Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSeparation Anxiety in RelationshipsCharacteristicsCausesCoping

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

Separation Anxiety in Relationships

Characteristics

Causes

Coping

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Separation anxietyis the fear of being separated from loved ones or people who we perceive to be a source of safety and connection.

It’s normal for anyone to feel somelonelinessand uneasiness about being away from loved ones, but when it feels out of control or causes a lot of distress, it can put a strain on your relationships and may require attention, saysDavid Klemanski, PsyD, MPH, a psychologist at Yale Medicine.

This article explores the characteristics and causes of separation anxiety, its impact on relationships, and strategies to help you deal with it.

Typically, a relationship is created in the spirit of cultivating a secure, lasting connection. When we get into an intimate relationship and start to be vulnerable, it brings up deeper parts of the self that are younger, closer to our earliest experience of family.

When we are vulnerable with someone in a relationship, we start to see our partner as a source of connection, safety, and familiarity. And because of these stronger feelings, we fear losing this relationship to the point of developing separation anxiety, especially if we were raised in afamilythat unconsciously propagates insecure attachment styles.

So even if you know your partner is coming back (from traveling, from a business trip, etc), if you struggle with separation anxiety you may feel hyper-stressed and anxious during their absence.

Living in a state of fear causes us to be more reactive and make decisions from a place of fear or a place of not wanting to lose someone or something. Therefore, wemake decisionsthat aren’t usually from our heart, they’re more from our head, reacting to an imaginary negative outcome of the future. This state of being can have a major impact on our mental health because it’s harder for us to experience joy and secure connection and attachment.

For those who experience separation anxiety, fear will guide them more toward trying to be possessive, controlling, or jealous.

But in ahealthy relationship, when we let go and learn how to build trust and love, we are less likely to be caught in separation anxiety. This is known as interdependence—the ability to be autonomous and still be deeply connected with another person.

We should also note that separation anxiety manifests more in some relationships than others. For instance, you may be more likely to experience this form of anxiety in a relationship with a romantic partner than with a friend or acquaintance.

An Overview of Attachment Anxiety

Symptoms and Characteristics of Separation Anxiety

Understanding Emotional Attachment and Whether Yours Is Healthy

Causes of Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety most often affects those who exhibitinsecure attachment style, saysJesse Hanson, PhD, founder of the private practice Hanson Healing and advisor at Rehab.com. .

These are some of the causes of separation anxiety, according to Klemanski:

Coping With Separation Anxiety in Relationships

Klemanski and Hanson share some strategies that can help you cope with separation anxiety in relationships:

The Link Between Separation Anxiety Disorder and Depression

A Word From Verywell

Separation anxiety can make it difficult for you to be apart from your loved ones, your partner in particular. It can cause a wide range of symptoms and take a toll on your mental health as well as your relationships.

Practicing yoga andmeditationand keeping yourself meaningfully occupied can help you control your anxiety. However, understanding why these symptoms exist and addressing the deeper layers—including processing any unresolved trauma—will ultimately be the way to truly heal from separation anxiety, says Hanson.

“Thisphenomenonis referred to as ‘earned secure attachment.’ In other words, you have to work for it, and earn it; but once you do, life, love, and relationships become so much more enjoyable,” says Hanson.

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