Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is a Love-Hate Relationship?How a Love-Hate Relationship Can HappenNavigating Love-Hate Relationships
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Is a Love-Hate Relationship?
How a Love-Hate Relationship Can Happen
Navigating Love-Hate Relationships
Close
If it feels like your relationship has a lot of ups and downs and you hate your partner as much as you love them, you may be in a love-hate relationship.
People in love-hate relationships experience intense emotions and tend to vacillate between one end of the love-hate spectrum to the other extreme, saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.
Romanoff says that these relationships feel like rollercoasters, as there is both excitement and exhaustion, and couples must navigate the more negative aspects of these relationships likeaggressionand frustration to reap the benefits like passion and thrill.
This article explores the causes and impact of love-hate relationships, as well as some strategies that can help you navigate them.
13 Red Flags in Relationships
Romanoff outlines the causes of love-hate relationships below and explains how these relationships can impact your mental health.
Having Volatile Relationships in Early Life
People who have chaotic or volatile relationships in their early years tend to find solace in the unstable nature of love-hate relationships because they are familiar and they may conceptualize conflict as a way to express love.
For these people,conflict is a way to gauge their partner’s interestin them through their perseverance to seek resolution. The closeness that is experienced after the resolution following a rupture in the relationship can feel more intimate than not having one at all.
In turn, stable and even-keeled relationships might feel boring, or they might quickly feel doubtful about how the other person feels about them.
The problem with love-hate relationships is the belief that thepain and tensionthey bring relate to closeness in relationships. What these folks often don’t realize is that these relationships are not the norm and that there are other possibilities.
However, past experience has taught them that this is the only option. They don’t realize that there are people who will consider their feelings, who will be courteous to their preferences, and who will communicate openly and effectively.
Additionally, the good in these relationships or how the couple works well together will be magnified relative to the bad, so many couples have a skewed perception of how the relationship is and is not working for them because they are constantly navigating extremes.
Feeling Unworthy of Love
People who find themselves in love-hate relationships might have predisposing vulnerabilities such as feelingunworthyor unlovable. Chaotic relationships might reinforce these beliefs they have about themselves, and they might not think they are deserving of more.
Therefore, these relationships reinforce their most negative orcritical self-thoughts. They also provide a false sense of being loved and might cause them to think their relationship is more meaningful because of the struggle and conflict they endured for it.
The truth is, just because you don’t have chronic and daily struggles in your relationship, doesn’t mean it’s not valuable. In fact, it’s the opposite, but it requires faith in the relationship to believe in it, without the daily proof of what you are sacrificing for the relationship.
Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?
Below are some steps that can help you navigate a love-hate relationship.
Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
“You must decide if you are able to live with the lows of these relationships and if you would genuinely remain in them out of choice and not just because of a lack of options,” says Romanoff.
How to Leave a Toxic Relationship in 6 Steps
Takeaway
Love-hate relationships tend to offer both negative and positive extremes, rather than a steady rhythm. They can take a toll on the mental health of both partners; however, the cycle can be hard to break if someone doesn’t know whathealthy relationshipslook like or doesn’t think they deserve better.
If you are in a love-hate relationship, it’s important to start setting boundaries and sticking to them, andreaching out for helpfrom loved ones or a mental healthcare provider.
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