Do I Have to Like My Therapist?

The therapeutic relationship is very unique. It isn't uncommon to wonder if you need to like your therapist.

January 17, 2025 · 8 min · 1557 words · Robert Kelly

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Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDo I Have to Like My Therapist?How Much Should I Like My Therapist?What to Do If You Don’t Like Them

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

Do I Have to Like My Therapist?

How Much Should I Like My Therapist?

What to Do If You Don’t Like Them

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Therapycan feel like a unique and mysterious process. It isn’t uncommon to have questions about your treatment and therapist.

All Therapist-Client Relationships Are Different

Each scenario can raise concerns about what is “normal” in therapy and what is necessary to receive the best results possible. But, while you don’t have to like your therapist as much as you would a friend, you certainly should have a positive alliance with them. Read on to learn why!

There may be times in your therapy sessions when you’re wondering if you need to like your therapist. This is a normal question to have. Therapy is a space where you form both a professional and an emotionallyintimate relationshipwith someone you only interact with for a limited time each week.

Yes, You Should Like Your Therapist

It is essential to have positive feelings toward your therapist, but expecting yourself toalwayslike your therapist is unrealistic.

First, let’s address why it is important to like your therapist. Working with someone you generally like can facilitate feelings of connection in therapy. When feeling connected, you may have an easier time opening up to them.

It’s Hard to Be Vulnerable With People You Don’t LikeConversely, it can be challenging to make progress if you don’t like your therapist and therefore don’t feel connected to them.

It’s Hard to Be Vulnerable With People You Don’t Like

Conversely, it can be challenging to make progress if you don’t like your therapist and therefore don’t feel connected to them.

It is also crucial to accept that there may be times when you don’t like your therapist. In fact, allowing yourself to tell your therapist when you dislike them can actually lead to significant breakthroughs.

Many people who seek out therapy haven’t experienced healthyconflict resolutionor may feel uncomfortable expressing criticism or disagreement. When youspeak upin treatment, the therapist can model beneficial conflict resolution or validate your emotions. In turn, this can lead to you becoming more comfortable with self-assertion and feeling that you can trust your feelings more outside of the therapy room.

Liking your therapist makes it easier to express your opinions, even negative ones.

12 Things Your Therapist Knows That You May Not

While it is key to like your therapist, there are important boundaries to remember.

Therapists Cannot Be Your Friend

First, your therapist is not yourfriend.

While you may enjoy a friendly relationship with them, or they might have some qualities you’d like a friend to have, they cannot be your friend.

This is due to therapists' ethical duty to not engage in dual relationships.

A dual relationship is when a therapist pursues a business, friendship, or romantic relationship in addition to the therapeutic relationship. It is unethical for this to happen because there is a power dynamic involved between the therapist and the client, and the therapy relationship should be in the service of the patient’s personal and emotional goals.

It Is Possible to Feel Like You Love Your Therapist

You might notice that you have strong desires to form a friendship orromanticrelationship with your therapist. This is not uncommon and may reflect something known astransference.

Transference—Why You May Love Your TherapistTransference is the feelings you experience towards your therapist that may relate to your past emotional experiences and relationships.

Transference—Why You May Love Your Therapist

Transference is the feelings you experience towards your therapist that may relate to your past emotional experiences and relationships.

For example, you may long for a loving mother and find your therapist to be maternal. In turn, you could crave a deeper relationship with your therapist because that is what you want from your mother.

Alternatively, you could develop romantic feelings for your therapist. While it may feel taboo, shameful, or guilt-inducing to admit these things aloud, therapists are trained to help their patient understand and support them through these emotions.

However, your therapist should never act on or take advantage of these kinds of feelings. Engaging in a romantic relationship with a client is highly unethical. If your therapist comes on to you romantically, immediately report them to their licensing organization.

What Should I Do If I Don’t Like My Therapist?

If you don’t like your therapist, consider why that is. Do you find them to be unprofessional or judgmental? If so, that can indicate that they may not be the right therapist for you.

Finding the right therapist can take some trial and error, so do not be discouraged if you feel it is time to seek a new provider.

If you dislike your therapist because they remind you of someone in your life, take a moment to ponder what is coming up for you. Sometimes, our therapists can remind us of people we know and have negative relationships with. This is another example of transference.

It’s important to try discussing your feelings of dislike with your therapist and take it from there. If you find after an exploration of this that you still don’t like them or cannot connect with them in a way that feels helpful, it’s probably time to find a new therapist.

Finding The Right Therapist for YouIt’s OK if you don’t like your therapist and can’t pinpoint exactly why that is. Should you find yourself needing to seek out anew therapist, there are a wealth of directories that can help you.Open Path Collectiveoffers a directory of therapists that offer sliding scale rates.Inclusive Therapistshas culturally responsive providers committed to a social justice-oriented approach to the therapeutic process.You can also reach out to your healthcare providers orhealth insurancefor further support in finding a new therapist.

Finding The Right Therapist for You

It’s OK if you don’t like your therapist and can’t pinpoint exactly why that is. Should you find yourself needing to seek out anew therapist, there are a wealth of directories that can help you.Open Path Collectiveoffers a directory of therapists that offer sliding scale rates.Inclusive Therapistshas culturally responsive providers committed to a social justice-oriented approach to the therapeutic process.You can also reach out to your healthcare providers orhealth insurancefor further support in finding a new therapist.

It’s OK if you don’t like your therapist and can’t pinpoint exactly why that is. Should you find yourself needing to seek out anew therapist, there are a wealth of directories that can help you.Open Path Collectiveoffers a directory of therapists that offer sliding scale rates.

Inclusive Therapistshas culturally responsive providers committed to a social justice-oriented approach to the therapeutic process.

You can also reach out to your healthcare providers orhealth insurancefor further support in finding a new therapist.

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Norcross JC, Lambert MJ.Psychotherapy relationships that work III.Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193Safran JD, Muran JC.The resolution of ruptures in the therapeutic alliance.J Consult Clin Psychol. 1996;64(3):447-458. doi: 10.1037//0022-006x.64.3.447Afolabi OE.Dual relationships and boundary crossing: A critical issues in clinical psychology practice.IJPC. 2015;7(2):29-39. doi: 10.5897/IJPC2014.0287Nissen-Lie HA, Dahl HSJ, Høglend PA.Patient factors predict therapists’ emotional countertransference differently depending on whether therapists use transference work in psychodynamic therapy.Psychother Res. 2022;32(1):3-15. doi: 10.1080/10503307.2020.1762947

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Norcross JC, Lambert MJ.Psychotherapy relationships that work III.Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193Safran JD, Muran JC.The resolution of ruptures in the therapeutic alliance.J Consult Clin Psychol. 1996;64(3):447-458. doi: 10.1037//0022-006x.64.3.447Afolabi OE.Dual relationships and boundary crossing: A critical issues in clinical psychology practice.IJPC. 2015;7(2):29-39. doi: 10.5897/IJPC2014.0287Nissen-Lie HA, Dahl HSJ, Høglend PA.Patient factors predict therapists’ emotional countertransference differently depending on whether therapists use transference work in psychodynamic therapy.Psychother Res. 2022;32(1):3-15. doi: 10.1080/10503307.2020.1762947

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Norcross JC, Lambert MJ.Psychotherapy relationships that work III.Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193Safran JD, Muran JC.The resolution of ruptures in the therapeutic alliance.J Consult Clin Psychol. 1996;64(3):447-458. doi: 10.1037//0022-006x.64.3.447Afolabi OE.Dual relationships and boundary crossing: A critical issues in clinical psychology practice.IJPC. 2015;7(2):29-39. doi: 10.5897/IJPC2014.0287Nissen-Lie HA, Dahl HSJ, Høglend PA.Patient factors predict therapists’ emotional countertransference differently depending on whether therapists use transference work in psychodynamic therapy.Psychother Res. 2022;32(1):3-15. doi: 10.1080/10503307.2020.1762947

Norcross JC, Lambert MJ.Psychotherapy relationships that work III.Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193

Safran JD, Muran JC.The resolution of ruptures in the therapeutic alliance.J Consult Clin Psychol. 1996;64(3):447-458. doi: 10.1037//0022-006x.64.3.447

Afolabi OE.Dual relationships and boundary crossing: A critical issues in clinical psychology practice.IJPC. 2015;7(2):29-39. doi: 10.5897/IJPC2014.0287

Nissen-Lie HA, Dahl HSJ, Høglend PA.Patient factors predict therapists’ emotional countertransference differently depending on whether therapists use transference work in psychodynamic therapy.Psychother Res. 2022;32(1):3-15. doi: 10.1080/10503307.2020.1762947

Hannah Owens, LMSW

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