Point blank — relationships are complicated. When they go south, they can sometimes be a blame game, and it’s all too easy point fingers at our partner when you-know-what hits the fan. But can we blame mental illness on our partner? While relationships can be amazing, enriching experiences, they do have the potential to be unhealthy and harmful to your mental health, and therefore, your overall well being.

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“I think that one sign that your relationship is toxic or bad for your mental health is how you feel. If you find that when you are with your partner(s), you often feel down or drained, then it might be time to speak to a third party for some more objective feedback,” Caraballo says. It’s also important to pay attention to more serious indications of something not being healthy. “If you are with a partner that uses intimidation, manipulation, or control (such as the ways in thePower & Control Wheel) then you should be concerned that you may be subjected to abuse and shouldcontact a therapist immediately for support.”

Other than paying attention to how the relationship makes you feel, Towne stresses the danger ofcodependent relationships. She explains, “It isn’t that they cause mental illness, it is that they are unhealthy in and of themselves.” Codependent relationships are often very one-sided, and can be very draining andanxietyinducing. The codependent partner is very dependent on the other partner, and needs constant approval and attention from the other partner, among other unhealthy behaviors.

If you feel as though you may be in a codependent or other type of toxic relationship, don’t lose hope. Your mental health isn’t doomed, and your relationship may still be salvageable. Some pointers that Towne suggest include, “ensuring healthy boundaries, focusing on self care, having open communication with your partner, and to ask for support when needed.”

So, while a relationship can impact your mental health, it’s not quite fair or accurate to say that they can cause mental illness. Let’s stop playing the blame game and focus on creating and maintaining loving, healthy relationships. After all, nobody said love was going to be easy!

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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