Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsIntroduction to Extrovert-Extrovert RelationshipsAdvantages of Extrovert-Extrovert RelationshipsChallenges of Extrovert-Extrovert RelationshipsCommunication in Extrovert-Extrovert RelationshipsMaintaining Individuality in Extrovert-Extrovert RelationshipsManaging Socializing and Energy LevelsConflict Resolution in Extrovert-Extrovert RelationshipsTips for a Successful Extrovert-Extrovert RelationshipFinal Thoughts
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Introduction to Extrovert-Extrovert Relationships
Advantages of Extrovert-Extrovert Relationships
Challenges of Extrovert-Extrovert Relationships
Communication in Extrovert-Extrovert Relationships
Maintaining Individuality in Extrovert-Extrovert Relationships
Managing Socializing and Energy Levels
Conflict Resolution in Extrovert-Extrovert Relationships
Tips for a Successful Extrovert-Extrovert Relationship
Final Thoughts
Close
With friendly andoutgoing personalitiesand a penchant for social situations, it might seem like extroverts would make perfect partners, especially if you happen to be an extrovert too. And this can be true—if you’re an extrovert, chances are you’ll have a natural understanding of what your extroverted partner wants and needs from a relationship. But there can also be complications in extrovert-extrovert relationships that are specific to this kind of couple.
Read on to learn more about the strengths and challenges of being in a relationship as an extrovert with an extrovert, and how to make your extroverted relationship the best it can be.
First of all, what does it really mean to be an extrovert?
Extroversion is a trait that can be inherited genetically—if you come from a family of extroverts, chances are you’ll be one too.
Extroversion and introversion exist on a spectrum, and most people lie somewhere along that spectrum closer to one end or another. (The term for this range is “ambiversion.”) There are very few people who would be considered “100%” extroverted or introverted, though many people lean one way or the other.
So, if you are an extrovert and you’re in a relationship with someone who is also an extrovert, the both of you might have similar social traits and needs—like being at your most comfortable when you’re with other people.
There are some definite advantages to being an extrovert in a relationship with another extrovert.
First of all, you don’t have to worry about balancing extremely different needs. Chances are that if you’re both extroverts, your social needs will be similar—that means that there’s less of a chance that you’ll have to convince your partner to participate in any social events or worry that their social battery may get drained far faster than yours. This can make it easier to plan events and maintain the social life that you need.
Being involved with another extrovert also gives you an implicit understanding of how the other person functions and what they might need.
Instead of having to guess at what anintroverted partnerthinks and feels (even if it’s an educated guess), you can fairly safely assume that you and your extroverted partner’s needs will be at least somewhat aligned.
“When both partners are extroverts, they’re more likely to be open about their needs, wants, and emotional experiences, which can take away a lot of the guesswork in a relationship,” confirms Yolanda Renteria, LMFT. “They are also more likely to share interests, have fun, and laugh together, which increases their desire to spend time together.”
This understanding also makes it easier tocompromisewhen it comes to social situations. Instead of having to negotiate how many hours you’re going to spend at a party or how often you go out and see friends, you and your partner’s similar preferences mean there’s likely to be fewer arguments and disagreements about how much time you both spend socializing.
Fulfilling Your Needs in a Relationship
Just like any relationship, extrovert-extrovert partnerships can have their challenges.
If you both are extroverted, you might not know or feel the need to balance social time withalone time. No matter how much you love people, everyone needs at least some breaks from socializing; and this is especially true when trying to maintain a romantic relationship.
Both your and your partner’s love for social events might mean that you prioritize socializing over spending time alone with your partner—but relationships can’t survive if you never spend time together just the two of you. This might be overlooked in an extrovert-extrovert relationship.
You might also take your partner’s social battery for granted. Just because you’re both extroverted doesn’t mean that your needs and preferences will always be exactly the same. But banking on your partner’s extroversion might lead to situations in which you neglect to check in with your partner about what they want (or vice versa), which can in turn lead to conflict.
In addition, personal space might become an issue. Maybe you assume that, because your partner is also an extrovert, that they don’t need much personal space, and will be happy to spend time with you whenever you want; or maybe your partner assumes this about you.
Just because you generally both enjoy others’ company doesn’t mean personal space isn’t important. Spending 24/7 together can cause problems in any relationship, extroverted or not.
Your social habits—or your partner’s—might also cause problems. Social situations can become competitive. You might feel as though your partner has more friends than you do, which can causeresentmentwhen they spend a great deal of time with them; or your partner might feel as though you are rubbing their nose in the fact that you spend more time “out” than they do.
With both of you being so sociable, it’s easy to unwittingly turn sociality into a competition.
Communication is also an important factor in a relationship that can be overlooked. If you and your partner share extroverted traits, you might forget that you need to communicate with your partner about their needs or that they might have a different communication style than you do. Maybe they enjoy parties just as much as you do but need to discuss a timeline ahead of time (“We’ll stay for this long,” ”I’ll let you know when I’m ready to leave,” etc)—if you neglect to check in with them, this can lead to misunderstanding and resentment.
Another challenge, according to Renteria, has to do with attention. “Both partners might not feel like they’re getting enough attention, which is something extroverts typically seek,” she explains. “They are also more likely to struggle listening to the other, keeping their emotions in check, and not know how to spend time resting, which are all needed for healthy relationships.”
7 Active Listening Techniques For Better Communication
Don’t assume that just because you and your partner are both extroverts that you need and want the exact same things. Open communication makes it clear to both you and your partner what each of you needs from the other.
“Extroverts tend to be really attuned to their needs, but might struggle to attune to the needs of the other,” says Renteria.
Learn to listen, practice tolerating the distress of sharing attention, learn to regulate emotions because arguments can get more heated, and learn to validate the needs of the other.—YOLANDA RENTERIA, LPC
Learn to listen, practice tolerating the distress of sharing attention, learn to regulate emotions because arguments can get more heated, and learn to validate the needs of the other.
—YOLANDA RENTERIA, LPC
You still need to talk about things like boundaries and needs both inside and outside your relationship to prevent possible issues:
Get used to checking in with your partner. Maybe before a social engagement you talk about how long you’ll spend there; maybe there’s a gap in your or your partner’s social calendar and you ask them how they’d like to spend that time; maybe you or your partner need some alone time.
Getting used to communicating with your partner about those needs makes sure that you both understand what the other person wants and avoids confusion and potential upset.
It’s easy to start to see you and your partner as one entity, especially if you have the same social battery, social patterns, or social circle. But this isn’t very healthy.
Remember that you and your partner are individuals. Remind your partner that you might occasionally need different things or need to spend time with different people. This keeps you (or your partner) from falling into the trap of assuming that whatever they want, that’s what you want too.
“It is always important to maintain individuality! You are a whole person regardless of your relationship status,” explains Amy Marschall, PsyD.
For extroverts, the tendency to gain energy from those around you might make it more challenging to maintain your individuality within the relationship. Be mindful and intentional about taking time for yourself.—AMY MARSCHALL, PSYD
For extroverts, the tendency to gain energy from those around you might make it more challenging to maintain your individuality within the relationship. Be mindful and intentional about taking time for yourself.
—AMY MARSCHALL, PSYD
It’s also important to establish and maintainrelationships outside of your romantic partnership. You cannot and should not rely on your partner for anything and everything—this places a lot of pressure on your partner (or you, if this is what your partner is doing). No one person can be everything for their partner. This makes it even more important to have friends and loved ones outside of your romantic relationship.
Renteria agrees. “Extroverts have a high need for attention and sharing it consistently in a relationship can make them grow resentful over time,” explains Renteria. “It’s important for each partner to have their own social group and activities separate from their partner.”
You and your partner might be a unit, but you are your own person, and so is your partner. Make sure you spend some time apart, even if it’s only to better appreciate the time you do spend together.
It’s easy to get caught up in socializing, especially when you and your partner are both extroverts and generally like hanging out with people. But even the biggest social butterflies can get burnt out.
It’s important to remember to schedule down time, both together with your partner and individually. This lessens the likelihood that you will burn the candle at both ends and wear yourselves out.
Nobody can maintain constant socializing, but if you and your partner’s social calendars regularly overlap and don’t leave room for alone time, you might need to make a conscious effort to establish some.
Don’t let yourself get caught up in your partner’s enthusiasm, especially if you’re feeling like you need a break. Honor those feelings. Your partner can do without you for one party or dinner, or even a few, and the same goes for you. A rested extrovert is a happy extrovert.
After all, “extroverts tend to gain energy in social interactions rather than losing it,” says Marschall. “When both partners are extroverts, it might be tempting to go, go, go, but remember that rest is important too!”
The key to resolving conflict in extrovert-extrovert relationships is to recognize and acknowledge that the two of you sometimes will want or need different things.
Try not to blame or resent the other person for their needs. Just because you are both extroverted does not mean you are exactly the same. Remembering this when differing opinions arise can take the wind out of an argument or disagreement and give you room to respect what each of you wants.
There are a few things you can do when conflicts arise. First, try using“I” statementsto explain how you are feeling. You could say something like:
Statements like these can open up a conversation with less acrimony and bias.
Practicesharing your feelingsand needs with your partner. Even if you agree 99% of the time, learning to share that 1% will strengthen your relationship and give your partner a better understanding of your internal world.
This will make it easier to talk about things, whether they be small inconveniences or big relationship-upsetting problems.
A conflict that might come up especially with an extroverted couple isjealousywhen your partner is spending time with other people without you. Maybe you aren’t getting as much social time as you need right now, or maybe you are feeling like you and your partner aren’t spending enough time together. Talking about this jealousy can help you understand what bothers you about those situations and can help your partner understand what you are thinking and feeling.
“Extroverts also need to work a lot on emotional regulation since they tend to project their energy outward rather than inward like introverts,” explains Renteria.
Learn to listen to, understand, and validate your partner. Extroverts tend to center their needs and wants, and knowing this about yourself can help you call yourself out when you’re dismissing your partner’s needs.—YOLANDA RENTERIA, LPC
Learn to listen to, understand, and validate your partner. Extroverts tend to center their needs and wants, and knowing this about yourself can help you call yourself out when you’re dismissing your partner’s needs.
Make your relationship with your extroverted partner the best it can be. Remember:
Two extroverts can make a great couple. They share a love of and comfort with social situations that can make them good fun to have around. Not having to worry about significantly compromising their social time—as you might for a more introverted partner—can lead to a strong relationship based on mutual understanding.
However, as an extrovert with an extroverted partner, it can be easy to fall into certain traps, such as assuming that your significant other’s wants and needs are exactly the same as yours. But through open communication, building a strong extroverted relationship is possible and even easy.
2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sanchez-Roige S, Gray JC, MacKillop J, Chen CH, Palmer AA.The genetics of human personality. Genes Brain Behav. 2018 Mar;17(3):e12439. doi: 10.1111/gbb.12439Schultheiß, H. (2024, April 25). Extrovert or introvert:Most people are actually ambiverts. Scientific American.
2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sanchez-Roige S, Gray JC, MacKillop J, Chen CH, Palmer AA.The genetics of human personality. Genes Brain Behav. 2018 Mar;17(3):e12439. doi: 10.1111/gbb.12439Schultheiß, H. (2024, April 25). Extrovert or introvert:Most people are actually ambiverts. Scientific American.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Sanchez-Roige S, Gray JC, MacKillop J, Chen CH, Palmer AA.The genetics of human personality. Genes Brain Behav. 2018 Mar;17(3):e12439. doi: 10.1111/gbb.12439Schultheiß, H. (2024, April 25). Extrovert or introvert:Most people are actually ambiverts. Scientific American.
Sanchez-Roige S, Gray JC, MacKillop J, Chen CH, Palmer AA.The genetics of human personality. Genes Brain Behav. 2018 Mar;17(3):e12439. doi: 10.1111/gbb.12439
Schultheiß, H. (2024, April 25). Extrovert or introvert:Most people are actually ambiverts. Scientific American.
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