Don't Trust Yourself? Why You Feel This Way and What to Do

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsReasonsEffectsRebuilding Self-Trust

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs

Reasons

Effects

Rebuilding Self-Trust

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Trust is an important factorin any relationship, including yours with yourself. Not trusting yourself can make it difficult to make decisions, trust your instincts, meet your needs, and make the most of opportunities.This article lists some signs you don’t trust yourself, why you might feel this way, how this can affect you, and what you can do.Signs You Don’t Trust YourselfThese are some signs that you don’t trust yourself, according to clinical psychologist and Yeshiva University ProfessorSabrina Romanoff:You seek reassurance and advice from others instead of tuning in to how you feel about a situation.You solicit opinions from others around you for important decisions.You postpone decisions and procrastinate because uncertainty is easier to sit with than awrong decision.You avoid tuning in to your needs and desires and disconnect instead.You overestimate the perspective of others and undervalue your own thoughts and instincts.You feelguiltyafter making a decision and always fear that you made the wrong one.You ruminate about what could have been if you had taken another path.You compare your choices to those of others.You don’t believe you’ve made a good decision without external validation.You are quick to believe negative opinions of yourself.You underestimate the power of your choices.You don’t recognize and believe in your innatevalue and worth.‘I Hate Myself’: 8 Ways to Combat Self-HatredReasons You May Not Trust YourselfBelow, Dr. Romanoff unpacks some reasons you might feel as though you can’t trust yourself.Fear of Making the Wrong ChoicePeople who are not attuned to their own feelings and needs tend to regulate themselves based on the perspectives of others. Underlying theirlack of trustin themselves is the fear of making wrong choices and a lack of confidence in their ability to do what is best for themselves.They also tend to create a false dichotomy of right and wrong decisions. They simplify choices through this black-and-white lens to create an illusion of control, instead of recognizing their ability to thrive in various situations and to navigate adversity.Typically, people who don’t trust themselves have difficulty making choices and often struggle with choosing between two equally positive options. The struggle is less about which decision would be best and more about theirlack of confidencein their abilities. They seek to maximize their opportunities and set themselves up with the best possible situations to overcome their perceived shortcomings.Past Events and Present HabitsPeople who have made poor decisions or experiencedemotional abusefrequently second-guess themselves and seek others’ opinions and validation. Although this may help them feel safe and in control, the lack of confidence can worsen over time as they become further disconnected from their needs and instincts.The Impact of Not Trusting YourselfNot trusting yourself can take a toll on your physical and mental health. According to Dr. Romanoff, these are some of the negative effects you may experience:Mental health conditions:Elevated levels of anxiety, depression, and guiltDifficulty sleeping:Rumination over decisions atbedtime, when you’re unable to seek reassurance or distractionPhysical health conditions:Stress-related conditions such as impaired memory, heart problems, and diabetesSelf-Sabotaging: Why Does It HappenRebuilding Trust in YourselfIf you’d like to improve your level of self-trust, here are some steps you can take.Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDYour decisions have consequences, so building trust in them is important. Although seeking perspective and advice from others can help, others are not qualified to make decisions that affect you, and they don’t have to live with the outcomes.Tune In to Your Needs and InstinctsRebuilding trust in yourself usually involves improvingself-esteemand your belief in your ability to know what is best for you. Try to focus on addressing your own needs and what you want.When a big decision or situation arises, resist your inclination to tell someone else and get their advice. Instead, sit with the situation and process how you feel. Consider the pros and cons of each potential decision point.You may find it helpful to write out a list of pros and cons for each decision, as writing down your thoughts on paper can provide more clarity and perspective.Use Positive VisualizationPositivevisualizationcan help. Many people who struggle with self-trust tend to use negative visualization, which means they imagine the worst possible outcomes for their decisions. This devalues their opinions and idealizes the opinions of others.Instead, visualize the best possible outcome of a decision you face. For example, if you’re trying to choose between two business schools, imagine moving to each new city, meeting new friends, trying new restaurants, walking around the campus, and learning about interesting topics.Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.A Word From VerywellNot trusting yourself can take a major toll on your quality of life. Apart from mental and physical health problems, it can also cause you to miss out. For instance, you might not feel confident enough to pursue the career you want. Or, you might not trust your instincts about people and miss out on great relationships.Start listening to your inner voice and heed your instincts. This will help youbuild your confidenceand develop trust in yourself.“Am I Unlovable?”

Trust is an important factorin any relationship, including yours with yourself. Not trusting yourself can make it difficult to make decisions, trust your instincts, meet your needs, and make the most of opportunities.

This article lists some signs you don’t trust yourself, why you might feel this way, how this can affect you, and what you can do.

Signs You Don’t Trust Yourself

These are some signs that you don’t trust yourself, according to clinical psychologist and Yeshiva University ProfessorSabrina Romanoff:

‘I Hate Myself’: 8 Ways to Combat Self-Hatred

Reasons You May Not Trust Yourself

Below, Dr. Romanoff unpacks some reasons you might feel as though you can’t trust yourself.

Fear of Making the Wrong Choice

People who are not attuned to their own feelings and needs tend to regulate themselves based on the perspectives of others. Underlying theirlack of trustin themselves is the fear of making wrong choices and a lack of confidence in their ability to do what is best for themselves.

They also tend to create a false dichotomy of right and wrong decisions. They simplify choices through this black-and-white lens to create an illusion of control, instead of recognizing their ability to thrive in various situations and to navigate adversity.

Typically, people who don’t trust themselves have difficulty making choices and often struggle with choosing between two equally positive options. The struggle is less about which decision would be best and more about theirlack of confidencein their abilities. They seek to maximize their opportunities and set themselves up with the best possible situations to overcome their perceived shortcomings.

Past Events and Present Habits

People who have made poor decisions or experiencedemotional abusefrequently second-guess themselves and seek others’ opinions and validation. Although this may help them feel safe and in control, the lack of confidence can worsen over time as they become further disconnected from their needs and instincts.

The Impact of Not Trusting Yourself

Not trusting yourself can take a toll on your physical and mental health. According to Dr. Romanoff, these are some of the negative effects you may experience:

Self-Sabotaging: Why Does It Happen

Rebuilding Trust in Yourself

If you’d like to improve your level of self-trust, here are some steps you can take.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDYour decisions have consequences, so building trust in them is important. Although seeking perspective and advice from others can help, others are not qualified to make decisions that affect you, and they don’t have to live with the outcomes.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Your decisions have consequences, so building trust in them is important. Although seeking perspective and advice from others can help, others are not qualified to make decisions that affect you, and they don’t have to live with the outcomes.

Tune In to Your Needs and Instincts

Rebuilding trust in yourself usually involves improvingself-esteemand your belief in your ability to know what is best for you. Try to focus on addressing your own needs and what you want.

When a big decision or situation arises, resist your inclination to tell someone else and get their advice. Instead, sit with the situation and process how you feel. Consider the pros and cons of each potential decision point.

You may find it helpful to write out a list of pros and cons for each decision, as writing down your thoughts on paper can provide more clarity and perspective.

Use Positive Visualization

Positivevisualizationcan help. Many people who struggle with self-trust tend to use negative visualization, which means they imagine the worst possible outcomes for their decisions. This devalues their opinions and idealizes the opinions of others.

Instead, visualize the best possible outcome of a decision you face. For example, if you’re trying to choose between two business schools, imagine moving to each new city, meeting new friends, trying new restaurants, walking around the campus, and learning about interesting topics.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

A Word From Verywell

Not trusting yourself can take a major toll on your quality of life. Apart from mental and physical health problems, it can also cause you to miss out. For instance, you might not feel confident enough to pursue the career you want. Or, you might not trust your instincts about people and miss out on great relationships.

Start listening to your inner voice and heed your instincts. This will help youbuild your confidenceand develop trust in yourself.

“Am I Unlovable?”

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Hajloo N.Relationships between self-efficacy, self-esteem and procrastination in undergraduate psychology students.Iran J Psychiatry Behav Sci. 2014;8(3):42-49.

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