Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Not to DoWhat to DoNext Steps

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What Not to Do

What to Do

Next Steps

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Whether it seems out of the blue or you felt it coming, it can be scary to hear your spouse say, “I want a divorce” or “I’m done.” If this is the situation you’re in, remember that it’s not over ‘til it’s over. Even spouses who say they want to divorce may be somewhat ambivalent about that decision, meaning that there can be hope for a reconciliation.

If you trulywant to avoid divorce, you must demonstrate that you are capable of real change. Think deeply about what has gotten you both to this place. What has your spouse been complaining about for a very long time? What have you been remiss in hearing? Consider the behaviors you are willing to change to make your marriage work.

It may seem unfair that you have to do the changing, but when your spouse has hit their limit and you’re the one who wants to make it work, you may need to make the first move toward real change. Here we share what to do and not do if your spouse tells you that they want a divorce.

If your spouse wants a divorce becauseyou have an addiction,you had an affair, oryou are abusive, you may have a long road ahead of you to repair the damage you have caused. Getting professional help is a good first step to moving past these issues.

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What Not to Do If Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Here are some actions that can make it difficult to meet your goal of saving the marriage, making it important to work hard to avoid them:

Harmful Effects of Threatening Divorce During an Argument

What to Do If Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

Try these proactive steps to repair your rift and encourage your partner to change their mind about divorce. Ultimately, the goal is not only to avoid divorce but to improve the health of your relationship.

7 Surprising Ways to Make Your Relationship Even Better

Next Steps If Divorce Is On the Table

In addition to taking the proactive steps mentioned above, you might be wondering the best way to proceed or move forward. There are a few immediate steps to consider if you and your spouse have discussed getting a divorce.

Going through or considering a divorce can be emotionally distressing. To stay mentally strong, remember topractice self-careand reach out for support. You may also consider seeing a therapist on your own orjoining a support group.

Final Thoughts

Making positive changes, regardless of whether your marriage ultimately works out or not, is always a good idea. There may be somebehaviors or traits you have that can be problematic in most relationships. Working through them helps improve your ability to connect and communicate with a romantic partner (whether it be your current spouse or someone new).

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3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Smith I.Hygiene indifference: The symptom we don’t talk about. National Alliance on Mental Illness.American Psychological Association.Healthy divorce: How to make your split as smooth as possible.Mental Health America.Coping with separation and divorce.

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Smith I.Hygiene indifference: The symptom we don’t talk about. National Alliance on Mental Illness.American Psychological Association.Healthy divorce: How to make your split as smooth as possible.Mental Health America.Coping with separation and divorce.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Smith I.Hygiene indifference: The symptom we don’t talk about. National Alliance on Mental Illness.American Psychological Association.Healthy divorce: How to make your split as smooth as possible.Mental Health America.Coping with separation and divorce.

Smith I.Hygiene indifference: The symptom we don’t talk about. National Alliance on Mental Illness.

American Psychological Association.Healthy divorce: How to make your split as smooth as possible.

Mental Health America.Coping with separation and divorce.

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