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Have you been experiencing romantic attraction towards more than one gender? If you are unfamiliar with the term “biromantic,” this may feel confusing for you. People who are biromantic experience romantic attraction to people of multiple genders.These feelings are independent of theirsexual orientation.
If you are biromantic, you may feel drawn to form deep emotional bonds with people, regardless of their gender identity. This article aims to help you understand what it means to be biromantic and offer advice on living and thriving as a biromantic person.
What Does It Mean to Be Bi-Curious?
The Biromantic Basics
It’s crucial to understand that there’s no blueprint for biromanticism. However, you may be biromantic if you find these eight signs relatable and have struggled with identifying your romantic identity.
Still, Biromanticism Is Rarely Obvious
There’s no clear-cut way to determine whether you are biromantic. For Uchechi Okafor, a Nigerian immigrant living in New York, things begin to click after going down an internet rabbit hole on diverse romantic relationships.
“I struggled to maintain romantic relationships for a long time because I felt such strong emotional connections with my female friends. While I dated men, I often had what I now recognize to be inappropriate relationships with women. I’d be confused when aboyfriend got jealousof my relationship with a female friend because I refused to acknowledge that many of these friendships bordered on romance.
I couldn’t quite understand why I was emotionally and romantically attracted to both men and women, mainly because I didn’t necessarily feel sexually attracted to women. I felt a lot of confusion about my wants and desires. I often doubted myself, thinking there was something wrong with me. It didn’t feel natural to be so romantically attracted to women.
One night I did an internet deep dive. I went down a rabbit hole of Reddit threads and many online forums and discovered the term ‘biromantic.’ It was like a light bulb came on in my head; everything suddenly made sense. I spent hours reading about people’s experiences, and it felt like I was the one who had written some of the entries. It was just so eerily familiar but, at the same time, incredibly validating.
Uchechi Okafor, a biromantic personI struggled to maintain romantic relationships for a long time because I felt such strong emotional connections with my female friends…I’d be confused when aboyfriend got jealousof my relationship with a female friend because I refused to acknowledge that many of these friendships bordered on romance.
Uchechi Okafor, a biromantic person
I struggled to maintain romantic relationships for a long time because I felt such strong emotional connections with my female friends…I’d be confused when aboyfriend got jealousof my relationship with a female friend because I refused to acknowledge that many of these friendships bordered on romance.
I was quick to embrace being biromantic, and it has been ajourney of self-discovery and self-acceptancesince then. Dating is less confusing now but a lot harder. I try to be upfront about who I am; sometimes, people don’t understand. They make me feel selfish or indecisive. I also opened up to my very traditional family, and they’ve had difficulty accepting who I am—fearing that I’ll marry a woman.
Thankfully I’ve found a sense of belonging and connection with other people who share my experiences. Being open about my biromanticism has allowed me to connect with others who can relate, and it has strengthened my relationships. I’ve realized that my romantic orientation is valid and part of who I am. I’ve also learned the importance of self-compassion and self-love in embracing my romantic identity.”
Uchechi isn’t alone. It has been four years since she came out as biromantic and became an active member of biromantic communities in her city—meeting and connecting with people who share the same romantic orientation she does. She tells of the growing numbers within these communities and how, over the years, that has contributed to her feeling comfortable about being biromantic.
What It Means to Be Polysexual
How to Navigate and Support Biromantic Relationships
Open and honest communication.This is critical in any relationship, but especially important in this case. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences as a biromantic person with your partner to build trust and understanding. It’s important to encourage your partner tocommunicatetheir needs and boundaries so that you have a better experience with each other.
Establish and respect personal boundaries.Doing this in your relationship is the next most critical thing. Discuss your comfort levels, expectations, and concerns with your partner to ensure a healthy, supportive dynamic.It’s essential to keep in mind that boundaries may shift with time, and it’s crucial to have regular conversations about them.
Offer emotional support to one another.Do your best to empathize with the unique experiences and challenges that may arise from being biromantic. Create a safe space to share your feelings openly and without judgment.
Educate yourself.Making sure you and your partner are educated about biromanticism and the diverse spectrum of romantic orientations is also essential. This knowledge can help you both better understand and navigate your relationship. Read books, attend workshops, or join support groups to understand biromantic experiences and challenges better.
Practice patience and understanding. Navigating a biromantic relationship can be challenging, especially if you or your partner are still discovering your romantic orientation.Practice patience and understandingas you both grow and learn together. Embrace and celebrate your biromantic identity, both individually and as a couple. Recognize the unique strengths and perspectives that being biromantic brings to your relationship and use them to strengthen your bond.
Connect with other biromantic people.Connecting with other biromantic people and communities, both online and in-person, provides a support network that can help you and your partner feel understood. Within those communities, you can share your experiences and learn from others who might be going through the same thing.
Trust is key.Finally, while trust is crucial in any relationship, it can be especially important in a biromantic relationship. Be open and honest with your partner about your feelings, experiences, and concerns. Demonstrating vulnerability and transparency can help build a solid foundation of trust and understanding in your relationship.
Where Can You Find Resources?
If you’ve just discovered you are biromantic, you may be searching the Internet for resources to help you understand your feelings. Here are the best places to find information on biromanticism.
Encourage your friends and family members to becomealliesto learn more about biromanticism and support the community. Share your resources and information with them, and help raise awareness and challenge harmful misconceptions about what it means to be biromantic.
Frequently Asked Questions
Yes, it is possible to be sexually attracted and not feel romantically connected to someone. This concept is known asthe split attraction model, which acknowledges that sexual and romantic interests can be distinct and experienced differently.
Yes, you can be biromantic and asexual. Biromantic people experience romantic attraction to multiple genders, while asexual people do not experience sexual attraction. You can be romantically attracted to more than one gender without experiencing sexual attraction to any of them.
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3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.UNC-Chapel Hill LGBTQ Center.Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.Vanderbilt faculty & staff health and wellness.Establishing effective personal boundariesPrinceton Gender + Sexuality Resource Center.Split attraction model
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.UNC-Chapel Hill LGBTQ Center.Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.Vanderbilt faculty & staff health and wellness.Establishing effective personal boundariesPrinceton Gender + Sexuality Resource Center.Split attraction model
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
UNC-Chapel Hill LGBTQ Center.Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.Vanderbilt faculty & staff health and wellness.Establishing effective personal boundariesPrinceton Gender + Sexuality Resource Center.Split attraction model
UNC-Chapel Hill LGBTQ Center.Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.
Vanderbilt faculty & staff health and wellness.Establishing effective personal boundaries
Princeton Gender + Sexuality Resource Center.Split attraction model
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