People who weresexually abused in childhoodmay have a higher risk of being inadult relationships where they are abusedphysically,emotionally, or sexually.In some cases, people who were victimized may become abusive themselves.This pattern is known as a cycle of abuse.It can be hard to understand why someone who has been sexually abused in childhood would engage in an abusive relationship again. The abused becomes the abuser for a number of reasons. Such patterns are familiar or may serve as a way to regain a sense of power. Such abuse may also be linked to feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or grandiosity.At a GlanceThe cycle of abuse can cause people who were abused in childhood to either perpetuate abuse in adulthood or become involved in abusive relationships with others. There are many factors that can contribute to the ongoing cycle of abuse.People who experienced sexual abuse as children may struggle with confusing associations between love and abuse. They may also experience problems with anger, trust, control, and insecurity. It is important to remember that every person is different and not everyone who was sexually abused will experience these effects.
People who weresexually abused in childhoodmay have a higher risk of being inadult relationships where they are abusedphysically,emotionally, or sexually.In some cases, people who were victimized may become abusive themselves.This pattern is known as a cycle of abuse.
It can be hard to understand why someone who has been sexually abused in childhood would engage in an abusive relationship again. The abused becomes the abuser for a number of reasons. Such patterns are familiar or may serve as a way to regain a sense of power. Such abuse may also be linked to feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or grandiosity.
At a GlanceThe cycle of abuse can cause people who were abused in childhood to either perpetuate abuse in adulthood or become involved in abusive relationships with others. There are many factors that can contribute to the ongoing cycle of abuse.People who experienced sexual abuse as children may struggle with confusing associations between love and abuse. They may also experience problems with anger, trust, control, and insecurity. It is important to remember that every person is different and not everyone who was sexually abused will experience these effects.
At a Glance
The cycle of abuse can cause people who were abused in childhood to either perpetuate abuse in adulthood or become involved in abusive relationships with others. There are many factors that can contribute to the ongoing cycle of abuse.People who experienced sexual abuse as children may struggle with confusing associations between love and abuse. They may also experience problems with anger, trust, control, and insecurity. It is important to remember that every person is different and not everyone who was sexually abused will experience these effects.
The cycle of abuse can cause people who were abused in childhood to either perpetuate abuse in adulthood or become involved in abusive relationships with others. There are many factors that can contribute to the ongoing cycle of abuse.
People who experienced sexual abuse as children may struggle with confusing associations between love and abuse. They may also experience problems with anger, trust, control, and insecurity. It is important to remember that every person is different and not everyone who was sexually abused will experience these effects.
1It Feels FamiliarJoe Mikos/Getty ImagesIf the connection between abuse and “love” is made early in life, the feelings ofshameandanger, which naturally happen as a consequence of the abuse, can become mixed up with sexual feelings, leading to confusion in the person who experienced the abuse.These feelings may become interpreted as feelings of love and passion, and can lead to sexual arousal.People who have been abused may not realize that other, healthier ways of feeling in relationships are possible.They may believe they are attracted to or feel love for their abuser, sometimes even thinking they have a special connection to the abuser. Their experience taps into feelings of intimacy associated with abuse that were imprinted at a very early age. When they are later abused in an intimate relationship, they perceive the familiar feelings of shame and anger as love and passion.RecapEarly childhood experiences with abuse can create associations that persist into adulthood.
1
It Feels FamiliarJoe Mikos/Getty ImagesIf the connection between abuse and “love” is made early in life, the feelings ofshameandanger, which naturally happen as a consequence of the abuse, can become mixed up with sexual feelings, leading to confusion in the person who experienced the abuse.These feelings may become interpreted as feelings of love and passion, and can lead to sexual arousal.People who have been abused may not realize that other, healthier ways of feeling in relationships are possible.They may believe they are attracted to or feel love for their abuser, sometimes even thinking they have a special connection to the abuser. Their experience taps into feelings of intimacy associated with abuse that were imprinted at a very early age. When they are later abused in an intimate relationship, they perceive the familiar feelings of shame and anger as love and passion.RecapEarly childhood experiences with abuse can create associations that persist into adulthood.
It Feels Familiar
Joe Mikos/Getty Images
If the connection between abuse and “love” is made early in life, the feelings ofshameandanger, which naturally happen as a consequence of the abuse, can become mixed up with sexual feelings, leading to confusion in the person who experienced the abuse.
These feelings may become interpreted as feelings of love and passion, and can lead to sexual arousal.
People who have been abused may not realize that other, healthier ways of feeling in relationships are possible.
They may believe they are attracted to or feel love for their abuser, sometimes even thinking they have a special connection to the abuser. Their experience taps into feelings of intimacy associated with abuse that were imprinted at a very early age. When they are later abused in an intimate relationship, they perceive the familiar feelings of shame and anger as love and passion.
RecapEarly childhood experiences with abuse can create associations that persist into adulthood.
Recap
Early childhood experiences with abuse can create associations that persist into adulthood.
2
It Is an Attempt to Heal
RecapThe cycle of abuse may be related to an attempt to heal from pasttraumaor to regain a sense of power and control.
The cycle of abuse may be related to an attempt to heal from pasttraumaor to regain a sense of power and control.
3
They May Feel Inadequate
People who were abused as children may believe, on some deep level, that they are not good enough to deserve a genuinely caring relationship. They may feel in a submissive position to others, making it hard to accept real love.
4
They May Feel Grandiose
RecapAbuse may affect a person’s ability to feel empathy for others. This can lead to feelings of superiority that make it difficult to form healthy relationships in adulthood.
Abuse may affect a person’s ability to feel empathy for others. This can lead to feelings of superiority that make it difficult to form healthy relationships in adulthood.
5
This does not mean they want or wanted to be abused or that they genuinely enjoy abuse. Not all survivors of abuse experience this.
6They Feel AngryPeople who have been abused may carry a lot of anger about what happened to them. Abuse can be a way to express that anger. Even if they have pushed the anger out of their conscious awareness, it can come out in subtle or not-so-subtle ways in intimate relationships orparenting styles.
6
They Feel AngryPeople who have been abused may carry a lot of anger about what happened to them. Abuse can be a way to express that anger. Even if they have pushed the anger out of their conscious awareness, it can come out in subtle or not-so-subtle ways in intimate relationships orparenting styles.
They Feel Angry
People who have been abused may carry a lot of anger about what happened to them. Abuse can be a way to express that anger. Even if they have pushed the anger out of their conscious awareness, it can come out in subtle or not-so-subtle ways in intimate relationships orparenting styles.
7They Feel InsecureIf abuse and hurt feel inevitable, people who have been abused may view sexual relationships as predatory and react with avoidance or hostility towards partners or suitors.People who experienced abuse early in life may have formed an avoidanceattachment stylein childhood.This may cause them to avoid forming close relationships in adulthood, which can lead to behaviors such as pushing others away or responding to attempts at closeness with anger.RecapPeople who have experienced abuse may struggle with feelings of insecurity that affect their ability to trust others. This can cause them to respond with avoidance or hostility.
7
They Feel InsecureIf abuse and hurt feel inevitable, people who have been abused may view sexual relationships as predatory and react with avoidance or hostility towards partners or suitors.People who experienced abuse early in life may have formed an avoidanceattachment stylein childhood.This may cause them to avoid forming close relationships in adulthood, which can lead to behaviors such as pushing others away or responding to attempts at closeness with anger.RecapPeople who have experienced abuse may struggle with feelings of insecurity that affect their ability to trust others. This can cause them to respond with avoidance or hostility.
They Feel Insecure
If abuse and hurt feel inevitable, people who have been abused may view sexual relationships as predatory and react with avoidance or hostility towards partners or suitors.
People who experienced abuse early in life may have formed an avoidanceattachment stylein childhood.This may cause them to avoid forming close relationships in adulthood, which can lead to behaviors such as pushing others away or responding to attempts at closeness with anger.
RecapPeople who have experienced abuse may struggle with feelings of insecurity that affect their ability to trust others. This can cause them to respond with avoidance or hostility.
People who have experienced abuse may struggle with feelings of insecurity that affect their ability to trust others. This can cause them to respond with avoidance or hostility.
8They Are Searching for IntensityWhen children are traumatized through sexual abuse, they may associate or confuse intensity with pleasure. They may be attracted to abusive individuals and high-risk activities in order to feel pleasure, as they need the rush of danger in order to feel aroused or to experience orgasm.
8
They Are Searching for IntensityWhen children are traumatized through sexual abuse, they may associate or confuse intensity with pleasure. They may be attracted to abusive individuals and high-risk activities in order to feel pleasure, as they need the rush of danger in order to feel aroused or to experience orgasm.
They Are Searching for Intensity
When children are traumatized through sexual abuse, they may associate or confuse intensity with pleasure. They may be attracted to abusive individuals and high-risk activities in order to feel pleasure, as they need the rush of danger in order to feel aroused or to experience orgasm.
9
They Want to Avoid Reality
TakeawayIt is important to recognize that there are many other factors that can increase a person’s risk of becoming abusive or being abused. A history of childhood sexual abuse is one risk factor, and experiencing childhood abuse does not mean that you will necessarily become an abuser yourself. Other factors include having a substance use disorder or having another mental health condition. Lack ofsocial supportand socioeconomic stress also play a role.If you are concerned that you might engage in abuse, talk to a healthcare provider or therapist. They can refer you to resources that may help, including psychotherapy andsupport groups.If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.Healing From Childhood Abuse With Former NFL Player Reggie Walker
Takeaway
It is important to recognize that there are many other factors that can increase a person’s risk of becoming abusive or being abused. A history of childhood sexual abuse is one risk factor, and experiencing childhood abuse does not mean that you will necessarily become an abuser yourself. Other factors include having a substance use disorder or having another mental health condition. Lack ofsocial supportand socioeconomic stress also play a role.
If you are concerned that you might engage in abuse, talk to a healthcare provider or therapist. They can refer you to resources that may help, including psychotherapy andsupport groups.
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
Healing From Childhood Abuse With Former NFL Player Reggie Walker
12 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Hébert M, Lapierre A, MacIntosh HB, Ménard AD.A review of mediators in the association between child sexual abuse and revictimization in romantic relationships.J Child Sex Abuse. 2020;30(4):1-22. doi:10.1080/10538712.2020.1801936
Thornberry TP, Henry KL, Smith CA, Ireland TO, Greenman SJ, Lee RD.Breaking the cycle of maltreatment: The role of safe, stable, and nurturing relationships.J Adolesc Health. 2013;53(4):S25-S31. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2013.04.019
Levenson JS, Grady MD.The influence of childhood trauma on sexual violence and sexual deviance in adulthood.Traumatology. 2016;22(2):94-103. doi:10.1037/trm0000067
Lev-Wiesel R.Childhood sexual abuse: From conceptualization to treatment.J Trauma Treat. 2015;4. doi:10.4172/2167-1222.s4-016
Cossins A, Plummer M.Masculinity and sexual abuse.Men Masc. 2016;21(2):163-188. doi:10.1177/1097184x16652655
Talmon A, Ginzburg K.The differential role of narcissism in the relations between childhood sexual abuse, dissociation, and self-harm.J Interpers Violence. 2018;36(9-10):088626051879945. doi:10.1177/0886260518799450
Brassard A, Darveau V, Péloquin K, Lussier Y, Shaver PR.Childhood sexual abuse and intimate partner violence in a clinical sample of men: The mediating roles of adult attachment and anger management.J Aggress Maltreat Trauma. 2014;23(7):683-704. doi:10.1080/10926771.2014.933464
Vaillancourt-Morel M-P, Godbout N, Labadie C, Runtz M, Lussier Y, Sabourin S.Avoidant and compulsive sexual behaviors in male and female survivors of childhood sexual abuse.Child Abuse Neglect. 2015;40:48-59. doi:10.1016/j.chiabu.2014.10.024
Young ES, Simpson JA, Griskevicius V, Huelsnitz CO, Fleck C.Childhood attachment and adult personality: A life history perspective.Self and Identity. 2019;18:1:22-38, doi:10.1080/15298868.2017.1353540
Olomi JM, Wright NM, DePrince AP.Revictimisation of sexually abused children.Child Sex Abuse. 2020:267-291. doi:10.1016/b978-0-12-819434-8.00013-1
Meyer D, Cohn A, Robinson B, Muse F, Hughes R.Persistent complications of child sexual abuse: Sexually compulsive behaviors, attachment, and emotions.J Child Sex Abuse. 2017;26(2):140-157. doi:10.1080/10538712.2016.1269144
Canning M.Lust, Anger, Love : Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Road to Healthy Intimacy. Sourcebooks.
Meet Our Review Board
Share Feedback
Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
What is your feedback?
