Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns That You Fear CommitmentImpact on RelationshipsOvercoming a Fear of Commitment
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Signs That You Fear Commitment
Impact on Relationships
Overcoming a Fear of Commitment
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Being scared of commitment is sometimes a sign of gamophobia, or the fear of marriage and commitment. People who have this fear are often so scared of commitment that they are unable to form lasting, long-term relationships.Fear of commitmentoften means that while you want to continue a relationship, you struggle to bevulnerableor take steps forward.
This fear can stem from many issues ranging fromworrying about rejection, feeling insecure about what you can offer a partner, or being fearful of relationships in general based on your own personal experiences.
We’re outlining common signs that demonstrate a fear of commitment and explaining how failing to work past commitment issues can ultimately be the demise of a relationship you treasure.
Signs You Have a Fear of Commitment
A fear of commitment becomes obvious over time, but there are some early signs you can watch for, as well.
Self-Sabotage
“A person who has a fear of commitment has usually experienced a familial pattern or loss that has created a sense of safety with being alone or not emotionally invested,” explainsChristina Hathaway, MAS, MFT, founder and CEO of Ignite Ambition.
When someone afraid of commitment feels that their potential partner is gaining strong feelings, they will either sabotage the relationship in a way that will make it end or they may prematurely end the relationship even if it is going well.
You Struggle to Make and Keep Plans
Someone with only one foot in the door is likely reticent to make plans too far into the future. Small examples might include not saying yes to a wedding three months away or avoiding making holiday plans.
Your Emotions Cause Extreme Discomfort
Some conversations are more complicated than others, and it’s OK to feeluncomfortableat times. However, experiencing discomfort to the point of avoiding emotional conversations or not displaying your own emotion can be a sign of commitment issues.
If you suspect you might have a fear of commitment, ask yourself if any of the following apply:
Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?
How Fear of Commitment Damages Relationships
Ultimately, a fear of commitment can lead to the demise of a relationship. In some cases, this demise might be drawn out and painful—especially if one person is trying to make the relationship work while the other isn’t contributing emotionally.
Along the way, the person who is trying to commit will likely experience deep hurt, frustration, confusion, anger, embarrassment, and eventually apathy as theygive up on the relationship.
The person who is fearful of commitment may experience feelings of fear, worry, and stress. They may feel frustrated with themselves for being unable to progress the relationship, and experience guilt because they can see they are hurting another person. In some cases, a person who has a fear of commitment might feel frustrated at the other person for trying to progress the relationship instead of maintaining the status quo.
How to Know When It’s Time to See a Therapist
How to Overcome Fear of Commitment
“First and foremost, it is important to recognize the patterns that created this behavior,” says Hathaway. “You must understand why you are fearful of committing.”
She says this is important because, in many cases, the ‘why’ is no longer relevant in your life. Maybe you’ve yet to recover from a past hurt or you’re worried about repeating a toxic relationship you witnessed. Exploring the ‘why’ on your own can be helpful, but don’t rule out thebenefits of speaking with a therapist.
Another way to help work through a fear of commitment is to talk about it openly with your partner. Hathaway says, “Help them understand your thoughts and feelings. Work together and create supportive patterns that can help you manage the thoughts and feelings around your fear.”
How to Be Vulnerable
A Word From Verywell
The very fact that you’re here means that you’re either hopeful about ceasing a pattern of failing to commit yourself, or you’re trying to navigate a relationship with someone who is fearful of commitment. In either case, you’re not alone. Understanding the root cause of the fear and open communication can create a path toward a deeply fulfilling relationship.
Why Vulnerability in Relationships Is So Important
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