Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsFinancial Cheating is Surprisingly CommonRed FlagsWhat to Do
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Financial Cheating is Surprisingly Common
Red Flags
What to Do
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One of thecommon warning signs or red flagsin a marriage is lying about money—AKA financial cheating. Even thoughone in three Americansadmits to lying about money to their spouse,the issue is too important to avoid. Small lies about finances can lead to even more damaging behaviors in your relationship or marriage.
A stash of money in the bottom of a cookie jar probably won’t destroy your relationship. But realizing that your partner cheats on you financially could be the beginning of the end of your relationship. In an already troubled relationship, financial infidelity could be what makes you decide tocall it quits.
Read on for an examination of financial infidelity, why people do it, and how to cope.
Of the offenders, 30% have hidden a bill, 16% have hidden a major purchase, 15% had a secret bank account, 11% lied about their debts and another 11% lied about the amount of money they earned."
Boston-based family therapist Carleton Kendrick has been counseling couples for over 30 years and says money deception has become a huge issue in the last decade. Kendrick says, “the chief reasons people lie about money to their partners are pragmatism, control, guilt, and fear. The pragmatic lie may result from planning an eventual split and not wanting the other to know how much money is available.”
Financial infidelity for control may include revenge spending, as one partner overspends to prove their independence or to get back at the other for something lacking in the relationship. Knowingly irresponsible behavior may cause guilt and embarrassment, so the person attempts to cover it up. Deceit may also occur because they fear their partner’s reaction to the truth.
Why Do People in Relationships Cheat?
A Few Financial Cheating Red Flags
These are some things to watch out for if you suspect your partner may be financially deceiving you.
What to Do About Financial Infidelity in Your Relationship
Here are some ways to work on fixing this issue with your partner.
Create an Open Dialogue
Have a weekly discussion about the state of your finances. It doesn’t have to be long, but make time to check on your accounts together and talk about upcoming bills, issues, goals, hopes, etc.
Relieve Stress and Bond More By Spending Less This Valentine’s Day
If you are the cheater, admit you made a mistake, stop lying about your finances. Make a decision to behonest, open, and to keep your promises. Accept your responsibility for bringing financial infidelity into your marriage. And sincerely apologize.
Be realistic about what can and can’t be done to salvage your financial situation. Set up separate checking accounts along with a joint account. Decide together how much you can each deposit in the personal accounts and a joint account. It is important that you both agree that those funds are yours individually to do with what you want.
If these suggestions don’t help, seek financial and/or couples counseling.Lying, hiding or being secretive about money is a big marriage “no-no.” If there is a problem in regard to this, it is time to fix it with respect and integrity.
Financial Stress: How to Cope
3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Goudreau, J.Is your partner cheating on you financially? 31% admit money deception.Forbes.com. 2011.Jeanfreau, M., Noguchi, K., Mong, M. D., & Stadthagen, H. (2018).Financial Infidelity in Couple Relationships.Journal of Financial Therapy,2018;9(1):2. doi:10.4148/1944-9771.1159Junare, SO, Patel, FM.Financial infidelity - Secret saving behavior of the individual.Journal of Business Management & Social Sciences Research. 2012;1(2).40-44.
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Goudreau, J.Is your partner cheating on you financially? 31% admit money deception.Forbes.com. 2011.Jeanfreau, M., Noguchi, K., Mong, M. D., & Stadthagen, H. (2018).Financial Infidelity in Couple Relationships.Journal of Financial Therapy,2018;9(1):2. doi:10.4148/1944-9771.1159Junare, SO, Patel, FM.Financial infidelity - Secret saving behavior of the individual.Journal of Business Management & Social Sciences Research. 2012;1(2).40-44.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Goudreau, J.Is your partner cheating on you financially? 31% admit money deception.Forbes.com. 2011.Jeanfreau, M., Noguchi, K., Mong, M. D., & Stadthagen, H. (2018).Financial Infidelity in Couple Relationships.Journal of Financial Therapy,2018;9(1):2. doi:10.4148/1944-9771.1159Junare, SO, Patel, FM.Financial infidelity - Secret saving behavior of the individual.Journal of Business Management & Social Sciences Research. 2012;1(2).40-44.
Goudreau, J.Is your partner cheating on you financially? 31% admit money deception.Forbes.com. 2011.
Jeanfreau, M., Noguchi, K., Mong, M. D., & Stadthagen, H. (2018).Financial Infidelity in Couple Relationships.Journal of Financial Therapy,2018;9(1):2. doi:10.4148/1944-9771.1159
Junare, SO, Patel, FM.Financial infidelity - Secret saving behavior of the individual.Journal of Business Management & Social Sciences Research. 2012;1(2).40-44.
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