Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat It Means To Be An EmpathWhat It Means To Be A NarcissistEmpath and Narcissist Traits and BehaviorsThe Dynamics Between Empaths and NarcissistsHow Can Empaths Protect Themselves From Narcissists?Keep in Mind
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What It Means To Be An Empath
What It Means To Be A Narcissist
Empath and Narcissist Traits and Behaviors
The Dynamics Between Empaths and Narcissists
How Can Empaths Protect Themselves From Narcissists?
Keep in Mind
Close
In a healthy relationship, both people give and take. But what if one person does all the giving and the other only takes? This might be a case where an empath and a narcissist are in a relationship together.
That may sound like a complicated relationship dynamic—and you’d most likely be right. This could be a recipe for a very one-sided relationship where one partner is taking advantage of the other. That is not a true partnership, and would be doomed to failure if both partners are not consistently able to meet the needs of the other.
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What It Means To Be An Empath
The current research isn’t clear on whether real empaths exist, at least in the sense of truly being wired differently for empathy. However, research has shown that there are specialized brain cells called “mirror neurons” that “mirror” the feelings of those around us. Some people have more of these neurons than others which may make them empaths.
Have you ever met someone who loves being the center of attention? They’re constantly craving praise and validation. They get high on theirnarcissistic supply. They have trouble empathizing and struggle to meet the needs of others.
Narcissistsare always looking out for themselves since they tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance. They manipulate others to get what they want and don’t feel bad doing it.
Under certain specific criteria found in the DSM, a person with narcissistic traits may actually have a clinically diagnosablepersonality disorder, but one that is very difficult to treat. A narcissist is unlikely to admit to being a narcissist.
Highly sensitive
Compassionate
Caring
Good listener
Reads people well
Narcissist TraitsLacking empathySelf-centeredInvalidates others' feelingsCraves attention and admirationSense of entitlementTakes advantage of others
Lacking empathy
Self-centered
Invalidates others' feelings
Craves attention and admiration
Sense of entitlement
Takes advantage of others
The stereotypical dynamic between an empath and a narcissist tends to be one-sided. Empaths constantly give and narcissists constantly take while exploiting their partner’s empathy.
Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, professor, and writer in New York City explained that the dynamic between an empath and a narcissist is a perfect symbiotic pair since they are comfortable in their polarized roles. Both empaths and narcissists are skilled inemotional intelligence; however, they use it differently.
“Empaths tend to feel a sense of responsibility to take care of the other and work hard to meet the narcissist’s needs," Dr. Romanoff says. “On the other hand, the narcissist feels entitled to be given to, and accepts the gifts of the empath such as time, energy, acts of service, presents, and words of validation, without much reciprocation.”
Ricki Romm, LCSW, a psychotherapist who helps individuals and couples strengthen relationships gave an example of how the dynamic between an empath and narcissist could play out. In this case, Riley is the empath and Jordan is the narcissist.
What Happens When An Empath Wants To Leave A Narcissist
Dr. Romanoff shares that it can be difficult for empaths to own their needs and see them as valid. They tend to be gaslit in relationships with narcissists who convince them they are too much and do not deserve to ask for that much.
Empaths tend to be drawn to narcissistic partners because they resemble early caregivers. They are drawn to the opportunity to have a corrective emotional experience with people who they could finally earn love from. This usually ends in frustration and is a futile effort.
It’s important to remember that having empathy for another person and feeling their pain is not a mandate to prioritize or try to manage their feelings. You are also a person who deserves safety and mutual respect.—RICKI ROMM, LCSW
It’s important to remember that having empathy for another person and feeling their pain is not a mandate to prioritize or try to manage their feelings. You are also a person who deserves safety and mutual respect.
—RICKI ROMM, LCSW
There are several ways empaths can protect themselves from narcissists:
Don’t Give More Than You Are Comfortable With
Dr. Romanoff explains that many empaths give the love and effort they hope to receive from the narcissist. This usually ends up failing because the narcissist feels they deserve this level of treatment and do not need to take care of them in return.
Empaths may become drained continually giving to a narcissist without receiving anything in return. It is important for empaths to set boundaries for themselves to give what they are wanting and able to without draining, exhausting, and overextending themselves.
Efforts may be made to communicate an empath’s needs and requests but if a partner is narcissistic, there is a high likelihood those needs will be dismissed, ignored, minimized, or even criticized. In this case, the empath will have to decide how long they are willing to accept and continue engaging in this dynamic.
Recognize And Communicate Your Needs
Dr. Romanoff says that empaths need to understand whether the other person is truly capable of meetingtheir needs.
—SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYD
Trust Your Intuition
If you’re an empath, another way you can protect yourself is to reconnect with, listen to, and trust yourintuition. Romm shares that many deep feelers are used to being told they are too sensitive or making things up.
Pay attention to what you are feeling and listen to the wisdom of your intuition and emotions.
Maintain A Strong Sense of Self
Romm advises empaths not to get sucked into another person’s orbit and instead, maintain a strong sense of self.
This means continuing to invest in your social network and support systems, engaging in the activities and hobbies that you enjoyed before entering the relationship, and practicing self-care.
The bonus is that doing these requires the empath to set boundaries that can further help to establish a healthy distance.
Empaths and narcissists may be drawn to each other, but this is not necessarily a good foundation for a loving, nourishing, and healthy relationship. If the empath becomes more and more drained, and the narcissist has no interesting in acknowledging, addressing, and healing their narcissistic traits, this will not be a sustainable partnership.
A relationship based oninterdependencemeans both partners having their needs met, being there for one another, and fostering behaviors that make the other happy and fulfilled in the relationship. Recognizing where you or your partner may be falling short is the first step toward determining if the relationship is worth continuing.
2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Jeon H, Lee SH.From neurons to social beings: Short review of the mirror neuron system research and its socio-psychological and psychiatric implications.Clin Psychopharmacol Neurosci. 2018;16(1):18–31. doi:10.9758/cpn.2018.16.1.18Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E.Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: From clinical and empirical perspectives.Personal Disord. 2014;5(3):323–333. doi:10.1037/per0000061
2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Jeon H, Lee SH.From neurons to social beings: Short review of the mirror neuron system research and its socio-psychological and psychiatric implications.Clin Psychopharmacol Neurosci. 2018;16(1):18–31. doi:10.9758/cpn.2018.16.1.18Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E.Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: From clinical and empirical perspectives.Personal Disord. 2014;5(3):323–333. doi:10.1037/per0000061
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Jeon H, Lee SH.From neurons to social beings: Short review of the mirror neuron system research and its socio-psychological and psychiatric implications.Clin Psychopharmacol Neurosci. 2018;16(1):18–31. doi:10.9758/cpn.2018.16.1.18Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E.Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: From clinical and empirical perspectives.Personal Disord. 2014;5(3):323–333. doi:10.1037/per0000061
Jeon H, Lee SH.From neurons to social beings: Short review of the mirror neuron system research and its socio-psychological and psychiatric implications.Clin Psychopharmacol Neurosci. 2018;16(1):18–31. doi:10.9758/cpn.2018.16.1.18
Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E.Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: From clinical and empirical perspectives.Personal Disord. 2014;5(3):323–333. doi:10.1037/per0000061
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