivated a healthy attachment, then you’re truly in the love state.

Interestingly, those in love often also have a wonderful friendship. Scientific researchon the value of friendship within romantic relationships found that partners who specifically valued their friendship were moreaffectionate, committed, and supportive of their significant others than those who didn’t consider themselves friends.

Study results revealed that valuing this friendship component of a relationship is a strong positive predictor of love, sexual gratification, and romantic commitment.

Am I in Love? Take the Quiz

If you want to distinguish between both emotional states, here’s a good place to start. These are signs that you’reinfatuatedwith someone:

You’ll notice that each of the following indications for love are the opposite of those listed above for infatuation. See this list below to determine common signs oflove:

InfatuationSuperficialYou view your partner as perfectYou see your partner’s best sideYou feel insecureYou feel excited and obsessedYou have high-flying feelingsYou idealize/fantasizeYou don’t know if the relationship is temporaryLoveDeepYou view your partner as humanYou see your partner as a whole personYou feel secureYou feel safe and supportedYou have peaceful, content feelingsYou are realisticYou commit to making the relationship last

Superficial

You view your partner as perfect

You see your partner’s best side

You feel insecure

You feel excited and obsessed

You have high-flying feelings

You idealize/fantasize

You don’t know if the relationship is temporary

LoveDeepYou view your partner as humanYou see your partner as a whole personYou feel secureYou feel safe and supportedYou have peaceful, content feelingsYou are realisticYou commit to making the relationship last

Deep

You view your partner as human

You see your partner as a whole person

You feel secure

You feel safe and supported

You have peaceful, content feelings

You are realistic

You commit to making the relationship last

What It Means to Be a Hopeless Romantic and 5 Signs You Are One

Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?

Infatuation can be the first stage of love. That doesn’t mean everyone, however, needs to experience theadrenalinerush of infatuationbefore progressing to love. If you are in the infatuation phase, however, rest assured that it can lead to a more stable and mature state later on.

The problem is that some people love to feel the passionate high of being infatuated. They become addicted to exciting beginnings and the infatuation stage. Let’s face it. When you don’t know a person yet, you’ve embarked on an exhilarating adventure. Love can become addictive in the same way that drugs are addictive. Love addiction, which isn’t really about true love, is a dysfunctional modality.

In researchthat included 300 participants who were in romantic relationships, scientists analyzed factors associated with love addiction, paying particular attention to adult attachment patterns and self-esteem. Participants completed an online survey including the Love Addiction Inventory-Short form, Relationship Questionnaire, andRosenberg Self-Esteem Scale.

If you want to move past infatuation into love, you have to be willing to slow down and go deeper. You’ll need to be open, to share vulnerabilities and weaknesses and let go of the fantasies. Once you get to know who your partner truly is and you let them know who you really are, you might find yourself falling in love.

How to Stay Infatuated With Your Partner—In a Healthy Way

In authentic love, you share your values, hopes, and dreams with your significant other. You can rely on one another during crises and cheer each other on during good times. You can be comfortable with each other and devoted to the relationship for the long haul.

That doesn’t mean you can’t stay infatuated with your partner, too. You can still spice your relationship up and keep it exciting. There are somesurprising ways to improve your relationshiplike going on adventurous dates and choosing to have novel experiences that will remind you of your days of infatuation.

Explorephysical and non-physical ways to increase sexual intimacy. Focus your time onsexual chemistry, role-playing and fantasy. You can also reminisce about your love story including how you first met and when you first felt attraction for your partner. Strolls down memory lane can remind you of your connection and reignite your passion.

When to Say “I Love You” for the First Time, According to the Experts

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.VanderDrift LE, Wilson JE, Agnew CR. On the benefits of valuing being friends for nonmarital romantic partners.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2013;30(1):115-131.Gori A, Russo S, Topino E.Love Addiction, Adult Attachment Patterns and Self-Esteem: Testing for Mediation Using Path Analysis.J Pers Med. 2023;13(2):247. Published 2023 Jan 29. doi:10.3390/jpm13020247

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.VanderDrift LE, Wilson JE, Agnew CR. On the benefits of valuing being friends for nonmarital romantic partners.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2013;30(1):115-131.Gori A, Russo S, Topino E.Love Addiction, Adult Attachment Patterns and Self-Esteem: Testing for Mediation Using Path Analysis.J Pers Med. 2023;13(2):247. Published 2023 Jan 29. doi:10.3390/jpm13020247

VanderDrift LE, Wilson JE, Agnew CR. On the benefits of valuing being friends for nonmarital romantic partners.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2013;30(1):115-131.Gori A, Russo S, Topino E.Love Addiction, Adult Attachment Patterns and Self-Esteem: Testing for Mediation Using Path Analysis.J Pers Med. 2023;13(2):247. Published 2023 Jan 29. doi:10.3390/jpm13020247

VanderDrift LE, Wilson JE, Agnew CR. On the benefits of valuing being friends for nonmarital romantic partners.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2013;30(1):115-131.

Gori A, Russo S, Topino E.Love Addiction, Adult Attachment Patterns and Self-Esteem: Testing for Mediation Using Path Analysis.J Pers Med. 2023;13(2):247. Published 2023 Jan 29. doi:10.3390/jpm13020247

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What Are the Differences Between Infatuation and Love?#

Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?#

How to Stay Infatuated With Your Partner—In a Healthy Way#

What Are the Differences Between Infatuation and Love?

Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?

How to Stay Infatuated With Your Partner—In a Healthy Way