From Heartbreak to Healing: Navigating the 7 Stages of a Breakup

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsStage 1: AmbivalenceStage 2: Denial and ShockStage 3: Anger and ResentmentStage 4: Bargaining and NegotiationStage 5: Depression and SadnessStage 6: Acceptance and HealingStage 7: Growth and Moving OnKeep in Mind

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Stage 1: Ambivalence

Stage 2: Denial and Shock

Stage 3: Anger and Resentment

Stage 4: Bargaining and Negotiation

Stage 5: Depression and Sadness

Stage 6: Acceptance and Healing

Stage 7: Growth and Moving On

Keep in Mind

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We know that breakups can be devastating, no matter how they play out. One minute you’re strolling through the park hand in hand, picturing your future together. Next thing you know, you’re left alone with visions of your future plans crumbling around you.

Going through abreakup can beas painful as grieving the death of a loved one because we’re essentially losing one of the most important relationships in our lives, saysClaudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

When it comes to breakups, you can experience anger, resentment, and loss all in the same breath, saysClarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist, relationship coach, and developer of “Your Happiness Hypothesis.”

But at the end of this road, there is acceptance and growth, so hang in there!

At a GlanceThe stages of a breakup are similar to the stages of grief. Here’s what you can expect to go through:Ambivalence: “Was breaking up the right thing to do?”Denial and shock: “This cannot be happening!”Anger and resentment:“How dare they do this to me?”Bargaining and negotiation:“Things will be different this time.”Depression and sadness:“No one will ever love me.”Acceptance and healing:“The relationship ran its course and it’s over now. I’ll be OK.”Growth and moving on:“I’ve moved on. I’m happy for them, wherever they are.”

At a Glance

The stages of a breakup are similar to the stages of grief. Here’s what you can expect to go through:Ambivalence: “Was breaking up the right thing to do?”Denial and shock: “This cannot be happening!”Anger and resentment:“How dare they do this to me?”Bargaining and negotiation:“Things will be different this time.”Depression and sadness:“No one will ever love me.”Acceptance and healing:“The relationship ran its course and it’s over now. I’ll be OK.”Growth and moving on:“I’ve moved on. I’m happy for them, wherever they are.”

The stages of a breakup are similar to the stages of grief. Here’s what you can expect to go through:

A million thoughts and feelings run through your head immediately after abreakup. At this stage, your heart and head play tug of war with your emotions, pulling you in different directions.

These are some of the thoughts and behaviors you may experience in this stage:

Coping Strategies

These are some strategies that can help you cope with mixed feelings:

How to End a Relationship the Right Way

Shocktends to set in soon after a breakup. At this stage, we’re in denial about the breakup and our emotions. “Denial is a protective mechanism that absorbs the pain as we slowly deal with a shifting reality,” says de Llano.

These are some strategies that can help you cope with shock anddenial:

8 Ways to Feel Better After a Breakup, According to the Experts

In the wake of a breakup, you may feel intenseangerand resentment toward your ex.

These are some strategies that can help you cope withangerand resentment:

How to Forgive Your Partner Who Has Hurt You

Thebargaining stageis where we negotiate with ourselves and our partners ways in which we can change ourselves or our situation in order to regain the relationship, de Llano explains. “It’s a grief response that helps us cope with the pain of a breakup.”

These are some strategies that can help you cope:

Should I Get Back With My Ex? 4 Things to Consider Before You Reconsider

Breakups can be painful and even lead to depression.

In this phase, it feels as if the rug has been pulled out from under you and the ground you once stood on is no longer there to support you.—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

In this phase, it feels as if the rug has been pulled out from under you and the ground you once stood on is no longer there to support you.

—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

These are some strategies that can help you cope with depression and sadness:

How to Get Over Someone

You will heal over time and eventually be able toacceptthe loss.

When we reach this stage, we allow ourselves to integrate the feelings, experiences, lessons, and memories of the relationship and come to the realization that it has run its course.—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

When we reach this stage, we allow ourselves to integrate the feelings, experiences, lessons, and memories of the relationship and come to the realization that it has run its course.

Healing Strategies

These are some strategies that can help promote healing:

Allow yourself to recognize and feel the loss while still remembering you will love again.—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

Allow yourself to recognize and feel the loss while still remembering you will love again.

Eventually, you will reach a frame of mind where you’re ready to move on and grow as a person.

Growth Strategies

These are some strategies that can help promote growth:

A breakup can be quite an emotional journey. Although the process can be painful, each stage is a stepping stone toward a stronger, wiser version of ourselves.

If you’ve recently been through a bad breakup, hang in there and remember that things will get better. It will take time, but one day you’ll wake up and it won’t hurt so much. Focus on practicing self-compassion andtaking care of yourselfin the meantime. You’ve got this!

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3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.O’Hara KL, Grinberg AM, Tackman AM, Mehl MR, Sbarra DA.Contact with an ex-partner is associated with psychological distress after marital separation.Clin Psychol Sci.2020 May;8(3):450-463. doi: 10.1177/2167702620916454Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019 May 31;14(5):e0217320. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: the potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi: 10.1177/2167696817711766

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.O’Hara KL, Grinberg AM, Tackman AM, Mehl MR, Sbarra DA.Contact with an ex-partner is associated with psychological distress after marital separation.Clin Psychol Sci.2020 May;8(3):450-463. doi: 10.1177/2167702620916454Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019 May 31;14(5):e0217320. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: the potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi: 10.1177/2167696817711766

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

O’Hara KL, Grinberg AM, Tackman AM, Mehl MR, Sbarra DA.Contact with an ex-partner is associated with psychological distress after marital separation.Clin Psychol Sci.2020 May;8(3):450-463. doi: 10.1177/2167702620916454Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019 May 31;14(5):e0217320. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: the potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi: 10.1177/2167696817711766

O’Hara KL, Grinberg AM, Tackman AM, Mehl MR, Sbarra DA.Contact with an ex-partner is associated with psychological distress after marital separation.Clin Psychol Sci.2020 May;8(3):450-463. doi: 10.1177/2167702620916454

Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019 May 31;14(5):e0217320. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0217320

Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: the potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi: 10.1177/2167696817711766

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