​​Co-Parenting: What It Is and How to Make It Work

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsTypes of Co-ParentingWhat Does Healthy Co-Parenting Look Like?Tips for Successful Co-ParentingWhat Not to Do in Co-ParentingFrequently Asked Questions

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Types of Co-Parenting

What Does Healthy Co-Parenting Look Like?

Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

What Not to Do in Co-Parenting

Frequently Asked Questions

Close

If you and your partner have separated or gottendivorced, it can be difficult to interact with them regularly and maintain a civil relationship. However, you may have to practice and learn how to do so, for the sake of your child or children, to help them grow up with safety, security, and the love and support of both parents.

This is important to help your child adjust because research shows that conflict between co-parents after a divorce or separation can make it much harder for children to cope.

Co-parenting is an arrangement where both parents work together and share the responsibilities of raising their child, or children, even though they are no longer married or in a romantic relationship.

Children often struggle with changes to their family unit and the addition, subtraction, or transition of parental figures can be extremely hard for them, saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University. Modeling a cooperative mutually respectful relationship for them can help improve their long-term development.

If you and your family are in this situation, you’re not alone. The structures of families have changed over the years and families today come in many different shapes and sizes. It is estimated that 40% of children in the United States don’t live with a family of two married, biological parents.

This article explores the types of co-parenting arrangements, what healthy co-parenting looks like, tips for successful co-parenting, and what not to do as a co-parent.

Researchers have identified three major types of post-divorce co-parenting relationships:

Conflicted Co-Parenting

In this co-parenting arrangement, the parents have frequent conflicts and poor communication between each other. They may have different schedules,parenting styles, rules, and priorities, and may be unable to reach agreements about their child’s needs or daily routine.

Conflicted co-parenting can be tough on children, as they may feel caught in the middle of their parents' disputes. Research shows that conflicted co-parenting can increase children’s risk of experiencing behavioral problems as well as mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, andpsychological distress.

Cooperative Co-Parenting

In cooperative co-parenting arrangements, both parents work together to make decisions regarding their child’s upbringing. This arrangement involves communicating regularly, sharing information about their child’s needs and progress, and coordinating schedules to ensure that the child spends quality time with both parents.

Cooperative co-parenting can be beneficial for children as it provides a stable, consistent, and supportive environment. Research shows that cooperative co-parenting is linked to higherself-esteem, improved academic performance, and better mental health overall in children.

Parallel Co-Parenting

Parallel co-parenting means both sets of parents operate independently, with little communication, engagement, cooperation, or conflict with each other.

Their household routines and parenting rules are often different from each other, which can lead to a lack of consistency in the child’s life. Any similarities in rules or routines are often not planned or intentional.

It’s important to note that co-parenting arrangements can be fluid and may change over time as the co-parents’ dynamics and circumstances evolve.

Healthy co-parenting involves working out a plan and aligning with your child’s co-parent on factors such as:

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These are some tips that can help you and your former partner successfully co-parent your child:

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This fast and freeparenting styles quizcan help you analyze the methods you’re using to parent your kids and whether or not it may be a good idea to learn some new parenting behaviors:

These are some actions to avoid if you’re a co-parent:

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Frequently Asked QuestionsCo-parenting and joint custody are not exactly the same thing although they may sometimes go hand in hand.Co-parenting is a collaborative approach to parenting; whereas, joint custody is a legal arrangement wherein both parents share custody and responsibility of the child.Often, parents who have joint custody of their child also choose to co-parent in order to create a stable and supportive environment for the child. However, it is possible to have joint custody arrangements without co-parenting and co-parenting arrangements without joint custody.Co-parenting can be an effective way for parents to raise their children after a divorce or separation. Cooperative co-parenting can help provide children with the stability and support they need, particularly in the wake of any disruptive changes to their family structure.However, co-parenting is not always a good idea in cases where there is a history of abuse or neglect, or where one parent is unable or unwilling to co-parent effectively. In these situations, it may be necessary to establish a custody arrangement that prioritizes the safety and well-being of the child or to involve the court system as needed.

Co-parenting and joint custody are not exactly the same thing although they may sometimes go hand in hand.Co-parenting is a collaborative approach to parenting; whereas, joint custody is a legal arrangement wherein both parents share custody and responsibility of the child.Often, parents who have joint custody of their child also choose to co-parent in order to create a stable and supportive environment for the child. However, it is possible to have joint custody arrangements without co-parenting and co-parenting arrangements without joint custody.

Co-parenting and joint custody are not exactly the same thing although they may sometimes go hand in hand.

Co-parenting is a collaborative approach to parenting; whereas, joint custody is a legal arrangement wherein both parents share custody and responsibility of the child.

Often, parents who have joint custody of their child also choose to co-parent in order to create a stable and supportive environment for the child. However, it is possible to have joint custody arrangements without co-parenting and co-parenting arrangements without joint custody.

Co-parenting can be an effective way for parents to raise their children after a divorce or separation. Cooperative co-parenting can help provide children with the stability and support they need, particularly in the wake of any disruptive changes to their family structure.However, co-parenting is not always a good idea in cases where there is a history of abuse or neglect, or where one parent is unable or unwilling to co-parent effectively. In these situations, it may be necessary to establish a custody arrangement that prioritizes the safety and well-being of the child or to involve the court system as needed.

Co-parenting can be an effective way for parents to raise their children after a divorce or separation. Cooperative co-parenting can help provide children with the stability and support they need, particularly in the wake of any disruptive changes to their family structure.

However, co-parenting is not always a good idea in cases where there is a history of abuse or neglect, or where one parent is unable or unwilling to co-parent effectively. In these situations, it may be necessary to establish a custody arrangement that prioritizes the safety and well-being of the child or to involve the court system as needed.

Summary

As the structures and dynamics of families change, co-parenting has become a way for both parents to raise their child, despite not longer being in a relationship with one another.

Successful co-parenting takes a lot of communication, coordination, planning, flexibility, and mutual respect. This can sometimes be difficult to achieve, particularly with an ex-partner you’re no longer with. However, maintaining a co-operative relationship with them for the sake of your child can make a big difference to thechild’s mental and emotional well-being.

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6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Pires M, Martins M.Parenting styles, co-parenting, and early child adjustment in separated families with child physical custody processes ongoing in family court.Children (Basel). 2021;8(8):629. doi:10.3390/children8080629Parkes A, Green M, Mitchell K.Co-parenting and parenting pathways from the couple relationship to children’s behavior problems.J Fam Psychol. 2019;33(2):215-225. doi:10.1037/fam0000492D’Onofrio B, Emery R.Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health.World Psychiatry. 2019;18(1):100-101. doi:10.1002/wps.20590Lamela D, Figueiredo B.Co-parenting after marital dissolution and children’s mental health: a systematic review.J Pediatr (Rio J). 2016;92(4):331-342. doi:10.1016/j.jped.2015.09.011Goldberg JS, Carlson MJ.Patterns and predictors of co-parenting after unmarried parents part.J Fam Psychol. 2015;29(3):416-426. doi:10.1037/fam0000078Arlinghaus KR, Johnston CA.The importance of creating habits and routine.Am J Lifestyle Med. 2018;13(2):142-144. doi:10.1177/1559827618818044

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Pires M, Martins M.Parenting styles, co-parenting, and early child adjustment in separated families with child physical custody processes ongoing in family court.Children (Basel). 2021;8(8):629. doi:10.3390/children8080629Parkes A, Green M, Mitchell K.Co-parenting and parenting pathways from the couple relationship to children’s behavior problems.J Fam Psychol. 2019;33(2):215-225. doi:10.1037/fam0000492D’Onofrio B, Emery R.Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health.World Psychiatry. 2019;18(1):100-101. doi:10.1002/wps.20590Lamela D, Figueiredo B.Co-parenting after marital dissolution and children’s mental health: a systematic review.J Pediatr (Rio J). 2016;92(4):331-342. doi:10.1016/j.jped.2015.09.011Goldberg JS, Carlson MJ.Patterns and predictors of co-parenting after unmarried parents part.J Fam Psychol. 2015;29(3):416-426. doi:10.1037/fam0000078Arlinghaus KR, Johnston CA.The importance of creating habits and routine.Am J Lifestyle Med. 2018;13(2):142-144. doi:10.1177/1559827618818044

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Pires M, Martins M.Parenting styles, co-parenting, and early child adjustment in separated families with child physical custody processes ongoing in family court.Children (Basel). 2021;8(8):629. doi:10.3390/children8080629Parkes A, Green M, Mitchell K.Co-parenting and parenting pathways from the couple relationship to children’s behavior problems.J Fam Psychol. 2019;33(2):215-225. doi:10.1037/fam0000492D’Onofrio B, Emery R.Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health.World Psychiatry. 2019;18(1):100-101. doi:10.1002/wps.20590Lamela D, Figueiredo B.Co-parenting after marital dissolution and children’s mental health: a systematic review.J Pediatr (Rio J). 2016;92(4):331-342. doi:10.1016/j.jped.2015.09.011Goldberg JS, Carlson MJ.Patterns and predictors of co-parenting after unmarried parents part.J Fam Psychol. 2015;29(3):416-426. doi:10.1037/fam0000078Arlinghaus KR, Johnston CA.The importance of creating habits and routine.Am J Lifestyle Med. 2018;13(2):142-144. doi:10.1177/1559827618818044

Pires M, Martins M.Parenting styles, co-parenting, and early child adjustment in separated families with child physical custody processes ongoing in family court.Children (Basel). 2021;8(8):629. doi:10.3390/children8080629

Parkes A, Green M, Mitchell K.Co-parenting and parenting pathways from the couple relationship to children’s behavior problems.J Fam Psychol. 2019;33(2):215-225. doi:10.1037/fam0000492

D’Onofrio B, Emery R.Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health.World Psychiatry. 2019;18(1):100-101. doi:10.1002/wps.20590

Lamela D, Figueiredo B.Co-parenting after marital dissolution and children’s mental health: a systematic review.J Pediatr (Rio J). 2016;92(4):331-342. doi:10.1016/j.jped.2015.09.011

Goldberg JS, Carlson MJ.Patterns and predictors of co-parenting after unmarried parents part.J Fam Psychol. 2015;29(3):416-426. doi:10.1037/fam0000078

Arlinghaus KR, Johnston CA.The importance of creating habits and routine.Am J Lifestyle Med. 2018;13(2):142-144. doi:10.1177/1559827618818044

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