Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDefinitionPatterns of InsecuritySigns of Insecure AttachmentHow to Cope
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Definition
Patterns of Insecurity
Signs of Insecure Attachment
How to Cope
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Relationships are hard enough as it is, add in difficulty with feeling secure and it gets even trickier.
Research has shown that ourattachment patternsare set in early childhood and persist throughout our lifetime.The patterns are either secure orinsecure. If a child grows up with consistency, reliability, and safety, they will likely have a secure style of attachment.
People can develop asecure attachmentstyle or one of three types of insecure styles of attachment (avoidant,anxious/ambivalent, and disorganized). In order to cope with an insecure attachment style, you can work with a therapist to change your interaction patterns and develop more secure connections.
Take the Quiz to Find Out Your Attachment Style
What It Means to Be Insecurely Attached
When adults with secure attachments look back on their childhood, they usually feel that someone reliable was always available to them. They can reflect on events in their life (good and bad) in the proper perspective. As adults, people with a secure attachment style enjoy closeintimate relationshipsand are not afraid to take risks in love.
People who develop insecure attachment patterns did not grow up in a consistent, supportive, validating environment. Individuals with this attachment style often struggle to have meaningful relationships with others as adults.
However, someone with an insecure attachment style can learn to change their behaviors and patterns. Working with a therapist can help them develop the skills they need to improve their relationships and build the security they didn’t have as a child.
An Overview of Attachment Styles
If a person develops an insecure style of attachment, it can take one of three forms: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized.
Avoidant and anxious/ambivalent attachments remain organized. While they are not ideal ways of coping, these attachment styles do allow for some rational and logical approaches to dealing with complex situations.On the other hand, a person with a disorganized attachment style is unable to process and cope with any degree of adversity.
Avoidant and anxious/ambivalent attachments remain organized. While they are not ideal ways of coping, these attachment styles do allow for some rational and logical approaches to dealing with complex situations.
On the other hand, a person with a disorganized attachment style is unable to process and cope with any degree of adversity.
People with an insecure attachment style generally have trouble connecting emotionally. They can be aggressive or unpredictable toward their loved ones—a behavior rooted in the lack of consistent love and affection they experienced in childhood.
Avoidant Attachment
People with an avoidant attachment style tend to:
Mindful MomentNeed a breather? Take this free7-minute meditation focused on releasing attachment—or choose from ourguided meditation libraryto find another one that will help you feel your best.
Mindful Moment
Need a breather? Take this free7-minute meditation focused on releasing attachment—or choose from ourguided meditation libraryto find another one that will help you feel your best.
Anxious / Ambivalent Attachment
Signs of an ambivalent attachment style include:
Disorganized Attachment
Signs of disorganized attachment include:
Understanding Fear of Abandonment
Overcoming an Insecure Attachment Style
No one has to be a victim of their past. No one isunable to change or grow. A person who does not have a naturally secure style can work on “earned security,” which meansdeveloping a secure stylethrough relationships and interactions in adulthood. For example, security can flourish in the context of friendships and psychotherapy.
When a person undertakes intensivepsychotherapy, a therapist helps them identify past traumas, recognize where their behaviors are anchored and move forward in life with a more positive self-view and world-view. This work will ultimately help the individual learn to form healthy, secure attachments.
The strategy for creating an earned secure adult attachment style involves reconciling childhood experiences and making sense of the impact a person’s past has on their present and future.
Ahealthy relationshipis one where partners are mutually caring, supportive, respectful, and loving toward one another. For people with insecure attachment patterns, these characteristics can help shift them from feeling negative about themselves.
RecapInsecure attachment often forms in childhood, but there are steps people can take as adults to develop a more secure attachment pattern. Working with a mental health professional, gaining insight into your relationships, and working to create new behavior patterns are strategies that can help
Recap
Insecure attachment often forms in childhood, but there are steps people can take as adults to develop a more secure attachment pattern. Working with a mental health professional, gaining insight into your relationships, and working to create new behavior patterns are strategies that can help
Keep in Mind
Establishing earned security after a lifetime of insecure attachment patterns can be tough. While it requires risk-taking and vulnerability, it can also bring you the kind of love and security you have always wanted. An earned, secure attachment style can forever change your life and your relationships for the better.
With time, they can trust that a reliable and consistent person (such as a partner) will be there for them in times of distress (the opposite of what they had as a child).
An Overview of Attachment Anxiety
2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Roisman GL, Padrón E, Sroufe LA, Egeland B.Earned-secure attachment status in retrospect and prospect.Child Dev. 2002;73(4):1204-1219. doi:10.1111/1467-8624.00467Cheche Hoover R, Jackson JB.Insecure Attachment, Emotion Dysregulation, and Psychological Aggression in Couples.J Interpers Violence.2019;886260519877939. doi:10.1177/0886260519877939
2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Roisman GL, Padrón E, Sroufe LA, Egeland B.Earned-secure attachment status in retrospect and prospect.Child Dev. 2002;73(4):1204-1219. doi:10.1111/1467-8624.00467Cheche Hoover R, Jackson JB.Insecure Attachment, Emotion Dysregulation, and Psychological Aggression in Couples.J Interpers Violence.2019;886260519877939. doi:10.1177/0886260519877939
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Roisman GL, Padrón E, Sroufe LA, Egeland B.Earned-secure attachment status in retrospect and prospect.Child Dev. 2002;73(4):1204-1219. doi:10.1111/1467-8624.00467Cheche Hoover R, Jackson JB.Insecure Attachment, Emotion Dysregulation, and Psychological Aggression in Couples.J Interpers Violence.2019;886260519877939. doi:10.1177/0886260519877939
Roisman GL, Padrón E, Sroufe LA, Egeland B.Earned-secure attachment status in retrospect and prospect.Child Dev. 2002;73(4):1204-1219. doi:10.1111/1467-8624.00467
Cheche Hoover R, Jackson JB.Insecure Attachment, Emotion Dysregulation, and Psychological Aggression in Couples.J Interpers Violence.2019;886260519877939. doi:10.1177/0886260519877939
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