How Accepting Difficult Emotions Can Improve Emotional Health

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is Emotional Acceptance?What Accepting Emotions MeansAccepting Emotions With BPDBenefitsHow to Accept EmotionsFrequently Asked Questions

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is Emotional Acceptance?

What Accepting Emotions Means

Accepting Emotions With BPD

Benefits

How to Accept Emotions

Frequently Asked Questions

Close

It’s tough to deal with painful, extreme, and sometimes even scary emotions. However, accepting your feelings can help improve youremotion regulation, lead to fewer mood swings, and improve emotional balance.

People withborderline personality disorder (BPD)and other psychiatric disorders that involve intense emotional experiences have trouble accepting emotions. They may engage in unhelpful behaviors to avoid experiencing those painful feelings.

This article discusses emotional acceptance and why it can be challenging for some people. It also explores why accepting emotions is so essential to mental well-being.

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Often, when you have an uncomfortable feeling, such assadness,fear, orshame, your first reaction is to reject it, hide from it, and avoid it at all costs. If it feels like a “bad” feeling, you might tell yourself that you don’t want to experience it. As a result, you may then do something to get rid of the feeling. Negative ways of coping may include the use of escape mechanisms likeusing drugs or alcoholto feel better, impulse shopping, binge eating, or risky sexual behavior.

No one wants to walk around feeling emotional pain all the time, but when youreject or suppress your emotions, you may actually make things worse. Running from your emotions gives them even more power the next time you feel them.

Emotions serve various purposes, including providing helpful information about the world around you. They are clues to your state of mental health and well-being regarding your past and present experiences. This means that getting rid of or pushing away emotions is not the best idea because you are ignoring important information that will help you on your personal healing journey.

An alternative to pushing away or stifling your emotions is learning to accept your emotional experiences. This is known as emotional acceptance.

The Meaning of AcceptanceBeing aware of your emotions and accepting that these feelings exist without trying to suppress or push them away.Allowing your feelings to be what they are without judging or trying to change them.Letting go of attempts to control your emotions and learning that emotions themselves cannot harm you. The only thing that can hurt you is the methods you use to try to get rid of emotions.Being authentic in your full experience of emotions and not denying any part of yourself takes practice.

The Meaning of Acceptance

Being aware of your emotions and accepting that these feelings exist without trying to suppress or push them away.Allowing your feelings to be what they are without judging or trying to change them.Letting go of attempts to control your emotions and learning that emotions themselves cannot harm you. The only thing that can hurt you is the methods you use to try to get rid of emotions.Being authentic in your full experience of emotions and not denying any part of yourself takes practice.

The 6 Types of Basic Emotions and Their Effect on Human Behavior

Accepting Emotions Is Not Resigning Yourself to Pain

It is essential to distinguish between acceptance and resignation. Accepting emotions does not mean resigning yourself to constantly feeling terrible or wallowing in pain. It also doesn’t mean intentionally holding on to painful emotions or trying to push yourself to experience emotional distress.

Acceptance simply means being aware of your emotions and accepting them for what they are right now, knowing that they won’t last.

Another AnalogyImagine you are trying to stop a bad habit, like using swear words. Maybe you have young children and don’t want them to learn bad words from you. But you find the more you try to stop swearing, the more you find yourself cussing, and even worse than before. It can be maddening.This is the same way emotions become bigger and stronger the more you try to stop them. You have to identify what you are feeling and process your way through difficult emotions in order for them to abate.

Another Analogy

Imagine you are trying to stop a bad habit, like using swear words. Maybe you have young children and don’t want them to learn bad words from you. But you find the more you try to stop swearing, the more you find yourself cussing, and even worse than before. It can be maddening.This is the same way emotions become bigger and stronger the more you try to stop them. You have to identify what you are feeling and process your way through difficult emotions in order for them to abate.

Imagine you are trying to stop a bad habit, like using swear words. Maybe you have young children and don’t want them to learn bad words from you. But you find the more you try to stop swearing, the more you find yourself cussing, and even worse than before. It can be maddening.

This is the same way emotions become bigger and stronger the more you try to stop them. You have to identify what you are feeling and process your way through difficult emotions in order for them to abate.

In some ways, accepting emotions means also accepting that emotions will change. When you are happy, you have to accept that happiness is a short-term condition—you will not always be in a state of happiness. This goes for every emotion, from fear to anxiety to sadness. Feelings are fleeting and usually go away within seconds, minutes, or hours. If you find yourself feeling sad, it doesn’t mean the whole day is ruined. You will move through many emotions throughout the day.

Link Between Happiness and Stress Relief

Why Do People With BPD Have Trouble Accepting Emotions?

There are a few reasons why people with BPD, in particular, have trouble accepting emotions, although it is important to note that everyone has trouble accepting emotions sometimes.

RecapCertain mental health conditions such as BPD can make emotional acceptance more difficult. When people experience emotional invalidation and intense emotions, they may be afraid of allowing themselves to experience these feelings.

Recap

Certain mental health conditions such as BPD can make emotional acceptance more difficult. When people experience emotional invalidation and intense emotions, they may be afraid of allowing themselves to experience these feelings.

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Why Accepting Emotions Is Helpful

Why is accepting your emotions helpful? Wouldn’t it be easier to simply get rid of them? Well, no, it isn’t easy to get rid of emotions.

In fact, many people have tried to get rid of their emotions with little success. What they have learned, and what research supports, is that it is very difficult, if not impossible, to get rid of an emotion.

You have emotions for a reason, so you shouldn’t want to eliminate them entirely. Emotions are part of a complex system that helps you decide what you should stay away from and what you should approach. Emotions also help you end unhealthy relationships ormaintain lasting relationshipswith other people.

Ignoring emotions leads topoor decision-making. Therefore, accepting emotions is helpful because listening to what you are feeling can reveal important information.

How to Practice Accepting Emotions

Fortunately, you can learn to get better at accepting your emotions. This doesn’t mean that this process is always easy. Difficult or intense emotions don’t feel very good, so your instincts may tell you to avoid them.

With persistent practice, though, you can learn how to be more accepting of your emotions. Strategies that can help you become better at understanding and accepting your emotions include:

How to Embrace Radical Acceptance

RecapSelf-help techniques such as mindfulness and meditation can build your abilities to accept emotions. If you are still struggling, psychotherapy can also be beneficial.

Self-help techniques such as mindfulness and meditation can build your abilities to accept emotions. If you are still struggling, psychotherapy can also be beneficial.

Frequently Asked QuestionsEmotional intelligencerefers to a person’s ability to manage and understand both positive and negative emotions in themselves and others. It is a key aspect of overall mental health.Important aspects of emotional health includeself-awarenessandcoping skills.When people are emotionally healthy, they are moreresilientand better able to handle life’s stresses.Emotional avoidance refers to behaviors designed to prevent or escape a difficult or uncomfortable emotion, such as anger, guilt, shame, or fear. Examples of emotional avoidance include using alcohol or drugs, dissociating, avoiding certain situations or settings, or withdrawing from people.Learn More:Emotional Avoidance in PTSDToxic positivitysuggests that people should deny or hide difficult emotions in order to maintain a positive outlook. Positive vibes only. Instead of acknowledging and accepting emotions, even the difficult ones, toxic positivity tries to simply deny the impact of negative experiences. Although optimism and looking at the bright side can be a good thing, you should not deny your authentic experience of emotion when life gets tough. It is a harmful outlook that can cause feelings of shame and guilt while preventing you from getting the support that you need.Learn More:What Is Toxic Positivity?

Emotional intelligencerefers to a person’s ability to manage and understand both positive and negative emotions in themselves and others. It is a key aspect of overall mental health.Important aspects of emotional health includeself-awarenessandcoping skills.When people are emotionally healthy, they are moreresilientand better able to handle life’s stresses.

Emotional avoidance refers to behaviors designed to prevent or escape a difficult or uncomfortable emotion, such as anger, guilt, shame, or fear. Examples of emotional avoidance include using alcohol or drugs, dissociating, avoiding certain situations or settings, or withdrawing from people.Learn More:Emotional Avoidance in PTSD

Emotional avoidance refers to behaviors designed to prevent or escape a difficult or uncomfortable emotion, such as anger, guilt, shame, or fear. Examples of emotional avoidance include using alcohol or drugs, dissociating, avoiding certain situations or settings, or withdrawing from people.

Learn More:Emotional Avoidance in PTSD

Toxic positivitysuggests that people should deny or hide difficult emotions in order to maintain a positive outlook. Positive vibes only. Instead of acknowledging and accepting emotions, even the difficult ones, toxic positivity tries to simply deny the impact of negative experiences. Although optimism and looking at the bright side can be a good thing, you should not deny your authentic experience of emotion when life gets tough. It is a harmful outlook that can cause feelings of shame and guilt while preventing you from getting the support that you need.Learn More:What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivitysuggests that people should deny or hide difficult emotions in order to maintain a positive outlook. Positive vibes only. Instead of acknowledging and accepting emotions, even the difficult ones, toxic positivity tries to simply deny the impact of negative experiences. Although optimism and looking at the bright side can be a good thing, you should not deny your authentic experience of emotion when life gets tough. It is a harmful outlook that can cause feelings of shame and guilt while preventing you from getting the support that you need.

Learn More:What Is Toxic Positivity?

Final Thoughts

While you might feel tempted to simply avoid feeling negative emotions, doing so tends to make things worse in the long run. It can also lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms that can hurt your health and well-being.

When you learn how to accept emotions, you take away their power to hurt you. Building this skill can be challenging, but it can result inbetter emotional regulationover time.If you are struggling with emotional avoidance, talk to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional.

How to Find Emotional Healing

9 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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Lindsay EK, Creswell JD.Mindfulness, acceptance, and emotion regulation: Perspectives from monitor and acceptance theory (MAT).Curr Opin Psychol. 2019;28:120‐125. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.12.004

Chapman AL.Borderline personality disorder and emotion dysregulation.Dev Psychopathol. 2019;31(3):1143‐1156. doi:10.1017/S0954579419000658

Houben M, Claes L, Sleuwaegen E, Berens A, Vansteelandt K.Emotional reactivity to appraisals in patients with a borderline personality disorder: A daily life study.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2018;5:18. doi:10.1186/s40479-018-0095-7

Dixon-Gordon KL, Turner BJ, Zachary Rosenthal M, Chapman AL.Emotion regulation in borderline personality disorder: An experimental investigation of the effects of instructed acceptance and suppression.Behav Ther. 2017;48(6):750‐764. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2017.03.001

Lindsay EK, Young S, Brown KW, Smyth JM, Creswell JD.Mindfulness training reduces loneliness and increases social contact in a randomized controlled trial.Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2019;116(9):3488‐3493. doi:10.1073/pnas.1813588116

National Institutes of Health.Emotional wellness toolkit.

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