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We tend to think ofphysical touchas one of the fivelove languages, and perhaps something that isn’t a priority for everyone. But whether you consider yourself a physically affectionate person or not, nonsexual touch plays an important role in all of our lives.

A lack of touch is called touch starvation or skin hunger. And even those of us who are averse to lots of physical contact with others benefit from some amount of it, and we suffer when we don’t experience it.

At a GlanceTouch starvation is what happens when you don’t get enough physical contact with another person, and it can occur even when you’re in a relationship. Also known as skin hunger, touch starvation can have really detrimental effects on mental health so it’s important to take notice if you’re experiencing prolonged phases without this type of contact and to ask for it from others. Just a couple of hugs a day can really help. If you’re feeling truly isolated or unable to get the touch you need, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support.

At a Glance

Touch starvation is what happens when you don’t get enough physical contact with another person, and it can occur even when you’re in a relationship. Also known as skin hunger, touch starvation can have really detrimental effects on mental health so it’s important to take notice if you’re experiencing prolonged phases without this type of contact and to ask for it from others. Just a couple of hugs a day can really help. If you’re feeling truly isolated or unable to get the touch you need, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support.

What does it mean to be touch starved?

It’s normal to go for short periods of time without touch.Dr. Patrice Le Goyexplains touch starvation as what occurs “when we go for an extended period of time without receiving physical touch from another person.” You may notice touch starvation intensely, or it might be just a background feeling for you.

If you’re in a relationship that lacks physical contact, you may be particularly frustrated. That’s because as adults, our partners are the default place we receive affection and touch from. Whether you think about it a lot or a little, a lack of touch impacts you regardless, and it may cause a strain on your relationship if not addressed. Let’s look at why that is.

Why do I crave it?

Being touched and touching others makes us feel good on a physiological level. It provides important psychological benefits too, of course, but it has a real impact on our hormones. Le Goy explains that “physical touch is calming and soothing and provides comfort when we are distressed. It also releases the “love hormone” oxytocin and reduces the “stress hormone” (cortisol).”

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What happens when we don’t get enough physical touch?

As you might guess, when we are touch-starved we are less likely to thrive in the ways that we do when we experience touch on a regular basis.

Le Goy says that touch starvation can express itself as an assortment of emotional and physiological symptoms. “When we are starved for touch and are getting lessoxytocinand morecortisol, it makes sense that we start showing symptoms ofdepression, stress, and anxiety,” she tells us.

Causes and Contributing Factors of Touch Starvation

Occurrences both in childhood and as adults can contribute to a situation of touch starvation. Let’s look at them more closely.

Childhood Care

Because it’s so important for babies and children to be touched in order for them to grow properly both physically and emotionally, a lack of touch in childhood can create lifelong issues.

“As children get older, not receiving adequate physical touch can lead to isolation, behavioral issues, and difficulty forming healthyrelationship attachments,” says Le Goy. Once we are adults, we may have an aversion to touch if we were not properly handled as kids.

“As adults it can feel uncomfortable or unsafe to seek out that type of closeness,” says Le Goy on what can occur when touch-starved children grow into adulthood.

Loss of Relationship

Le Goy says that you “may experience this after the loss of a relationship where they suddenly do not have that partner who was reliably providing them with that physical connection.” If you are used to having someone with whom to hold hands and cuddle, and suddenly you don’t, the change can feel profound.

COVID-19 Societal Changes

“We have to consider how the COVID-19 pandemic affected people’s fear around being close to each other, the isolation many people experienced, and what impact that has on us over time,” says Le Goy. Studies have shown that touch hunger is indeed an unfortunate consequence of the pandemic.

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Relationship Challenges

Some people shy away from their partner(s) when they’re going through a rough time. Others stop being affectionate when they feel less attracted to someone. And for still others, conflicts in relationship that go unaddressed or unresolved can lead to a lack of interest in being physical.

When in a relationship, clear and kindcommunicationis the most effective way to address and recover from touch starvation. If you notice your partner(s) touching you less, you can lead with curiosity instead of judgment, share what you are observing and check in with your partner about what may be happening, and work together to resolve the issues causing it.

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Practical Solutions to Alleviate Touch Starvation

As painful as it is for our overall emotional wellness to not experience touch, thankfully there are many ways of relieving skin hunger. Dr. Le Goy suggests the following practical ways you can alleviate touch starvation in your life, and reminds us that “it is important to remember that all physical touch counts—so if yours is due to losing a relationship partner, you don’t necessarily need to be in another romantic relationship in order to have these needs met.” All of the following activities will help to release oxytocin and reduce your cortisol levels.

What Is Healing Touch Therapy?

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy can help us with anything going on in our lives, and touch starvation is no exception. Le Goy says that if you aren’t sure whether or not you’re experiencing skin hunger, “therapy can help you understand if you are touch starved.” From there, she explains that “a therapist can help you come up with healthy strategies for alleviating the symptoms and regulating your emotions.”

Beyond the introspection and practical advice that a therapist would be beneficial for, Le Goy notes that “sharing your feelings with someone can help you feel less isolated and more empowered and connected.” Touch starvation involves a lack of connection physically, and working emotionally to connect with yourself is an excellent first step to connecting physically with others.

Surrogate partner therapy is a type of therapy in which a therapist, client, and surrogate partner form a three-person team to work together to support a client in understanding and resolving difficulties a client is experiencing, such as issues involving physical touch. Although a therapist cannot touch a client, a surrogate partner is a professional who can, and can work in conjunction with a therapist to support a client on their healing journey.

Why Touch Starvation Needs to Be Addressed

It might sound like a minor problem, but touch starvation is a serious issue that should not be ignored. Our need for touch begins at birth, and is critical for our proper development.

As adults, we continue to rely on touch to lower our stress hormones and keep happy chemicals such as oxytocin in our systems. Not addressing touch starvation can lead to depression, stress, and anxiety that it causes lasting longer than they otherwise would.

How to Find a Therapist

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Heatley Tejada A, Dunbar RIM, Montero M. Physical contact and loneliness: being touched reduces perceptions of loneliness.Adapt Human Behav Physiol. 2020;6(3):292-306.Dreisoerner A, Junker NM, Schlotz W, et al.Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity.Compr Psychoneuroendocrinol. 2021;8:100091.Ardiel EL, Rankin CH.The importance of touch in development.Paediatr Child Health. 2010;15(3):153-156.Golaya S.Touch-hunger: an unexplored consequence of the covid-19 pandemic.Indian J Psychol Med. 2021;43(4):362-363.

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Heatley Tejada A, Dunbar RIM, Montero M. Physical contact and loneliness: being touched reduces perceptions of loneliness.Adapt Human Behav Physiol. 2020;6(3):292-306.Dreisoerner A, Junker NM, Schlotz W, et al.Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity.Compr Psychoneuroendocrinol. 2021;8:100091.Ardiel EL, Rankin CH.The importance of touch in development.Paediatr Child Health. 2010;15(3):153-156.Golaya S.Touch-hunger: an unexplored consequence of the covid-19 pandemic.Indian J Psychol Med. 2021;43(4):362-363.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Heatley Tejada A, Dunbar RIM, Montero M. Physical contact and loneliness: being touched reduces perceptions of loneliness.Adapt Human Behav Physiol. 2020;6(3):292-306.Dreisoerner A, Junker NM, Schlotz W, et al.Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity.Compr Psychoneuroendocrinol. 2021;8:100091.Ardiel EL, Rankin CH.The importance of touch in development.Paediatr Child Health. 2010;15(3):153-156.Golaya S.Touch-hunger: an unexplored consequence of the covid-19 pandemic.Indian J Psychol Med. 2021;43(4):362-363.

Heatley Tejada A, Dunbar RIM, Montero M. Physical contact and loneliness: being touched reduces perceptions of loneliness.Adapt Human Behav Physiol. 2020;6(3):292-306.

Dreisoerner A, Junker NM, Schlotz W, et al.Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity.Compr Psychoneuroendocrinol. 2021;8:100091.

Ardiel EL, Rankin CH.The importance of touch in development.Paediatr Child Health. 2010;15(3):153-156.

Golaya S.Touch-hunger: an unexplored consequence of the covid-19 pandemic.Indian J Psychol Med. 2021;43(4):362-363.

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