Can People Really Change?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCan People Change?Types of Therapy That Can Support Change

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Table of Contents

Can People Change?

Types of Therapy That Can Support Change

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There are many reasons why we may wish tochangeourselves or the people in our lives.

For instance, if you’ve made mistakes, you may regret them and promise yourself that you’ll change and do better next time. Or, if you feel like there’s something wrong with you, you may have tried to change but may not have succeeded yet, saysAimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist.

Damarus notes that you may also want to change someone you love, such as a child orpartner. Their words or actions may have hurt you or upset you, and you may desperately want them to change, for your benefit or their own. Sometimes, you might find it difficult to love them unless they change.

You may even want to change others in your life, such as your colleagues, teachers, neighbors, or other people you interact with. Their behavior may confuse or frustrate you, and you may hope that they change their ways.

But, is it actually possible to change yourself or those around you?

This article explores whether people can change as well as some forms of therapy that can be helpful in motivating change.

Dealing With a Partner Who Doesn’t Want Change

You’ve probably heard the phrase “A leopard can’t change its spots,” which basically means that people areborn a certain wayand they can’t change.

However, research suggests that change may in fact be possible.

For instance, a 2016 study found that people who wanted to change certain aspects of their personality were able to do so and that they experienced increased well-being if the change aligned with their goals.

A 2017 review that analyzed the results of 207 studies found that people could change their personalities and experience improvements in mental health conditions with the support of clinical interventions (like therapy) and lifestyle interventions.

That said, it’s important to understand that change is not easy. Therefore, it is possible but not guaranteed, especially if someone is not open to change.

Aimee Daramus, PsyDSometimes people are not emotionally ready to change. When given a choice, a lot of people will choose a bad situation that’s familiar over an improvement that’s unfamiliar and scary. It’s so much easier to be in a situation where you know the rules, even if it’s really hard in other ways.

Aimee Daramus, PsyD

Sometimes people are not emotionally ready to change. When given a choice, a lot of people will choose a bad situation that’s familiar over an improvement that’s unfamiliar and scary. It’s so much easier to be in a situation where you know the rules, even if it’s really hard in other ways.

Damarus also goes on to say that trying to force someone to change ismanipulation. And if someone feels as though they are being manipulated, they are even less likely to change.

If the person you’re trying to change is someone other than yourself, as much as you may want them to change, there is often only so much you can do. For instance, you can offer them encouragement andsupport, or even be a role model to them and set a positive example. However, you cannot control their actions, and eventually, whether or not they make a change is up to them.

Press Play for Advice On Influencing Someone’s Behavior

It is possible for people to change theirpersonalitytraits, habits, behaviors, thoughts, andattitudes, often with the help of therapeutic interventions. Below, Daramus outlines some forms of therapy that can be helpful.

Acceptance Commitment Therapy

Acceptance and commitment therapy(ACT) is a type of therapy that focuses on first accepting thatnegative behavior, personality traits, or situations exist in your life, because trying to pretend that the problems aren’t there means you can’t recognize the things that need to change. Thereafter, it promotes commitment to positive thoughts and behavior patterns, to help motivate change.

Motivational Interviewing

Motivational interviewingis about understanding thestages of change:

With motivational interviewing, you meet someone where they are and ask questions that get them thinking; for example, if someone is in the contemplation stage, where they are considering making a change, you can ask them to think of what the benefits of or problems with making the proposed change might be.

You ask very different questions of someone who doesn’t want to change than you do of someone who’s already trying.

This form of therapy is designed to engage people and help them build themotivationto change. It can be especially helpful if the person has mixed feelings about whether they want to change and are not especially confident that they have the ability to change.

A Word From Verywell

Change can be difficult, but research shows us that change is possible. If you are hoping to change some aspects of yourself that maybe don’t align with your values,consider reaching out to a therapist. Change is easier if you don’t have to go it alone.

How to Cope With the Fear of Change

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hudson NW, Fraley RC.Changing for the better? Longitudinal associations between volitional personality change and psychological wellbeing.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2016;42(5):603-615. doi:10.1177/0146167216637840Roberts BW, Luo J, Briley DA, Chow PI, Su R, Hill PL.A systematic review of personality trait change through intervention.Psychol Bull.2017;143(2):117-141. doi:10.1037/bul0000088Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers.Understanding motivational interviewing.

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hudson NW, Fraley RC.Changing for the better? Longitudinal associations between volitional personality change and psychological wellbeing.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2016;42(5):603-615. doi:10.1177/0146167216637840Roberts BW, Luo J, Briley DA, Chow PI, Su R, Hill PL.A systematic review of personality trait change through intervention.Psychol Bull.2017;143(2):117-141. doi:10.1037/bul0000088Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers.Understanding motivational interviewing.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Hudson NW, Fraley RC.Changing for the better? Longitudinal associations between volitional personality change and psychological wellbeing.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2016;42(5):603-615. doi:10.1177/0146167216637840Roberts BW, Luo J, Briley DA, Chow PI, Su R, Hill PL.A systematic review of personality trait change through intervention.Psychol Bull.2017;143(2):117-141. doi:10.1037/bul0000088Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers.Understanding motivational interviewing.

Hudson NW, Fraley RC.Changing for the better? Longitudinal associations between volitional personality change and psychological wellbeing.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2016;42(5):603-615. doi:10.1177/0146167216637840

Roberts BW, Luo J, Briley DA, Chow PI, Su R, Hill PL.A systematic review of personality trait change through intervention.Psychol Bull.2017;143(2):117-141. doi:10.1037/bul0000088

Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers.Understanding motivational interviewing.

Hannah Owens, LMSW

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