Demystifying Sexuality: What It Is and How It Shapes Us

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsComponents of SexualityFactorsUnderstanding and Embracing Your Sexuality

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Table of Contents

Components of Sexuality

Factors

Understanding and Embracing Your Sexuality

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Sexuality is a core part of our identity and is best defined as the way in which we experience ourromanticand erotic desires, actions, emotions, and identity.This means sexuality accounts for many aspects of ourselves and our life experiences, underscoring the importance of not only understanding your sexuality but also embracing it.

We are who we are, we like what we like, and we love who we love. These three truths are unequivocally true but are easier said than done when it comes to the concept ofsexuality.

This article will explore the various components of sexuality, thefactorsinfluencing sexuality, and how you can learn to embrace who you are.

Glossary of Must-Know Sexual Identity Terms

Sexuality is complex and is based on several components, including sexual orientation, behaviors, and preferences. It also encompasses emotional and romantic connections.

Sexual Orientation

You’ve likely heard of the termsexual orientationbefore and have a general idea of what it means. Perhaps your understanding is simply that some people are straight, heterosexual, or they are gay, also referred to as homosexual, though homosexual is an outdated term.

Sexual orientation ranges far behind this binary way of thinking. Sexual orientation informs our identity, the community we keep, and the families we form.Beyond being straight or gay is beingbisexual. Bisexuality refers to having an attraction to multiple gender identities.Pansexuality, which is often confused with bisexuality, refers to having an attraction to individuals regardless of their gender.

Sexuality vs. Sexual OrientationIt is critical to remember that sexuality and sexual orientation are not the same thing. Sexual orientation is part of our sexuality, but our sexuality also includes our behaviors, romantic and emotional desires, and our identity. Sexual orientation only speaks to attraction.

Sexuality vs. Sexual Orientation

It is critical to remember that sexuality and sexual orientation are not the same thing. Sexual orientation is part of our sexuality, but our sexuality also includes our behaviors, romantic and emotional desires, and our identity. Sexual orientation only speaks to attraction.

Sexual Behaviors and Preferences

Sexual behavior is a literal term referring to various behaviors and acts done within sexual encounters. This can include masturbation, oral sex, and penetrative sex. Sexual behavior also includes abstinence andcelibacy, even though each of these acts refers to the absence of sexual activity.

Emotional and Romantic Connections

Emotional and romantic connections also play into how we experience our sexuality. Emotional connections can serve as a foundation forromantic feelings. Emotional intimacy can arise in non-romantic relationships, so even though emotional connections may fall under the umbrella of sexuality, it doesn’t necessarily mean we feel sexually attracted to someone we are emotionally connected to.

In some circumstances, these emotions can lead to feelings of romance. Romantic feelings tend to be present in many sexual relationships, however, there are cases where a sexual relationship doesn’t have any romantic feelings. Any way you feel—from emotionally connected to romantically excited to simply sexually engaged—is okay.

What Is Sexual Fluidity?

Factors Influencing Sexuality

Biological, cultural, and societal factors all influence our sexuality. Our personal experiences also come into the mix, giving each of us a unique take on our sexual orientation, identity, and behaviors.

What Is Self-Concept?

Who you are is a gift, regardless of the cultural and societal messaging that might tell you otherwise. However, there is a big difference between intellectually understanding this and having an embodied experience of self-acceptance. Something many struggle with accepting is their sexual orientation.

“If you’re struggling with accepting your sexual orientation, know that this is a very ‘normal’ reaction to growing up in a culture that does not equally value or humanize any sexual identity that is not heterosexual,” explains licensed marriage and family therapistMatthew Spector.

If you’re struggling with accepting your sexual orientation, know that this is a very ‘normal’ reaction to growing up in a culture that does not equally value or humanize any sexual identity that is not heterosexual.—MATTHEW SPECTOR, LMFT

If you’re struggling with accepting your sexual orientation, know that this is a very ‘normal’ reaction to growing up in a culture that does not equally value or humanize any sexual identity that is not heterosexual.

—MATTHEW SPECTOR, LMFT

In cultivatingself-acceptanceand self-compassion, finding community can be incredibly important. Spector agrees with this and shares that a community doesn’t need to be a large group of people. “Having just one friend who shares your identity can go a long way in reminding us that we belong and are deserving of compassion,” he explains.

Spector also suggests consuming media, like reading books or watching shows, that center the experiences of those who share similar identities as you. “There are so many stories about us out there waiting to be acknowledged and recognized,” he asserts.

Mental Health Resources to Support the LGBTQIA+ Community

Love Yourself and Find Freedom

In developing a deep reverence for self, you may also find a sense of freedom unlike you’ve ever experienced. Sexuality is a huge umbrella experience for so many aspects of the human experience. Allow yourself to witness, accept, and embrace all of who you are.

If you’re finding that you need some extra support along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Considerfinding a therapistor asupport group. You don’t have to go it alone.

6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute on Aging. Sexuality and Intimacy in Older Adults.American Psychological Association.Understanding sexual orientation and homosexuality.Greaves LM, Sibley CG, Fraser G, Barlow FK.Comparing pansexual- and bisexual-identified participants on demographics, psychological well-being, and political ideology in a new zealand national sample.J Sex Res. 2019;56(9):1083-1090.Brown JL.Sexual behavior.Encyclopedia of Behavioral Medicine. 2013:1773-1774. doi:10.1007/978-1-4419-1005-9_667Hensel DJ, Fortenberry JD, O’Sullivan LF, Orr DP.The developmental association of sexual self-concept with sexual behavior among adolescent women.J Adolesc.2011;34(4):675-684. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.09.005Hensel DJ, Fortenberry JD, O’Sullivan LF, Orr DP.The developmental association of sexual self-concept with sexual behavior among adolescent women.J Adolesc.2011;34(4):675-684. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.09.005

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute on Aging. Sexuality and Intimacy in Older Adults.American Psychological Association.Understanding sexual orientation and homosexuality.Greaves LM, Sibley CG, Fraser G, Barlow FK.Comparing pansexual- and bisexual-identified participants on demographics, psychological well-being, and political ideology in a new zealand national sample.J Sex Res. 2019;56(9):1083-1090.Brown JL.Sexual behavior.Encyclopedia of Behavioral Medicine. 2013:1773-1774. doi:10.1007/978-1-4419-1005-9_667Hensel DJ, Fortenberry JD, O’Sullivan LF, Orr DP.The developmental association of sexual self-concept with sexual behavior among adolescent women.J Adolesc.2011;34(4):675-684. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.09.005Hensel DJ, Fortenberry JD, O’Sullivan LF, Orr DP.The developmental association of sexual self-concept with sexual behavior among adolescent women.J Adolesc.2011;34(4):675-684. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.09.005

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

National Institute on Aging. Sexuality and Intimacy in Older Adults.American Psychological Association.Understanding sexual orientation and homosexuality.Greaves LM, Sibley CG, Fraser G, Barlow FK.Comparing pansexual- and bisexual-identified participants on demographics, psychological well-being, and political ideology in a new zealand national sample.J Sex Res. 2019;56(9):1083-1090.Brown JL.Sexual behavior.Encyclopedia of Behavioral Medicine. 2013:1773-1774. doi:10.1007/978-1-4419-1005-9_667Hensel DJ, Fortenberry JD, O’Sullivan LF, Orr DP.The developmental association of sexual self-concept with sexual behavior among adolescent women.J Adolesc.2011;34(4):675-684. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.09.005Hensel DJ, Fortenberry JD, O’Sullivan LF, Orr DP.The developmental association of sexual self-concept with sexual behavior among adolescent women.J Adolesc.2011;34(4):675-684. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.09.005

National Institute on Aging. Sexuality and Intimacy in Older Adults.

American Psychological Association.Understanding sexual orientation and homosexuality.

Greaves LM, Sibley CG, Fraser G, Barlow FK.Comparing pansexual- and bisexual-identified participants on demographics, psychological well-being, and political ideology in a new zealand national sample.J Sex Res. 2019;56(9):1083-1090.

Brown JL.Sexual behavior.Encyclopedia of Behavioral Medicine. 2013:1773-1774. doi:10.1007/978-1-4419-1005-9_667

Hensel DJ, Fortenberry JD, O’Sullivan LF, Orr DP.The developmental association of sexual self-concept with sexual behavior among adolescent women.J Adolesc.2011;34(4):675-684. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.09.005

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