Holiday Grief: How to Cope With Loss During a Joyous Time

Table of ContentsTable of ContentsExpandHow to Approach OthersKeep the Spirit of a Loved One AliveLean Into SupportProcessing GriefView All

Table of ContentsExpandHow to Approach OthersKeep the Spirit of a Loved One AliveLean Into SupportProcessing GriefView All

Table of ContentsExpandHow to Approach OthersKeep the Spirit of a Loved One AliveLean Into SupportProcessing Grief

Table of ContentsExpand

Expand

How to Approach Others

Keep the Spirit of a Loved One Alive

Lean Into Support

Processing Grief

View All

It’s the holiday season, a time that’s supposed to be joyful and festive. But for many people, this time of year can be difficult, especially if you or someone you care about are struggling with the loss of a loved one. If you’re feeling grief this holiday season, know that you’re not alone.

It can be particularly difficult to deal with grief during the holidays.Holiday traditions may serve as a reminder of what has been lost, and the happiness of others can make grieving individuals feel isolated and alone.

However, there are ways to cope with holiday grief in order to feel more supported through the season. Let’s take a look at some tips on how to cope with loss during the holidays.

How to Approach Those Struggling With a Loss

It can be challenging to approach someone who is grieving during the holiday season. You may be worried about saying the wrong thing or making them feel worse. However, it’s important to reach out and offer your care and support.

According to Tholen, examples of potentially appropriate things to say include “I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to face the holidays without…” or “I want you to know that I care and want to help however I can.”

Below are some additional tips on how to approach someone who is grieving:

—JOHN F. THOLEN, PHD

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How to Keep the Spirit of a Loved One Alive This Season

If you’re struggling with the loss of a loved one this holiday season, there are still ways to keep their spirit close if it feels true and honoring for you to do so.

Licensed marriage and family therapistHeidi McBainnotes that it’s important to talk about your loved one:

“Share stories with other people who miss them too. Use their name in these conversations. Try to keep a fun memory alive. Growing up, we used to do ‘secret’ donuts with Dad (even though my mom was in on it and just didn’t want to partake). Any time I get donuts with my own kids, be it a holiday or just because, we always talk about my dad and the ‘secret’ donuts.”

Heidi McBain, LMFTShare stories with other people who miss them too. Use their name in these conversations. Try to keep a fun memory alive.

Heidi McBain, LMFT

Share stories with other people who miss them too. Use their name in these conversations. Try to keep a fun memory alive.

Licensed clinical social workerHope Weissalso advises participating in traditions that remind you of your loved one:

“I loved to visit the holiday lights with my mother both as a child and as an adult. When I now drive around looking at these lights, it brings up all of those warm childhood memories of sitting in the back of the car looking at those lights.”

Ways to Keep Their Spirit Alive for the HolidaysDecorate in theirfavorite colors.Play their favoriteholiday songs.Prepare theirfavorite holiday dishes.Tellstoriesabout them.Include them in your holiday traditions.Display pictures of them prominently.Light a candle in their memory.

Ways to Keep Their Spirit Alive for the Holidays

Decorate in theirfavorite colors.Play their favoriteholiday songs.Prepare theirfavorite holiday dishes.Tellstoriesabout them.Include them in your holiday traditions.Display pictures of them prominently.Light a candle in their memory.

No matter how you choose to honor your loved one this holiday season, know that they will always be with you in spirit.

What to Know About the Acceptance Stage of Grief

How to Lean Into the Support of Others

If you’re grieving this holiday season, it’s important to lean into the support of others. Associate marriage and family therapistTheodora Blanchfieldnotes that it’s important to let people know when you are struggling and what might be a trigger for you.

Here are some other ways to lean into the support of others:

No one should have to deal with grief alone. There is plenty of support available, so don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

Tips to Process Grief During the Holidays

Grief can be difficult to deal with at any time, but it can be especially hard during the holidays.

Blanchfield notes that your feelings are valid and to expect that they may be unpredictable: “It’s OK if the holidays feel totally fine, and it’s OK if you want to hide under a blanket until January. The hardest thing is not knowing which one it’s going to be or when agrief attackis going to hit.”

Here are some tips to help you move through and process your grief during the holidays:

Theodora Blanchfield, AMFTIt’s OK if the holidays feel totally fine, and it’s OK if you want to hide under a blanket until January. The hardest thing is not knowing which one it’s going to be or when a grief attack is going to hit.

Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT

It’s OK if the holidays feel totally fine, and it’s OK if you want to hide under a blanket until January. The hardest thing is not knowing which one it’s going to be or when a grief attack is going to hit.

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A Word From Verywell

No one experiences grief in exactly the same way, so there is no “right” way to grieve. Do what feels right for you and know that there is no timeline for healing. If you’re struggling with grief this holiday season, know that you’re not alone. There are people and resources available to help you through this tough time.

If you or a loved one are struggling with a loss, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Carr D, Sonnega J, Nesse RM, House JS.Do special occasions trigger psychological distress among older bereaved spouses? An empirical assessment of clinical wisdom.J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2014;69(1):113-122. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbt061Byrne-Martelli S.The Still, Small Voice of Grief.J Pain Symptom Manage. 2021;62(5):1100-1102. doi:10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2020.08.006Vaughn LA, Burkins PG, Chalachan RD, Judd JK, Garvey CA, Luginsland JW.Feeling Socially Connected and Focusing on Growth: Relationships With Wellbeing During a Major Holiday in the COVID-19 Pandemic.Front Psychol. 2021;12:710491. Published 2021 Aug 26. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.710491Riley SG, Pettus KI, Abel J.The buddy group - peer support for the bereaved.London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2018;10(3):68-70. doi:10.1080/17571472.2018.1455021Lopez RB, Brown RL, Wu EL, et al.Emotion Regulation and Immune Functioning During Grief: Testing the Role of Expressive Suppression and Cognitive Reappraisal in Inflammation Among Recently Bereaved Spouses.Psychosom Med. 2020;82(1):2-9. doi:10.1097/PSY.0000000000000755

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Carr D, Sonnega J, Nesse RM, House JS.Do special occasions trigger psychological distress among older bereaved spouses? An empirical assessment of clinical wisdom.J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2014;69(1):113-122. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbt061Byrne-Martelli S.The Still, Small Voice of Grief.J Pain Symptom Manage. 2021;62(5):1100-1102. doi:10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2020.08.006Vaughn LA, Burkins PG, Chalachan RD, Judd JK, Garvey CA, Luginsland JW.Feeling Socially Connected and Focusing on Growth: Relationships With Wellbeing During a Major Holiday in the COVID-19 Pandemic.Front Psychol. 2021;12:710491. Published 2021 Aug 26. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.710491Riley SG, Pettus KI, Abel J.The buddy group - peer support for the bereaved.London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2018;10(3):68-70. doi:10.1080/17571472.2018.1455021Lopez RB, Brown RL, Wu EL, et al.Emotion Regulation and Immune Functioning During Grief: Testing the Role of Expressive Suppression and Cognitive Reappraisal in Inflammation Among Recently Bereaved Spouses.Psychosom Med. 2020;82(1):2-9. doi:10.1097/PSY.0000000000000755

Carr D, Sonnega J, Nesse RM, House JS.Do special occasions trigger psychological distress among older bereaved spouses? An empirical assessment of clinical wisdom.J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2014;69(1):113-122. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbt061Byrne-Martelli S.The Still, Small Voice of Grief.J Pain Symptom Manage. 2021;62(5):1100-1102. doi:10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2020.08.006Vaughn LA, Burkins PG, Chalachan RD, Judd JK, Garvey CA, Luginsland JW.Feeling Socially Connected and Focusing on Growth: Relationships With Wellbeing During a Major Holiday in the COVID-19 Pandemic.Front Psychol. 2021;12:710491. Published 2021 Aug 26. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.710491Riley SG, Pettus KI, Abel J.The buddy group - peer support for the bereaved.London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2018;10(3):68-70. doi:10.1080/17571472.2018.1455021Lopez RB, Brown RL, Wu EL, et al.Emotion Regulation and Immune Functioning During Grief: Testing the Role of Expressive Suppression and Cognitive Reappraisal in Inflammation Among Recently Bereaved Spouses.Psychosom Med. 2020;82(1):2-9. doi:10.1097/PSY.0000000000000755

Byrne-Martelli S.The Still, Small Voice of Grief.J Pain Symptom Manage. 2021;62(5):1100-1102. doi:10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2020.08.006

Vaughn LA, Burkins PG, Chalachan RD, Judd JK, Garvey CA, Luginsland JW.Feeling Socially Connected and Focusing on Growth: Relationships With Wellbeing During a Major Holiday in the COVID-19 Pandemic.Front Psychol. 2021;12:710491. Published 2021 Aug 26. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.710491

Riley SG, Pettus KI, Abel J.The buddy group - peer support for the bereaved.London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2018;10(3):68-70. doi:10.1080/17571472.2018.1455021

Lopez RB, Brown RL, Wu EL, et al.Emotion Regulation and Immune Functioning During Grief: Testing the Role of Expressive Suppression and Cognitive Reappraisal in Inflammation Among Recently Bereaved Spouses.Psychosom Med. 2020;82(1):2-9. doi:10.1097/PSY.0000000000000755

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How to Approach Those Struggling With a Loss#

How to Keep the Spirit of a Loved One Alive This Season#

Heidi McBain, LMFT#

Ways to Keep Their Spirit Alive for the Holidays#

How to Lean Into the Support of Others#

Tips to Process Grief During the Holidays#

Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT#

A Word From Verywell#