Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsTypesCommon TermsSafe BDSM PlayHow to Get Into BDSMMental Health Benefits of BDSMTipsBDSM in the MediaTying It All Together

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Types

Common Terms

Safe BDSM Play

How to Get Into BDSM

Mental Health Benefits of BDSM

Tips

BDSM in the Media

Tying It All Together

Close

For many people, the acronym “BDSM” conjures up images of secret sex dungeons with whips and leather restraining devices lining the walls. There’s an implied deviance in this form of kink, but that’s not an accurate representation of the practice at all.

Most of the time, BDSM is a highly intentional, safe, caring, and consensual variety of sex acts that allow individuals to expand the boundaries of their sexuality. It can be as intense as being strapped into a medieval wooden contraption, sure, but more often it can be as simple as light spanking or a blindfold.

To simplify, BDSM stands for:

BDSM usually involves partners taking on specific roles in which one is dominant and the other is submissive. The dominant person is sometimes referred to as the Dominant, Master, or Top. The submissive person is called the Submissive, Slave, or Bottom.

Although often portrayed as deviant or taboo, research has shown that BDSM is a commonsexual fantasyand lifestyle for many individuals and couples.

Types of BDSM

Types of play that fall under the BDSM umbrella include:

Some people who practice BDSM engage in play parties: social gatherings involving BDSM activities.

ImportantBoth partnersmust consent to dominant-submissive roleplay; this makes BDSM entirely different from sexual assault. In fact, the BDSM community often uses the phrase “safe, sane, and consensual” (SSC), reinforcing that any play of this kind must be all three.

Important

Both partnersmust consent to dominant-submissive roleplay; this makes BDSM entirely different from sexual assault. In fact, the BDSM community often uses the phrase “safe, sane, and consensual” (SSC), reinforcing that any play of this kind must be all three.

Common BDSM Terms

Before learning about BDSM safety and benefits, get to know a few common terms:

Engaging in Safe BDSM Play

Because BDSM can involve pain, humiliation, dominance, submission, and other elements that can make partners vulnerable to mistreatment, it requires strict safety precautions. This helps ensure that neither party’ssexual boundariesare violated.

Make sure you know how to use any clothing, gear, or toys you plan to try safely. Bondage and pain play, for example, can cause injury if you aren’t careful or don’t use the equipment properly.

Take a class or watch some instructional videos to learn how to engage in BDSM practices safely.

If you do decide to engage in BDSM, implement the following practices.

Consentfrom both parties is critical when engaging in BDSM practices. Implied consent isn’t enough. If you think that your partner agrees to participate in these activities and they don’t, you could potentially be charged withsexual assault.

To ensure that consent exists, talk with your partner before engaging in BDSM. Discuss what each of you would enjoy sexually, also sharing your limits or boundaries. This helps ensure that you both have a positive experience within your individual comfort zones.

Pre-Sex Negotiations

Before engaging in a BDSM scene, talk with your partner about what you will and won’t do. Decide who will be dominant and who will be submissive, or if you will switch, and what type of play you will engage in. By negotiating this in advance, you’ll both know what to expect during the experience.

Safe Words

A safe word is a predetermined word that a person can use when they reach a point where they are no longer comfortable and need to stop. Set your safe word in advance and share it with your partner. If either of you says your safe word during BDSM, all actions are to end immediately.

Green-Yellow-Red System

Some BDSM partners choose to follow a green-yellow-red system. Just like with a traffic light, green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. Using this type of system allows you to communicate with your partner during BDSM, letting them know if you’re okay with the actions taking place or if they need to slow down or stop.

If you are interested in giving BDSM a try, there are a number of light BDSM practices that can be a good starting point for beginners. This includes such things as:

For more intense forms of erotic play, you could take a class, read a book, or watch instructional videos. Some practices can be dangerous and lead to injury without taking proper precautions. And, as previously mentioned, BDSM activities need to be carefully pre-negotiated so that each party understands what will happen.

How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner

Recent studies devoted to understanding BDSM and its effects on the body have shown surprising results. Researchers have found that these practices may offer a number ofhealth benefits.

In one study, researchers looked atpersonality traits,relationship attachment styles, and the general well-being of individuals who engaged in BDSM.Contrary to many popular stereotypes, the study found that those who engaged in these sexual practices were actually, on average, better adjusted than their non-BDSM practicing counterparts.

Those in the BDSM group:

Reduced Stress

For example, one series of studies found that partners in dominant roles had decreased cortisol levels after a BDSM session.Cortisol is known as the “stress hormone” and may be associated with a range of health issues including high blood pressure, suppressed immunity, and insulin resistance.

Researchers have also found that some participants regard BDSM as aspiritual experience.

Better Relationships

Researchers have also determined that participating in successful sadomasochistic scenes increases the feeling of connectedness andintimacy with partners.While the exact reasons for this are not entirely clear, research has shown that doing novel things with romantic partners, rather than the same routine activities,increases intimacy.

How Important Is Sex in a Relationship?

Tips for Practicing BDSM

The world of BDSM has its own distinct subcultures and terminology. It can be intimidating for beginners, but there are some tips and tricks that may help you explore.

How to Set Boundaries With Your Partner

Mainstream culture often represents BDSM as reckless, dangerous, and unhealthy. TakeFifty Shades of Grey, for instance. Christian Grey’s reasons for enjoying kink stems from hischildhood abuse. Television crime dramas often portray fetishists as seedy, unethical lawbreakers. It isn’t just the media that frames BDSM this way.

A 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey found that 20% of adults admitted to using some form of bondage during lovemaking.Even back in 1956, a ​Kinsey Institute Study revealed that 50% of people enjoyed erotic biting.We may not be having kinky sex much more than we always have, but we’re certainly talking about it more.

If you have experienced sexual assault, contact theRAINN National Sexual Assault Hotlineat 1-800-656-4673 for confidential support from a trained staff member at a local RAINN affiliate.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.988

If you have experienced sexual assault, contact theRAINN National Sexual Assault Hotlineat 1-800-656-4673 for confidential support from a trained staff member at a local RAINN affiliate.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you have experienced sexual assault, contact theRAINN National Sexual Assault Hotlineat 1-800-656-4673 for confidential support from a trained staff member at a local RAINN affiliate.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

988

BDSM is a common sexual practice, but it’s not for everyone. Many people fantasize, read, or watch movies about BDSM-related practices but don’t actually engage in these activities. Whether you fantasize or participate, remember that mutual consent is a key element of a mutually satisfying, safe experience.

7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Brown A, Barker ED, Rahman Q.A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM.J Sex Res. 2020;57(6):781-811. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619Wismeijer AA, Van Assen MA.Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners.J Sex Med.2013;10(8):1943-1952. doi:10.1111/jsm.12192Sagarin B, Lee E, Klement K.Sadomasochism without sex? Exploring the parallels between BDSM and extreme rituals.J Pos Sex.2015;1:32-36. doi:10.51681/1.132Klement KR, Lee EM, Ambler JK, et al.Extreme rituals in a BDSM context: the physiological and psychological effects of the ‘Dance of Souls’.Cult Health Sex.2017;19(4):453-469. doi:10.1080/13691058.2016.1234648Acevedo BP, Aron A, Fisher HE, Brown LL.Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love.Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci.2012;7(2):145-159. doi:10.1093/scan/nsq092Durex.2005 global sex survey results.Lieberman H.Desexing the Kinsey Institute.The New York Review.

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Brown A, Barker ED, Rahman Q.A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM.J Sex Res. 2020;57(6):781-811. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619Wismeijer AA, Van Assen MA.Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners.J Sex Med.2013;10(8):1943-1952. doi:10.1111/jsm.12192Sagarin B, Lee E, Klement K.Sadomasochism without sex? Exploring the parallels between BDSM and extreme rituals.J Pos Sex.2015;1:32-36. doi:10.51681/1.132Klement KR, Lee EM, Ambler JK, et al.Extreme rituals in a BDSM context: the physiological and psychological effects of the ‘Dance of Souls’.Cult Health Sex.2017;19(4):453-469. doi:10.1080/13691058.2016.1234648Acevedo BP, Aron A, Fisher HE, Brown LL.Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love.Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci.2012;7(2):145-159. doi:10.1093/scan/nsq092Durex.2005 global sex survey results.Lieberman H.Desexing the Kinsey Institute.The New York Review.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Brown A, Barker ED, Rahman Q.A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM.J Sex Res. 2020;57(6):781-811. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619Wismeijer AA, Van Assen MA.Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners.J Sex Med.2013;10(8):1943-1952. doi:10.1111/jsm.12192Sagarin B, Lee E, Klement K.Sadomasochism without sex? Exploring the parallels between BDSM and extreme rituals.J Pos Sex.2015;1:32-36. doi:10.51681/1.132Klement KR, Lee EM, Ambler JK, et al.Extreme rituals in a BDSM context: the physiological and psychological effects of the ‘Dance of Souls’.Cult Health Sex.2017;19(4):453-469. doi:10.1080/13691058.2016.1234648Acevedo BP, Aron A, Fisher HE, Brown LL.Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love.Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci.2012;7(2):145-159. doi:10.1093/scan/nsq092Durex.2005 global sex survey results.Lieberman H.Desexing the Kinsey Institute.The New York Review.

Brown A, Barker ED, Rahman Q.A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM.J Sex Res. 2020;57(6):781-811. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619

Wismeijer AA, Van Assen MA.Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners.J Sex Med.2013;10(8):1943-1952. doi:10.1111/jsm.12192

Sagarin B, Lee E, Klement K.Sadomasochism without sex? Exploring the parallels between BDSM and extreme rituals.J Pos Sex.2015;1:32-36. doi:10.51681/1.132

Klement KR, Lee EM, Ambler JK, et al.Extreme rituals in a BDSM context: the physiological and psychological effects of the ‘Dance of Souls’.Cult Health Sex.2017;19(4):453-469. doi:10.1080/13691058.2016.1234648

Acevedo BP, Aron A, Fisher HE, Brown LL.Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love.Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci.2012;7(2):145-159. doi:10.1093/scan/nsq092

Durex.2005 global sex survey results.

Lieberman H.Desexing the Kinsey Institute.The New York Review.

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?