Anticipatory Grief Is Actually a Thing—What to Know About It

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy Does Anticipatory Grief Happen?SignsPhasesAnticipatory Grief vs. Conventional GriefDoes Anticipatory Grief Mitigate Conventional Grief?Coping

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Why Does Anticipatory Grief Happen?

Signs

Phases

Anticipatory Grief vs. Conventional Grief

Does Anticipatory Grief Mitigate Conventional Grief?

Coping

Close

Anticipatory grief has a lot in common withconventional grief, the grief one experiences after a loss. Furthermore, anticipatory grief can start at any time prior to the loss.

For example, if a loved one has a life-threatening illness such as cancer, a family member or close relative may experienceanticipatorygrief at any point from the initial onset of symptoms to the time of the diagnosis to when they enter hospice care. On the other hand, it may also be experienced even if the loved one ultimately recovers from the illness.

At a Glance

Anticipatory grief is one way people react to the knowledge that a life-changing loss will happen in the near future. Although not everyone will experience anticipatory grief, for those who do, it’s a normal response to the sadness and uncertainty that impending loss brings to both the present and the future.

In addition, those anticipating a loved one’s death may use this period to prepare for the ways their life will change socially after their loved one has passed away. In some cases, people have even found that anticipatory grief has led them to experience an emotional separation from their dying loved one.

Anticipatory grief can also motivatepersonal growthand help usfind closurefor both the dying individual and their loved ones. This closure can help us find meaning and purpose in the situation.

What Are the Signs of Anticipatory Grief?

The emotions and behaviors people experience when anticipating a loss can vary and will be felt with different levels of intensity. Some of the symptoms of anticipatory grief can include:

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What Does Anticipatory Grief Look Like?

Muchlike conventional grief, there are a set of phases associated with anticipatory grief over one’s own death or a dying loved one.While the phases are laid out in a sequence, they may be experienced in any order and may even overlap.

There may be days when parts of each stage come up and other days when none do.

Phase I: Death is Inevitable

Phase II: Concern for the Dying Individual

Loved ones may feel regret about past arguments or misunderstandings with the dying person. Meanwhile, the dying person may experience increased fear and concern about death, while also worrying about the emotions their loved ones are experiencing.

Phase III: Rehearsal of Death

Phase IV: Imagining Life Without the Dying Individual

Loved ones may imagine what life will be like after the loss and mourn the life that could have been if the impending death didn’t happen. They may think about what social situations will be like without their loved ones or how people will react when they’re informed about the loss.

Meanwhile, the dying person may imagine their loved ones' lives once they’re gone and consider where they might go after they die.

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There are many similarities between anticipatory grief and conventional grief, however, studies have demonstrated there are some key differences as well.

In fact, a study of Swedish widows found that 4 out of 10 thought the pre-loss period of anticipatory grief was more stressful than the post-loss period of conventional grief.

In other words, when we anticipate a loss, we also imagine a future after the loss occurs, but we can’t be sure of what that future will really be like.

As a result, we lose our sense of safety and security, leading to a range of stressful emotions that may not be felt after a loss has occurred.

While it may intuitively seem as though anticipatory grief will lessen the impact of conventional grief, the research on the topic shows that this isn’t always the case.

In some studies, anticipatory grief was shown to make the period of conventional grief easier. However, in other studies, people who experienced anticipatory grief fared worse in the first months after their loved one’s death than those who hadn’t experienced anticipatory grief.

Consequently, even though it’s possible anticipating a loss may make the bereavement period afterward less painful, that may not happen.

Moreover, the period following a loss may be even more intense than the period before. How each individualexperiences griefbefore and after the death of a loved one will vary.

A variety of factors play into how people deal with grief such as theage at which the loss happensfor both the individual who dies and the person who is losing them, the length of time one has to anticipate the loss, and personal traits, and circumstances.

How Do I Let Go of Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief can be more difficult to cope with than conventional grief because some people may wonder why you’re grieving before the loss has occurred. While thiscan lead to feelings of guilt, it’s important to remember that anticipatory grief is normal.

In addition, it’s important to make sure you have someone to talk to who understands what you’re going through. This could be another person experiencing anticipatory grief, a therapist or counselor whospecializes in grief, or asupport groupfor people going through the same thing you are.

Research has shown that seeking and accepting social support helps facilitate people’s ability to proactively cope and grow during a period of anticipatory grief, enabling something positive to come from loss.

What This Means For YouIf you’re finding it difficult to cope with anticipatory grief, remind yourself that it is a normal response to an inevitable loss. A trained mental health professional can help provide you with emotional support and teach you healthy coping mechanisms that can help you during this difficult time.

What This Means For You

If you’re finding it difficult to cope with anticipatory grief, remind yourself that it is a normal response to an inevitable loss. A trained mental health professional can help provide you with emotional support and teach you healthy coping mechanisms that can help you during this difficult time.

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6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Berinato S.That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief.Harvard Business Review. 2020.

Reynolds L, Botha D.Anticipatory grief: Its nature, impact, and reasons for contradictory findings.Counselling, Psychotherapy, and Health. 2006;2(2):15-26.

University of Rochester Medical Center.Anticipatory Grief - Health Encyclopedia.

Gilliland G, Fleming S.A Comparison of Spousal Anticipatory Grief and Conventional Grief.Death Stud. 1998;22(6):541-569. doi:10.1080/074811898201399

Rogalla K.Anticipatory Grief, Proactive Coping, Social Support, and Growth: Exploring Positive Experiences of Preparing for Loss.OMEGA - Journal of Death and Dying. 2020;81(1):107-129. doi:10.1177/0030222818761461

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