Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDomestic Discipline PracticesDay-to-Day CDD LifeWhat the Research SaysDiscipline and the BibleDiscipline or Abuse?The Top 5 Justifications
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Domestic Discipline Practices
Day-to-Day CDD Life
What the Research Says
Discipline and the Bible
Discipline or Abuse?
The Top 5 Justifications
What Is Domestic Discipline?Domestic discipline (Christian domestic discipline) is a heterosexual marriage lifestyle that encourages the husband (who is considered the head of the household, or HoH) to spank his wife for mistakes or misbehavior.
What Is Domestic Discipline?
Domestic discipline (Christian domestic discipline) is a heterosexual marriage lifestyle that encourages the husband (who is considered the head of the household, or HoH) to spank his wife for mistakes or misbehavior.
Domestic discipline is based on an interpretation of the Bible that sanctions a husband’s dominance and a wife’s submission. Many researchers argue that allowing one partner to exert this type of authority representsdomestic abusethat can destroy self-esteem and dignity.
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Although most of the punishment in a domestic discipline arrangement involves spanking, people who engage in the practice might incorporate other forms, too—for example, the HoH (head of household) administering some sort of humiliating punishment or forcing his partner to stand in the corner. Some use hair brushes, paddles, and the like to “discipline” their wives.
Many psychologists consider domestic discipline a form of deviant behavior.
The Power Imbalance: Day-to-Day CDD Life
The husband generally holds all the power in the relationship and spanks, hits, humiliates, or otherwise punishes the wife physically, mentally, or emotionally to maintain it. The HoH typically controls all decisions and, often,the purse strings. For example, an HoH might require his wife—whom a few denominations refer to as “taken in hand,” or “TIH”—to ask permission for simple things such as driving the car or visiting friends. Should she forget or disobey, he will hurt her in some way as punishment.
Domestic discipline communicates that the wife deserves punishment for mistakes and transgressions. These beliefs are in line with what most abusive partners assert: that she brought it upon herself.
Where Does It Come From?
Websites, forums, and CDD chat groups are full of information espousing and explaining this practice for those who are curious.Commonly, they cite religious belief and a literal interpretation of the Bible to justify causing their wives pain and disempowerment.
Domestic discipline claims stand in stark contrast to research findings. Here are a few examples.
Requires consent from both parties
Teaches wife to be submissive
Punishes wives' transgressions with physical and/or emotional discipline
A mutually beneficial, morally sound lifestyle choice
What Research Actually SaysBased on misinterpretations of the BibleIs controlling and abusiveUndermines mutuality in marriageConstitutes abuseA harmful, deviant behavior that attempts to justify violence toward and subversion of women
Based on misinterpretations of the Bible
Is controlling and abusive
Undermines mutuality in marriage
Constitutes abuse
A harmful, deviant behavior that attempts to justify violence toward and subversion of women
Domestic Discipline and the Bible
Although defenders of domestic discipline argue that their lifestyle is rooted in religious teachings, many Christian religious leaders disagree. For example, those who practice domestic discipline often cite passages that call for wifely submission.
Many religious leaders, however, say they’re taking the passage out of context to justify their beliefs and actions. They and other opponents of the movement reject the lifestyle’s arguments, claiming they distort and misuse the concepts of headship and submission to keep women subservient to men. Many say those who practice it simply use scripture to justify physical andemotional abuseof women, couching their actions in religious terms.
In fact, many Christian churches teach mutual respect and egalitarian relationships. Even churches that teach spousal submission emphasize that husbands must be willing to lay down their lives for their wives just as Christ, they say, did for the Church.
“My understanding of this scripture is that wives would follow their husband’s leadership in Christ,” says Dr. Lisa Bahar, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a psychology professor at Pepperdine University, a Christian university in California.
“Just as Christ served his disciples to the point of washing their feet, He is asking husbands to serve their wives,” Dr, Bahar adds. “A wise and Christ-honoring husband will not abuse his wife, which would include a physical altercation like spanking.”
Domestic Discipline or Domestic Abuse?
She adds that domestic discipline is a physical, mental, emotional, and sexual safety risk that harms health and well-being—and is even more damaging if children observe these acts of violence.
Is It Abuse?
Similarities Between Abuse and Domestic Discipline
A relationship is abusive when one person has completepower and controlover the other and uses physical violence to maintain that control.
Just as in other abusive relationships, the abused has no say over what happens and can feel like they are walking on eggshells. The HoH controls everything from what their spouse can wear to whom they can talk with.Financial, emotional, andverbal abusesometimes accompanies this control, along with the commonly employed physical violence.
These and othersigns of abuseborder on indistinguishable from common practices in domestic discipline. Here’s a quick comparison.
AbuseMay include physical violenceIsolates partner from family and friendsLeverages a power imbalance in the relationshipThreatens retaliation to maintain controlBelieves the abuse is justified or the victim’s faultMaintains financial controlDenies abuse or violence and argues it’s not as bad as victim claimsDomestic DisciplineMay employ spanking and other physical violenceSets rules about wife’s interactions with othersGives all the power to the HoHThreatens spanking if rules are brokenBelieves spanking is appropriate for mistakes or rule-breakingMaintains financial controlDenies that this lifestyle is abusive and argues that it’s consensual and Biblically based
AbuseMay include physical violenceIsolates partner from family and friendsLeverages a power imbalance in the relationshipThreatens retaliation to maintain controlBelieves the abuse is justified or the victim’s faultMaintains financial controlDenies abuse or violence and argues it’s not as bad as victim claims
May include physical violence
Isolates partner from family and friends
Leverages a power imbalance in the relationship
Threatens retaliation to maintain control
Believes the abuse is justified or the victim’s fault
Maintains financial control
Denies abuse or violence and argues it’s not as bad as victim claims
Domestic DisciplineMay employ spanking and other physical violenceSets rules about wife’s interactions with othersGives all the power to the HoHThreatens spanking if rules are brokenBelieves spanking is appropriate for mistakes or rule-breakingMaintains financial controlDenies that this lifestyle is abusive and argues that it’s consensual and Biblically based
May employ spanking and other physical violence
Sets rules about wife’s interactions with others
Gives all the power to the HoH
Threatens spanking if rules are broken
Believes spanking is appropriate for mistakes or rule-breaking
Denies that this lifestyle is abusive and argues that it’s consensual and Biblically based
The Top 5 Justifications Proponents Use
Researchers studying this lifestyle used anonymous public testimonials and websites to explore the techniques that HoHs, their partners, and the domestic discipline community use to rationalize the practice of wife-spanking.
Five stood out: An appeal to higher loyalties, denial of responsibility (entitlement), denial of the victim (victim blaming), denial of injury (justification), and a condemnation of those who denounce the practice.Here’s a deeper look.
An Appeal to Higher Loyalties
Offenders claim that a bond exists between the pair that they consider more important than current social norms.For example, this bond might be their beliefs about religion, the nature of God, or the meaning of marriage.
Entitlement
Supporters of this lifestyle typically argue that Scripture gives men the authority to discipline their wives. They claim that domestic discipline is the natural order and that the HoH has aresponsibilityto discipline his wife for the sake of the marriage.
Victim-Blaming
Offenders often blame the offended to neutralize guilt. In this context, HoHs accuse their wives of deserving violence with language like “You had it coming” or “You should have known better.”
In this way, the focus shifts to what thevictimsupposedly did. Many domestic-discipline relationships are so extreme that even the slightest infractions are excuses for discipline.
Justification
Although spankings and other forms of domestic discipline are often painful and leave bruises or other injuries (both physical and psychological), the HoH minimizes them as insignificant or natural consequences for her bad behavior. He might argue that his actions are necessary for the stability of the marriage and presume that “this is what God wants.”
Condemnation
Offenders shift the blame from themselves to others who disapprove of their actions. They claim that society is corrupt and that any beliefs contrary to theirs are the reasons for failing marriages. They maintain that this lifestyle saves marriages and that those who do not accept what they view as God’s mandates are doomed.
Domestic Abuse: Types, Causes, and Impact
A Word From Verywell
If you’re worried about your safety or that of your children, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for assistance from a highly trained advocate, or visit the website to chat, text, or email. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Carmack H, DeGroot J, Quinlan M.A view from the top.The Journal of Men’s Studies. 2015;23(1):63-78. doi:10.1177/1060826514561976Carmack, H. J., DeGroot, J. M., & Quinlan, M. M. (2015). “A view from the top”: Crafting the male “domdentity” in domestic discipline relationships.The Journal of Men’s Studies,23(1), 63–78. doi:10.1177/1060826514561976Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Intimate partner violence.Deshotels T, Forsyth C, New B, Fulmer J.For he tells me so: Techniques of neutralization applied to christian domestic discipline.Deviant Behavior.2018;40(6):732-751. doi:10.1080/01639625.2018.1527581National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.What is domestic violence?
5 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Carmack H, DeGroot J, Quinlan M.A view from the top.The Journal of Men’s Studies. 2015;23(1):63-78. doi:10.1177/1060826514561976Carmack, H. J., DeGroot, J. M., & Quinlan, M. M. (2015). “A view from the top”: Crafting the male “domdentity” in domestic discipline relationships.The Journal of Men’s Studies,23(1), 63–78. doi:10.1177/1060826514561976Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Intimate partner violence.Deshotels T, Forsyth C, New B, Fulmer J.For he tells me so: Techniques of neutralization applied to christian domestic discipline.Deviant Behavior.2018;40(6):732-751. doi:10.1080/01639625.2018.1527581National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.What is domestic violence?
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Carmack H, DeGroot J, Quinlan M.A view from the top.The Journal of Men’s Studies. 2015;23(1):63-78. doi:10.1177/1060826514561976Carmack, H. J., DeGroot, J. M., & Quinlan, M. M. (2015). “A view from the top”: Crafting the male “domdentity” in domestic discipline relationships.The Journal of Men’s Studies,23(1), 63–78. doi:10.1177/1060826514561976Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Intimate partner violence.Deshotels T, Forsyth C, New B, Fulmer J.For he tells me so: Techniques of neutralization applied to christian domestic discipline.Deviant Behavior.2018;40(6):732-751. doi:10.1080/01639625.2018.1527581National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.What is domestic violence?
Carmack H, DeGroot J, Quinlan M.A view from the top.The Journal of Men’s Studies. 2015;23(1):63-78. doi:10.1177/1060826514561976
Carmack, H. J., DeGroot, J. M., & Quinlan, M. M. (2015). “A view from the top”: Crafting the male “domdentity” in domestic discipline relationships.The Journal of Men’s Studies,23(1), 63–78. doi:10.1177/1060826514561976
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Intimate partner violence.
Deshotels T, Forsyth C, New B, Fulmer J.For he tells me so: Techniques of neutralization applied to christian domestic discipline.Deviant Behavior.2018;40(6):732-751. doi:10.1080/01639625.2018.1527581
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.What is domestic violence?
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