How Compromise Helps Your Relationship, According to a Therapist

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is the True Meaning of Compromise?Why Compromise Is a Pillar of Healthy RelationshipsWhat Are Examples of a Compromise?Getting Comfortable With CompromiseWhen You Should (and Shouldn’t) Compromise

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is the True Meaning of Compromise?

Why Compromise Is a Pillar of Healthy Relationships

What Are Examples of a Compromise?

Getting Comfortable With Compromise

When You Should (and Shouldn’t) Compromise

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Compromise is an important skill in relationships. It can help you and your partner find the middle ground andresolve conflicts.

In this article, we explore the meaning of compromise in relationships, why it’s important, how to get more comfortable with it, and when you should and shouldn’t compromise.

When you’re in a relationship, chances are you and your partner will have differentvalues, preferences, or habits. For instance, you may have different views on things like where to go on vacation or what color to paint the kitchen. These differences can lead to conflict, with each party wanting different things and no easy answer. This is where compromise comes in.

“In a relationship, compromise is an invitation to collaborate with your partner while solving problems,” saysClaudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

It’s not fair for either one of you to get your way all the time, so compromise helps ensure that both partner’s views are heard and a mutually beneficial solution is worked out accordingly.

Compromise entails a mutualrespectand regard for each other’s feelings and needs, says de Llano. It requires both partners to cooperate with each other and make adjustments to accommodate each other.

Compromise is an important tool in relationships because it helps resolve conflicts. If you or your partner are unable to compromise and insist on things only being done your way, it can lead to repeatedconflict, which can erode the relationship over time.

A sign of a healthy relationship is not that you and your partner agree on everything but that you’re able to compromise and work out your differences in a mutually respectful manner.

Compromise teaches us that our own point of view or desires are only part of the equation in a relationship, says de Llano.

“When we compromise, we validate our partner’s feelings, needs, desires, and aspirations. We are showing them that we respect them, their needs matter, and that their point of view is valuable—even though it’s different from our own,” she says.

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These are some examples of compromise in a relationship:

These are just a few examples of compromise in relationships. In reality, compromise is applicable to just about every aspect of a relationship, including managing finances,raising children, planning vacations, participating in activities together, and supporting each other’s careers and goals.

If you and your partner are learning how to compromise with one another, these are some steps that can help you get more comfortable with it:

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It can sometimes be hard to judge when you should and shouldn’t compromise. These are some factors to keep in mind.

When You Should Compromise

You should compromise when:

When You Shouldn’t Compromise

On the other hand, you shouldn’t compromise when:

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Summary

It’s important to remember that compromise requires both partners to work together to find a shared definition of happiness. Sometimes, that means giving up something they would prefer individually in order to move forward together.

Compromise is not to be confused with sacrifice, which is either a solo act done for a partner’s happiness or a situation where one partner’s giving is disproportionate to the other’s. True compromise involves mutual respect and giving for the betterment of the partnership.

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2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hong W, Liu RD, Ding Y, et al.Self-esteem moderates the effect of compromising thinking on forgiveness among Chinese early adolescents.Front Psychol. 2020;11:104. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00104Debnam KJ, Howard DE, Garza MA.“If you don’t have honesty in a relationship, then there is no relationship”: African American girls' characterization of healthy dating relationships, a qualitative study.J Prim Prev. 2014;35(6):397-407. doi:10.1007/s10935-014-0362-3

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hong W, Liu RD, Ding Y, et al.Self-esteem moderates the effect of compromising thinking on forgiveness among Chinese early adolescents.Front Psychol. 2020;11:104. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00104Debnam KJ, Howard DE, Garza MA.“If you don’t have honesty in a relationship, then there is no relationship”: African American girls' characterization of healthy dating relationships, a qualitative study.J Prim Prev. 2014;35(6):397-407. doi:10.1007/s10935-014-0362-3

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Hong W, Liu RD, Ding Y, et al.Self-esteem moderates the effect of compromising thinking on forgiveness among Chinese early adolescents.Front Psychol. 2020;11:104. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00104Debnam KJ, Howard DE, Garza MA.“If you don’t have honesty in a relationship, then there is no relationship”: African American girls' characterization of healthy dating relationships, a qualitative study.J Prim Prev. 2014;35(6):397-407. doi:10.1007/s10935-014-0362-3

Hong W, Liu RD, Ding Y, et al.Self-esteem moderates the effect of compromising thinking on forgiveness among Chinese early adolescents.Front Psychol. 2020;11:104. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00104

Debnam KJ, Howard DE, Garza MA.“If you don’t have honesty in a relationship, then there is no relationship”: African American girls' characterization of healthy dating relationships, a qualitative study.J Prim Prev. 2014;35(6):397-407. doi:10.1007/s10935-014-0362-3

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