Find a TherapistReady to get started?Ready toget started?Add your email to continueEmailGet startedBy submitting your email, you agree to receive reminders and marketing communications.
Ready to get started?Ready toget started?Add your email to continueEmailGet startedBy submitting your email, you agree to receive reminders and marketing communications.
Ready to get started?
Ready toget started?
Add your email to continue
Get started
By submitting your email, you agree to receive reminders and marketing communications.
Mental Health HomepageConditions LibraryConditions CategoryConditions CategoryDivorcing a Narcissist: What to Expect
Table of Contents:OverviewNarcissistic Behaviors You May FaceWhich Type of Narcissist Are You Divorcing?What You Can ExpectTips For Learning How to Negotiate With a NarcissistGetting Support With Divorce Counseling
Narcissistic Personality DisorderRead Time: 7 Minutes
Published On: October 21, 2021
Reviewed On: October 21, 2021
Updated On: November 2, 2023
Overview
Narcissism, ornarcissistic personality disorder(NPD), is a personality disorder that results in someone having an intense, inflated sense of self-importance. A person who exhibits NPD typically needs more attention than anyone else around them, and they often have a striking lack of empathy for others.
Knowing what to expect and how to divorce a person with NPD will help alleviate some of the stress you may endure during the divorce process. Understanding their narcissistic traits, behavior, and motivation will help prepare you. If you’re planning on divorcing someone who exhibits these traits in the near future or are currently in the process of divorcing one, read on.
Narcissistic Behaviors You May Face
There are a number of classic narcissistic traits and behaviors that are typical of anybody with NPD. You may see your spouse display some of the following behaviors.
Someone who has been diagnosed with NPD may see any type of disagreement, fight, or tense situation as a personal attack against them. Some of the most common behaviors associated with narcissistic personality disorder include:
Manipulative behavior
People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely manipulative. They’re concerned with getting their way, regardless of the cost or who they may hurt.
Lack of empathy
They lack empathy. It’s hard for them to understand that the behavior they’re displaying is hurting others.
Intense focus on winning
Individuals who exhibit NPD are often so concerned with winning, they can be willing to put their partner in a vulnerable position. This is especially true if they feel like their partner is trying to reason or disagree with them.
Wildly exaggerated or grandiose sense of self-importance
Tendency to live in a fantasy world of delusions
A person who has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder will live in somewhat of a fantasy world. Because their feelings of self-importance aren’t based on reality, they support their self-view with almost a magical sense of thinking. Their disordered sense of reality is based on self-deception. They often show extreme defensiveness and rage towards anyone who challenges them. Note that this is a protective stance they take to protect their unrealistic view of their world and how they are perceived in it.
Overwhelming sense of entitlement
They often feel like they should get whatever they want, regardless of what their demands are. Additionally, they have high expectations that those around them will reward them. If they’re denied anything, their immediate reaction may be outrage.
Craving near-constant admiration and complementary praise
People who exhibit NPD often feel they are lacking enough admiration, praise, and reward and seek it out regularly. They surround themselves with people who are able to give it to them. Relationships tend to be one-sided, with the person who exhibits NPD craves and demands attention, while struggling to give it in return.
Often intimidates and bullies others
Exploits others around them (without shame, guilt, or remorse)
As a result of a deep lack of empathy, persons who exhibit NPD aren’t able to identify with the feelings of the people around them. They may use people to their advantage without intentionally knowing it. They are often unaware of how detrimental their behavior can be
Which Type of Narcissist Are You Divorcing?Educating yourself on narcissistic personality disorder can help you prepare for what you may encounter during the stages of divorce and after. Understanding how the mind of someone with NPD works, and the behaviors that they’ll engage in to try to manage and control the situation, can allow you to navigate the process in the most healthy ways possible. Step one in learning how to divorce someone who exhibits NPD is understanding what behaviors and personality style are most prevalent.The grandiose narcissist:Someone who exhibits grandiose narcissism believes they’re very important or that they have a very high status. They’re usually overly concerned with appearance and how things look. They won’t accept being talked down to or disagreed with. Self-image and prestige are paramount.Through the divorce process they may likely perceive many of your typical actions as being extremely insulting.The vulnerable narcissist:Person’s who exhibit traits of vulnerable narcissism often have low self-esteem and a staggeringly low self-image. They’ll try to make you feel guilty and may try to manipulate you into changing any position or stance that differs from their own. This will become especially obvious as your intentions to leave become more clear.Within the divorce process , they may try to make you feel bad or guilty about hurting them. Keeping in mind that this is part of something they struggle with will help you stay on track with moving forward with actions that feel healthy to you.
Which Type of Narcissist Are You Divorcing?
Educating yourself on narcissistic personality disorder can help you prepare for what you may encounter during the stages of divorce and after. Understanding how the mind of someone with NPD works, and the behaviors that they’ll engage in to try to manage and control the situation, can allow you to navigate the process in the most healthy ways possible. Step one in learning how to divorce someone who exhibits NPD is understanding what behaviors and personality style are most prevalent.
The grandiose narcissist:
Someone who exhibits grandiose narcissism believes they’re very important or that they have a very high status. They’re usually overly concerned with appearance and how things look. They won’t accept being talked down to or disagreed with. Self-image and prestige are paramount.
Through the divorce process they may likely perceive many of your typical actions as being extremely insulting.
The vulnerable narcissist:
Person’s who exhibit traits of vulnerable narcissism often have low self-esteem and a staggeringly low self-image. They’ll try to make you feel guilty and may try to manipulate you into changing any position or stance that differs from their own. This will become especially obvious as your intentions to leave become more clear.
Within the divorce process , they may try to make you feel bad or guilty about hurting them. Keeping in mind that this is part of something they struggle with will help you stay on track with moving forward with actions that feel healthy to you.
What You Can ExpectA divorce can be messy and taxing, but understanding the response you’ll likely receive as you begin the process can help you prepare.RagePeople who struggle with NPD tend to react with rage to what’s referred to asnarcissistic injury. This is in response to any perceived threat to their self-worth. Any time they feel that their true self might be exposed, a common response is rage.RashnessBy confronting issues in your marriage and moving forward with a divorce, your partner’s self-esteem may feel threatened. Their response may be swift, drastic and harsh.VengefulnessIndividuals with NPD often become very upset and even enraged if they believe they’re being taken advantage of, manipulated, or insulted. If they feel they are being manipulated or taken advantage of, they may become angry and want to retaliate.
What You Can Expect
A divorce can be messy and taxing, but understanding the response you’ll likely receive as you begin the process can help you prepare.
Rage
People who struggle with NPD tend to react with rage to what’s referred to asnarcissistic injury. This is in response to any perceived threat to their self-worth. Any time they feel that their true self might be exposed, a common response is rage.
Rashness
By confronting issues in your marriage and moving forward with a divorce, your partner’s self-esteem may feel threatened. Their response may be swift, drastic and harsh.
Vengefulness
Individuals with NPD often become very upset and even enraged if they believe they’re being taken advantage of, manipulated, or insulted. If they feel they are being manipulated or taken advantage of, they may become angry and want to retaliate.
Tips For Learning How to Negotiate With a NarcissistThere’s no quick and easy trick to negotiating or learning how to divorce someone who exhibits narcisissm. Try not to expect that someone who struggles with narcissism will be able to empathize or think in the same way that you do.Go in prepared.Disagreements will be difficult, and the reality is, you may need to simply end a conversation if it starts to turn violent or aggressive.You’ll need to establish boundaries very early on.Be excruciatingly clear about your position. Every time your partner begins to disagree or argue, or if you feel the familiar manipulation strategies starting to come into play, restate your position calmly and clearly. You can remind them that you will not argue with them. If erratic, angry, manipulative behavior continues, it’s OK for you to end the conversation and walk away.
Tips For Learning How to Negotiate With a Narcissist
There’s no quick and easy trick to negotiating or learning how to divorce someone who exhibits narcisissm. Try not to expect that someone who struggles with narcissism will be able to empathize or think in the same way that you do.
Getting Support With Divorce CounselingDivorce therapy can help as you’re learninghow to cope with divorce. Moreso, it can be especially helpful as you learn how to approach all the difficult conversations surrounding separation or divorce with a spouse who exhibits NPD. .Thus, working with a skilled therapist can be very effective. Since people who struggle with narcissism are practiced and often leverage manipulation and bullying, their toxic behavior can feel confusing when you’re arguing or fighting with them.The right therapist can help you:Establish boundariesso you can better understand and identify the ways your partner is trying to manipulate you.Understand how to negotiatesome of the insults you’ll likely be hearing.Separate realityfrom lies and manipulation to avoidpost-divorce depression.Define your own positionbefore you present it to your partner. Since they are so skilled at confusing the point or manipulating an argument to gain the upper hand, a good therapist can help you dissect and clarify all the points. This way, you feel stronger and more confident going into the discussions.If you’re going through a divorce with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, get connected with a therapist at Talkspace for support.
Getting Support With Divorce Counseling
Divorce therapy can help as you’re learninghow to cope with divorce. Moreso, it can be especially helpful as you learn how to approach all the difficult conversations surrounding separation or divorce with a spouse who exhibits NPD. .
Thus, working with a skilled therapist can be very effective. Since people who struggle with narcissism are practiced and often leverage manipulation and bullying, their toxic behavior can feel confusing when you’re arguing or fighting with them.
The right therapist can help you:
If you’re going through a divorce with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, get connected with a therapist at Talkspace for support.
See ReferencesNarcissistic Personality DisorderMelinda Smith, M.A. and Lawrence Robinson. Help guide.org. Published 2020. Accessed September 13, 2021.Narcissistic Personality DisorderParoma Mitra; Dimy Fluyau. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Published 2021. Accessed September 4, 2021.Narcissistic personality disorderBerger, MD F, Zieve, MD, MHA D. Medline Plus. Published 2020. Accessed September 4, 2021.
See References
Melinda Smith, M.A. and Lawrence Robinson. Help guide.org. Published 2020. Accessed September 13, 2021.
Paroma Mitra; Dimy Fluyau. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Published 2021. Accessed September 4, 2021.
Berger, MD F, Zieve, MD, MHA D. Medline Plus. Published 2020. Accessed September 4, 2021.
Amy CirbusDr. Amy Cirbus is the former Director of Clinical Content at Talkspace, the leading online therapy platform. She is a New York Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a New Jersey Licensed Professional Counselor. Her areas of interest include women’s health and wellness, young adulthood, and relationships. She is a contributor to national podcasts and publications, most notably the New York Times, Forbes, Glamour and Business Insider.
Dr. Amy Cirbus is the former Director of Clinical Content at Talkspace, the leading online therapy platform. She is a New York Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a New Jersey Licensed Professional Counselor. Her areas of interest include women’s health and wellness, young adulthood, and relationships. She is a contributor to national podcasts and publications, most notably the New York Times, Forbes, Glamour and Business Insider.
Share
Effective and affordable mental health treatmentGet Started
Effective and affordable mental health treatment
Related Articles About Narcissistic Personality DisorderView all articlesNarcissistic Personality DisorderMarch 26, 2024How to Heal from Narcissistic ParentsNarcissistic Personality DisorderDecember 28, 2023How to Live With a NarcissistNarcissistic Personality DisorderDecember 28, 2023What to Know About Dating After Narcissistic AbuseNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 28, 2023How to Respond to a NarcissistNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 28, 2023How to Leave & End a Relationship With a NarcissistNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 27, 2023How to Get a Narcissist to Respect YouNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 27, 2023Narcissistic Rage: Identifying & Protecting Yourself From ItNarcissistic Personality DisorderFebruary 21, 2023How to Diagnose Narcissistic Personality DisorderNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 29, 2022Narcissistic Abuse: Examples, Signs, and EffectsNarcissistic Personality DisorderAugust 30, 2022Sociopathy vs Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Similarities & Differences
Related Articles About Narcissistic Personality DisorderView all articles
Related Articles About Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic Personality DisorderMarch 26, 2024How to Heal from Narcissistic ParentsNarcissistic Personality DisorderDecember 28, 2023How to Live With a NarcissistNarcissistic Personality DisorderDecember 28, 2023What to Know About Dating After Narcissistic AbuseNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 28, 2023How to Respond to a NarcissistNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 28, 2023How to Leave & End a Relationship With a NarcissistNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 27, 2023How to Get a Narcissist to Respect YouNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 27, 2023Narcissistic Rage: Identifying & Protecting Yourself From ItNarcissistic Personality DisorderFebruary 21, 2023How to Diagnose Narcissistic Personality DisorderNarcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 29, 2022Narcissistic Abuse: Examples, Signs, and EffectsNarcissistic Personality DisorderAugust 30, 2022Sociopathy vs Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Similarities & Differences
Narcissistic Personality DisorderMarch 26, 2024How to Heal from Narcissistic Parents
Narcissistic Personality DisorderDecember 28, 2023How to Live With a Narcissist
Narcissistic Personality DisorderDecember 28, 2023What to Know About Dating After Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 28, 2023How to Respond to a Narcissist
Narcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 28, 2023How to Leave & End a Relationship With a Narcissist
Narcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 27, 2023How to Get a Narcissist to Respect You
Narcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 27, 2023Narcissistic Rage: Identifying & Protecting Yourself From It
Narcissistic Personality DisorderFebruary 21, 2023How to Diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic Personality DisorderSeptember 29, 2022Narcissistic Abuse: Examples, Signs, and Effects
Narcissistic Personality DisorderAugust 30, 2022Sociopathy vs Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Similarities & Differences
If you are in a life threatening situation – don’t use this site. Call 988 or useto get immediate help.
Therapy may be free for you
