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Table of Contents
Why Is Deadnaming Harmful to Someone’s Mental Health?
How to Avoid and/or Stop Deadnaming Others
What to Do If You Deadname Someone
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An Important Note
People who are trans, GNC, or nonbinary often do something called transitioning. That is the process of going from being who others labeled you as, to who you actually are. Transitioning can have many different steps and stages, and is an individual journey. One common part of that journey is to change your name. A person who is on the trans spectrum may feel that their birth name, which may not represent their true gender, is no longer a fit for them, if it ever was.
The act of changing one’s name to something that better represents them is usually seen as an empowering act, and it can bring a lot of joy to someone’s life. A person’s previous name may represent many past elements of life that they no longer want to be associated with. These are varied, but can include:
In cisgendered, heterosexual marriage, women have been taking their husband’s names for about a thousand years now. It is normal practice that when a woman changes her last name to her husband’s, only that new name is used.
However, the practice of changing one’s first name legally is newer. It was only in the 1950s that a sexologist introduced the concept of gender as a separate identity from assigned sex at birth, and it is only in the decades since that states have begun approving name and gender marker changes on official documents. The process of changing one’s first name requires court approvals, and can be complex and time consuming, as all of a person’s assorted official documents must be updated.
Studies have notedthat the act of changing one’s name, along with their gender marker, improves mental health. Specifically, the act of “gender affirmation was significantly associated with lower reports of depression, anxiety, somatization, global psychiatric distress, and upsetting responses to gender-based mistreatment.”
Deadnaming is Invalidating and May Trigger a Trauma Response
When you deadname someone, you’re telling them that you don’t see them as their true self. Instead, you see them as you choose to, which is not in alignment with who they are. Deadnaming someone, even when done accidentally, brings all of their negative life experiences with that name to the surface. It forces the person to deal emotionally with all of that trauma in a random moment when they may not be prepared to do so. Even if they are prepared to deal with that trauma, there is no reason to give them cause to do that.
To instead use their former name is invalidating of a person’s identity, as well as emotionally hurtful.
Because deadnaming happens to trans people, it is a slap in the face that glaringly notes the cis privilege of the person doing it. Deadnaming is one person telling another that they have the option to view them however they choose, rather than respecting the person’s identity. This is an incredibly disrespectful act, whether done intentionally or not.
Apologize Briefly
The first step to take when you have deadnamed someone is to acknowledge it. Doing that makes it clear that you understand you’ve made a mistake. However, once you have apologized briefly you should immediately head to the next step.
Spending time wallowing in your mistake, expressing that using a new name is difficult for you, and/or continuing on in any way that shifts the emotional labor onto the other person isn’t helpful. Your mistake is yours, so don’t make anyone else have to do any work around it.
A good example apology would be, “I’m sorry, I called you Sue, but your name is Sam.”
Correct
Once you’ve acknowledged your error, immediately use the new name. This step is also very quick, and nothing further is needed other than the correction. “I should have said, Sam went there.”
Lastly, but equally important as the previous steps, once you have apologized and corrected the situation, you should move on from it right away. There’s no discussion or processing about the issue needed. Just continue with the conversation right where it left off, and let everyone digest what happened without further commentary.
Growing Prevalence of Anti-Transgender Legislation Takes a Toll on Mental Health
1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Restar A, Jin H, Breslow A, et al.Legal gender marker and name change is associated with lower negative emotional response to gender-based mistreatment and improve mental health outcomes among trans populations.SSM Popul Health. 2020;11. doi:10.1016%2Fj.ssmph.2020.100595
1 Source
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Restar A, Jin H, Breslow A, et al.Legal gender marker and name change is associated with lower negative emotional response to gender-based mistreatment and improve mental health outcomes among trans populations.SSM Popul Health. 2020;11. doi:10.1016%2Fj.ssmph.2020.100595
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Restar A, Jin H, Breslow A, et al.Legal gender marker and name change is associated with lower negative emotional response to gender-based mistreatment and improve mental health outcomes among trans populations.SSM Popul Health. 2020;11. doi:10.1016%2Fj.ssmph.2020.100595
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