Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Kind of Communicator Are You?ExamplesEffects in RelationshipsAssertivenessAre You Aggressive?Be More Assertive
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Kind of Communicator Are You?
Examples
Effects in Relationships
Assertiveness
Are You Aggressive?
Be More Assertive
Close
At a GlanceAggressive communication causes problems in relationships because people get hurt and don’t get their needs met. There are ways to manage aggressive communicators in your life as well as change your style if you are an aggressive communicator.
At a Glance
Aggressive communication causes problems in relationships because people get hurt and don’t get their needs met. There are ways to manage aggressive communicators in your life as well as change your style if you are an aggressive communicator.
Let’s talk about who uses this style of communication and look at some examples of aggressive communication in everyday life.
How to Get Better at Nonverbal Communication
Our fast and freecommunication styles quizcan help give you some insight into how you interact with others and what it could mean for your interpersonal relationships, both at work and at home.
Examples of Aggressive Communication
Aggressiveness is a way of acting and communicating where a person expresses their feelings, needs, and rights without any regard or respect for the needs, rights, and feelings of others.
Examples of an aggressive communication style include saying things like:
A person who is an aggressive communicator will interrupt or “trample” anyone else who is speaking. They’ll be insistent on making their point and making sure that everyone hears it. They may raise their voice or even yell if they feel like they’re not being heard, or that someone’s trying to “take the mic” from them.
By focusing so much on making sure thatthey’rebeing listened to, aggressive communicators generally arenotlistening to what other people are saying.
Press Play for Advice On Communicating BetterThis episode ofThe Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring best-selling author Celeste Headlee, shares how to have better conversations. Click below to listen now.
Press Play for Advice On Communicating Better
This episode ofThe Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring best-selling author Celeste Headlee, shares how to have better conversations. Click below to listen now.
How Aggressive Communication Damages Relationships
Aggression and conflictcan hurt our relationships. These stressful conversations can cause problems when we try to communicate with others, including:
When Should I Use Aggressive Communication?“There are times when being aggressive is not only good, it is 100% called for. Such times include playing competitive sports, hand-to-hand combat on a battlefield, disarming someone who is trying to harm you (such as a bully), or otherwise participating in an activity where the goal is to WIN,” says coach and career strategistAnne Shoemaker. “However, if the circumstances involve a work relationship, a marriage, a family/home environment, or a team at work, chances are, aggressiveness is not only unwelcome, but also potentially damaging.”
When Should I Use Aggressive Communication?
“There are times when being aggressive is not only good, it is 100% called for. Such times include playing competitive sports, hand-to-hand combat on a battlefield, disarming someone who is trying to harm you (such as a bully), or otherwise participating in an activity where the goal is to WIN,” says coach and career strategistAnne Shoemaker. “However, if the circumstances involve a work relationship, a marriage, a family/home environment, or a team at work, chances are, aggressiveness is not only unwelcome, but also potentially damaging.”
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Assertive vs. Aggressive Communication
Sometimes, people confusebeing assertive with being aggressive. Asserting yourself in a conversation is actually a powerful tool to use when you’re dealing with an aggressive communicator.
Assertivenessmeans expressing your own needs and rights while also respecting the needs and rights of others and maintaining everyone’s dignity. Unlike aggression, assertiveness can improve relationships and increase life satisfaction.
Here are a few ways to tell the difference between being assertive and being aggressive when you’re talking with others.
Aggressive CommunicationTries to dominate othersRelies on criticism and blameLow tolerance for frustrationLoud, overbearing, demandingFrequent interruptionsAssertive CommunicationTries to form connection with othersRelies on respect and clarityGood self-controlCalm, clear, relaxedListens without interruption
Aggressive CommunicationTries to dominate othersRelies on criticism and blameLow tolerance for frustrationLoud, overbearing, demandingFrequent interruptions
Tries to dominate others
Relies on criticism and blame
Low tolerance for frustration
Loud, overbearing, demanding
Frequent interruptions
Assertive CommunicationTries to form connection with othersRelies on respect and clarityGood self-controlCalm, clear, relaxedListens without interruption
Tries to form connection with others
Relies on respect and clarity
Good self-control
Calm, clear, relaxed
Listens without interruption
What Are the 9 Types of Nonverbal Communication?
Am I an Aggressive Communicator?
You can change how you communicate with others, but first, you need to get a deeper understanding of how you’re currently communicating with them. Here are some questions to ask yourself to figure out what your communication style is:
How to Fix Poor Communication Skills
How to Be More Assertive
Are you comfortable standing up for yourself? A little too comfortable walking all over others? Are you somewhere in the comfortable middle ground? Research suggests that learning about your communication style and finding ways to replace aggressive responses with more assertive ones can help you communicate more effectively.
Here are some ways to be more assertive in your communication style rather than being aggressive or passive:
Assertiveness can feel aggressive if you’re used to a passive style of communication. On the other hand, it can feel too passive if you’re used to an aggressive communication style.
You might find that as you’re trying to change, you’re going back and forth between steamrolling over other’s needs and letting them trample yours. That’s part of working through the process. Once you find that balance, it will get easier to be assertive in all of your interactions.
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What to Do If You’re an Aggressive Communicator
If you’re reading through the examples of aggressive communication and realize thatyouare an aggressive communicator, try not to be too hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing and acknowledging that the way you’re communicating may not be best for maintaining the important relationships in your life and could be a significant source of stress.
Aggressive communication can wreak havoc on all areas of your life, including school, family, and work. But you can take steps to reduce aggression and stress and change how you communicate.
You’ll want to think and be honest about how you talk to other people. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
Once you’ve figured out that you are an aggressive communicator, think about how you can change your tact to become more assertive. This means making a point to listen to others and really hear them—not just pretending to until it’s your turn to speak.
It also means watching yourself for signs that you’re heading toward aggression—are you raising your voice? Do you feel your pulse going up? Do you want to “call out” or “put down” the person you’re talking to?
Catching yourself in these moments will help you learn the warning signs that the conversation is not going in a helpful direction and may even be hurting the other person (and ultimately, you).
When you’re still learning how to correct course, you might need to put up a stop sign in the middle of a conversation so you don’t let it go even deeper into aggressive territory. For example, you might need to say, “I need a minute because I feel myself starting to get upset.”
Taking time to calm yourself down and think about how you want to approach the conversation with assertion and not aggression can help, but only if youdoactually continue the conversation.
Don’t use “I need a minute” to duck out on an important talk—and make sure that the other person knows that you aren’t leaving because you felt like you were “losing.” It’s important that they understand that you intend to finish the conversation when you can do so in a way that won’t be hurtful and that, hopefully, will lead to everyone’s needs being heard, respected, and addressed.
Letting go of an aggressive communication style doesn’t mean you’re becoming passive. You’re just replacing unhelpful tendencies with strategies that are more helpful and less stressful.
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2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Niess J, Diefenbach S.Communication styles of interactive tools for self-improvement.Psych Well-Being.2016;6:3. doi:10.1186/s13612-016-0040-8Maloney ME, Moore P.From aggressive to assertive.Int J Womens Dermatol. 2019;6(1):46-49. doi:10.1016/j.ijwd.2019.09.006
2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Niess J, Diefenbach S.Communication styles of interactive tools for self-improvement.Psych Well-Being.2016;6:3. doi:10.1186/s13612-016-0040-8Maloney ME, Moore P.From aggressive to assertive.Int J Womens Dermatol. 2019;6(1):46-49. doi:10.1016/j.ijwd.2019.09.006
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Niess J, Diefenbach S.Communication styles of interactive tools for self-improvement.Psych Well-Being.2016;6:3. doi:10.1186/s13612-016-0040-8Maloney ME, Moore P.From aggressive to assertive.Int J Womens Dermatol. 2019;6(1):46-49. doi:10.1016/j.ijwd.2019.09.006
Niess J, Diefenbach S.Communication styles of interactive tools for self-improvement.Psych Well-Being.2016;6:3. doi:10.1186/s13612-016-0040-8
Maloney ME, Moore P.From aggressive to assertive.Int J Womens Dermatol. 2019;6(1):46-49. doi:10.1016/j.ijwd.2019.09.006
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