Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsRelationship vs. SituationshipWhy the End Hurts More Than a BreakupHow to Find Closure in the Breakup

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Relationship vs. Situationship

Why the End Hurts More Than a Breakup

How to Find Closure in the Breakup

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I once ended a seven-year relationship that upended everything I knew: I quit my job, left New York, and immersed myself in therapy. Later, I found myself in asituationshipand head-over-heels smitten. I really liked him. Over several weeks, we went on back-to-back dates that lasted for hours. He went out of town to go on a retreat and I waited at home, buzzing with excitement for our next hangout. When he returned, he called to cut things off.

Turns out, I’m not alone. The universal agony of situationships has taken over TikTok, with many people discussing why they’re often harder to get over than long-term relationships. Let’s explore why situations can be challenging to move on from, andhow you can find closure.

The Difference Between a Relationship and a Situationship

A relationship typically involves a defined commitment often with exclusivity, clear communication, long-term planning, and reciprocal effort. There’s been mutual work invested and continually invested to build and deepen trust, vulnerability, and accountability. You may discuss your shared future openly, thus creating a generous sense of support and security.

A situationship is an undefined, noncommital, convenient, no-strings-attached connection. You enjoy spending time togetherbut you haven’t spoken about what that means long-termand you hang outbut there’s not a lot of consistency. If you’ve found yourself in a dating dynamic where there’s a lot of confusion and grayness, it’s likely you’re in a situationship.

Sinceboundariesare so hazy, situationships are often spontaneous, ambiguous, and undefined. There’s sporadic or shallow communication, little emotional availability or responsibility, and likely unmatched expectations that are often not shared or discussed. At its best, you’ll feel the euphoric highs of thehoneymoon stage. Every interaction with them feels raw, alive, unpredictable, freeing, and fun. You never know what’s happening next. At its worst, it’s exactly that. You never know what’s happening next.

Why the End of a Situationship Can Hurt More Than a Relationship Breakup

Both relationship and situationship breakups can be painful and disorienting. But what makes a situationship uniquely sting can be its unexpected nature. I went into a hookup looking to have fun and walked out feeling like I wasn’t good enough.

At its worst, it’s exactly that. You never know what’s happening next.

I’ve worked with many clients who couldn’t give themselves the permission to grieve their situationship as they did their long-term relationship. Because of its brief nature and limited intimacy, they struggled validating their sadness which complicated the emotional release. This stuck energy, among many other reasons, is why ending a situationship can be acutely painful.

Here are a few other reasons why:

Have You Met the Right Person at the Wrong Time? Here’s How to Cope

In my perspective, situationships and breakups follow a similar process. Regardless of the depth of emotion you experience, leaving someone you care about can profoundly affect your heart and well-being. Studies show experiencing a breakup leads to depression vulnerability and stress-related coping.

Do what you needto feel better after a breakup. Get support from your loved ones, journal, eat ice cream in bed, cry to purge the sadness,talk to your therapist, and allow the grief to move at its pace. Take time to reflect on the breakup, what you’ve learned from the time shared, and what you want and don’t want to experience moving forward.

When you’re able to accept the truth of what you wanted in your situationship, it can enable you to express the complete sadness you need. Only then can you move onto other parts of your healing to let go of them and what you hoped they would mean to you and move on.

Most importantly, afford yourself the non-judgmental grace of grieving your situationship. Your feelings are valid and you can take time to get over the breakup the way you need.

Keep in Mind

Situationships are notorious for their casual, commitment-free nature. Just because it’s meant to be light-hearted with low investment, doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt when they’re no longer a part of your life. Denying yourself that experience can make situationships feel more painful than they actually are.

Give yourself the permission to experience your feelings in their full spectrum. Your emotions are a guide, teaching you more about yourself and how to connect with others.Embracing what comes up with curiosity and compassion can provide valuable lessons about your emotional and relational needs and how you want to show up in your relationships in the future.

The Unique Pain of a Short-Term Relationship Breakup

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JBC, Horst GJ ter.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLOS ONE. 2019;14(5):e0217320.Gračanin A, Bylsma LM, Vingerhoets AJJM.Is crying a self-soothing behavior?Front Psychol. 2014;5:82046.Šimić G, Tkalčić M, Vukić V, et al.Understanding emotions: origins and roles of the amygdala.Biomolecules. 2021;11(6):823.

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JBC, Horst GJ ter.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLOS ONE. 2019;14(5):e0217320.Gračanin A, Bylsma LM, Vingerhoets AJJM.Is crying a self-soothing behavior?Front Psychol. 2014;5:82046.Šimić G, Tkalčić M, Vukić V, et al.Understanding emotions: origins and roles of the amygdala.Biomolecules. 2021;11(6):823.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JBC, Horst GJ ter.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLOS ONE. 2019;14(5):e0217320.Gračanin A, Bylsma LM, Vingerhoets AJJM.Is crying a self-soothing behavior?Front Psychol. 2014;5:82046.Šimić G, Tkalčić M, Vukić V, et al.Understanding emotions: origins and roles of the amygdala.Biomolecules. 2021;11(6):823.

Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JBC, Horst GJ ter.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLOS ONE. 2019;14(5):e0217320.

Gračanin A, Bylsma LM, Vingerhoets AJJM.Is crying a self-soothing behavior?Front Psychol. 2014;5:82046.

Šimić G, Tkalčić M, Vukić V, et al.Understanding emotions: origins and roles of the amygdala.Biomolecules. 2021;11(6):823.

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