How and Why You Should Stop Complaining

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy People ComplainSigns You Complain Too MuchHow to Complain LessWhen It’s Good to Complain

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Why People Complain

Signs You Complain Too Much

How to Complain Less

When It’s Good to Complain

Close

Complaining is a natural part of human communication. It is often a response to problems or a way to communicate dissatisfaction. Sometimes, however, people might find themselves wondering if they complain too much. In such cases, knowing how to stop complaining can help you manage your stress in more adaptive ways.

It’s probably not realistic to decide never to complain again, but setting limits can be beneficial. This article exploreswhy people complain, the impact it can have on well-being, and steps to minimize daily complaints.

At a GlanceComplaining can often stem from bad moods or personality traits, but it can also be a tool that helps people bond and regulate their emotions. Too much complaining can worsen your mood, make you feel helpless, and lead to a negative outlook on life. If you want to know how to stop complaining, consider:Practicing gratitudeWriting down your thoughts in a journalReaching out to supportive loved onesTaking steps to solve the problemReplacing negative thoughts with positive onesFinally, when you do need to complain, try doing it in a way that helps forward your goals (instead of just complaining for the sake of complaining).

At a Glance

Complaining can often stem from bad moods or personality traits, but it can also be a tool that helps people bond and regulate their emotions. Too much complaining can worsen your mood, make you feel helpless, and lead to a negative outlook on life. If you want to know how to stop complaining, consider:Practicing gratitudeWriting down your thoughts in a journalReaching out to supportive loved onesTaking steps to solve the problemReplacing negative thoughts with positive onesFinally, when you do need to complain, try doing it in a way that helps forward your goals (instead of just complaining for the sake of complaining).

Complaining can often stem from bad moods or personality traits, but it can also be a tool that helps people bond and regulate their emotions. Too much complaining can worsen your mood, make you feel helpless, and lead to a negative outlook on life. If you want to know how to stop complaining, consider:

Finally, when you do need to complain, try doing it in a way that helps forward your goals (instead of just complaining for the sake of complaining).

This episode ofThe Verywell Mind Podcastshares five mental strength exercises you can do right from your couch (like practicing gratitude). Click below to listen now.

Why Do People Complain?

It can be helpful to better understand what causes this type of communication. People complain for a wide variety of reasons. Some factors that play a role:

Emotional Regulation

Sometimes people complain as a way to manage their emotions. Byventing their feelings, they hope to lessen the severity of these distressing emotions.

Mood

People may be more likely to complain when they are experiencing negative moods. The problem with this is that people complain more when they are in a bad mood. Their complaining then leads to further negative moods, creating a vicious cycle.

Personality

Research suggests thatcertain personality traitsplay a role in how frequently people complain. Perhaps not surprisingly, people who rate high on the trait calledagreeablenessare the least likely to complain.

Social Factors

Other people can also influence how often people complain. Being around people who tend to complain a lot can make people more likely to air their own grievances. Shared complaining can also serve as a form of social bonding.

It’s not that most people sit around all day pointing out the negative in life—far from it. Most people may even actively seek to notice and talk about everything they have to be thankful for in life. Yet complaining is human nature.

Even people who frequently share special moments with loved ones, follow their passions in life, write aboutgratitudein a journal, or engage in other positive activities may still find themselves complaining more than they need to—and more than is healthy.

Most people do need to express frustrations from time to time. People need to talk to loved ones about feelings, both positive and negative. They need to seek the opinions of those they trust when facing difficult choices or situations.

These actions can be positive, but it can also often involve sharing stories about problems. Sometimes that slips into excessive complaining or gossip—and that can be a slippery slope. A healthier form of complaining includes brainstorming solutions,

RecapPeople complain for a wide variety of reasons, including because of their personality traits and to gain social support.

Recap

People complain for a wide variety of reasons, including because of their personality traits and to gain social support.

Are You Complaining Too Much?

It’s normal to notice that some of your daily communication involves dwelling on grievances or complaints. But if you notice a pattern that many of your words are focused on negativity, it may be a sign that you need to find a way to address your complaining.

Some signs that you might be complaining too much:

You may also notice that other people begin to pull away or avoid you because of your constant negativity. This can take a toll on yoursocial support system.

Frequent complaining might also reduce the number of positive influences in your life. The people who do want to spend time with you tend to reinforce your negativity through co-rumination, or re-hashing past events over and over again.

Why Complaining Feels Good

How to Stop Complaining

If this rings true to you and you would like to renew your commitment to keeping things as positive as they can be, try he following plan to minimize complaining, maximize optimism, and reduce stress.

As you focus more on minimizing your complaining and maximizing your gratitude and excitement about life, you will likely feel a difference in your stress levels and your level of overall life satisfaction.

The first step is to become aware of complaining too much or slipping into rumination. The next step is to try something new. These proven strategies can help:

Journaling

Writing in ajournalbrings many health and wellness-related benefits. The trick to effective journaling is towrite about the problem and your feelings about it, then brainstorm solutions and see the positives in your situation.

Seeking Support

Social supportis a great stress reliever, and if you’re lucky, you have some supportive and wise people in your life to talk to when you’re down. Instead of complaining to them, laugh with them.

If you face a more significant challenge, tell them how you’re feeling, get their thoughts (and maybe a hug), and move on to happier topics. No complaining is necessary.

Remaining Grateful

Counting your blessingscan be a great way to get out of a bad mood or switch your focus away from your frustrations. It’s hard to complain when you’re thinking about how lucky you are.

Research has found that practicing gratitude increasessubjective well-being, life satisfaction, and mood while reducing feelings of depression.

Taking Action

The urge to complain comes from dissatisfaction with something going on in life (often coupled with a feeling of inability to change it). Complaints can be a signal thataction is needed.

So, the next time you feel like complaining, instead focus on what you can do to change your circumstances—and then (if possible) do it.

Cultivating Optimism

RecapThere are many strategies that can be helpful if you are trying to complain less. Journaling, finding support, solving problems, and boosting optimism are just a few tactics that might help.

There are many strategies that can be helpful if you are trying to complain less. Journaling, finding support, solving problems, and boosting optimism are just a few tactics that might help.

When Is Complaining a Good Thing?

Complaining isn’t always a bad thing. When done effectively, complaining can actually have a beneficial impact on your well-being. The key is that it needs to be done in a certain way and for a specific purpose.

In a study published in theJournal of Social Psychology, researchers found that when people complain in order to achieve a certain result, they are happier than people who complain simply for the sake of complaining.

Such findings are consistent with other research on emotional expressions of frustration. While venting emotions is sometimes seen as a way toachieve catharsis, evidence shows that it makes negative emotions even worse in many cases.

This also holds true in online settings. Posting a negative review or rant might make you feel better momentarily, but studies show that focusing on these negative emotions worsens moods. Rather than releasing emotions, it tends to amplify them.

So what can you do to make complaining effective and productive? Some strategies that can help:

Advocate for Yourself

Complaining with a purpose is essential, particularly whenstanding up for yourselfat work or in a relationship. Constant griping in any situation is bound to create more stress and conflict, but strategic complaints that focus on finding practical solutions can make airing these grievances more useful.

Use Complaining to Gain Clarity

Ruminating over past events can be harmful, but sometimes journaling or talking about things that are troubling you can help you process and gain clarity regarding your experiences.

Limit Your Complaints

Focus on keeping your daily communication primarily positive. When you do complain, do somindfullyand be aware of how it might negatively impact your mood.

Consider setting aside a limited amount of time to worry or complainabout a problem. Set a time, and then stop once your time is over.

Avoid Co-Complaining

It might be tempting to let others reinforce your complaints, but spending a lot of time ruminating over your complaints with others can have negative effects.Instead, try to limit the amount of time you spend with people who complain a lot.

RecapComplaining can be helpful at times, particularly when it is done mindfully in order to address a problem. By limiting your complaining and using it to advocate for yourself, you can make sure that it serves a purpose rather than dragging you down.

Complaining can be helpful at times, particularly when it is done mindfully in order to address a problem. By limiting your complaining and using it to advocate for yourself, you can make sure that it serves a purpose rather than dragging you down.

Takeaway

Finding ways to reduce complaining can have a positive impact on your life and well-being. In addition to improving your relationships, it can also help you feel better about your life. When you do need to complain, remember to limit your complaints to problems that you are trying to solve. Ultimately, your life is what you make it and these strategies can help you make it more serene.

7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kowalski RM.Complaints and complaining: Functions, antecedents, and consequences.Psychol Bull.1996;119(2):179–196. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.119.2.179Carlucci L, D’Ambrosio I, Innamorati M, Saggino A, Balsamo M.Co-rumination, anxiety, and maladaptive cognitive schemas: when friendship can hurt.Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2018;11:133-144. doi:10.2147/PRBM.S144907Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT.Positive psychology and gratitude interventions: A randomized clinical trial.Front Psychol. 2019;10:584.doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584Kowalski RM, Allison B, Giumetti GW, et al.Pet peeves and happiness: How do happy people complain?.J Soc Psychol. 2014;154(4):278-282. doi:10.1080/00224545.2014.906380Marr NS, Zainal NH, Newman MG.Focus on and venting of negative emotion mediates the 18-year bi-directional relations between major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder diagnoses.J Affect Disord. 2022;303:10-17. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2022.01.079Martin RC, Coyier KR, VanSistine LM, Schroeder KL.Anger on the internet: the perceived value of rant-sites.Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2013;16(2):119-22. doi:10.1089/cyber.2012.0130Herrando C, Constantinides E.Emotional contagion: A brief overview and future directions.Front Psychol. 2021;12:712606. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.712606

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kowalski RM.Complaints and complaining: Functions, antecedents, and consequences.Psychol Bull.1996;119(2):179–196. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.119.2.179Carlucci L, D’Ambrosio I, Innamorati M, Saggino A, Balsamo M.Co-rumination, anxiety, and maladaptive cognitive schemas: when friendship can hurt.Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2018;11:133-144. doi:10.2147/PRBM.S144907Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT.Positive psychology and gratitude interventions: A randomized clinical trial.Front Psychol. 2019;10:584.doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584Kowalski RM, Allison B, Giumetti GW, et al.Pet peeves and happiness: How do happy people complain?.J Soc Psychol. 2014;154(4):278-282. doi:10.1080/00224545.2014.906380Marr NS, Zainal NH, Newman MG.Focus on and venting of negative emotion mediates the 18-year bi-directional relations between major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder diagnoses.J Affect Disord. 2022;303:10-17. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2022.01.079Martin RC, Coyier KR, VanSistine LM, Schroeder KL.Anger on the internet: the perceived value of rant-sites.Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2013;16(2):119-22. doi:10.1089/cyber.2012.0130Herrando C, Constantinides E.Emotional contagion: A brief overview and future directions.Front Psychol. 2021;12:712606. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.712606

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Kowalski RM.Complaints and complaining: Functions, antecedents, and consequences.Psychol Bull.1996;119(2):179–196. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.119.2.179Carlucci L, D’Ambrosio I, Innamorati M, Saggino A, Balsamo M.Co-rumination, anxiety, and maladaptive cognitive schemas: when friendship can hurt.Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2018;11:133-144. doi:10.2147/PRBM.S144907Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT.Positive psychology and gratitude interventions: A randomized clinical trial.Front Psychol. 2019;10:584.doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584Kowalski RM, Allison B, Giumetti GW, et al.Pet peeves and happiness: How do happy people complain?.J Soc Psychol. 2014;154(4):278-282. doi:10.1080/00224545.2014.906380Marr NS, Zainal NH, Newman MG.Focus on and venting of negative emotion mediates the 18-year bi-directional relations between major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder diagnoses.J Affect Disord. 2022;303:10-17. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2022.01.079Martin RC, Coyier KR, VanSistine LM, Schroeder KL.Anger on the internet: the perceived value of rant-sites.Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2013;16(2):119-22. doi:10.1089/cyber.2012.0130Herrando C, Constantinides E.Emotional contagion: A brief overview and future directions.Front Psychol. 2021;12:712606. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.712606

Kowalski RM.Complaints and complaining: Functions, antecedents, and consequences.Psychol Bull.1996;119(2):179–196. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.119.2.179

Carlucci L, D’Ambrosio I, Innamorati M, Saggino A, Balsamo M.Co-rumination, anxiety, and maladaptive cognitive schemas: when friendship can hurt.Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2018;11:133-144. doi:10.2147/PRBM.S144907

Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT.Positive psychology and gratitude interventions: A randomized clinical trial.Front Psychol. 2019;10:584.doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584

Kowalski RM, Allison B, Giumetti GW, et al.Pet peeves and happiness: How do happy people complain?.J Soc Psychol. 2014;154(4):278-282. doi:10.1080/00224545.2014.906380

Marr NS, Zainal NH, Newman MG.Focus on and venting of negative emotion mediates the 18-year bi-directional relations between major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder diagnoses.J Affect Disord. 2022;303:10-17. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2022.01.079

Martin RC, Coyier KR, VanSistine LM, Schroeder KL.Anger on the internet: the perceived value of rant-sites.Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2013;16(2):119-22. doi:10.1089/cyber.2012.0130

Herrando C, Constantinides E.Emotional contagion: A brief overview and future directions.Front Psychol. 2021;12:712606. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.712606

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