Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsExamplesWhy People DeflectIs It Gaslighting or Abuse?How Can You Tell If Someone Is Deflecting?How to Deal

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Table of Contents

Examples

Why People Deflect

Is It Gaslighting or Abuse?

How Can You Tell If Someone Is Deflecting?

How to Deal

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For instance, when you ask a child why they’re fighting with their friend, they may say “She started it.” Or, a colleague who turns in a report late may blame their internet connection, even though it’s working fine. Or, if you’re upset with your partner, they may turn the tables back on you and accuse you of being too sensitive instead.

Deflection is a psychologicaldefense mechanism, which is essentially a way of protecting oneself from experiencing uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, pain, guilt, or distress, saysAimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist.

Even though people assume deflection makes them look better, a 2015 study notes that those who deflect blame onto other factors seem much less believable and genuine than those who own their mistakes honestly.

In this article, we explore some examples of deflective behavior, reasons why people deflect, signs that someone is deflecting, as well as some strategies to help you cope with deflection.

Examples of Deflective Behavior

Someone who deflects may choose to deflect blame back onto you, or onto other factors. Below, Dr. Daramus shares some examples of deflective behavior.

Deflecting the Blame Back Onto You

Some examples include:

Deflecting the Blame Onto Other Factors

On the other hand, the person may choose to deflectblameonto other factors, even though they were actually at fault.

7 Signs You’re Being Emotionally Manipulated in Your Relationship

Why Do People Deflect?

People deflect because they don’t want to feel bad about themselves or look bad in front of others. They don’t want people to think they’ve made a mistake or are at fault in any way. They want to be liked and looked up to. They don’t want to admit—even to themselves—that they may have done something wrong.

Aimee Daramus, PsyD

The mature thing to do when one makes amistakeis to admit it, take responsibility for it, and take steps to correct it.

Nevertheless, most of us deflect once in a while, but doing it often as a habit is not healthy, says Dr. Daramus.

Is Deflection a Form of Gaslighting or Abuse?

If someone deflects often, Dr. Daramus says it may be a pattern of behavior that amounts to:

What to Know If You’re Concerned About a Toxic Relationship

According to Dr. Daramus, these are some signs that someone is deflecting:

Why It’s Important to Apologize in Relationships

How to Deal With Someone Who Deflects

Dr. Daramus recommends some strategies that can help you deal with someone who deflects:

How to Improve Your Relationships With Healthy Communication

A Word From Verywell

Deflection is adefense mechanismthat people use to avoid looking or feeling bad. However, it’s an unhealthy and often immature behavior that can ultimately harm relationships a lot more than owning up to mistakes would.

How to Stop Being Defensive

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.David S, Hareli S, Hess U.The influence on perceptions of truthfulness of the emotional expressions shown when talking about failure.Eur J Psychol. 2015;11(1):125-138. doi:10.5964/ejop.v11i1.877Kaler-Jones C, Briscoe KL, Moore CM, Ford JR.Yes, teaching and pedagogical practices matter: graduate students' of color stories in hybrid higher education/student affairs (HESA) graduate programs.Urban Rev. 2022;1-20. doi:10.1007/s11256-022-00645-2Krusemark EA, Lee C, Newman JP.Narcissism dimensions differentially moderate selective attention to evaluative stimuli in incarcerated offenders.Personal Disord. 2015;6(1):12-21. doi:10.1037/per0000087

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.David S, Hareli S, Hess U.The influence on perceptions of truthfulness of the emotional expressions shown when talking about failure.Eur J Psychol. 2015;11(1):125-138. doi:10.5964/ejop.v11i1.877Kaler-Jones C, Briscoe KL, Moore CM, Ford JR.Yes, teaching and pedagogical practices matter: graduate students' of color stories in hybrid higher education/student affairs (HESA) graduate programs.Urban Rev. 2022;1-20. doi:10.1007/s11256-022-00645-2Krusemark EA, Lee C, Newman JP.Narcissism dimensions differentially moderate selective attention to evaluative stimuli in incarcerated offenders.Personal Disord. 2015;6(1):12-21. doi:10.1037/per0000087

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

David S, Hareli S, Hess U.The influence on perceptions of truthfulness of the emotional expressions shown when talking about failure.Eur J Psychol. 2015;11(1):125-138. doi:10.5964/ejop.v11i1.877Kaler-Jones C, Briscoe KL, Moore CM, Ford JR.Yes, teaching and pedagogical practices matter: graduate students' of color stories in hybrid higher education/student affairs (HESA) graduate programs.Urban Rev. 2022;1-20. doi:10.1007/s11256-022-00645-2Krusemark EA, Lee C, Newman JP.Narcissism dimensions differentially moderate selective attention to evaluative stimuli in incarcerated offenders.Personal Disord. 2015;6(1):12-21. doi:10.1037/per0000087

David S, Hareli S, Hess U.The influence on perceptions of truthfulness of the emotional expressions shown when talking about failure.Eur J Psychol. 2015;11(1):125-138. doi:10.5964/ejop.v11i1.877

Kaler-Jones C, Briscoe KL, Moore CM, Ford JR.Yes, teaching and pedagogical practices matter: graduate students' of color stories in hybrid higher education/student affairs (HESA) graduate programs.Urban Rev. 2022;1-20. doi:10.1007/s11256-022-00645-2

Krusemark EA, Lee C, Newman JP.Narcissism dimensions differentially moderate selective attention to evaluative stimuli in incarcerated offenders.Personal Disord. 2015;6(1):12-21. doi:10.1037/per0000087

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