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If you have beencheated on, we feel for you, and it’s understandable you might be wondering if it’s possible to save your marriage. At the end of the day, there is no entirely right or wrong answer because it all comes down to each couple’s unique needs and healing process. If both individuals still love one another and want to put in the work—it won’t be easy—it is possible. But if one person cheated because their heart was already halfway out the door then it might be time to move on.

In this article, we’ll look at several aspects of infidelity and hopefully leave you with some insight on how to cope during this stressful time.

At a GlanceIt is true that a marriage can survive an extra-marital affair. But, this will only happen if both partners are willing to acquire and use the skills necessary to make their marriage successful.

At a Glance

It is true that a marriage can survive an extra-marital affair. But, this will only happen if both partners are willing to acquire and use the skills necessary to make their marriage successful.

Unpacking Infidelity

Popular psychologist and self-helpbookauthor, Dr. Harriet Lerner writes about this in a PsychologyToday.com article,“Will Your Marriage Survive the Affair?"(2013).

She writes, “Keep in mind that an affair is not a terrible aberration that only occurs inunhappymarriages. It’s a myth that the “real reason” behind an affair is a faulty spouse or bad marriage. A sexually and emotionally distant marriage will definitely make an affair more likely, but it’s also true that affairs happen in excellent marriages as well. Affairs have many sources, and opportunity and work context are among the predisposing factors.”

Marriage can survive infidelity, but it is important to remember certain facts:It hurtsIt’s not easyThere will probably be anger, tears, anddepressionIt will take time to healIt will take a decision to trust againIt will take the cheater taking responsibility and not blaming his/her spouse for the affairIt will take the “victim” also taking responsibility for underlying problems in the marriageIt will take courageIt will require serious commitment from both of you to save your marriageIt is likely that you will need professional help to process what happened

Marriage can survive infidelity, but it is important to remember certain facts:

It hurtsIt’s not easyThere will probably be anger, tears, anddepressionIt will take time to healIt will take a decision to trust againIt will take the cheater taking responsibility and not blaming his/her spouse for the affairIt will take the “victim” also taking responsibility for underlying problems in the marriageIt will take courageIt will require serious commitment from both of you to save your marriageIt is likely that you will need professional help to process what happened

Many professionals have seen marriages not only survive infidelity but become better than before.

Healing

Developing a new way of interacting requires you both to:

Some feelings that are prominent when a married couple experiences cheating include:

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When You Should Leave

Your marriage can survive this onslaught of feelings. However, some marriages arenot meant to be saved. If infidelity is one of many symptoms ofdomestic violenceand/or emotional abuse in your relationship you will never feel safe enough to work through your problems. These are very entrenched issues that are often not changeable.

It is challenging for the betrayed partner to know if they can give the spouse a “second chance.” If the infidelity was a one-time event, this is also quite different than someone with a pattern of ongoing cheating. If your spouse is a serial cheater, it may be time tothrow in the towel.

There are other positive signs to look for such as the spouse showing remorse and showing clear actions that the affair has ended.

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Where to Get Help

See out a licensed therapist or psychologist who specializes in working with couples. Be sure to ask about their expertise in helping with infidelity in particular. A place to start if you are still unsure if you want to save the marriage, or the affair is still going on, is a process called “Discernment Counseling.”

Some people find it better (or easier) to speak with their clergy. This may be a good initial step, but a professional counselor will be needed to help you work through the long-term healing process.

Should You Give a Cheating Partner a Second Chance?

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