If you havean insecure partner,it is important to be supportive. Supporting an insecure partner can be challenging, but there are many resources available to help you and your partner.
There are a number of things you can do to help them feel more confident and secure in the relationship.
Insecurity is a common human experience, and it often finds its way into our relationships. Whether it results from past experiences, personal doubts, or external pressures, feeling insecure is a natural part of being human.
However, for some people, insecurity can be a persistent problem that interferes with their relationships and well-being.
How we navigate and support our partners through these moments of vulnerability can significantly impact the health of our relationships.
Along with building self-esteem and cultivating open dialogue, supporting your partner through their insecurities can also strengthen your bond and create a safe space for growth and intimacy.
Below are some ways in which you can help an insecure partner:
Help them identify the problem
Encourage your partner to communicate honestly with you and actively listen to what they have to say without judgment.
Ask them open-ended questions to help them explore their feelings and articulate what is making them feel insecure. For example:
Try to identify the specific triggers or events that contribute to their insecurity.
Practice healthy communication
Be honest andopen with your partner, and be willing to listen to their concerns. Avoid blaming, name-calling, and other forms of communication that can be hurtful or destructive.
Ensure that communication is a two-way street, where both partners actively contribute to the conversation and feel safe expressing their feelings and concerns.
“Don’t tell them what they’re feeling is stupid or silly; they have a right to their feelings. Part of being a healthy partner is being respectful of how they feel, even though you may not agree with it.”
Tips for practicing healthy communication
Dr Marshall Rosenberg’s book‘Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life’provides guidance for expressing your needs to your partner in an empathetic and healthy way.
Offer support
Let your partner know that you are there for them and willing to work together to address these issues.
Here are some ways to support an insecure partner:
Remain calm and patient with your partner, as it takes time to overcome insecurity. Furthermore, try not to be emotionally reactive when they are struggling with insecurities, especially if these stem from trauma.
You cannot fix your partner’s insecurity, but offering support can help them feel loved and cared for, making it easier to overcome their insecurity.
Create healthy boundaries
Creating healthy boundaries means setting limits on what you are and are not willing to do. Both partners need to clarify their needs and expectations to avoid misunderstandings.
Establish clear boundaries that respect each other’s personal space, interests, and privacy.
“You need to support their growth and change again. If you just enable and you are codependent in the relationship, and they’re not getting better, and they’re not getting healthier, then they’re always going to struggle with insecurities.”
Tips for creating healthy boundaries:
Don’t risk your own needs
Supporting your partner does not mean sacrificing your own well-being.
Furthermore, make your physical and mental health a priority. This will increase your resilience and ability to cope with your partner’s insecurity.
You may also consider seeking professional help if you are struggling to help your partner without sacrificing your own needs.
Observe your own behavior
Recognize that your actions and words can profoundly impact your partner’s feelings of security and self-worth.
By being mindful of how you communicate and behave, you can actively contribute to your partner’s sense of reassurance and trust.
This means choosing your words carefully and avoiding saying or doing anything that could hurt your partner’s feelings.
It also means being aware of your own insecurities and how they may be affecting your relationship. Are there any patterns in your behavior that could be making your partner feel insecure?
Licensed clinical psychologist Sarah Schewitz suggests the following additional tips:
Spend quality time together
By dedicating meaningful time to your partner, you can help them feel valued, cherished, and secure within the relationship.
Engaging in shared experiences not only deepens your connection but also provides opportunities for open communication and emotional support.
Here are a few tips for spending quality time with your insecure partner:
Encourage interests outside of the relationship
Clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone highlights the importance of individuality within relationships.
Encouraging your partner to explore their passions and hobbies outside of the relationship can strengthen their independence and self-confidence, reducing their reliance on the relationship for validation.
This will help them to develop their own identity and sense of self, which can boost their self-esteem and make them feel more secure in the relationship.
Here are some tips:
Red flags in an insecure partner
Insecure partners may exhibit a number of red flags. Below are some common examples:
These behaviors indicate underlying insecurities that, if left unaddressed, can cause significant distress or harm to the relationship.
If you are in a relationship with an insecure partner, it is important to be aware of these red flags, set boundaries, and communicate your needs clearly.
If your partner is unwilling to change their behavior, it may be best to end the relationship.
When should I walk away?
Knowing when to walk away from a relationship with an insecure partner can be challenging but is necessary for your own well-being. It is best to protect yourself and end the relationship if:
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), prioritizing your own mental and emotional health is crucial in relationships, and if those needs are consistently unmet due to an insecure partner’s behavior, it is a valid reason to walk away.
It is important to remember that you cannot change your partner. If you have tried to support them and they are unwilling to change, it is okay to move on.
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is secure in themselves and who makes you feel loved and supported.
FAQs
Is insecurity in a partner a sign of love?Insecurity in a partner is not necessarily a sign of love. In fact, it can be a sign ofunhealthy attachment, control issues, or unhealed emotional wounds.While some people become more insecure when they are deeply in love, it is important to remember that love should not be based on fear or insecurity.Love can sometimes manifest as concern or vulnerability, but excessive insecurity usually originates from personal issues or past experiences rather than genuine love.A healthy relationship is one in which both partners feel secure, supported, and loved and in which they can communicate their needs and feelings openly. Excessive insecurity often leads to relationship problems if not addressed.It is important to distinguish between healthy expressions of love and controlling or possessive behavior, which can be harmful.
Is insecurity in a partner a sign of love?
Insecurity in a partner is not necessarily a sign of love. In fact, it can be a sign ofunhealthy attachment, control issues, or unhealed emotional wounds.While some people become more insecure when they are deeply in love, it is important to remember that love should not be based on fear or insecurity.Love can sometimes manifest as concern or vulnerability, but excessive insecurity usually originates from personal issues or past experiences rather than genuine love.A healthy relationship is one in which both partners feel secure, supported, and loved and in which they can communicate their needs and feelings openly. Excessive insecurity often leads to relationship problems if not addressed.It is important to distinguish between healthy expressions of love and controlling or possessive behavior, which can be harmful.
Insecurity in a partner is not necessarily a sign of love. In fact, it can be a sign ofunhealthy attachment, control issues, or unhealed emotional wounds.
While some people become more insecure when they are deeply in love, it is important to remember that love should not be based on fear or insecurity.
Love can sometimes manifest as concern or vulnerability, but excessive insecurity usually originates from personal issues or past experiences rather than genuine love.A healthy relationship is one in which both partners feel secure, supported, and loved and in which they can communicate their needs and feelings openly. Excessive insecurity often leads to relationship problems if not addressed.
It is important to distinguish between healthy expressions of love and controlling or possessive behavior, which can be harmful.
Can an insecure partner ever change?Yes, an insecure partner can change with time, self-awareness, and effort. With open communication and personal growth, individuals can work on overcoming their insecurities and building healthier relationships.In order for your partner to change, they must first be willing to admit that they have a problem and that they want to change. Once they are willing to change, they can work on developing healthy coping mechanisms and building their self-esteem.There are a number of things you can do to support your partner as they work on changing.For example, you can set healthy boundaries, encourage them to seek professional help, and spend quality time together whilst also making time for your own needs and interests.
Can an insecure partner ever change?
Yes, an insecure partner can change with time, self-awareness, and effort. With open communication and personal growth, individuals can work on overcoming their insecurities and building healthier relationships.In order for your partner to change, they must first be willing to admit that they have a problem and that they want to change. Once they are willing to change, they can work on developing healthy coping mechanisms and building their self-esteem.There are a number of things you can do to support your partner as they work on changing.For example, you can set healthy boundaries, encourage them to seek professional help, and spend quality time together whilst also making time for your own needs and interests.
Yes, an insecure partner can change with time, self-awareness, and effort. With open communication and personal growth, individuals can work on overcoming their insecurities and building healthier relationships.
In order for your partner to change, they must first be willing to admit that they have a problem and that they want to change. Once they are willing to change, they can work on developing healthy coping mechanisms and building their self-esteem.
There are a number of things you can do to support your partner as they work on changing.
For example, you can set healthy boundaries, encourage them to seek professional help, and spend quality time together whilst also making time for your own needs and interests.
How can insecurity ruin a relationship?
The constant presence of insecurity can cause emotional distance, increasing anxiety and stress for both partners.
It can also lead to jealousy and possessiveness, causing conflicts and distance between partners. This emotional strain can cause relationship dissatisfaction and potentially the end of the relationship.
Insecurity often leads to trust issues, causing one to constantly question their partner’s loyalty. This distrust can result in a need for continuous reassurance, which is emotionally exhausting for both partners.
Furthermore, communication often breaks down as the insecure individual feels scared of being vulnerable and openly expressing their feelings, leading to misunderstandings and a lack of intimacy. This makes it difficult to develop a deep and meaningful connection.
References
Anxiety and insecurity: How they kill relationships and what to do |HealthyPlace. (2021, December 21).https://www.healthyplace.com/anxiety-panic/relationships/anxiety-and-insecurity-how-they-kill-relationships-and-what-to-do#:~:text=Insecurity%20can%20make%20someone%20afraid,significant%20distress%20and%20heightened%20anxiety.
Boundaries: What are they and how to create them | Wellness Center |University of Illinois Chicago. (n.d.).https://wellnesscenter.uic.edu/news-stories/boundaries-what-are-they-and-how-to-create-them/
Firestone, T. (2018, May 4). Preserving individuality to strengthen yourrelationship – PsychAlive. PsychAlive.https://www.psychalive.org/preserving-individuality-strengthen-relationship/
Gupta, S. (2023b). Insecurity in relationships: Ways to cope. Verywell Mind.https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-insecurity-in-a-relationship-5207949
Happy couples: How to keep your relationship healthy. (2020, January 1).https://www.apa.org.https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-relationships
Healthy Relationships – The Hotline. (2022, January 7). The Hotline.https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/
How to Help an Insecure Partner Feel Loved. (2023). Retrieved 14 September2023, fromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/social-instincts/202306/how-to-make-an-insecure-partner-feel-safe-and-loved
Karmin, A. (2016, December 19). Insecure people, controlling behavior. PsychCentral.https://psychcentral.com/blog/anger/2016/12/insecure-people-controlling-behavior#1
Mairanz, A. (2019). How to Navigate a Relationship with an Insecure Partner.Empower Your Mind Therapy.https://eymtherapy.com/blog/how-to-navigate-a-relationship-with-an-insecure-partner/
Nash, J., PhD. (2023b). How to set healthy boundaries & Build positiverelationships. PositivePsychology.com.https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
PsyD, S. S. (2023, August 27). How to Deal with an Insecure Person: 16 Tips.wikiHow.https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-an-Insecure-Person
Simpson, J. A., & Overall, N. C. (2014). Partner buffering of attachment insecurity.Current directions in psychological science,23(1), 54-59.
Singh, A. (2022, August 3). 7 Keys To Building Stronger and BetterRelationships in Your Life. Calm Sage – Your Guide to Mental and EmotionalWell-being.https://www.calmsage.com/how-to-build-stronger-and-better-relationships/
User, S. (n.d.). 5 ways to deal with an insecure partner. Insight TherapyLLC.https://www.insighttherapyllc.com/mental-health-articles/99-5-ways-to-deal-with-an-insecure-partner
Williams, P. (2021, December 28). Is Jealousy A Sign Of Love? – Hello, Love– Medium. Medium.https://medium.com/hello-love/is-jealousy-a-sign-of-love-8cbcc53cf84f
Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education
Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Haddi BrowneMental Health Writer, Mental Health Researcher, ProofreaderEducation BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Mental Health StudiesMiss Haddi Browne is a freelance mental health writer and proof-reader with over seven years of experience working as a professional researcher with a diverse range of clients across the lifespan, including young adults with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.
Haddi BrowneMental Health Writer, Mental Health Researcher, ProofreaderEducation BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Mental Health Studies
Haddi Browne
Mental Health Writer, Mental Health Researcher, Proofreader
Education BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Mental Health Studies
Miss Haddi Browne is a freelance mental health writer and proof-reader with over seven years of experience working as a professional researcher with a diverse range of clients across the lifespan, including young adults with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.
