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Key Takeaways

Suicide is among the top ten causes of death of people ages 10 to 64 in the United States.For people ages 10 to 14 and 25 to 34, it is the second leading cause of death.Suicide and attempted suicide cost close to $70 billion dollars per year in medical and work-related costs.

More importantly, suicide exacts a tremendous mental and emotional toll on the family members and friends who are left behind.

Deb Stone, ScDSuicide loss survivors…may have feelings of shock, anger, abandonment, guilt, shame, depression, and some people may even feel suicidal themselves.

Deb Stone, ScD

Suicide loss survivors…may have feelings of shock, anger, abandonment, guilt, shame, depression, and some people may even feel suicidal themselves.

How the Five Stages of Grief Can Help Process a Loss

Coping With the Loss

Even if you know that someone you care about has been struggling with thoughts of suicide, their death can still come as a shock. Guilt about not being able to help your loved one, loneliness, confusion, and even relief are feelings a person may experience as they come to terms with the loss.

“Sometimes these feelings may be long-lasting because of the nature of the death (for example, sudden, lack of closure, unexpected,traumatic),” Dr. Stone explains. “It can be difficult to find closure after a suicide, as compared to other deaths that may have been anticipated and have occurred,” she adds.

Survivors can struggle with trying to understand why the suicide happened, which can make their grieving process even more complex. In addition to grappling with internal feelings, suicide loss survivors also must contend with how others view their loss.

“Many suicide loss survivors talk about perceiving that others do not know what to say to them, whether to acknowledge the loss was to suicide, or even whether it is appropriate to engage in our typical rituals supporting someone who is grieving,” statesDoreen Marshall, PhD, Vice President of Mission Engagement, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

“We should remember that a suicide loss is primarily a grief experience and that just like we would support others during losses," she notes.

Coping with the loss, and the feelings, is not an easy, simple, clear-cut process. Some people lean on other family and friends for support. Others may join support groups to be among people who understand their pain and have gone through the same experience. People channel their pain into greater awareness of mental health issues and the problems that can lead to suicide.

No matter how a person chooses to work through their grief over a loved one’s suicide, it’s important to allow the journey to be their own, and no one else’s.

Doreen Marshall, PhDAllowing yourself to feel what you feel without judgment and finding supportive people who you can talk to about your loved one and about what you are experiencing can help us move toward healing,

Doreen Marshall, PhD

Allowing yourself to feel what you feel without judgment and finding supportive people who you can talk to about your loved one and about what you are experiencing can help us move toward healing,

What Does Grieving Do to Your Body?

Help With the Healing Journey

While experts say there is no single best way to grieve your loss and work toward healing, they offer some practical steps that you can take.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Give yourself permission to feel the anger, hurt, frustration, sadness, or to even not be sure what it is that you feel.

You Can Remember and Talk About Your Loved One

Your feelings may fluctuate from despair to love for the person you lost. And that’s okay. “The person you lost to suicide was more than how they died. It is important to say their name and share memories of their life and encourage others to do so as well,” advises Dr. Marshall.

Seek Help

If you’re having difficulty moving through your grief, seek help. Resources are available for each stage of your grieving process.

American Foundation for Society Preventionoffers a free booklet on surviving suicide loss, connections with other loss survivors, and real stories about loss. The website also has practical details on challenging issues, including whether the police need to be called or handling the press if the suicide has attracted public attention.

Suicide Prevention Resource Centerlists a wealth of beneficial resources, includingFriends for Survival,Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors, andHeartbeat – Survivors After Suicide. TheCDChas insight on dealing with stress after a traumatic loss, as well as suicide resources.

Seeing a therapist or psychologist, or even counseling from a church, can also be beneficial.

Take Care of Yourself

While the focus, understandably, may be on the person you lost, it’s critical that you tend to your own needs. “Other things that can help you cope include staying healthy, including getting plenty of sleep, exercising, and engaging in healthy activities that you find relaxing or healing,” explains Dr. Stone. Research shows that exercise can help relieve symptoms of depression and negative emotions.

Doreen Marshall, PhDI don’t think you ever ‘get over’ loss, but that you live through it.

I don’t think you ever ‘get over’ loss, but that you live through it.

A sudden loss can be a traumatic, life-changing event. As you work through your feelings and the hurt, take the time you need to process the loss, work through the pain, and move toward healing.

What This Means For You

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Changes in Suicide Rates - United States, 2019 and 2020.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Health Topics - Suicide Prevention.World Health Organization.Suicide.American Psychological Association.Coping After Suicide Loss.Sharma A, Madaan V, Petty FD.Exercise for mental health.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;8(2):106.

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Changes in Suicide Rates - United States, 2019 and 2020.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Health Topics - Suicide Prevention.World Health Organization.Suicide.American Psychological Association.Coping After Suicide Loss.Sharma A, Madaan V, Petty FD.Exercise for mental health.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;8(2):106.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Changes in Suicide Rates - United States, 2019 and 2020.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Health Topics - Suicide Prevention.World Health Organization.Suicide.American Psychological Association.Coping After Suicide Loss.Sharma A, Madaan V, Petty FD.Exercise for mental health.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;8(2):106.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Changes in Suicide Rates - United States, 2019 and 2020.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Health Topics - Suicide Prevention.

World Health Organization.Suicide.

American Psychological Association.Coping After Suicide Loss.

Sharma A, Madaan V, Petty FD.Exercise for mental health.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;8(2):106.

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