Dealing With No Support from Family When You're Depressed

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsRecognize Not Everyone UnderstandsTreat Yourself WellResist Depression MythsRealize Others Struggle TooFind SupportAsk for HelpEnd Negative RelationshipsHarness Your EmotionsFrequently Asked Questions

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Recognize Not Everyone Understands

Treat Yourself Well

Resist Depression Myths

Realize Others Struggle Too

Find Support

Ask for Help

End Negative Relationships

Harness Your Emotions

Frequently Asked Questions

Close

Do you ever feel like you have no support from family and friends? When you’re depressed, unsupportive friends and family can prove trying. It’s very important to have people in your life who either understand your condition or are willing to try. If friends and family are unsupportive—blaming you for the symptoms of your illness or makingthoughtless remarks—it can make you feel really discouraged.

What can you do if the people who should be your greatest supporters aren’t? Having no support from family and other people in your social network can be tough, but there are things that you can do to find the support and understanding that you need.

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If you feel like you have no support from family, it is important to first acknowledge that there may be a reason behind their feelings that has nothing to do with you. There are lots of reasons that a person may not be able to understand a condition like depression. Their behavior towards you may be deeply ingrained and automatic and have nothing to do with you as a person.

Sometimes unsupportive family and friends just need education about your depression so they can better understand what you are going through. There are numerous resources to educate families from sites such asNAMIandMental Health Americaor local family education programs like NAMI’s excellent"Family to Family" program.

Don’t let mental health stigma prevent you from getting the help and support that you need. Talk to your doctor if you have symptoms of depression.

Perhaps one of the best ways to find the support you need is to start with yourself. Even if you have no support from family, you can be your own greatest supporter.Practice being kind and gentle with yourself, and keep your self-talk positive. In other words, pay attention to that inner voice and what it’s saying about you.

For instance, if yourself-talk is particularly negative, you may be creating more stress and anxiety for yourself.Try to keep these ongoing monologues positive—even if that means repeating positive mantras every day until it becomes a habit.

Remember, negativity only feeds your depression.

If you find yourself getting trapped in a negative thought cycle, repeating negative things about yourself, orruminating over thingsthat have gone wrong, look for ways to turn those thoughts around or interrupt the cycle. Finding ways to distract yourself can help, as well.

Don’t Believe Depression Misconceptions

You are not attention-seeking when you ask for help. You are simply trying to find the best way to hang on until you can get well. No matter what someone else says to you, don’t lose sight of these facts. It takes a great deal of courage to ask for help. So, keep asking until you find the right person.

The Chemistry of Depression

Realize Others May Be Struggling

Accept that some people may be sympathetic to your situation, but are simply unable to actively support you. A prime example of this situation would be a friend who is dealing with their own depression and simply isn’t able to give anything else to other people.

In such cases, it might not be that you have no support from your family because they are intentionally letting you down; they simply might not have the mental or physical resources to offer the type of support that you need.

People might not be able to offer their support when they are struggling to cope with their own problems or feelings. It’s not that they don’t care about you; they just don’t have the internal resources at this time to do more than take care of themselves.

Remind yourself of this fact when people disappoint you or are unable to be there for you. Most of the time, their lack of availability or concern has more to do with them than it does with you. Try not totake it personallyor assume that they don’t care about you.

Find Support Elsewhere

When you feel like you have no support from family or close friends, it can be helpful to seek out people who can. Depression support groups, either in person oronline, can be a great place to look.

Although people in support groups may start out as strangers to you, fast friendships are often formed because you share the common experience of depression. After all, there is nothing more refreshing than talking with someone who gets what you’re going through.

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Don’t hesitate to seek help outside of your family and friends. Sometimes, it’s easier to share your struggles with a stranger—especially if they have been through the same things—because there is less concern about being judged or criticized.

The Best Online Therapy Services for Depression We Tried and Tested

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

How Social Support Contributes to Mental Health

Ask for Help Directly

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you really need. There may be some cases where people would be perfectly willing to support and assist you if they realized what you needed.

If there’s something you need or want help with, ask. Many people want to be there for you but they simply are at a loss for what you might want. If you are specific and direct, you are more likely to get the support you need.

Remember, people cannot read your mind. Sometimes you have to speak up.

Sometimes getting no support from family and friends can be a sign that certain relationships just aren’t working. Cut negative people out of your life or find ways to mitigate the damage.

There are going to be some people who, no matter what you do, are mean-spirited and hurtful. If you can, remove them from your life. If you can’t end the relationship, find ways to either limit your contact with them or bolster yourself against their insensitive treatment.

For example, if a relative always has some kind of biting remark to make at family gatherings, form an alliance with your more supportive relatives, or prepare a few witty comebacks ahead of time. It’s also helpful to vent your frustrations with your counselor or therapist. They can help you determine the best course of action.

Remember, there is nothing wrong with minimizing contact with people who have a negative impact on your well-being, or completely cutting trulytoxic peopleout of your life.

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

Harness Your Emotions for Good

Having no support from family and friends can lead to feelings of anger and frustration. Use your anger with the other person to your benefit. Instead of turning your anger inward and beating yourself up for your failings,channel this angerinto doing something positive.

Go out and get some exercise; break a few pieces of ceramic tile and construct a beautiful mosaic; or give your house a thorough cleaning. Find something physical to do that will release your pent-up feelings.You’ll have an outlet for your anger and do something good for yourself at the same time.

A Word From Verywell

Feeling like you have no support from family and close friends can make coping with feelings of depression that much more difficult. There are things that you can do, including being direct when you ask for help, but sometimes the best thing you can do is seek support from people who do understand what you are going through.

If the people in your life are not giving you the love and support you need, try expanding your social support circle, whether that means seeking help from a mental health professional or joining an online or in-person support group.

Reasons you might feel disconnected from your family include past abuse, neglect, or trauma. Toxic behaviors, poor communication, interpersonal conflict, and lack of contact can also make it difficult to feel connected to your family.

Create and enforce boundaries with negative family members and try to limit your contact with those people. Enlist the help of others so that you are not alone in dealing with that person, and remember that protecting your own well-being is essential. If negative family members are causing distress or interfering with your ability to cope, consider cutting off contact with that individual altogether.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

Tips for Living Well With Depression

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.MentalHealth.gov.Mental health myths and facts.Tod D, Hardy J, Oliver E.Effects of self-talk: a systematic review.J Sport Exerc Psychol. 2011;33(5):666-87. doi:10.1123/jsep.33.5.666Montesano A, Feixas G, Caspar F, Winter D.Depression and identity: Are self-constructions negative or conflictual?.Front Psychol.2017;8:877. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00877Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Support groups.Harvard Medical School.Exercise is an all-natural treatment to fight depression.

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.MentalHealth.gov.Mental health myths and facts.Tod D, Hardy J, Oliver E.Effects of self-talk: a systematic review.J Sport Exerc Psychol. 2011;33(5):666-87. doi:10.1123/jsep.33.5.666Montesano A, Feixas G, Caspar F, Winter D.Depression and identity: Are self-constructions negative or conflictual?.Front Psychol.2017;8:877. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00877Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Support groups.Harvard Medical School.Exercise is an all-natural treatment to fight depression.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

MentalHealth.gov.Mental health myths and facts.Tod D, Hardy J, Oliver E.Effects of self-talk: a systematic review.J Sport Exerc Psychol. 2011;33(5):666-87. doi:10.1123/jsep.33.5.666Montesano A, Feixas G, Caspar F, Winter D.Depression and identity: Are self-constructions negative or conflictual?.Front Psychol.2017;8:877. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00877Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Support groups.Harvard Medical School.Exercise is an all-natural treatment to fight depression.

MentalHealth.gov.Mental health myths and facts.

Tod D, Hardy J, Oliver E.Effects of self-talk: a systematic review.J Sport Exerc Psychol. 2011;33(5):666-87. doi:10.1123/jsep.33.5.666

Montesano A, Feixas G, Caspar F, Winter D.Depression and identity: Are self-constructions negative or conflictual?.Front Psychol.2017;8:877. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00877

Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Support groups.

Harvard Medical School.Exercise is an all-natural treatment to fight depression.

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