Got a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law? Here's How to Maintain Your Boundaries

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsTraitsImpactSetting Boundaries

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Traits

Impact

Setting Boundaries

In-law family dynamics are understandably complicated because you’re merging two very distinct approaches to life. However, having to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law introduces a new dimension of complications that can quickly become exhausting for everyone involved.

Whilenarcissistic personality disorderis a formal diagnosis, the nature of the disorder often means that it goes undiagnosed.This is because many narcissists do not fully grasp the problem with their behaviors or character.

That said, a diagnosis is not always necessary in order to identify whether someone is a narcissist, notes therapistNatalie Jambazian, LMFT,who specializes innarcissist abuserecovery. She adds that since narcissism falls under a wide spectrum, it’s also possible for someone not to have a full diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder even if they exhibit some narcissistic traits. The person on the receiving end of this behavior, then, can look for definingtraits of a narcissist.

There are key signs and characteristics that you are dealing with a narcissist, including an absence of remorse,lack of guilt or empathy, or a lack of accountability or responsibility.—NATALIE JAMBAZIAN, LMFT

There are key signs and characteristics that you are dealing with a narcissist, including an absence of remorse,lack of guilt or empathy, or a lack of accountability or responsibility.

—NATALIE JAMBAZIAN, LMFT

“They may also project their insecurities onto others, victimize themselves, and blame others. They often are selfish and exhibit controlling behaviors," Jambazian says.

How to Spot a Narcissistic Sociopath

Traits of a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

Generally speaking, narcissists are very inwardly focused, which is often at the expense of others. TherapistLeanna Stockard, LMFT, says this can present as avoiding blame, neglecting personal responsibility, acting selfishly, utilizing manipulative tactics to get their way, and being unable to see another’s perspective.

The official diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in theDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR)includes exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, a delusional sense of self, diminished ability or unwillingness to empathize with others’ feelings, interpersonally exploitative behavior.

Specifically, some traits or behaviors you might see in a narcissistic mother-in-law may include:

5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Them

The Impact of a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law on Family Dynamics

She adds that narcissistic mother-in-laws also have no sense of boundaries, and therefore violate boundaries on your personal space, decisions, and parenting styles. They are also skilled manipulators and may use guilt, fear, oremotional blackmailto maintain control in a situation or dynamic.

—LEANNA STOCKARD, LMFT

“This can be emotionally and psychologically exhausting, especially if your partner is in denial of their mother’s toxic traits,” Stockard says. “Having to constantly prove yourself, feeling anxious, or not knowing what to expect from your mother-in-law can be damaging to your mental health.”

What complicates things further, sometimes, is that narcissistic mother-in-laws are somewhat unpredictable and can be very good at disguising some of their toxic traits when around others. They may show a completely different image of themselves outside versus inside of their family dynamics, which can feel very confusing and frustrating.

How to Recognize a Covert Narcissist

Setting Boundaries & Managing Your Relationship

This cycle only continues unless firmboundaries are set, and it’s important for both you and your partner to get on the same page so you can become a united front. This strengthens your relationship and creates a strong signal.

“Some practical strategies to set boundaries include learning to say no and not feeling like you need to give into requests, demands, orunrealistic expectationsyour mother-in-law may set on you,” Stockard says. “I recommend staying calm but assertive and communicating your boundaries.”

Examples of Boundaries To Draw

All that said, Jambazian adds that “establishing and enforcing boundaries with your mother-in-law can be a gradual process and may take some time to see its effects.” People’s actions have natural consequences, and it’s essential to set your boundaries and uphold those consequences.

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Parent

What to Avoid

Reasoning can be difficult with a narcissist living in their own world, especially if they’ve lived in that world for some time and see nothing wrong with their behaviors. As tempting (and difficult) as it might be, try to avoid the following:

What This Means For YouThe best thing you can do in a narcissistic relationship dynamic is to recognize that this behavior is atypical, that you aren’t “crazy” for feeling the way you do, and that it’s imperative to draw firm boundaries and prioritize yourself and your family first and foremost.

What This Means For You

The best thing you can do in a narcissistic relationship dynamic is to recognize that this behavior is atypical, that you aren’t “crazy” for feeling the way you do, and that it’s imperative to draw firm boundaries and prioritize yourself and your family first and foremost.

If you or a loved one are a victim of narcissistic abuse, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database

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2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE. Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges.AJP. 2015;172(5):415-422.National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE. Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges.AJP. 2015;172(5):415-422.National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.

Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE. Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges.AJP. 2015;172(5):415-422.National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.

Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE. Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges.AJP. 2015;172(5):415-422.

National Institute of Mental Health.Personality disorders.

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Traits of a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law#

The Impact of a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law on Family Dynamics#

Setting Boundaries & Managing Your Relationship#

Examples of Boundaries To Draw#

What to Avoid#

What This Means For You#