9 Yellow Flags in a Relationship–Signs and How to Deal With Them

Table of ContentsView AllTable of Contents9 Yellow Flags in a RelationshipYellow Flags vs. Red FlagsYellow Flags vs. Orange FlagsHow to Determine Your Yellow FlagsAre Yellow Flags Bad?How to Deal With Yellow Flags in Your PartnerHow Can I Make Sure I Don’t Miss Yellow Flags?FAQ

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

9 Yellow Flags in a Relationship

Yellow Flags vs. Red Flags

Yellow Flags vs. Orange Flags

How to Determine Your Yellow Flags

Are Yellow Flags Bad?

How to Deal With Yellow Flags in Your Partner

How Can I Make Sure I Don’t Miss Yellow Flags?

FAQ

In anyrelationship, a yellow flag, which is a behavior or characteristic that you want to keep an eye on, can crop up.

Yellow flags are subjective in nature—what may not make a difference to one person in a relationship can be very concerning to another individual. The issue may not mean that the relationship is over, but it may lead you to proceed cautiously.

“While [yellow flags] might not bedeal breakersor major issues, they are generally warning signs that the behavior, tendency, pattern, or trait could turn into a larger issue, hint at something bigger, or at the very least be worth having a discussion about and exploring further,” explainsJillian Amodio. LMSW, founder of Moms for Mental Health.

We look at the importance of recognizing your yellow flags in a relationship, how to make sure you don’t miss those warning signs, and actions you can take to deal with yellow flags that you see in your partner.

Are Your Dating Standards Too High?

Although yellow flags in your relationship may not be a problem to someone else, there are some general warning signs that you may want to look out for.

Signs You Might Be In an Unhealthy Relationship, And What to Do

While a yellow flag says proceed with caution, a red flag is a full-stop issue.

A yellow flag issue can turn into a red flag if it is never dealt with or resolved.

“A red flag … is a more serious warning sign that indicates significant issues or behaviors that are damaging to the relationship and may be deal-breakers. Red flags often require immediate action or intervention to address,” says Johnson. “Examples of red flags may includeemotional or physical abuse, constant dishonesty or lying, lack of respect or contempt for one’s partner, unwillingness to compromise, or consistent cheating or infidelity.”

Keep in mind that, a yellow flag issue can turn into a red flag if it is never dealt with or resolved.

While a yellow flag issue can warrant observation, orange flags elevate the gravity of the issue.

“The difference between a yellow flag and an orange flag in a relationship is the level of seriousness or urgency,” says Johnson. “Orange flags are more serious warning signs that indicate there are significant issues in the relationship that require immediate attention. Orange flags may be behaviors or attitudes that are damaging to the relationship and have the potential to cause harm or lead to abreakupif not addressed.”

Both levels of issues are important. However, an orange flag moves it from observation to being more harmful to the relationship.

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Yellow flag issues differ from person to person. So, how do you figure out which issues will upset you?

Consider Your Own Values and Priorities

If you want someone who is reliable, stable, andhonest, right away you know that a lack of those traits constitutes a yellow flag for you. Along those same lines, observe what is important to your mate. If their values don’t seem to align with yours, that could be a warning sign.

Think About Behaviors You Don’t Like in People You Already Know

A practical way to decide what your yellow flag issues are is to think about behaviors that you don’t like in the people around you. If a friend’s habitual lateness or inability to commit to plans annoys you, chances are that would be a yellow flag in a relationship.

Consider How You Feel When You’re With That Person

Discuss Your Concerns With Loved Ones

Other people you trust can help you determine your yellow flags.

“Seek outside perspective. Talk to trusted friends or family members about your concerns and ask for their input. They may be able to offer a different perspective or help you identify potential yellow flags that you may have missed,” Johnson notes.

How to Talk About Your Values in a Relationship

Yellow flags are not necessarily bad. Being able to identify a concern and bring it to the forefront can provide an opportunity for healthycommunication.

The key to drawing a benefit from an issue of concern is figuring out what your concern is, why it’s bothering you, how your partner responds to it, and what actions you plan to take. If a concerning issue can help make your relationship healthier and stronger, then it’s a positive.

Once you’ve identified the traits in your partner that are yellow flag issues for you, you want to address them in a healthy way. Approaching your partner with understanding, and evenempathy, is a good place to start. Perhaps looking at the behavior from their perspective will help you know how to deal with it.

“Talk it out. Use ‘I’ statements to avoidblamelanguage. Understand the difference between a preference and a problem. Understand each other’s perspectives and see what changes can be made and what compromises can be agreed to decide if the relationships should continue,” Amodio advises.

Communicate and Enforce Your BoundariesWhile giving your partner time and space to address the problem, you also want to make your own boundaries very clear. Let them know what is not appropriate in the relationship.

Communicate and Enforce Your Boundaries

While giving your partner time and space to address the problem, you also want to make your own boundaries very clear. Let them know what is not appropriate in the relationship.

If the two of you are not able to reach a compromise,seeing a therapist or a counselor can helpas couple’s counseling has been found to help couples communicate better and improve their intimacy.

The most important thing, however, is to find a solution that works for everyone in the relationship.

When it comes to recognizing potential yellow flags in your relationship, you have to pay attention to the person who can tell you the most about those issues—you. Listen to what’s going on inside of you. Practicing mindfulness is a good way to tap into your feelings. Above all,be honest with yourself.

It’s important to remember that dealing with yellow, orange, and red flags in a relationship can be challenging, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution—you have to do what’s best for you.

Frequently Asked Questions“It’s possible for a yellow flag to escalate into a red flag over time if it’s not addressed properly. When concerns are ignored or left unresolved, they can fester and become more significant problems that jeopardize the relationship,” states Wasser.If your partner is willing to openly communicate about your yellow flag issue, and address what is making you uncomfortable, then yes, a yellow flag can become a green flag.“A yellow flag can indeed become a green flag in a relationship, which signifies a healthy and positive aspect of the partnership. The transformation from a yellow flag to a green flag often occurs when a couple effectively addresses the underlying concerns, leading to growth and improved understanding between them,” Wassar notes.While yellow flags and pet peeves both signal concerns that bother one partner in a relationship, they are not the same thing.Pet peeves are minor annoyances or irritations that may not necessarily indicate a deeper issue or problem in the relationship. They are things that may bother one partner but are unlikely to cause significant harm to the relationship if not addressed. Although pet peeves are more minor than yellow flags, they can decrease the levels of relationship satisfaction.According to Johnson, examples of pet peeves may include leaving the toilet seat up or leaving dirty dishes in the sink.

Frequently Asked Questions

“It’s possible for a yellow flag to escalate into a red flag over time if it’s not addressed properly. When concerns are ignored or left unresolved, they can fester and become more significant problems that jeopardize the relationship,” states Wasser.

If your partner is willing to openly communicate about your yellow flag issue, and address what is making you uncomfortable, then yes, a yellow flag can become a green flag.“A yellow flag can indeed become a green flag in a relationship, which signifies a healthy and positive aspect of the partnership. The transformation from a yellow flag to a green flag often occurs when a couple effectively addresses the underlying concerns, leading to growth and improved understanding between them,” Wassar notes.

If your partner is willing to openly communicate about your yellow flag issue, and address what is making you uncomfortable, then yes, a yellow flag can become a green flag.

“A yellow flag can indeed become a green flag in a relationship, which signifies a healthy and positive aspect of the partnership. The transformation from a yellow flag to a green flag often occurs when a couple effectively addresses the underlying concerns, leading to growth and improved understanding between them,” Wassar notes.

While yellow flags and pet peeves both signal concerns that bother one partner in a relationship, they are not the same thing.Pet peeves are minor annoyances or irritations that may not necessarily indicate a deeper issue or problem in the relationship. They are things that may bother one partner but are unlikely to cause significant harm to the relationship if not addressed. Although pet peeves are more minor than yellow flags, they can decrease the levels of relationship satisfaction.According to Johnson, examples of pet peeves may include leaving the toilet seat up or leaving dirty dishes in the sink.

While yellow flags and pet peeves both signal concerns that bother one partner in a relationship, they are not the same thing.

Pet peeves are minor annoyances or irritations that may not necessarily indicate a deeper issue or problem in the relationship. They are things that may bother one partner but are unlikely to cause significant harm to the relationship if not addressed. Although pet peeves are more minor than yellow flags, they can decrease the levels of relationship satisfaction.According to Johnson, examples of pet peeves may include leaving the toilet seat up or leaving dirty dishes in the sink.

13 Red Flags in Relationships

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Roddy MK, Walsh LM, Rothman K, Hatch SG, Doss BD.Meta-analysis of couple therapy: Effects across outcomes, designs, timeframes, and other moderators.J Consult Clin Psychol. 2020;88(7):583-596. doi:10.1037/ccp0000514Kowalski RM, Allison B, Giumetti GW, et al.Pet peeves and happiness: how do happy people complain?.J Soc Psychol. 2014;154(4):278-282. doi:10.1080/00224545.2014.906380

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Roddy MK, Walsh LM, Rothman K, Hatch SG, Doss BD.Meta-analysis of couple therapy: Effects across outcomes, designs, timeframes, and other moderators.J Consult Clin Psychol. 2020;88(7):583-596. doi:10.1037/ccp0000514Kowalski RM, Allison B, Giumetti GW, et al.Pet peeves and happiness: how do happy people complain?.J Soc Psychol. 2014;154(4):278-282. doi:10.1080/00224545.2014.906380

Roddy MK, Walsh LM, Rothman K, Hatch SG, Doss BD.Meta-analysis of couple therapy: Effects across outcomes, designs, timeframes, and other moderators.J Consult Clin Psychol. 2020;88(7):583-596. doi:10.1037/ccp0000514Kowalski RM, Allison B, Giumetti GW, et al.Pet peeves and happiness: how do happy people complain?.J Soc Psychol. 2014;154(4):278-282. doi:10.1080/00224545.2014.906380

Kowalski RM, Allison B, Giumetti GW, et al.Pet peeves and happiness: how do happy people complain?.J Soc Psychol. 2014;154(4):278-282. doi:10.1080/00224545.2014.906380

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Consider Your Own Values and Priorities#

Think About Behaviors You Don’t Like in People You Already Know#

Consider How You Feel When You’re With That Person#

Discuss Your Concerns With Loved Ones#

Communicate and Enforce Your Boundaries#

Frequently Asked Questions#