How Children Are Affected By Parents With Alcohol Use Disorder

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsUnclear Sense of NormalcyTrust IssuesSelf-JudgementInterpersonal EffectsBehavioral EffectsAlcohol UseInternal and External Behavior IssuesPoor Academic PerformanceHow to Cope

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Unclear Sense of Normalcy

Trust Issues

Self-Judgement

Interpersonal Effects

Behavioral Effects

Alcohol Use

Internal and External Behavior Issues

Poor Academic Performance

How to Cope

How To Help Someone With A Drinking Problem

Children whose parents use alcohol may not have had a good example to follow from their childhood, and may never have experienced traditional or harmonious family relationships.So adult children of parents with AUD may have to guess at what it means to be “normal.”

Because alcohol use is normalized in families with alcoholism, children can often struggle to distinguish between good role models and bad ones. As a result, many will end up feeling conflicted, confused, and self-conscious when they realize that drinking is not considered normal in other families.

After growing up in an atmosphere where denial, lying, and keeping secrets may have been the norm, adult children can developserious trust problems. Broken promises of the past tell them that trusting someone will backfire on them in the future.

As a result of trust issues or the lack of self-esteem, adult children of parents with AUD often struggle with romantic relationships or avoid getting close to others.

If a child’s parent was mean or abusive when they were drunk, adult children can grow up with afear of all angry people. They may spend their lives avoiding conflict or confrontation of any kind, worrying that it could turn violent.

Some adult children of parents with AUD take themselves very seriously, finding it extremely difficult to give themselves a break. If they had a tumultuous upbringing, they may have little self-worth and low self-esteem and can develop deep feelings of inadequacy.

Children of a parent with AUD may find themselves thinking they are different from other people and therefore not good enough. Consequently, they may avoid social situations, have difficulty making friends, and isolate themselves.

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Growing up with a parent who has an alcohol use disorder can change how an adult child interacts with others. It can cause problems in their relationships with friends, family members, and romantic partners.

In addition to judging themselves too harshly, some adult children of people with AUD constantly seek approval from others. They can become people-pleasers who are crushed if someone is not happy with them and live in fear of any kind of criticism.

Perhaps to avoid criticism or the anger of their parent with AUD, many children tend to become super-responsible or perfectionistic overachievers or workaholics. On the other hand, people often go in the opposite direction, mirroring the same bad behaviors they witnessed during childhood.

The adult child of an emotionally or physically unavailable parent can develop a debilitatingfear of abandonmentand hold on totoxic relationshipsbecause they fear being alone.

Although evidence is conflicting, some behavioral changes appear to occur in children, adolescents, and adults who had a parent with AUD. Although the roles of genetics and childhood experiences are intertwined, these children may be more susceptible to substance use and other issues.

Some studies have shown that children of parents with AUD are more likely to misuse alcohol themselves in adolescence or adulthood. They may begin drinking alcohol at a younger age than other people and progress quickly to a problematic level of consumption. When both parents have AUD, teens may be at still higher risk.

Children of parents who misuse alcohol are at higher risk for anxiety, depression, and unexplained physical symptoms (internalizing behaviors). They are also more likely to display rule-breaking, aggressiveness, and impulsivity (externalizing behaviors) in childhood.

In a study of more than 25,000 adults, those who had a parent with AUD remembered their childhoods as “difficult” and said they struggled with “bad memories” of their parent’s alcohol misuse. Some people experience this aspost-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD), like other people who had different traumatic childhood experiences.

How to Cope When Your Parent Misuses Alcohol

If you’re the child of a parent who has or had an alcohol use disorder or other substance use problems, seek outsupport, especially if you suspect it’s causing issues for you. Therapists and other mental health professionals with experience dealing with addiction can help.

If you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

Keep in Mind

Understanding Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and Its Impact on Mental Health

9 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Haugland SH, Carvalho B, Stea TH, Strandheim A, Vederhus JK.Associations between parental alcohol problems in childhood and adversities during childhood and later adulthood: A cross-sectional study of 28047 adults from the general population.Subst Abuse Treat Prev Policy. 2021;16(1):47. doi:10.1186/s13011-021-00384-9Eiden RD, Molnar DS, Colder C, Edwards EP, Leonard KE.A conceptual model predicting internalizing problems in middle childhood among children of alcoholic and nonalcoholic fathers: The role of marital aggression.J Stud Alcohol Drugs.2009;70(5):741-50. doi:10.15288/jsad.2009.70.741Park S, Schepp KG.A systematic review of research on children of alcoholics: Their inherent resilience and vulnerability.J Child Fam Stud.2015;24(5):1222-1231. doi:10.1007/s10826-014-9930-7UC Santa Cruz Counseling and Psychological Services.Adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA).Eiden RD, Godleski SA, Colder CR, Livingston JA, Leising MC, Leonard KE.Early childhood risk and protective factors predicting resilience against adolescent substance use.Adv Res Sci.2020;1(2):107-119. doi:10.1007/s42844-020-00007-5Wong MM, Brower KJ, Conroy DA, Lachance KA, Craun EA.Sleep characteristics and behavioral problems among children of alcoholics and controls.Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2018;42(3):603-612. doi:10.1111/acer.13585Berg L, Bäck K, Vinnerljung B, Hjern A.Parental alcohol‐related disorders and school performance in 16‐year‐olds—a Swedish national cohort study.Addiction. 2016;111(10):1795-1803. doi:10.1111/add.13454Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).Children living with parents who have a substance use disorder.American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.Alcohol use in families.Additional ReadingIp KI, Jester JM, Puttler LI, Zucker RA.Alcoholic family marital heterogeneity aggregates different child behavior problems both pre- and postseparation.Dev Psychopathol. 2019;31(02):771-788. doi:10.1017/S0954579418000561Lund IO, Moen Eilertsen E, Gjerde LC, et al.Maternal drinking and child emotional and behavior problems.Pediatrics. 2020;145(3):e20192007. doi:10.1542/peds.2019-2007

9 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Haugland SH, Carvalho B, Stea TH, Strandheim A, Vederhus JK.Associations between parental alcohol problems in childhood and adversities during childhood and later adulthood: A cross-sectional study of 28047 adults from the general population.Subst Abuse Treat Prev Policy. 2021;16(1):47. doi:10.1186/s13011-021-00384-9Eiden RD, Molnar DS, Colder C, Edwards EP, Leonard KE.A conceptual model predicting internalizing problems in middle childhood among children of alcoholic and nonalcoholic fathers: The role of marital aggression.J Stud Alcohol Drugs.2009;70(5):741-50. doi:10.15288/jsad.2009.70.741Park S, Schepp KG.A systematic review of research on children of alcoholics: Their inherent resilience and vulnerability.J Child Fam Stud.2015;24(5):1222-1231. doi:10.1007/s10826-014-9930-7UC Santa Cruz Counseling and Psychological Services.Adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA).Eiden RD, Godleski SA, Colder CR, Livingston JA, Leising MC, Leonard KE.Early childhood risk and protective factors predicting resilience against adolescent substance use.Adv Res Sci.2020;1(2):107-119. doi:10.1007/s42844-020-00007-5Wong MM, Brower KJ, Conroy DA, Lachance KA, Craun EA.Sleep characteristics and behavioral problems among children of alcoholics and controls.Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2018;42(3):603-612. doi:10.1111/acer.13585Berg L, Bäck K, Vinnerljung B, Hjern A.Parental alcohol‐related disorders and school performance in 16‐year‐olds—a Swedish national cohort study.Addiction. 2016;111(10):1795-1803. doi:10.1111/add.13454Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).Children living with parents who have a substance use disorder.American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.Alcohol use in families.Additional ReadingIp KI, Jester JM, Puttler LI, Zucker RA.Alcoholic family marital heterogeneity aggregates different child behavior problems both pre- and postseparation.Dev Psychopathol. 2019;31(02):771-788. doi:10.1017/S0954579418000561Lund IO, Moen Eilertsen E, Gjerde LC, et al.Maternal drinking and child emotional and behavior problems.Pediatrics. 2020;145(3):e20192007. doi:10.1542/peds.2019-2007

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Haugland SH, Carvalho B, Stea TH, Strandheim A, Vederhus JK.Associations between parental alcohol problems in childhood and adversities during childhood and later adulthood: A cross-sectional study of 28047 adults from the general population.Subst Abuse Treat Prev Policy. 2021;16(1):47. doi:10.1186/s13011-021-00384-9Eiden RD, Molnar DS, Colder C, Edwards EP, Leonard KE.A conceptual model predicting internalizing problems in middle childhood among children of alcoholic and nonalcoholic fathers: The role of marital aggression.J Stud Alcohol Drugs.2009;70(5):741-50. doi:10.15288/jsad.2009.70.741Park S, Schepp KG.A systematic review of research on children of alcoholics: Their inherent resilience and vulnerability.J Child Fam Stud.2015;24(5):1222-1231. doi:10.1007/s10826-014-9930-7UC Santa Cruz Counseling and Psychological Services.Adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA).Eiden RD, Godleski SA, Colder CR, Livingston JA, Leising MC, Leonard KE.Early childhood risk and protective factors predicting resilience against adolescent substance use.Adv Res Sci.2020;1(2):107-119. doi:10.1007/s42844-020-00007-5Wong MM, Brower KJ, Conroy DA, Lachance KA, Craun EA.Sleep characteristics and behavioral problems among children of alcoholics and controls.Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2018;42(3):603-612. doi:10.1111/acer.13585Berg L, Bäck K, Vinnerljung B, Hjern A.Parental alcohol‐related disorders and school performance in 16‐year‐olds—a Swedish national cohort study.Addiction. 2016;111(10):1795-1803. doi:10.1111/add.13454Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).Children living with parents who have a substance use disorder.American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.Alcohol use in families.

Haugland SH, Carvalho B, Stea TH, Strandheim A, Vederhus JK.Associations between parental alcohol problems in childhood and adversities during childhood and later adulthood: A cross-sectional study of 28047 adults from the general population.Subst Abuse Treat Prev Policy. 2021;16(1):47. doi:10.1186/s13011-021-00384-9

Eiden RD, Molnar DS, Colder C, Edwards EP, Leonard KE.A conceptual model predicting internalizing problems in middle childhood among children of alcoholic and nonalcoholic fathers: The role of marital aggression.J Stud Alcohol Drugs.2009;70(5):741-50. doi:10.15288/jsad.2009.70.741

Park S, Schepp KG.A systematic review of research on children of alcoholics: Their inherent resilience and vulnerability.J Child Fam Stud.2015;24(5):1222-1231. doi:10.1007/s10826-014-9930-7

UC Santa Cruz Counseling and Psychological Services.Adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA).

Eiden RD, Godleski SA, Colder CR, Livingston JA, Leising MC, Leonard KE.Early childhood risk and protective factors predicting resilience against adolescent substance use.Adv Res Sci.2020;1(2):107-119. doi:10.1007/s42844-020-00007-5

Wong MM, Brower KJ, Conroy DA, Lachance KA, Craun EA.Sleep characteristics and behavioral problems among children of alcoholics and controls.Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2018;42(3):603-612. doi:10.1111/acer.13585

Berg L, Bäck K, Vinnerljung B, Hjern A.Parental alcohol‐related disorders and school performance in 16‐year‐olds—a Swedish national cohort study.Addiction. 2016;111(10):1795-1803. doi:10.1111/add.13454

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).Children living with parents who have a substance use disorder.

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.Alcohol use in families.

Ip KI, Jester JM, Puttler LI, Zucker RA.Alcoholic family marital heterogeneity aggregates different child behavior problems both pre- and postseparation.Dev Psychopathol. 2019;31(02):771-788. doi:10.1017/S0954579418000561Lund IO, Moen Eilertsen E, Gjerde LC, et al.Maternal drinking and child emotional and behavior problems.Pediatrics. 2020;145(3):e20192007. doi:10.1542/peds.2019-2007

Ip KI, Jester JM, Puttler LI, Zucker RA.Alcoholic family marital heterogeneity aggregates different child behavior problems both pre- and postseparation.Dev Psychopathol. 2019;31(02):771-788. doi:10.1017/S0954579418000561

Lund IO, Moen Eilertsen E, Gjerde LC, et al.Maternal drinking and child emotional and behavior problems.Pediatrics. 2020;145(3):e20192007. doi:10.1542/peds.2019-2007

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