Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsEffectsChallengesImproving FriendshipsMaintaining FriendshipsThe Bottom Line
Table of ContentsView All
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Table of Contents
Effects
Challenges
Improving Friendships
Maintaining Friendships
The Bottom Line
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One of the best ways to find happiness in your life is through close friendships. But if you haveattention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you may already know that finding and maintaining these friendships can be a lot harder than it sounds.
The first step in improving your friendships is understanding how your symptoms affect them. Fortunately, there are many ways you can address your challenges and support healthier relationships at the same time.
Learn why it can be difficult for adults with ADHD to have lasting friendships. We also share how to manage symptoms so that your relationships can improve, including gettingtreatment for ADHD.
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How ADHD Affects Friendships
ADHD symptoms can make it hard for people living with the condition to make friends and have lasting relationships. For instance, problems with attention, hyperactivity,impulsiveness, and mood regulation often make it difficult for those with ADHD to develop social skills.
Others might misunderstand your behavior. Your peers might interpret your lack of attention as shyness or your impulsiveness as aggression, for example.
Cynthia Hammer, MSW and ADHD coach, says that in general, people get preoccupied with their own lives, and they often don’t prioritize friendships. Someone with ADHD who is also trying to manage their symptoms may find it even more challenging to find and maintain connections with others.
Challenges of ADHD and Friendships
Maintaining friendships can be a struggle for adults with ADHD. Hammer provides some insight into the challenges of ADHD as they relate tosocial relationships, along with tips to help you improve them.
Feeling Overwhelmed
Adults with ADHD often have trouble managing day-to-day tasks such as keeping appointments, making deadlines, and focusing on one task at a time.
Over time, your friends might become frustrated. They might think you don’t care or that they are simply unimportant to you.
Getting Bored
Some people with ADHD enjoy socializing with friends but often get bored with them, feeling the need for a break. They find it hard to be consistent in regularly enjoying their company and regularly paying them attention.
You might find yourself inattentive when you’re with someone—not listening when they speak or daydreaming about what else you could be doing instead of spending time with them.
You might choose to learn to use a new video game over going to a movie with a friend, for instance, if the video game interests you more.
Being Inconsistent
Erratic, fickle behavior, such as acting like you want to be with someone one day but then not wanting to see them again for several months is not the way to handle friendships. The person on the receiving end of this kind of inconsistency might feel used and think you only contact them when you have nothing better to do.
Having a Poor Memory
If you avoid certain topics because you don’t remember key information, you’re going to find it hard to build a long-term relationship. When you’re unable to share memories and details of your time together, you give the impression that you’re not truly interested in your friends and don’t value their friendship.
Low Self-Esteem
ADHD is linked with the development of lowself-esteem.Low self-esteem can make it even more challenging to meet new people and make friends. You might not have the confidence to put yourself out there. Maybe you don’t think anyone would want to be your friend, which can hold you back from making connections.
Anxiety and Depression
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Adults with ADHD are also likely to havedepression.If you cope with depression, you know that you’re not always in the mood to talk to people or even leave your house.
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These conditions can put added strain on your relationships, especially if people don’t understand what you’re going through.
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How to Improve Friendships When You Have ADHD
According to Hammer, there are steps people with ADHD can take to improve their friendships.
Be Aware
The first step to improved social interactions is to become aware of what you’re doing that’s harmful or counterproductive. Monitor yourself. Are youactively listeningor are you only waiting until you can put in your own two cents?
If so, make a commitment, that for the next month, you will focus completely on being a good listener—you willhyperfocuson this. If you say anything at all, it will be only to ask a simple, short question to clarify or expand on what the other person is saying.
Repeat It Back
If you’re listening to just one other person, occasionally ask them if you can say back what you heard them say, and then just do it, simply and concisely. Don’t add anything.
Give them a chance to tell you if you’ve correctly understood what they said and then let them proceed while you return to your role as a good listener. Practice these skills.
Don’t Interrupt
Are you interrupting others?Again, awareness is the key. Become aware of your behavior in your interactions. If you’re interrupting, take steps to stop it.
When you feel the urge coming on, take a sip of water, make a note,take a deep breath, and hold it for a second, or think, “relax.” Don’t interrupt, and if you do, immediately recognize it, apologize for interrupting, and encourage the person to go on.
Stick to the Topic at Hand
If you have a tendency to change the subject and go off on an unrelated tangent, become aware and stop yourself. People usually don’t appreciate this, especially if they are trying to tell you something that’s important to them.
Know What Your Friendships Mean to You
For the bigger problems—not paying enough attention to your friends—reflect on how much you want to improve your relationships. How much do you value having good friendships and what are you willing to do to get and maintain them?
Good friendships don’t just happen. They take nurturing and care. Are you willing to do what is necessary? Will you make good friendships and relationships a priority?
When you have the choice between learning about your new computer and going to a movie with a friend, will you put a higher value on going to the movie because of the long-term payoff? The choice is yours.
Nurture Your Relationships
When you’re talking with a friend, make your plans for the next time you’ll get together, commit to it, and put it on your calendar. Learn to use a computer-based program that will remind you of important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
Get all the contact information for each of your friends. Buy assorted cards and stamps to have on hand so you can easily let your friends know you’re thinking of them on birthdays and anniversaries.
When shopping, pick up some items you can use as unexpected gifts for your friends. Or buy tickets to some activity and ask them to go with you.
Tell Your Friends You Care
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Develop Ways to Deal With Poor Memory
Struggling with poor memory is one of the hardest challenges listed here, and unfortunately, it isn’t simply going to go away, says Hammer. Here are her strategies to minimize the impact:
Ways to Maintain Friendships If You Have ADHD
Once you have made a friend, you may be wondering how to keep the relationship going.
Talk About Your Condition
People often usecommunicationto create a sense of intimacy and trust between them. While you might be worried about the impact your ADHD will have on your long-term friendships, it’s OK to share your fears with a close friend.
While you aren’t obligated to share information about your ADHD with anyone, confiding in a trusted friend may actually serve to bring you two closer together.
Sharing with them might help them understand you better, too. They’ll know that your occasional lapses in memory or inattention are part of your ADHD, not a sign that you don’t care.
An important part of keeping friends is following through on your commitments. If you set a time to meet, do your best to show up. If you tell a friend you’ll do something for them, do your best to keep your word.
Fulfilling commitments is a key action that shows your friend they can trust you.Likewise, if you asked them to meet you somewhere, you would want them to show up. This mutual respect helps keep the friendship going.
Set Boundaries
While you might become impatient, bored, or even annoyed with your friends, it’s important to think about the bigger picture. Everyone gets frustrated with their close friends sometimes. Taking a step back to acknowledge how you’re feeling will go a long way in making sure you’re notprojecting your feelingsonto them.
If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, try taking some time to yourself. You don’t need to see your friend every day or every weekend in order to maintain the relationship. Time apart is healthy and key to a successful relationship.
Likewise, if you invite your friend somewhere and they are unavailable, try not to take it personally. Everyone needs time and space to themselves. You can always wait a few days and ask them again, but you should respect their wishes for space when they ask for it.
Practice Self-Care
While you want to be considerate and thoughtful in your relationships,youshould always be your first priority. One study found that physical health, mental health, and satisfaction with your own life have a connection with successful relationships.
Make sure you’regetting enough sleep, eating a nutritious diet, and engaging in physical exercise, all of which can help manage any anxiety you have and improve your mental health.
Especially when you have ADHD, it’s important to check in with your doctor if you notice any medications or therapies in your treatment plan don’t seem to be working so they can adjust as needed.
ADHD is often treated using a combination of medication and therapy.A doctor may prescribestimulantsornon-stimulantsto help manage impulsivity, attention, and concentration.Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)is commonly recommended for treating ADHD alongside medication. A therapist specializing in CBT can also help you cope with other mental health conditions that often occur alongside ADHD.
ADHD-tailored cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to build social skills around organization and time management as well as improve self-defeating patterns.
We Tried 100+ Therapy Services and Apps—And These Are the 8 Best for Online CBT
The Bottom Line in ADHD and Friendships
There are plenty of challenges people with ADHD experience that can interfere with forming lasting friendships—from feeling overwhelmed or bored to experiencing anxiety and depression.
Most importantly, taking care of yourself and receiving proper treatment for your ADHD will help you have healthier relationships.
Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.
Get Help Now
We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.
A Word From Verywell
By learning and practicing simple techniques for healthy social interactions, you will be on your way to a bounty of good relationships and an ever-ready supply of meaningful friendships.
9 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Storebø OJ, Elmose Andersen M, Skoog M, et al.Social skills training for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children aged 5 to 18 years.Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2019;6(6):CD008223. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD008223.pub3Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Other concerns and conditions with ADHD. Last reviewed September 2020.Volkow ND, Swanson JM.Clinical practice: Adult attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder.N Engl J Med. 2013;369(20):1935-1944. doi:10.1056/NEJMcp1212625Dan O, Raz S.The relationships among ADHD, self-esteem, and test anxiety in young adults.J Atten Disord.2012;19(3):231-239. doi:10.1177/1087054712454571Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Adult ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder).Chonody JM, Gabb J.Understanding the role of relationship maintenance in enduring couple partnerships in later adulthood.Marriage & Family Review.2018;55(3):216-238. doi:10.1080/01494929.2018.1458010Campbell K, Holderness N, Riggs M.Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors.Soc Sci J. 2015;52(2):239-247. doi:10.1016/j.soscij.2015.01.005Briguglio M, Vitale JA, Galentino R, et al.Healthy eating, physical activity, and sleep hygiene (HEPAS) as the winning triad for sustaining physical and mental health in patients at risk for or with neuropsychiatric disorders: Considerations for clinical practice.Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2020;16:55-70. doi:10.2147/NDT.S229206Geffen J, Forster K.Treatment of adult ADHD: A clinical perspective.Ther Adv Psychopharmacol. 2018;8(1):25-32. doi:10.1177/2045125317734977
9 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Storebø OJ, Elmose Andersen M, Skoog M, et al.Social skills training for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children aged 5 to 18 years.Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2019;6(6):CD008223. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD008223.pub3Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Other concerns and conditions with ADHD. Last reviewed September 2020.Volkow ND, Swanson JM.Clinical practice: Adult attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder.N Engl J Med. 2013;369(20):1935-1944. doi:10.1056/NEJMcp1212625Dan O, Raz S.The relationships among ADHD, self-esteem, and test anxiety in young adults.J Atten Disord.2012;19(3):231-239. doi:10.1177/1087054712454571Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Adult ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder).Chonody JM, Gabb J.Understanding the role of relationship maintenance in enduring couple partnerships in later adulthood.Marriage & Family Review.2018;55(3):216-238. doi:10.1080/01494929.2018.1458010Campbell K, Holderness N, Riggs M.Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors.Soc Sci J. 2015;52(2):239-247. doi:10.1016/j.soscij.2015.01.005Briguglio M, Vitale JA, Galentino R, et al.Healthy eating, physical activity, and sleep hygiene (HEPAS) as the winning triad for sustaining physical and mental health in patients at risk for or with neuropsychiatric disorders: Considerations for clinical practice.Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2020;16:55-70. doi:10.2147/NDT.S229206Geffen J, Forster K.Treatment of adult ADHD: A clinical perspective.Ther Adv Psychopharmacol. 2018;8(1):25-32. doi:10.1177/2045125317734977
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Storebø OJ, Elmose Andersen M, Skoog M, et al.Social skills training for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children aged 5 to 18 years.Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2019;6(6):CD008223. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD008223.pub3Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Other concerns and conditions with ADHD. Last reviewed September 2020.Volkow ND, Swanson JM.Clinical practice: Adult attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder.N Engl J Med. 2013;369(20):1935-1944. doi:10.1056/NEJMcp1212625Dan O, Raz S.The relationships among ADHD, self-esteem, and test anxiety in young adults.J Atten Disord.2012;19(3):231-239. doi:10.1177/1087054712454571Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Adult ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder).Chonody JM, Gabb J.Understanding the role of relationship maintenance in enduring couple partnerships in later adulthood.Marriage & Family Review.2018;55(3):216-238. doi:10.1080/01494929.2018.1458010Campbell K, Holderness N, Riggs M.Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors.Soc Sci J. 2015;52(2):239-247. doi:10.1016/j.soscij.2015.01.005Briguglio M, Vitale JA, Galentino R, et al.Healthy eating, physical activity, and sleep hygiene (HEPAS) as the winning triad for sustaining physical and mental health in patients at risk for or with neuropsychiatric disorders: Considerations for clinical practice.Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2020;16:55-70. doi:10.2147/NDT.S229206Geffen J, Forster K.Treatment of adult ADHD: A clinical perspective.Ther Adv Psychopharmacol. 2018;8(1):25-32. doi:10.1177/2045125317734977
Storebø OJ, Elmose Andersen M, Skoog M, et al.Social skills training for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children aged 5 to 18 years.Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2019;6(6):CD008223. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD008223.pub3
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Other concerns and conditions with ADHD. Last reviewed September 2020.
Volkow ND, Swanson JM.Clinical practice: Adult attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder.N Engl J Med. 2013;369(20):1935-1944. doi:10.1056/NEJMcp1212625
Dan O, Raz S.The relationships among ADHD, self-esteem, and test anxiety in young adults.J Atten Disord.2012;19(3):231-239. doi:10.1177/1087054712454571
Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Adult ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder).
Chonody JM, Gabb J.Understanding the role of relationship maintenance in enduring couple partnerships in later adulthood.Marriage & Family Review.2018;55(3):216-238. doi:10.1080/01494929.2018.1458010
Campbell K, Holderness N, Riggs M.Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors.Soc Sci J. 2015;52(2):239-247. doi:10.1016/j.soscij.2015.01.005
Briguglio M, Vitale JA, Galentino R, et al.Healthy eating, physical activity, and sleep hygiene (HEPAS) as the winning triad for sustaining physical and mental health in patients at risk for or with neuropsychiatric disorders: Considerations for clinical practice.Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2020;16:55-70. doi:10.2147/NDT.S229206
Geffen J, Forster K.Treatment of adult ADHD: A clinical perspective.Ther Adv Psychopharmacol. 2018;8(1):25-32. doi:10.1177/2045125317734977
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