Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow to Tell If a Narcissist Loves YouWhat Does a Narcissist Think Love Is?Can a Narcissist Ever Be Happy in a Relationship?What Happens When a Narcissist Falls in Love?Narcissistic Traits vs. NPD
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
How to Tell If a Narcissist Loves You
What Does a Narcissist Think Love Is?
Can a Narcissist Ever Be Happy in a Relationship?
What Happens When a Narcissist Falls in Love?
Narcissistic Traits vs. NPD
Close
This means that their love often feels superficial and inauthentic because any meaningful connection orempathydoesn’t accompany it.
It is important to remember that while a narcissist may appear to love you initially, this feeling is often short-lived and conditional.
Narcissists have difficulty maintaining meaningful connections, so theirform of “love”is often shallow and fleeting.
Their Actions Will Tell You
Dr. Flora Sadri-Azarbayejani, DO, MPH, FAAFP, FASAM, Medical Director at Psyclarity Health, located in Boston, Massachusetts, notes that their actions are the only way to tell if a narcissist loves you. “Do they take your feelings and needs into consideration? Are they able to put your happiness first, even when it doesn’t directly benefit them? If the answer is ‘yes,’ then it’s possible that they may indeed love you.”
Dr. Flora notes, however, that this requires self-reflection on the narcissist’s part. “Unless they’re willing to work to change their behavior, any love or affection they show may remain conditional and one-sided.”
Dr. Flora Sadri-Azarbayejani, DO, MPH, FAAFP, FASAMUnless they’re willing to work to change their behavior, any love or affection they show may remain conditional and one-sided.
Dr. Flora Sadri-Azarbayejani, DO, MPH, FAAFP, FASAM
Unless they’re willing to work to change their behavior, any love or affection they show may remain conditional and one-sided.
Megan Tangradi, MS, LPC, LCADC, CCS, CCTP, Clinical Director at Achieve Wellness & Recovery concurs. “If a narcissist claims to love you, it is important to look beyond words and focus on how they are actually treating you. Do they take the time to listen to your feelings? Do they respect your boundaries and take responsibility for their actions? Do they make you feel valued and appreciated? If the answer to these questions is “yes,” then it is likely that the narcissist does care for you in some capacity.”
Signs a Narcissist Loves YouTo recap, here are the signs that a narcissist loves you:Their actions will show youThey will treat you with respectThey will listen to your feelingsThey will respect your boundariesThey will take responsibility for their actionsThey will show you appreciationThey put your needs first
Signs a Narcissist Loves You
To recap, here are the signs that a narcissist loves you:Their actions will show youThey will treat you with respectThey will listen to your feelingsThey will respect your boundariesThey will take responsibility for their actionsThey will show you appreciationThey put your needs first
To recap, here are the signs that a narcissist loves you:
If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn’t directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.
Verywell Loved: Unpacking What Is—and Isn’t—Narcissism in a Relationship
Narcissists often have a skewed idea of love and what it should look like.Ketan Parmar, MDnotes, “To a narcissist, love is an external source of validation used to boost their self-esteem. They do not understand that real love involves reciprocity. Instead, they believe that love is something they can obtain from a person or object and use to feel better about themselves.”
Ultimately, narcissists view love as something that is owed to them and will usually act with a sense ofentitlementin their relationships. Their love depends on their partner’s unconditional admiration, often leading to toxic andone-sided dynamics.
Ketan Parmar, MDTo a narcissist, love is an external source of validation used to boost their self-esteem. They do not understand that real love involves reciprocity. Instead, they believe that love is something they can obtain from a person or object and use to feel better about themselves.
Ketan Parmar, MD
To a narcissist, love is an external source of validation used to boost their self-esteem. They do not understand that real love involves reciprocity. Instead, they believe that love is something they can obtain from a person or object and use to feel better about themselves.
Additionally, a narcissist’s idea of love is usually very superficial. They may beoverly affectionate or quickly profess their undying lovewithout having developed any meaningful connection with their partner. These kinds of declarations may feel exciting and special at first but soon become shallow and meaningless as the relationship progresses.
While it may be possible for a narcissist to develop feelings of love towards someone else, they struggle to maintain lasting relationships due to their lack of empathy and tendency towardsselfishness.
Ultimately, it is important to remember that narcissists can and do love—but their love may never be the same as a healthy, unconditional bond.
However, it’s possible that asking someone with NPD to put themselves in someone else’s shoes can help them learn to build empathy.
But, without treatment, it is unlikely that a narcissist will find happiness in a relationship as they are typically unable to give or receive the emotional support necessary for any healthy connection.
With therapy and self-reflection, some narcissists can learn to become more compassionate and understanding toward their partners.
What You Should Know About Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Unfortunately, this emotionally charged relationship is often too intense and unstable, leading to a cycle of ups and downs thatcan be difficult to escape.
Results of a study published in theJournal of Personality and Social Psychologysuggested that narcissists might succeed in short-term dating but fail in committed relationships.
The Bond Is Unlikely to Be Deep and Long-Lasting
Rather than forming a deep emotional bond, narcissists become attached to the idea of love and attempt to recreate the feeling of admiration they had at the beginning of their relationship. They may belittle their partner as self-protection if they don’t feel that admiration.
The 5 Things You Need to Do If You’re Dealing With a Narcissist
Narcissistic Traits vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
It is important to remember that not everyone who displays narcissistic traits hasnarcissistic personality disorder.
A Person With Narcissistic TraitsOccasional selfishnessExhibiting manipulative behaviors sporadicallyCan show empathyAble to form deep bondsA Person With NPDPersistent selfishnessDisplays manipulative behavior oftenHas difficulty showing empathyUnlikely to form deep bonds
A Person With Narcissistic TraitsOccasional selfishnessExhibiting manipulative behaviors sporadicallyCan show empathyAble to form deep bonds
Occasional selfishness
Exhibiting manipulative behaviors sporadically
Can show empathy
Able to form deep bonds
A Person With NPDPersistent selfishnessDisplays manipulative behavior oftenHas difficulty showing empathyUnlikely to form deep bonds
Persistent selfishness
Displays manipulative behavior often
Has difficulty showing empathy
Unlikely to form deep bonds
Dating Someone With Narcissistic Traits
In a relationship with someone with narcissistic traits, the individual may still be capable of forming genuine connections with others and expressing love appropriately. They will likely display selfish behaviors on occasion, but these should not be considered signs of amental health disorder.
Mental health counselor,Holly Keller, LMHC, states: “People with narcissistic tendencies tend to be the people in your life you think of as self-absorbed or emotionally immature. The depth of love may be on the shallower side or expressed immaturely. They may believe love looks like gift-giving, proximity, or physical intimacy.”
Dating Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder
On the other hand, if someone has been formally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, their relationships will likely suffer more significantly due to their lack of empathy and inability to self-reflect or take responsibility for their actions.
This type of individual may also use manipulation tactics such asgaslightingorstonewallingto gain control over their partner can lead to feelings of powerlessness and ultimately result in an unhealthy dynamic.
Holly Keller, LMHCDue to the shallow nature of relationships and chronic feelings of emptiness that accompanies NPD, someone with this disorder would likely not be able to experience true joy in a relationship.
Holly Keller, LMHC
Due to the shallow nature of relationships and chronic feelings of emptiness that accompanies NPD, someone with this disorder would likely not be able to experience true joy in a relationship.
However, it is important to remember that although it can be difficult, it is still possible for a narcissist to learn how to love and maintain healthy relationships with others.
They can understand their limitations with therapy and self-reflection and become more empathetic toward their partners. In doing so, they may be able to create a meaningful connection that brings joy rather than suffering.
Summary
The Role of Genetics in Narcissistic Personality Disorder
5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E.Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: from clinical and empirical perspectives.Personal Disord. 2014;5(3):323-333. doi:10.1037/per0000061Marchlewska M, Cichocka A, Jaworska M, Golec de Zavala A, Bilewicz M.Superficial ingroup love? Collective narcissism predicts ingroup image defense, outgroup prejudice, and lower ingroup loyalty.Br J Soc Psychol. 2020;59(4):857-875. doi:10.1111/bjso.12367Hepper EG, Hart CM, Sedikides C.Moving Narcissus: Can narcissists be empathic?.Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.2014;40(9):1079-1091.Wurst SN, Gerlach TM, Dufner M, et al.Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):280-306. doi:10.1037/pspp0000113Ronningstam E.Narcissistic personality disorder: a clinical perspective.J Psychiatr Pract. 2011;17(2):89-99. doi:10.1097/01.pra.0000396060.67150.40
5 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E.Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: from clinical and empirical perspectives.Personal Disord. 2014;5(3):323-333. doi:10.1037/per0000061Marchlewska M, Cichocka A, Jaworska M, Golec de Zavala A, Bilewicz M.Superficial ingroup love? Collective narcissism predicts ingroup image defense, outgroup prejudice, and lower ingroup loyalty.Br J Soc Psychol. 2020;59(4):857-875. doi:10.1111/bjso.12367Hepper EG, Hart CM, Sedikides C.Moving Narcissus: Can narcissists be empathic?.Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.2014;40(9):1079-1091.Wurst SN, Gerlach TM, Dufner M, et al.Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):280-306. doi:10.1037/pspp0000113Ronningstam E.Narcissistic personality disorder: a clinical perspective.J Psychiatr Pract. 2011;17(2):89-99. doi:10.1097/01.pra.0000396060.67150.40
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E.Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: from clinical and empirical perspectives.Personal Disord. 2014;5(3):323-333. doi:10.1037/per0000061Marchlewska M, Cichocka A, Jaworska M, Golec de Zavala A, Bilewicz M.Superficial ingroup love? Collective narcissism predicts ingroup image defense, outgroup prejudice, and lower ingroup loyalty.Br J Soc Psychol. 2020;59(4):857-875. doi:10.1111/bjso.12367Hepper EG, Hart CM, Sedikides C.Moving Narcissus: Can narcissists be empathic?.Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.2014;40(9):1079-1091.Wurst SN, Gerlach TM, Dufner M, et al.Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):280-306. doi:10.1037/pspp0000113Ronningstam E.Narcissistic personality disorder: a clinical perspective.J Psychiatr Pract. 2011;17(2):89-99. doi:10.1097/01.pra.0000396060.67150.40
Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E.Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: from clinical and empirical perspectives.Personal Disord. 2014;5(3):323-333. doi:10.1037/per0000061
Marchlewska M, Cichocka A, Jaworska M, Golec de Zavala A, Bilewicz M.Superficial ingroup love? Collective narcissism predicts ingroup image defense, outgroup prejudice, and lower ingroup loyalty.Br J Soc Psychol. 2020;59(4):857-875. doi:10.1111/bjso.12367
Hepper EG, Hart CM, Sedikides C.Moving Narcissus: Can narcissists be empathic?.Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.2014;40(9):1079-1091.
Wurst SN, Gerlach TM, Dufner M, et al.Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):280-306. doi:10.1037/pspp0000113
Ronningstam E.Narcissistic personality disorder: a clinical perspective.J Psychiatr Pract. 2011;17(2):89-99. doi:10.1097/01.pra.0000396060.67150.40
Meet Our Review Board
Share Feedback
Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
What is your feedback?
