Here's How to Make Your Partner Feel Special

Close

Everybody wants to make their significant other feel special and loved, but sometimes the monotony of life gets in the way and it takes a little extra work to show them you really care. Once you get back into that headspace of wanting to make them feel special, the actions aren’t hard. It’s those simple and often small gestures that help express and reinforce the love you have for one another.

The following are just a few ways to make your partner feel special and improve the quality of your intimate relationships. All it takes is showing your appreciation in the way they like to receive it, taking responsibility for your emotions, supporting their goals, and sending sweet messages throughout the day.

At a GlanceThe key to making your partner feel special and loved is a genuine desire to focus on them and their needs, wants, and wishes. The ideas in this article are ways you can routinely express your love for your partner with simple acts, but every person and every relationship is different. With time and experience, aim to discover the things your partner appreciates most and use that knowledge to guide your acts of love.

At a Glance

The key to making your partner feel special and loved is a genuine desire to focus on them and their needs, wants, and wishes. The ideas in this article are ways you can routinely express your love for your partner with simple acts, but every person and every relationship is different. With time and experience, aim to discover the things your partner appreciates most and use that knowledge to guide your acts of love.

Speak Your Partner’s Love Language

Gary Chapman’s bookThe Five Love Languageshas changed the way many people talk about getting their needs met in relationships. Chapman makes the case that people receive messages of love in different ways, which he refers to as their “love language.” The five languages he identifies are:

Perhaps your primary love language is “words of affirmation” and your partner’s is “quality time.” Hearing from them how wonderful you are is one thing that communicates love to you, but that love language might not work for them.

“It’s important to de-center from your fixed position to understand how your partner can feel most loved instead of assuming they are just like you,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD.

For instance, your partner may feel most loved when doing an activity together. Take time to discover which love language works for your partner and then make an effort to “speak” their love language.

Learn to Self-Regulate

So basically, taking responsibility for your moods and not expecting your partner to make everything better is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. A 2010 study of partners working towards positive changes in their relationships found that positive relationship evaluations were correlated more with self-focused improvement than with partner-focused improvement.

Especially when you are in conflict with one another, focusing on your own growth and taking responsibility for your contributions is the best way to improve the relationship.

How to Develop and Practice Self-Regulation

Share Chores and Responsibilities

According to a 2018 review in the scientific journalEmotion,people experience gratitude when they perceive their partner to be doing something for them over themselves.

This might be doing the dishes (even though you cooked) so they can relax a bit more, or picking up their dry cleaning and saving them a trip. There are tons of opportunities for gestures of support.

“Remember the goal is not to engage in competition over who is doing more but rather to help your partner and make their day better. This often relates to the love languages as those who have a preference for acts of service strongly appreciate sharing responsibilities,” says Romanoff.

You may feel like your to-do list never seems to end. But doing things small or large that are on your partner’s to-do list, even when you’ve got a full plate yourself, can show how special they are to you. Ask your partner, “What can I do to improve your day?”

Support Your Partner’s Goals

While your own self-growth is very important for relationship satisfaction, your partner still wants to feel like you are invested in the relationship and their goals, too. According to a 2014 study published in theJournal of Social and Personal Relationships, people who received active messages of support from their partners for their self-expansion reported higher relationship satisfaction.

According to a study review, sending spontaneoustext messageshelps to convey a sense of continuous presence in your partner’s life. The feeling that conversation could be taken up at any time (while respecting healthy boundaries) and even across distance, communicates a sense ofclosenessand helps construct a sense of shared space.

During the time you spend apart, consider sending a text that shows your appreciation. Let them know you’re thinking about them. It can be as simple as a flirty message, sharing something that reminded you of them, or simply asking them how their day is going.

How to Express Your Feelings

6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Bunt S, Hazelwood Z.Walking the walk, talking the talk: Love languages, self-regulation, and relationship satisfaction.Personal Relationships.2017;24(2):280-290. doi:10.1111/pere.12182Hira SN, Overall NC.Improving intimate relationships: Targeting the partner versus changing the self.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2010;28(5):610–633. doi:10.1177/0265407510388586Visserman ML, Righetti F, Impett E, Keltner D, Van Lange P.It’s the motive that counts: Perceived sacrifice motives and gratitude in romantic relationships.Emotion.2018;18(5):625-637. doi:10.1037/emo0000344.Fivecoat H, Tomlinson J, Aron A, Caprariello P.Partner support for individual self-expansion opportunities.J Soc Pers Relat. 2014;32(3):368-385. doi:10.1177/0265407514533767Licoppe C.‘Connected’ Presence: The Emergence of a New Repertoire for Managing Social Relationships in a Changing Communication Technoscape.Environment and Planning D: Society and Space. 2004;22(1):135-156. doi:10.1068/d323tJanning M, Gao W, Snyder E.Constructing Shared “Space”: Meaningfulness in Long-Distance Romantic Relationship Communication Formats.J Fam Issues. 2017;39(5):1281-1303. doi:10.1177/0192513x17698726Additional ReadingJanning M, Gao W, Snyder E.Constructing Shared “Space”: Meaningfulness in Long-Distance Romantic Relationship Communication Formats.Journal of Family Issues.2017. doi:10.1177/0192513X17698726

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Bunt S, Hazelwood Z.Walking the walk, talking the talk: Love languages, self-regulation, and relationship satisfaction.Personal Relationships.2017;24(2):280-290. doi:10.1111/pere.12182Hira SN, Overall NC.Improving intimate relationships: Targeting the partner versus changing the self.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2010;28(5):610–633. doi:10.1177/0265407510388586Visserman ML, Righetti F, Impett E, Keltner D, Van Lange P.It’s the motive that counts: Perceived sacrifice motives and gratitude in romantic relationships.Emotion.2018;18(5):625-637. doi:10.1037/emo0000344.Fivecoat H, Tomlinson J, Aron A, Caprariello P.Partner support for individual self-expansion opportunities.J Soc Pers Relat. 2014;32(3):368-385. doi:10.1177/0265407514533767Licoppe C.‘Connected’ Presence: The Emergence of a New Repertoire for Managing Social Relationships in a Changing Communication Technoscape.Environment and Planning D: Society and Space. 2004;22(1):135-156. doi:10.1068/d323tJanning M, Gao W, Snyder E.Constructing Shared “Space”: Meaningfulness in Long-Distance Romantic Relationship Communication Formats.J Fam Issues. 2017;39(5):1281-1303. doi:10.1177/0192513x17698726Additional ReadingJanning M, Gao W, Snyder E.Constructing Shared “Space”: Meaningfulness in Long-Distance Romantic Relationship Communication Formats.Journal of Family Issues.2017. doi:10.1177/0192513X17698726

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Bunt S, Hazelwood Z.Walking the walk, talking the talk: Love languages, self-regulation, and relationship satisfaction.Personal Relationships.2017;24(2):280-290. doi:10.1111/pere.12182Hira SN, Overall NC.Improving intimate relationships: Targeting the partner versus changing the self.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2010;28(5):610–633. doi:10.1177/0265407510388586Visserman ML, Righetti F, Impett E, Keltner D, Van Lange P.It’s the motive that counts: Perceived sacrifice motives and gratitude in romantic relationships.Emotion.2018;18(5):625-637. doi:10.1037/emo0000344.Fivecoat H, Tomlinson J, Aron A, Caprariello P.Partner support for individual self-expansion opportunities.J Soc Pers Relat. 2014;32(3):368-385. doi:10.1177/0265407514533767Licoppe C.‘Connected’ Presence: The Emergence of a New Repertoire for Managing Social Relationships in a Changing Communication Technoscape.Environment and Planning D: Society and Space. 2004;22(1):135-156. doi:10.1068/d323tJanning M, Gao W, Snyder E.Constructing Shared “Space”: Meaningfulness in Long-Distance Romantic Relationship Communication Formats.J Fam Issues. 2017;39(5):1281-1303. doi:10.1177/0192513x17698726

Bunt S, Hazelwood Z.Walking the walk, talking the talk: Love languages, self-regulation, and relationship satisfaction.Personal Relationships.2017;24(2):280-290. doi:10.1111/pere.12182

Hira SN, Overall NC.Improving intimate relationships: Targeting the partner versus changing the self.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2010;28(5):610–633. doi:10.1177/0265407510388586

Visserman ML, Righetti F, Impett E, Keltner D, Van Lange P.It’s the motive that counts: Perceived sacrifice motives and gratitude in romantic relationships.Emotion.2018;18(5):625-637. doi:10.1037/emo0000344.

Fivecoat H, Tomlinson J, Aron A, Caprariello P.Partner support for individual self-expansion opportunities.J Soc Pers Relat. 2014;32(3):368-385. doi:10.1177/0265407514533767

Licoppe C.‘Connected’ Presence: The Emergence of a New Repertoire for Managing Social Relationships in a Changing Communication Technoscape.Environment and Planning D: Society and Space. 2004;22(1):135-156. doi:10.1068/d323t

Janning M, Gao W, Snyder E.Constructing Shared “Space”: Meaningfulness in Long-Distance Romantic Relationship Communication Formats.J Fam Issues. 2017;39(5):1281-1303. doi:10.1177/0192513x17698726

Janning M, Gao W, Snyder E.Constructing Shared “Space”: Meaningfulness in Long-Distance Romantic Relationship Communication Formats.Journal of Family Issues.2017. doi:10.1177/0192513X17698726

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?