Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsBehaviors and TraitsAdult Children of Alcoholics in RelationshipsSupport for ACoAs

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Behaviors and Traits

Adult Children of Alcoholics in Relationships

Support for ACoAs

If you grew up in a home with a parent who misused alcohol, you’re probably familiar with the feeling of never knowing what to expect from one day to the next. When one or both parents struggle with addiction, the home environment is predictably unpredictable. Arguments, inconsistency, unreliability, and chaos tend to run rampant.

Children of alcoholics don’t get many of their emotional or social needs met due to these challenges, often leading to traits and skewed behaviors like low self-esteem, rejection sensitivity, over-reactivity, and constant approval-seeking or people-pleasing.

Emotional well-being:If you were never given the attention and emotional support you needed during a key developmental time in your youth and instead were preoccupied with thedysfunctional behaviorof a parent, it may certainly be hard (or perhaps impossible) to know how to get your needs met as an adult.

Social well-being:If you were not able to establish healthy attachments with your caregivers as an infant, or experience stable interpersonal interactions, it may be difficult to develop healthy, trusting relationships with other people later on.

Children of alcoholics often have to hide their feelings of sadness, fear, and anger in order to survive. Since unresolved feelings will always surface eventually, they often manifest during adulthood.

The advantage of recognizing this is that you’re an adult and no longer a helpless child. You can face these issues and find resolution in a way you couldn’t back then.

Common Behaviors or Traits in Adult Children of Alcoholics

Many children of alcoholics develop similar characteristics and personality traits. The same can be said about people who have been sexually abused, or raised in authoritative/highly religious homes.

In her 1983 landmark book, “Adult Children of Alcoholics,” the late Janet G. Woititz, EdD, outlined 13 of them.“Dr. Jan” (as she was known) was a best-selling author, lecturer, and counselor who was also married to an alcoholic.

Based on her personal experience with alcoholism and its effect on her children, as well as her work with clients who were raised in dysfunctional families, Janet discovered that these common characteristics are prevalent not onlyin alcoholic familiesbut also in those who grew up in families where there wereother compulsive behaviors.

Examples of behaviors include gambling, drug abuse, or overeating. Other types of dysfunction, such as parents who were chronically ill or held strict religious attitudes, were also implicated.

She cited that adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs) often:

If you’re a child of an alcoholic, that doesn’t mean that everything on this list will apply to you. However, because the experiences have common features, it’s likely you will recognize at least a few items on Dr. Jan’s list.

The Laundry List

Tony’s list has been adopted as part of the Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization’s official literature and is a basis for the article “The Problem,” published on the group’s website.

According to Tony’s list, many adult children of alcoholics can:

Many adult children of alcoholics lose themselves in their relationship with others, sometimes finding themselves attracted to alcoholics or other compulsive personalities, such asworkaholics, who areemotionally unavailable.

Adult children may also form relationships with others who need their help or need to be rescued, to the extent of neglecting their own needs. If they place the focus on the overwhelming needs of someone else, it can give them a sense of self-worth, and they don’t have to look at their own difficulties and shortcomings.

Often, adult children of alcoholics will take on the characteristics of alcoholics, even though they’ve never picked up a drink: exhibiting denial, poor coping skills, poor problem solving, and forming dysfunctional relationships.

Support for Adult Children of Alcoholics

Many adult children find that seeking professional treatment or counseling for insight into their feelings, behaviors, and struggles helps them achieve greater awareness of how their childhood shaped who they are today.

The process is often overwhelming in the beginning, but it can help you learn how to identify your feelings, assertively express your needs, gain compassion for yourself, and learn to cope with conflict in new and constructive ways.You may also want to learn to establish boundaries and interact with your parents in healthier ways, especially if they are still misusing alcohol.

If you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

Others have found help through mutual support groups such asAl-Anon Family GroupsorAdult Children of Alcoholics. You can find asupport groupmeeting in your area oronline meetingsfor both Al-Anon and ACOA.

How to Find Emotional Healing

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hinrichs J, Defife J, Westen D.Personality subtypes in adolescent and adult children of alcoholics: A two-part study.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2011;199(7):487-498. doi:10.1097/NMD.0b013e3182214268Woititz JG.Adult Children of Alcoholics. Expanded ed. Health Communications; 2000.Woititz JG, Garner A.Lifeskills for adult children. Health Communications; 1990.Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families World Services Organization.The laundry list – 14 traits of an adult child of an alcoholic.Additional ReadingAdult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, “The Laundry List—14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.” (Attributed to Tony A., 1978).Woititz, Janet G. “Adult Children of Alcoholics,” 2010 Expanded Edition.

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hinrichs J, Defife J, Westen D.Personality subtypes in adolescent and adult children of alcoholics: A two-part study.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2011;199(7):487-498. doi:10.1097/NMD.0b013e3182214268Woititz JG.Adult Children of Alcoholics. Expanded ed. Health Communications; 2000.Woititz JG, Garner A.Lifeskills for adult children. Health Communications; 1990.Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families World Services Organization.The laundry list – 14 traits of an adult child of an alcoholic.Additional ReadingAdult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, “The Laundry List—14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.” (Attributed to Tony A., 1978).Woititz, Janet G. “Adult Children of Alcoholics,” 2010 Expanded Edition.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Hinrichs J, Defife J, Westen D.Personality subtypes in adolescent and adult children of alcoholics: A two-part study.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2011;199(7):487-498. doi:10.1097/NMD.0b013e3182214268Woititz JG.Adult Children of Alcoholics. Expanded ed. Health Communications; 2000.Woititz JG, Garner A.Lifeskills for adult children. Health Communications; 1990.Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families World Services Organization.The laundry list – 14 traits of an adult child of an alcoholic.

Hinrichs J, Defife J, Westen D.Personality subtypes in adolescent and adult children of alcoholics: A two-part study.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2011;199(7):487-498. doi:10.1097/NMD.0b013e3182214268

Woititz JG.Adult Children of Alcoholics. Expanded ed. Health Communications; 2000.

Woititz JG, Garner A.Lifeskills for adult children. Health Communications; 1990.

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families World Services Organization.The laundry list – 14 traits of an adult child of an alcoholic.

Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, “The Laundry List—14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.” (Attributed to Tony A., 1978).Woititz, Janet G. “Adult Children of Alcoholics,” 2010 Expanded Edition.

Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, “The Laundry List—14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.” (Attributed to Tony A., 1978).

Woititz, Janet G. “Adult Children of Alcoholics,” 2010 Expanded Edition.

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