Dating Over 50? These 7 Steps Will Help You Find Love in the Golden Years

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsStep 1: Understand YourselfStep 2: Boost Your Confidence and Self-EsteemStep 3: Explore Your OptionsStep 4: Dip Your Toes Into Online DatingStep 5: Communicate Your NeedsStep 6: Set Boundaries and Take it SlowStep 7: Learn to Cope With Rejection

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Step 1: Understand Yourself

Step 2: Boost Your Confidence and Self-Esteem

Step 3: Explore Your Options

Step 4: Dip Your Toes Into Online Dating

Step 5: Communicate Your Needs

Step 6: Set Boundaries and Take it Slow

Step 7: Learn to Cope With Rejection

Love isn’t just for the under-30 crowd. If the ‘Golden Bachelor’ and ‘Golden Bachelorette’ have taught us anything, it’s that there’s no age limit to finding love, including dating in your 50s and 60s.

“Dating during your 50s and 60s can look and feel differently compared to dating in earlier adulthood,” saysAngela Nicole Holton, MSW, a dating and relationship coach. This can come with both pros and cons. On the plus side, it means greater wisdom and experience. On the downside, it can mean adapting to a changing dating culture.

If you are getting back into the dating game at this stage of your life, chances are you’ve survived the ups and downs that come withlong-term relationships. Kids, marriage, and changing life circumstances—you’ve dealt with it all. You’re at a different point in your life, so the stakes have changed. You’ve got an established career, family, friends, and interests. You don’t want to start over. What you really want is someone who complements your life.

The basics of dating over 50 aren’t really all that different from when you’re younger. Still, the experiences that each person brings to the table–past relationships, emotional baggage, etc–can make things more complex. Plus, the dating pool has shifted, which may lead to varied experiences for men and women. Many people, particularly women, have plenty of personal experience with the not-so-great aspects of online dating (like unwanted contact, sexism, threats, and harassment).

If you’re ready to get back into dating but feel nervous about what it looks like after 50, these tips will help you make the most of your love life in middle age and beyond.

At a GlanceThe plus side of dating in your 50s and 60s is that you know what you want. The downside is that age-related insecurities can make it harder to connect with someone who really gets you. Evaluating your goals, boosting your confidence, and getting familiar with the ins and outs of online dating can help ensure you get the most out of your dating experience—and have a better chance of finding love in your golden years.

At a Glance

The plus side of dating in your 50s and 60s is that you know what you want. The downside is that age-related insecurities can make it harder to connect with someone who really gets you. Evaluating your goals, boosting your confidence, and getting familiar with the ins and outs of online dating can help ensure you get the most out of your dating experience—and have a better chance of finding love in your golden years.

Life experience is one of the big advantages of dating in your 50s and 60s. “You have a better idea of who you are, what you want out of a relationship, and the type of partner you desire. These are all benefits to making dating a little less frustrating and finding more enjoyment in it,” Holton says.

Even though you have a good handle on who you are and what you want, it’s a good idea to step back and do some self-reflection before diving into the dating pool. Dating over 50 comes with it’s own unique challenges, but it’s also a chance to clearly establish what you’re looking for in a relationship.

You’re not just dating for the sake of it—you want to find someone who can complement and support your life and who you are in the here and now as well as the years to come.

The first step is to ask yourself what you’re looking for in a partner at this point in your life.

It can help to look back on your past relationships for clues about what you should look for going forward. What worked well and what didn’t?

Ask yourself, what would a relationship have to look like for it to work with who you are today?

The reality is that your goals and priorities have changed from what they were when you were in your 20s, 30s, and40s. Instead of looking for a partner to settle down and have a family with, you might be more interested in someone who is emotionally compatible and shares your values and interests. Knowing what matters most to you now at this stage of your life makes it clearer who will fit in your life, rather than you trying to change yourself in order to fit into theirs.

“Many couples who raised a family together realize too late that their dreams for retirement are not the same, so it’s nice to look at this as an opportunity to find someone who wants what you want for your golden years,” explainsCaroline Millet, a Seattle-based matchmaker and life coach.

Greaterself-awarenessis another big advantage of dating in your 50s and 60s. This self-assurance is important because you may find the thought of dipping your toes back into the dating pool a bit daunting. It can be really easy to get caught up in your fears about dating at your age, particularly when it comes to figuring out the ins and outs of the dating scene that looks a lot different than it did 10 to 20 years ago.

Instead of focusing on any insecurities you have about your aging body, try to concentrate on the things you bring to the table. Your strengths are worth feeling confident about.

There are also steps you can take to boost your self-image. It doesn’t mean giving yourself a complete makeover (unless you want to!), but it’s always a good idea to do some simple things that help you feel good about yourself, whether that means trying out a new style, getting more active, or finding ways to pamper yourself.

It’s also important toavoid comparing yourselfto others on the dating scene, including younger folks. Unfortunately, research has shown that many dating sites promote a youthful ideal–even those geared toward older daters.

“The narrow representation of older adults and the anti-aging messages portrayed in the pictures convey that love, intimacy, and sexual activity are for older adults who are “forever young,” explain authors Ateret Gewirtz-Meydan and Liat Ayalon in the study published in theJournal of Women and Aging.

Rather than getting hung up on trying to appear younger, shift your mindset to think about the things that make you stand out. When you let those qualities shine, you’re more likely to meet potential partners who appreciate what you have to offer.

Getting the hang of a remarkably different dating scene isn’t always easy. Not only is the dating pool often smaller, but it might feel like all the rules have changed. The need to adapt to a forever-evolving dating culture is one of the biggest challenges, according to Holton.

Swipe culture,love bombing,breadcrumbing, andcuffing seasonare just a few examples.

Holton suggests staying open to love, being approachable, and reflecting the kind of person you want to match with are key. “Become the person within yourself that you desire in a partner. Become the match you’re seeking,” she says.

When I host my single events, some guests have mentioned that they’re concerned about being the eldest in the room. It’s natural to feel this way, as we all want to feel included and accepted.—KSENIA DROBEN, DATING EXPERT AND MATCHMAKER

When I host my single events, some guests have mentioned that they’re concerned about being the eldest in the room. It’s natural to feel this way, as we all want to feel included and accepted.

—KSENIA DROBEN, DATING EXPERT AND MATCHMAKER

Of course, online dating is also a great option (we’ll talk more about that in-depth a little later!). While websites and apps are great tools, don’t discount the appeal of in-person connections.

There’s been a lot of talk about the decline of ‘third spaces,’ those places that aren’t home or work but serve as important social settings ripe for meeting new people. However, there are still ways to form organic connections—you just need to seek out the experiences, events, and activities that offer those opportunities.

If you’ve been away from the singles scene for a while, online dating can seem strange–even a little uncomfortable. Research suggests that around 40% of single adults use online dating sites to look for a new partner, and around 25% of new couples report meeting online.

“It might be helpful to consider that there is always room to learn new flirting or communication techniques,” suggests Ksenia Droben, a matchmaker, dating coach, and CEO ofDroben Matchmaking. That includes online apps, such as WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, or video calls, she says.

While it takes some time to adjust,online datingcan be a great way for single folks in their 50s and 60s to make new, meaningful connections with potential partners.

The trick is figuring out how to make these online platforms work for you, including picking the right dating site. Some options are geared toward daters of all ages, while others are aimed specifically at middle-aged or older singles.

Apps and Websites to ConsiderDating appsfor older adults include:OurTimeSilverSinglesDateMyAge.

Apps and Websites to Consider

Dating appsfor older adults include:OurTimeSilverSinglesDateMyAge.

Dating appsfor older adults include:

You might also consider more general-audience options such as:

Once you’ve chosen a dating site, it’s time tocreate a dating profilethat reflects the real, authentic you. You want to be loved for who you really are, so don’t try to pretend to be something you’re not! Focus on highlighting the qualities that make you unique, whether your love of travel or your passion for your hobbies. Choose a photo that accurately shows who you are today. Pick a well-lit, relaxed image where you are smiling in a natural setting.

“It is important to remember that every visitor to your online profile could be a special one, so it is advisable to pay attention to all aspects of your profile, including the photos, text, and attitude,” Droben explains.

As you start interacting with potential matches, remember it can take time! You may not click with the first (or second, or third) person you interact with. Spend time reading profiles, and don’t be afraid to chat online for a while before you decide to meet up in person.

Remember,always use cautionwhen meeting people you’ve met online. Watch forred flags, including people who push for too much personal information and details right off the bat. It’s always a good idea to meet in a public place and make sure that a friend or loved one knows where you will be and when you’ll be home.

“If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your instincts and pay attention to red flags. You have the right to maintain your boundaries,” Holton says.

Safety Tip

Orna and Matthew Walters, founders ofCreating Love on Purpose, have some great tips for staying safe (and avoidingscams) when you are dating online.

A Relationship Coach Reveals 5 Mistakes You’re Making on Your Dating Profile

Communicationis key to anyhealthy relationship, but it’s especially important when dating over 50. You’re both bringing your lived experiences to the relationship, which can be both a gift and a challenge. The best way to make the most of the insights you’ve acquired from your lived experiences is to start with clear, open communication.

Talking about expectations and goals early on can help minimize misunderstandings. That doesn’t mean you need totrauma dumpon the first date–but you should talk openly, establish trust, and create a space where you both feel safe engaging inself-disclosurenaturally as the relationship progresses.

Some tips that can help:

Clearboundariesare vital for any relationship. “At this stage, both individuals come with established lives, routines, and attachment patterns,” says Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC, founder ofEvolution to Healing Psychotherapy. That’s a good thing in many ways, but it also means there is a risk of overextending yourself or not having your needs met if proper boundaries are not in place.

“For instance, one partner may give up too much of their own time or space (which over time could cause resentment), while the other partner may not even be aware that there is a problem,” Groskopf explains. “Instead of constantly guessing or worrying if you’re giving too much or too little, boundaries give the relationship structure.”

Relationships without boundaries tend to lead towards codependency, miscommunication, or even feeling like you’ve lost yourself. But when boundaries ARE in place, both partners feel seen, heard, and considered.—CHERYL GROSKOPF, LMFT, LPCC

—CHERYL GROSKOPF, LMFT, LPCC

While your age might make you feel pressured to rush into a relationship, remember that there’s no hurry. You’ve got a life full of work, family, relationships, and other interests. Let yourself have the time you need toget to know a personand see how you might fit into each other’s lives. Keeping your boundaries and moving at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you means you’ll have the security and space to let the new connection you share grow.

Don’t feel pressured to rush into something or put your own needs second. Yes, you may be getting older, but there’s no expiration date on love. Setting boundaries and taking things slow can help ensure you meet the right person at the right time.

Have You Met the Right Person at the Wrong Time? Here’s How to Cope

Rejectionis never easy to handle, but it’s something that happens to everyone at some point, no matter their age. It’s easy to getdefensive, especially if the experience feels similar to the end of your last relationship, but remember, rejection isn’t necessarily about you.

Older daters often know themselves better and are more sure of themselves. That means they are often quicker to spot when something isn’t working. When someone knows the potential isn’t there or that the relationship isn’t going to fulfill their needs, they are more likely to walk away.

Groskopf has some great tips for how to deal with feeling rejected if things don’t work out:

When dating over 50, it’s important to remember that rejection isn’t a reflection of your self-worth. It’s all aboutcompatibility. If something isn’t working, consider it a learning experience and let yourself move on.

Keep in Mind

Dating in your 50s and 60s isn’t that different from dating at earlier points in your life. It just means that your goals and expectations might have changed, and you may need to adjust to a constantly changing dating scene. The key is to know what you want, approach romantic connections mindfully, and be willing to stay open to finding love.

“Lasting connections take time, so the same rules apply if you’re dating in your 50s and 60s. While you might better know what you want (and can spot it), remember it still takes time to build trust and intimacy,” Holton says.

8 Ways to Initiate a Dating App Conversation to Spark Interest and Get Them Hooked

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Gewirtz-Meydan A, Ayalon L.Forever young: Visual representations of gender and age in online dating sites for older adults.J Women Aging. 2018;30(6):484-502. doi:10.1080/08952841.2017.1330586Castro Á, Barrada JR.Dating apps and their sociodemographic and psychosocial correlates: A systematic review.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(18):6500. doi:10.3390/ijerph17186500Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Gewirtz-Meydan A, Ayalon L.Forever young: Visual representations of gender and age in online dating sites for older adults.J Women Aging. 2018;30(6):484-502. doi:10.1080/08952841.2017.1330586Castro Á, Barrada JR.Dating apps and their sociodemographic and psychosocial correlates: A systematic review.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(18):6500. doi:10.3390/ijerph17186500Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

Gewirtz-Meydan A, Ayalon L.Forever young: Visual representations of gender and age in online dating sites for older adults.J Women Aging. 2018;30(6):484-502. doi:10.1080/08952841.2017.1330586Castro Á, Barrada JR.Dating apps and their sociodemographic and psychosocial correlates: A systematic review.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(18):6500. doi:10.3390/ijerph17186500Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

Gewirtz-Meydan A, Ayalon L.Forever young: Visual representations of gender and age in online dating sites for older adults.J Women Aging. 2018;30(6):484-502. doi:10.1080/08952841.2017.1330586

Castro Á, Barrada JR.Dating apps and their sociodemographic and psychosocial correlates: A systematic review.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(18):6500. doi:10.3390/ijerph17186500

Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

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At a Glance#

Apps and Websites to Consider#

Safety Tip#

Keep in Mind#

At a Glance

Apps and Websites to Consider

Safety Tip

Keep in Mind